[a reality check from your favorite cousin]

James didn't have what anyone would call a healthy relationship with his father before he died. The man had been callous and cold, the type of man that only cared about appearances, the type of man who wanted his son to be the best of the best - better than the best, even - more than he wanted his son to be loved. And James had been that. James had emulated that, getting the best scores, going out with only the prettiest girls, being the most elite person in the room, the person with the most status and the most money, at any given time.

James got good at it, so good that he doesn't even remember being the sniveling kid who cried about not having his father's time and attention at Little League. James became what his father wanted, and then his father died, and James moved in with his aunt and uncle, and none of what his father wanted mattered anymore. Except that it did matter, deep in the pitfalls of his mind. It mattered a lot what his father thought, and so even with him dead, James still held onto that mentality.

James was the best, unquestionably. The best gamer, the best lover, the best at whatever he needed to be in the moment. And James had the best things too - the latest smartphone, the most upgraded computer, the game packages with all the extensions, the best players as his partners, the prettiest girls on his arm. Because James learned it from his father, absorbed the idea deep into his core - what's the point of anything unless it's the best, unless you're the top dog?

James grew comfortable in his exceptionalism, in his elite status, and he forgot one very important thing: someone and something better is always around the corner.

And so here he is, drunk off his ass in his teenage bedroom, avoiding the rest of the family downstairs in favor of drinking straight from a wine bottle to drown his miseries. His failures.

James isn't the best anymore. Not the best gamer, not the best lover, not the best leader or developing. He's second-best, now, or even worse, not even good enough to be spared a thought.

It's a bitter pill to swallow. He'd taken over the Denali project and had pushed his team to their limits in an effort to best Masen Cullen, only to find out that Masen Cullen is leagues ahead of him - a better programmer, a better technician, a better strategist. Any thoughts James had of winning the contract and, in turn, winning back Bella Swan so pretty little Swansong would once again (rightfully) be his was utterly crushed when Volturi made their decision.

James wasn't good enough. They went with Masen, instead. And if that wasn't enough, the rest of the world celebrated, too - people online just teeming with enthusiasm that Midnight Sun was the Volturi partner, and Denali was always overestimating themselves, weren't they?

To lose is one thing. To not even be wanted, is quite another. It's been more than a month and still, the weight of the failure is - he can't even face it, really. It's too much.

But oh, the hits kept on coming, didn't they? Victoria isn't returning his calls. He's pretty sure she's blocked him on Twitter, too. She was already frosty enough to see him staring after Bella Swan, but she became downright frigid the more his disinterest became known, the more he focused on the Volturi contract than her. At the time, James hadn't thought twice about it. Who cared if Victoria was angry? She was just another trophy, and at the moment, she wasn't even the trophy he wanted. Let her be angry. Soon enough, Bella Swan would be in her place, wouldn't she?

Except that's not how it turned out. Now, James has lost the contract, lost the chance to recapture Bella's attention, and lost Victoria, too - all in one fell swoop and all of his own doing.

He laughs grimly, taking another deep drag of his aunt's stupidly overpriced wine.

A shadow darkens the doorway of his already dark room. It's his cousin, made-up as ever, every strawberry blonde curl in a prim and proper place. Her expression, though, is pinched in disappointment. "You look pathetic hiding up here," she says, making her way into the room.

James ignores her.

Tanya sighs. "You know, Daddy isn't even mad about the contract anymore. It was a little thing to him. You don't have to keep moping about it."

James takes another swig.

"Unless," Tanya says, considering and too clever. "That's not the only thing you're moping about. Is it your girlfriend? She broke it off with you?"

James grumbles.

"Or is it more than that? Is it...possibly something to do with Bella Swan?"

James's head snaps in her direction. "How…?"

Tanya tosses her curls. "Oh, please. I'm a journalist. And it's not like you weren't obvious. You're following both of her accounts, and I've caught you watching those stream things. You're obviously obsessed with her."

"Not obsessed," James disagrees mulishly.

Tanya arches a brow. "Aren't you, though? What else do you call chasing after a girl who already has a boyfriend when you already have a girlfriend?"

It's clear that her question is rhetorical, so James doesn't bother to answer. Tanya seems to take that as tacit permission to continue.

"You need to move on," she tells him bluntly. "You know, there was a time where I had my own obsession with someone. You might know him, actually. Masen Cullen? I had my eyes set on him, but he didn't even see me. And then one day I saw him with Bella Swan and I had to come to grips with reality. He didn't like me and he didn't want me. And I decided that it was fine, because I valued myself and my own dreams more than I valued the opinion of some boy who wasn't going to give me the time of day. You get what I'm saying?"

James doesn't want to listen to his cousin's journey of self-esteem and how she found the value of herself and blah blah blah. He brings the bottle up to take another swig, only for Tanya to snatch it away from him.

"Hey! Give it back!"

Tanya holds the wine bottle high over her head, looking down her nose at him with a great amount of judgment. "No," she says firmly.

James rolls his eyes. "Then go away."

"No," she says again. "You need a reality check, cousin. Sometimes, you end up losing. It's okay. Set your sights on another goal and try again. Don't be so pathetic as to wallow in your own failure. What good is that going to do you?"

James sets his jaw, turning his head stiffly away from her.

"You know, the cousin I grew up with was someone to admire," Tanya says after a moment, softer than before. "He was focused and ambitious. He told me he could change the world if he wanted and I believed him. But now?" she asks, clicking her tongue. "All I see now is a sad man who can't ever appreciate what he has, who wants trophies instead of companions and genuine accomplishments. It's honestly really gross, James. You've gotten so lost in your ego that you're not even recognizable."

Tanya's heels thud dimly against the rug as she walks away from him. She pauses in the doorway. "I miss my cousin," she tells him, morose. "I wonder if he'll ever come back?"

And then Tanya is gone, taking his wine and his ability to wallow in his own failure away with her. James grinds his teeth for minutes, glaring down at the floor between his knees. He tries to put her words out of his mind, but he can't. He's too drunk to do anything else but recall everything she said, the truth of it vivid and unavoidable.

He's gotten so lost in his own ego that he's not even recognizable. Even his closest family member thinks so.

James feels sick - and not just because the wine isn't agreeing with him, anymore.

What has he been doing with his life? When was the first time he went wrong?

How can he fix any of it?


A/N: Update 2 of 2. If you're familiar with the source material, then you know what's coming after this chapter. It's time to wrap James and his ego up! The Chinese drama did a lackluster job of redeeming him, but I also don't think that he was meant to be redeemed. Screw him, he's a jerk. However! I'm all about empowering Tanya! And Victoria, who is definitely freezing James out. You get what you sow, bro.

As always, be honest. I can take it.

~Rae