Author's Note:
Here's the 'good,' chapter I promised after yesterday's short one.
I'm proud of this one.
Let me know if you liked it in the comments!
bobbiejelly
CHAPTER CONTENT WARNING:
SKIP TO THE TITLE CARD AT YOUR OWN RISK IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD SO CHOOSE WHAT YOU NEED.
Language. As in swearing. A lot of it. Bad, bad, bad words…
Graphic descriptions of violence.
Emotional Abuse.
Verbal Abuse.
bobbiejelly
Love The Way You Lie
Derek Shepherd, your husband, hits you- but you stayed until you couldn't stand up anymore. Your best friend Mark Sloan helped you leave him and you two had some adulterous sex. When you see Derek again in Seattle with another woman, all you want is to save her from him. You didn't mean to fall in love with her. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, either. But you both did, anyway.
-Addison Forbes Montgomery, for Meredith Grey
MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Rated E for Explicit. Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice Crossover.
CW: Domestic Violence. Unhealthy Relationships - Physically & Emotionally Abusive Addek & MerDer. Also briefly okay (non-abusive), Maddison & Mark/Derek.
*This story is entirely fictional. Please seek professional help for abusive relationships in yourself and others. Take all abuse seriously.*
Chapter 11: LINOLEUM ROSES
You go to stalk away but then Derek catches you.
He grabs you by the wrist, tightly, and you don't move because you know he'll just pull.
'See, Meredith? See what he does to me? He'll treat you like property too, just you wait. You should really go now…' You wish you could yell.
You don't, though, and Meredith just watches with morbid fascination as he handles you and you submit to him and he says he's taking you both out.
You wonder if Derek means he's going to punch you until you can't see anymore.
Meredith is probably wondering if he means he's dragging you both to a bar.
Hours into the evening, you'll realize-
"We're going out," Derek motions between you and Meredith so that you both know he means all three of you.
"Where?" Meredith just asks curiously.
'Run away, Meredith! Get out of here! Leave me with him… You'll be better for it… ' you never say…
"Joe's," Derek deadpans, and that must mean something to Meredith but it doesn't mean anything to you as you watch Meredith's eyebrows raise up at her… Your… Derek.
"You're going to tell me what's going on, right?" Meredith says in a bit of a fit to Derek, as she motions for him to start talking while Derek's still got an iron grip on your wrist.
"Of course," Derek says in a charismatic voice, and you get why Meredith is falling for it because you fell for that voice over a decade ago, too, when you were about that woman's age.
"Then let's go!" Meredith insists, and she's leading you both out the door.
You feel Meredith's palm on your back as she slips in behind both you and Derek and pushes you forward.
Her touch feels so soothing, I don't want her to ever let go. By contrast, Derek's touch feels terrifying. But I still don't want him to ever let go…
You're not sure what the plan is, here, because you're not sure driving to a bar is a good idea.
But as it turns out, 'Joe's bar,' is across the street from the hospital, and apparently it's the first place Derek and Meredith met on their first night in Seattle.
It's not actually called 'Joe's,' it's the Emerald City Bar. Joe is the name of the bartender who comes to ask what you want, as Meredith ushers him over by name and places hers and Derek's usual order.
"She'll have a red wine," Derek orders for you before you can get a word in.
You close your mouth. You forget to say thank you. Derek gives you a look that says 'you'll pay for that, later.'
Joe looks at the trio of you curiously before he walks away to get you your glasses.
You wonder why he's walking so slowly, but then again, it's not like you're in any rush.
Why is no one asking why there is a sudden third wheel accompanying Derek and Meredith?
Meredith asks Derek to start talking, and he explains that you, Addison, his wife, is a lying whore who is no good for anyone, and that he met you in New York, and that you were the biggest piece of ass he ever laid eyes on.
You're really curious why Derek never mentioned the cheating or Mark or your sudden disappearance for nine months, but he doesn't, and you don't give that up, either.
Meredith asks why the hell he took off his wedding ring to hit on a 29-year-old at a bar and take her home that very evening.
Twenty-nine. She's a decade younger than me. Exactly. She's stunning for 29. I never would have even guessed...
Derek just ramps up the charm and says she was too stunning to resist a chance with.
Jesus. You and your husband have the same opinion about women. Shocker.
You don't say anything, though, you just look between them both and the floor.
Derek doesn't motion for you to join in on the conversation, and you know when he gets like this that he'd rather you don't speak for yourself.
You remember like riding a bicycle how to handle yourself around your husband.
Meredith eyes you with intense curiosity, but she doesn't speak aloud to you, she just quivers an eyebrow as if to ask you silently if you agree with his story.
You nod imperceptibly.
She nods back imperceptibly.
You're sure you might be imagining it but maybe you're not, and you two seem to have very quickly established a means of wordless communication.
You're grateful for her, endlessly, for her to have taken that split second to ask you what you thought.
Most people just talk over you, or don't realize you haven't said a word, or don't even look in your direction.
You realize as you sit one seat across from Meredith with Derek in the middle that in comparison to who you were in medical school, that you're not the looker you one were.
You realize you're probably old and used-looking. You certainly feel like you are.
No one has told you how beautiful you are. Probably ever. Or not that you ever remember…
"So what happens now?" Meredith asks Derek but she also asks you with her eyes.
Meredith asks as if you are a voting party in this fucked-up situation, and you're not sure how to take her sudden interest in your opinion.
You're not sure why she's giving you the benefit of the doubt, seeing as you just met her and called her a homewrecker.
But she is, and you don't know the answer to her question, so you shrug and she takes that as your piece in the answer.
"I still want you," Derek says to both of you and to no one in particular.
Meredith is narrowing her eyes at him to see if he means her or you.
He gives her a dreamy smile along with an eye pout to give her an answer that he means Meredith.
He simultaneously moves his hand over to you to squeeze you under your rib to let you know he means you, too.
Derek wants to own you both, and he wants to not decide, because he knows he has you both at his mercy and that you won't let go because you're afraid and Meredith won't let go because she's not afraid but you wish she would be.
You're his wife, Meredith is his girlfriend.
She's his ex-mistress and also his current mistress. You feel like you're just the 'wife on the side.'
Derek Christopher Shepherd has two women at once now.
And yet, the moment he saw you naked with another man you were on the ground bleeding.
'Interesting, don't you think?' Mark Sloan might have said, had he been here.
Joe brings you your drinks now.
Meredith picks up the tequila shot, licks her wrist, shakes the salt on it, licks the salt off.
She shoots back the shooter all in one go and she shoves the lime in her mouth forcefully.
It's the most erotic thing you've witnessed in years...
Derek hands you your red wine and you sip it impossibly slowly.
You don't want to get drunk tonight because you don't want to forget details.
Whatever goes down after this, you know it'll be important, so you try not to get tipsy with yourhead in your glass.
Derek reaches for his single-malt-scotch.
You know that's what it is before Joe even announces it.
The bartender says it warily, and you're not sure if he's just tired or what.
He leaves, the bartender, Joe, that is, he leaves.
And then you're alone again, with your husband and his new girlfriend.
And you've never felt more strange in your entire life.
Why is Meredith still with you two? Why did she not walk out the door? Why does she still want Derek even if she knows full well she's only getting half of him, probably not, even more?
Then, Derek does something very unexpected.
He gets up, and he starts to move away from the two of you, temporarily.
"Bathroom," Derek grunts, and offers Meredith a smile and you a very piercing glare.
You both nod at him, and you both realize you're both nodding. You nod at each other.
When Derek is out of earshot she asks you what your name is.
You're confused because you already said that, but she asks you again.
"Addison," you say. "No, your last name?" Meredith tries again. "Shepherd?" You try.
Meredith shakes her head at you and suddenly it dawns on you. "Montgomery," you say.
"Addison Montgomery?" Meredith finally asks you to confirm this, and you do.
You realize you have not said your last name aloud in reference to yourself in over a decade.
"Meredith Grey," Meredith offers, and motions to shake your hand a second time.
You take it, and you feel the same sparks. This time your hand is wrapping hers, and you're careful not to squeeze too tight. She squeezes you back a bit, and you almost cry but you don't.
You eye Meredith Grey, because you now know her full name, with a very sad expression. She eyes you back as if to say, 'I'm sorry,'.
You say it first though.
"I'm so sorry, Meredith," you offer, apologizing about your existence. About his existence. About the state, you're all in.
"You didn't know, it's not your fault," Meredith says, gesturing to herself.
"You didn't know, either, it's not your fault," You say, gesturing to yourself.
Meredith nods. You nod back at her. You nod with each other.
Then you move away again because you hear the washroom door opening.
Derek is back.
Derek Christopher Shepherd.
You wonder if she knows his middle name.
You realize, of all the other things that don't matter.
You realize you're not sure what Mark Sloan's middle name is but that doesn't matter either.
You're still a slut and a whore, and he's just a player. Mark is still Derek's friend. And Mark doesn't call you no more.
This time, you want to go to the washroom and you excuse yourself to do so.
You half expect Meredith to follow you.
You wish she would follow you.
But she doesn't.
You go into the women's washroom, half expecting to see Meredith knock on the door.
You fix your makeup, you get ready, you're about to leave when you realize you're no longer alone.
It isn't Meredith, though. It's not a woman at all. Instead, it's your husband, Derek.
And he's locking the door.
You go to stalk away but then Derek catches you.
He grabs you by the wrist, tightly, and you don't move because you know he'll just pull.
'See, Meredith? See what he does to me? He'll treat you like property too, just you wait. You should really go now…' You wish you could yell.
You don't, though, and Meredith is not here this time, to just watch with morbid fascination as he handles you and you submit to him and he says he's taking you both out.
You wonder if Derek means he's going to punch you until you can't see anymore.
Meredith was probably wondering if he means he's dragging you both to a bar - HE DID.
Hours into the evening, you'll realize-
"You're such a cunt," Derek is yelling at you, but softly, so softly, right into your ear.
"What?" You ask because you're not sure you heard him correctly.
"YOU ARE SUCH A CUNT," Derek smacks you now, and your rib burns because that's where he's hit you.
It's been so long since he's laid a hand on you that you feel the pain as hard as the first time.
It's like you're a virgin again. Only a virgin to beatings. Only this time is not your first time at all.
You're not sure what you did wrong, but you know that it's bad for him, definitely.
"DO NOT TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND WHILE I'M NOT AROUND," he yells but only into your ear so nobody else can hear you.
Oh. That's what happened. He must have seen you and Meredith shaking hands.
"DO NOT TOUCH MY GIRLFRIEND WHILE I'M AROUND OR EVEN NOT," Derek adds to his demands.
He punctuates this one with a punch to the gut, and he slams you against the back of the door when you almost keel over on impact.
"DON'T YOU DARE SCREW MY MISTRESS," Derek punctuates loudly.
"What?" You say in confusion, surprised that Derek would even think of this as a possibility, for you/her?
Well, you were ogling her, even more than you ogled Mark. You really should be more careful...
"MEREDITH IS MINE. YOU'RE MINE. GOT IT?" Derek kicks you this time.
He's being careful so his noises sound like he's getting laid.
You're being careful so you're not making noises.
You know the drill, so does he. He's beaten you before in public and you have a routine.
"YOU'RE STILL MY BITCH, ADDISON SHEPHERD, YOU ALWAYS WILL BE," Derek finally knocks you out to the floor.
Your head hits the door on your way down, Derek leaves you there, he locks you in right behind him.
You don't know where he heads off to, but you imagine he's taking Meredith home now, alone.
You wonder what lies he told her about you.
You wonder if he said you're sick or if he said you wanted to stay at Joe's or that you are drunk.
You went to stalk away but then Derek caught on to you.
He grabbed you by the wrist, tightly, and you didn't move because you know he'll just pull.
'See, Meredith? See what he does to me? He'll treat you like property too, just you wait. You should really go now…' You wish you could have yelled.
You didn't, though, and Meredith was not here this time, to just watch with morbid fascination as he handled you and you submitted to him and he said he's taking you both out.
You wonder if Derek means he's going to punch you until you couldn't see anymore. - HE DID.
Meredith was probably wondering if he meant he's dragging you both to a bar - HE DID.
Hours into the evening, you'll realize-
You didn't realize absolutely anything hours into that particular evening.
You were passed out like a light ten minutes later.
It was almost dawn when you woke up, bleeding and bruised but only in the places your shirt covers up.
Derek is a master at this now. It's practically his own art form. He could do it better than surgery…
Hours into the early morning, you realize that you were both equally right. But you blacked out for some or all of that or at least right after, despite barely drinking your red wine at all, so you don't remember in what order it happened.
You'll never ask him, and you know that Meredith would never know.
She's a smart girl, but you know it'll have to be you and Derek's word against hers.
Hiding the secret you hope she never has to find out for herself.
He beat me up in a dirty bar bathroom, and then he walked away with his mistress.
And she probably left with him.
And he probably loved that.
The first time you realize you can see again is when you blink your eyes open staring down at the floor tile of the Emerald City Bar bathroom.
You see a string of linoleum roses and you think of how fitting they are with the paint color.
You realize they are red like your blood and your hair and your scars.
You pass out again, but not too long, because you know you have to work in the morning.
When you finally pick yourself up off the floor, you realize you're the only one still here.
Or so you think, until you see the bartender, Joe, collapsing with a heart attack behind the bar counter.
You call 9-1-1.
You start CPR.
You arrive at Seattle Grace Hospital for the second time in your life in an ambulance with most people's damn favorite barkeep spread out on a stretcher.
You see Richard Webber nodding approvingly at you as if you were a hero.
You don't feel like one at all.
You saved one man but you couldn't save yourself last night.
And you couldn't save Meredith Grey from your husband Derek Shepherd.
And you're still not sure yet if Joe is going to live yet or die.
***** END OF CHAPTER ELEVEN
Author's Note:
So, I'm writing Meredith in as 29. It's highly debated how old she is depending on which timeline you follow, and I've written her in before as 26 in other stories but it always felt weird.
And I like the poetry of Addison and Meredith being a decade apart.
And this is where the canon will diverge and converge because I want drama.
And ironically, Meredith being more into Derek is where I want to take this story first.
Oops.
But MerAdd had a moment. Did you like that? I bet you did...
Let me know your thoughts, here. Favorite parts? Predictions? Analysis?
The title to this chapter, "Linoleum Roses," is Chapter 40 of "The House On Mango Street," by Sandra Cisneros. It is also about a young girl in an abusive relationship, and I thought I'd give an homage to that classic.
bobbiejelly
Dedications, June 5, 2020, Chapter 11:
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Ps. Thanks to those of you who have PM'd reviews of this work, also!
Special thanks to everyone who has followed me as an author, added me to your favorites, read everything and anything I've ever published. There are more and more of you who invest in my work like that every day, and it warms my heart. My dearest thanks to you all.
Ps. New MerAdd fics are up or updated, recently:
Cookies & Quickies Bubble All Too EasyProm?
101 McDalmatiansFive Reasons We Knew Calzona Was Made For Each Other & Five + More 6 Sentence Fics
... And there will eventually, soon be new Chapters of these ones up:
Falling Apart, Barely Breathing
Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery) Soothe A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition Out Of The DarkFeel free to check them out, hopefully after you leave a note, and have a great day!
bobbiejelly
