Chapter 13

Just wanted to say that last weeks episode of TCW has wrecked me emotionally and I'm still dealing with it now.


They'd been on Lothal for a week and Ahsoka kept herself closed off the entire time. Nobody knew what was going on with her. She didn't say a word. A lot of the time she was left alone on the shuttle, as agreed upon before they'd arrived. At that time Ahsoka hated the idea, now she was grateful for it. She didn't want any of the others prying in her business and she wasn't planning on leaving her safe spot either.

The others were worried about her, Ahsoka knew. She'd heard them talking about her. Lorey had told them what happened. Well, what she knew at least. Ahsoka would never tell anyone the full story.

Ahsoka hadn't felt Anakin- no, Vader's presence ever since that moment. On one side, she was glad. She didn't want to feel that ever again. On the other side, she wanted to connect with him. Wanted to know if he still knew her. If he still somehow cared. She'd tried to see if it were possible again through meditation but failed. Their bond was closed off, like it had been for almost 6 years now.

Thea approached her. "Hey, Ahsoka. We're going into the city to get some supplies; can we get you something?" She sounded so sincere.

Ahsoka shook her head but didn't say anything. She had no need for anything special. She couldn't think of anything, because even though she couldn't form a new connection with Anakin, the dark and cold from the last one had lingered in her mind.

"Well, alright then." Thea hesitated for a second. It was obvious she wanted to say something else. Ahsoka looked at her. Thea decided to just say it.

"Will you be okay here on your own?" The true question was left hanging in the air: will you be okay at all?

Ahsoka just nodded. "I'll be okay, I promise. Just have some Force-stuff I need to work out. But thanks for thinking of me." She smiled at Thea, albeit a weak one. It appeared to be enough.

Thea smiled back. "Alright then. Comm us if you need anything, okay?"

Again, Ahsoka nodded. The group decided to leave it at that and left the shuttle, leaving Ahsoka alone. She pulled out her comm device. As said before, they'd been here for a week. She has had these feelings and thoughts for a week. Every attempt to figure them out further or get rid of them failed. Ahsoka realized she couldn't do this on her own. She needed the advice of a master in the Force.

So she called Obi-Wan, logically. She waited for a connection on the other end, but nothing happened. Ahsoka was disappointed. His help was really needed. She wanted to say she expected it or understood, but there was nothing he could be doing that kept him away from answering his comm. His life wasn't that exciting anymore. The darkness in her mind grew again at the negative experience – which might be a bit of an exaggeration, calling it negative like that, but her mind was too occupied to care.

Ahsoka turned away from the comm in search of something to keep her mind from going down that path again. There must be a datapad around here somewhere. She needed something to read. When she finally found one, her comm chimed. Ahsoka looked up and pressed answer as quick as she could. The familiar figure of Obi-Wan appeared.

"Sorry Ashla. I was too late to answer. I wasn't expecting to talk to you again so soon, so I was watching the boy. I couldn't answer the comm there," Obi-Wan said.

Ahsoka nodded. "I wasn't planning on calling, but something happened, and I needed the advice of a master. Given the fact that you're the only one that I know that is still alive, I contacted you."

"I understand. Tell me about what happened and what I can do to help."

"About a week ago I made a sudden connection. To him. I don't know how. I was just talking with a friend about the past and suddenly my mind got flooded with this cold, dark feeling. I didn't know what it was at first, but it became clear to me after focusing on it. That feeling was him. His mind." Ahsoka fell quiet.

It was barely visible on Obi-Wan's face, but Ahsoka could see it, shock. "Hm that is troubling. You made a connection with him, indeed. Do you know if it went both ways?"

Ahsoka shook her head. "No. I think it was only me who sensed him. If it were also the other way around, I don't think I would be here anymore. And if it were a connection made both ways, I don't even think it would be possible for him to feel me through all that anger and hatred. My own presence could never compare to something so strong. Master, it was so cold and dark in there. I felt like I was freezing and going blind. It- it scared me." Ahsoka looked down.

"I understand. It sounds like a lot of discomfort. But, Ashla, what did you need my advice for?" Obi-Wan asked. He was prying for information. He wanted her to say it all out loud. Ahsoka knew why. It would help with the ability to let it all go. Ahsoka just wasn't so convinced it worked like that for her.

"The cold, the darkness, it continues to linger. I can still feel it, like it haunts me or something. I've tried meditating, either to establish a full connection or sever it completely, but neither worked. I've tried every distraction I could think of, yet I can't shake his lingering dark feelings. What do I do?"

Obi-Wan hummed for a second, obviously in thought. It stayed silent for a few minutes.

"Honestly Ashla, I don't know. I've never encountered this before. His mind is strong, it's highly possible it overwhelmed you. Given that his presence is now dark, instead of light, I would recommend countering it with light things. I know you struggle with dark thoughts since the rise of the Empire and that might be what causes his darkness to linger. You might have left the Order, but you still possess the power of the Light. Focus on it, let it flow through you."

Ahsoka almost scoffed. That was easier said than done, but she did expect it. Obi-Wan was a real Jedi as the code described, unlike her and Anakin. His mind worked that way. Well, at least it was worth a try.

"Thank you, Ben. It was good seeing you, as always."

Obi-Wan smiled. "You too Ashla. Stay safe out there."

Ahsoka smiled back then cut the connection. She huffed. Focus on the light. Wasn't that exactly what she'd been trying to do?! What else would she focus on? Darkness? Pure banthashit. She'd silently hoped he had a little more for her than just that, but again, should've expected it. She let herself sink back into the Force – the Light Side, yes, thank you very much – and let it wash over her.

Ahsoka tried to let it flush out the dark, but it didn't. Ahsoka let out a frustrated growl. How dare he keep his presence in her mind! Who does he think he is! He-

Ahsoka cut herself off. Thinking about it like that made her realize something. It wasn't the same darkness she was feeling now. And it wasn't in her mind either. This wasn't his presence. This was someone else's. There was another Darksider on the planet!

The comm flew from its place on the table into Ahsoka's outstretched hand. She tried the comms of everyone on the team. Nobody answered. Not good. Ahsoka got up and started pacing. Had then run into this stranger, likely an Inquisitor? Had they been captured? Were they hiding? Or had they just been caught up in the chaos outside – that only now became obvious to Ahsoka? So many questions, all of them unanswered.

It was clear what Ahsoka had to do, she didn't wanna take any chances. She got her lightsabers and rushed out of the shuttle. She could not let anything happen to her team, her friends. She wasn't going to run through the streets, so she used the Force to jump up on the roof.

Jump after jump, roof after roof got Ahsoka closer to where she felt the Inquisitor was, with her friends. She reached a plaza and peered over the edge of the roof. And there they were, backed into a wall opposite of her. There were three stormtroopers and, indeed, and Inquisitor. He was speaking to them. Demanding something of them sounds more like it.

"I won't ask again. I know you are rebels. Your team is not as anonymous to the Empire as you'd probably hoped. I know you have your Jedi friend here somewhere, so comm her! Now! I want her here!"

Man, this one was really demanding. And a male this time, apparently. And of course, he wanted her. Ahsoka debated her options, which was a short process. The only thing she could do was fight. She got up to her full height.

"Hey! Nerfherder! You lookin' for me?!" Ahsoka raised her voice and she immediately had the attention of everyone on the plaza. And got immediately shot at, too. She activated her lightsabers and deflected the blasts, hitting two of the stormtroopers with her deflection. She prided herself in it. Those were good shots, if she said so herself. She jumped down onto the ground.

"Using ordinary civilians as bait? Why doesn't that surprise me of an Inquisitor," Ahsoka snarled.

"Such confident words for someone who is doomed. Lord Vader will be pleased when I bring you to him. Preferably not breathing."

"Don't be so confident. Vader will want me alive, believe me." Again, Ahsoka went for the technique of taunting, causing confusion.

Again, it worked.

"You wouldn't want to disappoint your master, would you. Oh, the things he will do to you if you disobey him." Ahsoka tsked.

"He hasn't said anything special about you. You can't fool me," The Inquisitor shot back. He seemed almost defensive. Ahsoka smirked, the darkness that lingered in her mind fueling her actions.

"That's only because he doesn't know yet who his subordinates are hunting. I'm not just any Jedi. My name is Ahsoka Tano, and I know exactly who Lord Vader is, and he knows me as well."

And then Ahsoka saw the slightest hesitation in the Inquisitor. "What's wrong? Don't know if you can believe anything I say? It's a hard decision to make, isn't it? What if what I'm saying is true? Vader would do so many unspeakable things to you." Ahsoka took a slight pause and made an obvious display of studying her opponent. "I can feel your fear of him. It's radiating off you in waves. I would say I pity you, but you chose this faith yourself." His fear was fueling the darkness in Ahsoka as well. It continued to grow without her knowing.

And then the time was up. Because see, Ahsoka was stalling. She kept the two hostiles occupied while her team got free of this situation and got their hands back on their weapons. Dara and Cornan slowly crept away. Deo and Thea moved on the stormtrooper while Lorey and Jax joined Ahsoka when she charged at the Inquisitor.

They didn't really have weapons capable of blocking a lightsaber, but it was the thought that counted. Despite her distance, Ahsoka was the first to reach him and she swung her blades up to meet his, which was activated only partly, one blade instead of two. Those stupid dual-bladed monstrosities of lightsabers with their spinning hilts. Ahsoka hated them, for sure.

With Ahsoka in an overhead block, Lorey swiped her sword down towards his leg, the Inquisitor parried Ahsoka and swung his lightsaber down in record time to cut Lorey off. Ahsoka used the Force to send his swing off course and swung for his upper section, which was now exposed. The activation of the second part of his saber was the only thing that stopped her lightsaber from reaching its destination.

Ahsoka cursed, almost. That would've been the easiest fight, but she shouldn't underestimate her opponent. He growled at her. Ahsoka went in for another attack but apparently left herself open to a Force push. She got shoved back to the other end of the plaza.

The Inquisitor focused on her friends now and Ahsoka could just see this going wrong. They could barely get out of the way of his lightsabers. The thought of him doing anything to them angered her. Ahsoka rushed back in as fast as she could. When halfway she pushed her friends back with the Force, out of the Inquisitors reach.

Then Ahsoka jumped up and attacked from above which a lot of force. She slashed her sabers shortly after one another and pushed through his defenses. She got a cut on his shoulder. He didn't quite cry out, but the little sound that escaped him showed her the fact he was in pain. Ahsoka was confident it must be a deep gash. She landed, rolled, and turned back into one of her stances. She waited him out.

The darkness in her mind controlled her attacks. It was almost as if Anakin made her stronger. Ahsoka reveled in it. The Inquisitor stood tall as he slowly approached her again. Ahsoka gave a quick look around her and saw that the stormtrooper had long since been taken care of. All her friends were now surrounding them, at a respectable distance, that is. Ahsoka focused back on the Inquisitor.

"You are going to die," he ground out.

Ahsoka just smirked again. "You have a strange way of referring to yourself. It's not very healthy to do that. I would consider getting help from a mindhealer, perhaps."

He let out a battle cry and came at her full force. Ahsoka blocked and parried wherever she could. He was obviously stronger than her, but she had the maneuverable advantage. She almost always has.

Ahsoka dropped down underneath one of his swings and made a turn, sticking out her leg. She tripped him and he fell down hard. Force of momentum. Ahsoka got up in one fluid motion, put her foot on his chest and held him down with the Force.

"I guess you expected this to go a lot different. Are you prepared for your end?" Ahsoka asked him tauntingly but gave him no chance to react to her. She plunged one of her sabers in his midsection. He let out a pained gasp but otherwise refrained from giving any sign of pain. She could only see defiance.

Ahsoka crouched down next to him, holding her other saber up to his neck. "I suppose it would only be justice for you. If you'd brought me in dead, Vader would've killed you. Now, you'll meet your end by his former apprentice's hand," she said in barely a whisper, only loud enough for him to hear.

His eyes widened, but again Ahsoka didn't give him any chance to react. She pushed the saber that was held at his neck down, then got up to pull her lightsaber out of his midsection and turned away, only to find the dumbfounded faces of her team. She took a few steps forward, only to see them take a few steps back.

Ahsoka stopped, looking perplexed. "What?" she snapped. Lorey cautiously took a few steps forward. "Ahsoka… what…"

And looking into Lorey's eyes suddenly cleared up her mind. Every bit of darkness left her in an instance. Lorey looked worried and… scared? Ahsoka looked down at her hands and started trembling. She sheathed her lightsabers and dropped them. Then she turned back to the Inquisitor and promptly vomited. She'd never felt so much darkness inside herself before. Now that it cleared her mind, her body fought violently against it. Yes, it was obvious she'd killed before, but she'd never found a sort of pleasure in it. Ahsoka hated herself.

Lorey was at her side before Ahsoka even knew what had happened. She breathed heavily and slowly backed away with Lorey holding on to her shoulders. "What happened there, Ahsoka? I have never seen you like this."

Ahsoka shook her head. "I don't know what's happening to me. I'm so sorry." She continued to tremble heavily.

The others approached slowly. Thea spoke up next. "You've been acting strange ever since we arrived here. Lorey told us something strange happened to you on the shuttle. What aren't you telling us Ahsoka?" There was an accusing undertone in there, but Ahsoka decided to ignore it. It was time to come clear. Partly, at least.

"I was talking with Lorey that day. Something dark entered my mind. I- I don't know what it was. It has stayed and lingered ever since. It must've somehow pushed me towards darkness while I was fighting. I don't know why I did what I did. I would never do that normally. This isn't me." The last part was stated forcefully, as if Ahsoka was trying to convince someone, but for the most part she was trying to convince herself.

"And that darkness," Lorey started. "Is it gone now?"

Ahsoka nodded. "It left the moment I saw you just now. I don't know how. I'm thankful for it, though. I've tried to rid myself of it the entire week now. I've sought contact with an old friend and even he didn't know how."

They all nodded, not really knowing what to say. They were weary of Ahsoka, she could tell. Understandable, if you asked her. Look at what she'd done, the way she went about defeating her opponent. Everything about this screamed: get away I'm a bad guy!

Jax had picked up her lightsabers and held them out to her cautiously. Ahsoka shook her head.

"Keep them, for now. I need to meditate on this and make sure it's gone. I don't want to be a danger to anyone."

Jax nodded and hung them on his own belt.

"We should leave," Lorey said. They all agreed and made for the shuttle. Lorey kept a comforting hand on Ahsoka's shoulder, just like Anakin used to do when she felt insecure about something. It was nice.

They reached the shuttle and took off. Ahsoka retreated to her own little space and sat down, cross-legged. She forced the tears to stay where they were and sunk into a deep meditation. It didn't solve anything, but she didn't want to be present for anything else right now. She just needed to think. Force, she hated this life.


Ahsoka really went off the rails there, didn't she?

Obi-Wan's reaction makes a lot of sense for him. The reason Ahsoka is so against it, is the fact that she doesn't think the same was as he does. Anakin really had a big impact on her views regarding the way the Jedi deal with personal problems. So did the 6 years she has now spend away from the Order.

The attack Ahsoka did on the Inquisitor which cut his shoulder was inspired by the way Ahsoka cut Vader's mask in Rebels.