Author's Note:
Thanks for the feedback on Chapter 11, folks.
Glad it was well-received with the reappearance of Derek in Addison's life.
(Well, it's important for the plot even though he's such a McAbuser).
And the ambiguous moment between Meredith and Addison at the bar.
Was it because Meredith wants to size up her competition? Who knows? It's hard to say...
bobbiejelly
CHAPTER CONTENT WARNING:
SKIP TO THE TITLE CARD AT YOUR OWN RISK IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD SO CHOOSE WHAT YOU NEED.
Standard stuff...
bobbiejelly
Love The Way You Lie
Derek Shepherd, your husband, hits you- but you stayed until you couldn't stand up anymore. Your best friend Mark Sloan helped you leave him and you two had some adulterous sex. When you see Derek again in Seattle with another woman, all you want is to save her from him. You didn't mean to fall in love with her. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, either. But you both did, anyway.
-Addison Forbes Montgomery, for Meredith Grey
MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Rated E for Explicit. Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice Crossover.
CW: Domestic Violence. Unhealthy Relationships - Physically & Emotionally Abusive Addek & MerDer. Also briefly okay (non-abusive), Maddison & Mark/Derek.
*This story is entirely fictional. Please seek professional help for abusive relationships in yourself and others. Take all abuse seriously.*
Chapter 12: SUTURES
You arrive at Seattle Grace Hospital for the second time in your life in an ambulance with most people's damn favorite barkeep spread out on a stretcher.
You see Richard Webber nodding approvingly at you as if you were a hero.
You don't feel like one at all.
You saved one man but you couldn't save yourself last night.
And you couldn't save Meredith Grey from your husband Derek Shepherd.
And you're still not sure yet if Joe is going to live yet or die.
You keep pumping on Joe's chest and offering breaths until you're wheeled into the trauma room and someone else starts bagging him for you.
You're still doing CPR and he's been down for a long time, now.
"We might need to try to shock him," Richard Webbers says, as the Chief of Surgery leads this room's team.
"Right," you say, hopping off of Joe to the floor and still pumping his chest as hard as you can for the 30-and-2-counts.
You try not to chafe your scars against the edge of the bed as you continue your work.
This is not the first time you've been in this situation, saving a life only hours/minutes/seconds from being the one on the ground bleeding.
You've learned to adapt to it, no one has ever been the wiser. This had been the latter part of your residency years…
"Are you bleeding, Addie?" Richard asks you, motioning to your shirt.
Shit. You forgot to clean that up. Shit.
"It's his, I think, or it was from something else," you say ambiguously, and Richard nods, because clearly you are not the priority here.
But he says to "go get cleaned up, we can't have your blood mixing, not now," so you do.
Before you go, though, you ask Richard not to call you "Addie," anymore, because you know Derek freaks out if anyone other than him calls you by a nickname.
"Sure?" Richard says, and you thank him as you wander off to find first aid supplies.
You check the clock and you realize it's just after four so you probably have some time before Derek gets called into work.
You breathe a sigh of relief and you realize you don't know anyone else, here, so you ask the first person you can find where to get new scrubs and a suture kit.
"Are you new here?" A very firm looking black woman asks you.
"Yes, Dr. Addison Shepherd," you introduce yourself professionally as you see her hospital badge. It matches the one that Richard gave you right before you left the trauma room.
"Dr. Miranda Bailey, welcome," the doctor says to you. "Please, call me 'Bailey,' everyone does. I'm a senior resident here, and I have five surgical interns to supervise. What do you do?" Bailey asks you.
"I'm a visiting neonatal/fetal surgeon and OB-GYN," you articulate, "and my graduate research is in genetics about cystic fibrosis," you add. You don't like to brag, usually, but you're proud of your professional/academic accomplishments.
It's the only thing that reminds you you're different from Derek, because he is a brain surgeon.
"Ah, you're working with the other Doctor Shepherd and I on the TTTS case," Bailey says to you, in recognition.
"Yes," you smile, now that you've placed each other.
You decide you really enjoy this 'Doctor Bailey,' and she seems like a very good person.
"Well, I hope you will keep my interns in line," Bailey says to you sympathetically.
"Of course," you offer.
"Is there anyone you'd like to start with, tomorrow?" Bailey asks you kindly.
"I have a choice?" You try not to act so shocked.
"Well, you're new here, and I want you to feel comfortable," Bailey smiles at you.
You get the feeling she might have been put up to this by Richard Webber, who has been trying to get you to stay in Seattle long-term, but either way, you'll gratefully take her kind gesture.
"Erm, I've never met them," you ask in a half-question, and Bailey nods and begins.
You try not to bleed to obviously over anything as you pretend the suture kit was not necessarily for YOU, even though one certainly will need to be.
"Well, there's Dr. Cristina Yang. She's a very talented and precise worker. Competitive, but hardworking and loyal," Bailey begins.
Cristina Yang sounds nice, you think to yourself, she seems driven…
"There's Dr. George O'Malley, he's a bit of a puppy but he's a very good friend to the others," Bailey explains nicely.
George O'Malley seems like he would be good in a crisis, you think to yourself.
"There's Dr. Izzie Stevens, who has a lot of compassion, and gets very… Emotionally attached to her patients," Bailey continues.
Izzie Stevens would probably be good at what I do with maternal medicine, you imagine.
"There's Dr. Alex Karev, he's a bit of a work-in-progress, but he's tough and for what it's worth he never tells lies in general, though he can mouth off a bit," Bailey continues.
Alex Karev sounds like a good student if one invests in him, you think.
"And finally, there's Dr. Meredith Grey, who wants people to think she's more than just a legacy to her mother, and she is and I highly recommend her in her own right," Bailey concludes.
"WHAT?! MEREDITH GREY?! REALLY?!" You exclaim louder than you should.
You realize you're shouting, but luckily, Bailey takes this in a whole other direction.
"Yes, she's Ellis Grey's daughter, as in, 'the Grey method,' though she prefers not to talk about that- because she wants to be her own person and not in her family's shadow," Bailey explains to you.
You nod dumbly as you try to get your mind to catch up to you.
So, Meredith Grey IS a surgeon, albeit a baby one at that. Wow, your husband really went there, huh. Seducing an intern, and dating her behind your back even after she knew he was his boss. You wonder if she ever said no and if he insisted? Or did she always want him? You wonder…
"I get that," you say noncommittal to Bailey's statement.
You do, you really do get it. Meredith having asked you your own last name made you realize how much you hate living in your husband's shadow.
Maybe that's why Meredith asked me. She's used to people just associating her with her mother…. Maybe that's why Grey didn't want to call me 'the other Doctor Shepherd...'
You realize you can't ask Meredith that right now because she is not here.
So instead, you ask Bailey as casually as you can to put Grey on your service today.
Bailey nods at you, and she doesn't bat an eye for a second.
Then Bailey must realize something as her eyes flicker in recognition.
"Are you Derek Shepherd's wife?" Bailey asks you outright.
"I am," you try to say confidently because it's true.
You wish you weren't, but you are.
"Is that going to be a problem? You and Grey?" Bailey offers you carefully.
"It won't be a problem, I just want a student you highly recommend," you promise, and you really, really, really mean it.
Sure, you have ulterior motives for wanting Grey on your service.
You want to see what she's like, how she stands up to Derek, or doesn't.
You want to give her a chance to shine on your specialty if she's interested.
And you want her to feel more than 'just a shadow to her mother,' if you can help it.
And of course, if the time is right you might ask her why she cared to ask about your damn name.
Could it be she just wants to look me up and suss out her competition for Derek? You realize in a panic. Oh, well. If that's the case, she'll just end up finding my research. Whatever…
Then you realize all your research is mostly published in your husband's name.
As Addison Shepherd. And you hate yourself even more. Why are your accomplishments listed as his?!
You snap back to the conversation though, and you nod and say you have to take care of things before rounds.
Bailey lets you go, and you wonder if you're ever going to come clean and warn Meredith about Derek.
You realize you want to, but you know it won't be easy and could be dangerous.
So far, Meredith doesn't seem to have gotten physically hurt at all.
And you don't want that to start for her, and you know Derek will be more than tempted if you share that secret.
You try to figure it out for yourself as you find a damn suture kit and anesthetic and start stitching up your damn stomach.
You give yourself sutures like this all the time.
You don't bother to use lidocaine.
You've long past decided you're not worth the waste of pain meds.
And you can't work as well while you're on them at all, anyway.
You just grit your teeth as you sew up your wounds.
You change into fresh scrubs. (You're not sure why they are salmon-colored, but that's the least of your worries).
And you get ready for rounds, wandering around idly until you find the Chief's office.
Richard offers for you to sit and you do.
He runs over the case again with you and he gives you an update on Joe.
You ask if he knows Meredith Grey very well.
You see something cloud over in his expression but you're not sure what to think of it.
All he says to you about Meredith is "please, be good to her, thanks,".
When you promise you will, you've never meant anything more sincerely. Ever.
Richard excuses you from his office and gives you your first patient's room number.
You pass by the surgical board and you study it.
You realize you've really missed operating while you were in hiding.
You're glad you don't have to hide anymore.
You only have to not hide though, because you've exposed yourself to your demon.
You see both Derek and Meredith coming your way all dressed professionally for the workplace.
You take a deep breath before you summon "Dr. Grey, you're on my service, let us begin,".
You don't smirk as you see Derek's jaw drop to the floor before it tightens repeatedly.
You contain your small victory as you walk off with the blonde intern.
And you pray to God he doesn't start physically hitting Meredith for your own actions, not hers.
***** END OF CHAPTER TWELVE
Author's Note:
Here is a short interlude, but this sort of happened/was alluded to in canon.
And I wanted to have it here, and we needed some introductions.
And I wanted to have a scene about Addison treating her wounds.
Let me know what you think!
See you around :D.
bobbiejelly
Dedications, June 5, 2020, Chapter 12:
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO READS THIS SO FAR AND COMMENTS, LIKES, FAVORITES, FOLLOWS, ADDS TO READING LIST ETC.
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343 Reads, 58 Votes, 293 Comments. Many people, who added this to their reading lists.
AND THANKS TO EVERYONE ELSE, WHO READS THIS, EVER!
Ps. Thanks to those of you who have PM'd reviews of this work, also!
Special thanks to everyone who has followed me as an author, added me to your favorites, read everything and anything I've ever published. There are more and more of you who invest in my work like that every day, and it warms my heart. My dearest thanks to you all.
Ps. New MerAdd fics are up or updated, recently:
RED is the new BLACK.
Cookies & Quickies Bubble All Too EasyProm?
101 McDalmatians... And there will eventually, soon be new Chapters of these ones up:
Falling Apart, Barely Breathing
Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery) Soothe A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition Out Of The DarkFeel free to check them out, hopefully after you leave a note, and have a great day!
bobbiejelly
