Chapter 28
Yes, yes, I'm late. Fuck sake. But this time I do have an excuse. Last Saturday, I got sick with a migraine. I wasn't able to look at any of my devices for 3 days without torturing myself with pain. I decided that I didn't want that torture, so I didn't write. That left only Monday and Tuesday to write. And I didn't make it. I wrote most of the chapter yesterday, but it wasn't enough to update. BUT next week, Wednesday, is my birthday. I decided that as a present from me to me, I wanted to have the chapter up on time. I've already started writing it today and it's well underway :)
reviews:
MalirBly: Thank You!
littlesky33by: Yay! Thanks! Yes, it was heartbreaking. To read AND to write. I feel for Ahsoka man. I also find it heartbreaking to see Anakin's Sith eyes.
It had been several weeks since Ahsoka's nerve-wracking encounter with Vader. It gave Ahsoka new determination that she would see her plan through. She was giving it her all. Every waking moment, Ahsoka spend training and learning. All to show Vader she was ready to be at his side. That she could do this 'Dark Side' thing. That she was serious about all this.
And it was hell. Training with a Sith was nothing like training with a Jedi—yes, even if said Sith and said Jedi were technically the same person.
Training as a Jedi had been hard and demanding, but also rewarding. It came with gentle nudges and positive energy.
Training with a Sith was completely opposite. The only thing similar was the 'hard and demanding' part. It was torture. Literal torture. Ahsoka had to keep up the pace and work or bad things would follow. Lucky for her, she had a goal to reach which helped her push through and keep up. So far, she hadn't disappointed and received no real torture. Not yet at least.
But dear god, Vader was a vastly different teacher compared to Anakin and due to this experience Ahsoka will never complain about Anakin's teaching again. Because once again his teachings were the reason she was surviving all of this.
Ahsoka understood why the Sith—or at least Vader—used this kind of training. She was aware of her allegiance to the Light Side of the Force. Anger and frustrations were paths to the Dark Side. Albeit slowly, Vader was using these methods to push her further towards it. And although Ahsoka hadn't abandoned the light, she won't deny that the pull to the dark was certainly there after constantly getting beaten in training.
So there Ahsoka lay, on her bed. Her body was littered with bruises and lightsaber cuts and grazes. If she focused on it, she could still feel the electricity from the electrostaffs she'd been hit with.
The droids Ahsoka trained with were trained to fight an opponent like her with a Jedi fighting style. They attacked viciously and if she used her usual defensive style, she was sure they would've ended her already. The settings the droids were in forced her to switch to a more aggressive style. And more aggression meant more influence of the Dark Side.
It was a brilliant plan to push her more into the darkness, Ahsoka had to admit. But that was mostly because no actual torture was involved. She had heard stories of mental and physical torture so bad that it forced people into a Fall towards the Dark Side. Ahsoka was only slowly pushed into it. And as long as she didn't resist the pull, hopefully that would be all that would be done to her.
But one thing felt off. In her weeks of extensive training, Ahsoka hadn't once faced Vader directly. He never engaged her. And it frustrated Ahsoka for some reason. Did he not think she would last against him? Was she not worth the physical effort? The thought made Ahsoka let out a huff. Stupid. She would show him, alright. She was ready for him.
With that thought in mind, Ahsoka turned on her bed. She let out a grunt as her sore body protested, but finally sleep claimed her after a long day of training.
=O=
It took another two weeks for confirmation finally came that Ahsoka was on the right path. She'd been forced to meditate and was currently seated at the very same platform that only weeks ago had caused her body and mind great distress.
But now, here she was, calmly seated near the ledge with a great view of the planet below. But Ahsoka wasn't focused on the view. She had her eyes closed and was deeply submerged into the Force.
It was a sign that Ahsoka was getting used to this place—to the Dark Side, to be specific. It could be seen as a horrible thing. Obi-Wan would certainly see it that way. But to Ahsoka it was an accomplishment. She hadn't Fallen, but she had accepted the Dark Side and in turn it had accepted her. Yet, Ahsoka still held her Jedi believes high and didn't feel compromised. She counted that as a win.
So, Ahsoka sat there when she heard footsteps approaching. She pulled herself back from meditation and stood up to face Vader, who now stood right in front of her.
"You have performed adequately. You are ready for the next phase," Vader said, immediately getting to the point. Oh well, he was a man of few words. Another big change Ahsoka had to get used to the first time she came here.
Ahsoka waited patiently only for Vader to hand her a box. And this was familiar. Ahsoka had terrible déjà vu. She opened the box slowly, and indeed found her lightsabers inside. She set the box down and took them out.
Only to feel that something was wrong.
Her lightsabers… they didn't feel right. They were screaming at her. The crystals… they were in pain. Terrible pain.
It wasn't hard for Ahsoka to guess what that meant. She'd expected it, of course. Both Vader and the Inquisitors had them as well. She'd honestly been scared she'd get one of those horrible spinning staffs. This, at least, was a pleasant surprise.
Taking a breath, Ahsoka activated the two sabers, just like the last time Anakin gave them to her. Only this time they weren't blue. They were indeed, as expected, this horrible red.
Ahsoka showed nothing on her face, but on the inside it hurt to feel her crystals scream at her. They were no longer hers. They'd been corrupted. They served a darker purpose now.
Just like she was supposed to do.
Ahsoka spun the sabers around experimentally, but with every swing she made, the screams got worse. Ahsoka had to actively keep herself from wincing. She would have to just deal with this. Eventually she would grow used to it, just as she did the feeling of the Dark Side all around her.
It would be okay.
Ahsoka deactivated the lightsabers and hung them on her belt. She bowed her head slightly in acknowledgement of the situation.
Vader took that as his cue to leave, as he turned around without saying a word.
Ahsoka stared after him, waiting for him to be a safe distance away, before she sighed softly. With that she turned back towards the vast planet and sat back down. She took one of the sabers off her belt and held it in her hand. She just stared at it.
"I'm so sorry," Ahsoka said to the crystal as she mourned silently for it. This had been her first kyber crystal. The one she'd found the first time her group had gone to Ilum. This lightsaber had been with her longest. And when she'd lost it during her unplanned escape out of the Republic detention center, Anakin had searched for it, tweaked it, and kept it safe. And now he was the one that had destroyed it.
Ahsoka had distanced herself from the Jedi, but this had been the last thing she still had from her life there. And now it was gone. The only thing left was the saber itself, crafted by her hands. But that meant nothing without the right crystal inside.
Unable to hold it any longer, Ahsoka dropped the lightsaber to the floor. She let out a more audible sigh this time and sunk back into the Force. There was nothing she could do now but accept what had happened and move on. With that though she released her feelings into the Force, just as she'd been taught by the Jedi.
=O=
Later that evening, when Ahsoka returned to her quarters, she was greeted by Vaneé.
"There is something in that room for you. You are expected to wear it from now on," he told her.
Ahsoka was highly curious of what he meant. Was she getting an Imperial uniform? Was it like the one the Inquisitor wore that she faced on Corellia, or was it more the standard type Imperial uniform?
Curiously letting her mind wander around the possibilities, Ahsoka opened the door and was greeted with her new uniform, laid out in layers on her bed. There was definitely armor there, which led Ahsoka to believe that it was Inquisitor-like.
Ahsoka thought of trying it on but decided against it. She was tired. She moved her new uniform over to another part in her room and laid down on the bed. Tomorrow would be time to change. Now it was time to sleep.
=O=
But sadly enough, Ahsoka's night wasn't as calming and relaxing as she'd hoped. She'd been plagued by nightmares. The very same she'd started to have all the way back on the Devastator. That was weeks ago. Ahsoka had hoped that it was just irrational fear, but with the Force having returned to her, she didn't know if that was the case. What if it really was a vision? What could she do to prevent it?
Ahsoka decided not to think too much about it. Being afraid would not do her any good in trying to control herself against the Dark Side while pretending she wasn't resisting. She checked the chrono. She still had about an hour before Vaneé would come to collect her again. That would be enough time to change into her new outfit.
It was a uniform that quite resembled her Mandalorian getup that she'd worn during the Siege of Mandalore. The only obvious difference was that it was black and grey. And it had long sleeves. On her shoulders was the Imperial Emblem. It also came with a headband. One that looked quite a lot like the one she'd worn during her year away from the Jedi Order. Only this one was plain black. And there was a small button on the side. When she pressed it, a visor appeared before her eyes, hiding the top of her face behind black glass.
It was clear this outfit wasn't meant to hide her identity. The other Inquisitors were hidden behind helmets and masks. She had no helmet. They wanted to show her off. And Ahsoka would just have to deal with it. This was her look now. She could not go against it.
Ahsoka adjusted several pieces to create more maneuverability, but other than that it was fine. The finishing touch was adding her lightsabers. The Sith red lightsabers. Ahsoka was sure that if she were to look at herself right now, she wouldn't recognize herself. The only thing that would be missing would be those horrible Sith golden eyes.
Ahsoka knew she didn't have those. And she knew she wouldn't be going to get those. She stood there, in the middle of her room, in her new Imperial Inquisitor uniform with Sith lightsabers and told herself she would not Fall. She was ready to go above and beyond to save Anakin. But she would not let herself slip over the edge.
Using darkness was not the same as Falling to the Dark Side and letting it control you. And that was what Ahsoka had planned. She would use the darkness. She would never let it control her.
Because het plan to bring Anakin back wouldn't work if she'd Fallen before he was redeemed. After that, she couldn't care less about what happened to her. If Anakin was back, she wouldn't be needed anymore. The twins would have their father, and the Empire would've lost a major asset. The Rebellion would've gained one and they could do without her.
Ahsoka wasn't important. And she knew that. She was prepared to sacrifice herself when the time came, for people more important than her.
But to be fair, Ahsoka would rather die than Fall. She didn't want to hate her friends like that, she didn't want to fight them like that, and she didn't want people to remember her like that.
Yet, for now, Ahsoka would do what she has to. Anything for the mission.
And with that in mind, Ahsoka stepped out of the room and let Vaneé escort her to her next day of training. To her next day within Imperial life.
So, Ahsoka kinda went through a transition. Just like this chapter, which kinda also was a transition. Whoops. Next chapter wil pick up with the important stuff again. Although, Ahsoka did get some important stuff this chapter which is a preview of what's to come for her.
