Authors note: Fair warning now: this chapter gets a little weird.


Yayaka

Somehow, after taking a hit that felt like someone slammed a baseball bat the size of a skyscraper into my chest, I woke up. Everything hurt like friggin' hell. Having anything in contact with the right half of my body felt like it was upsetting shards of broken glass that'd been trapped under my skin somehow. I mean, I know it'll heal eventually, but right now? Yeah, didn't feel like it was gonna happen any time soon.

"Awake?" came a voice.

"I'm awake…" I said. My voice sounded like at some point I decided to down a glass of gravel. My throat felt sore to say the least. My stomach rumbled loudly, as I felt a sudden wave of hunger. I put a hand over it, as if to silence it, and regretted doing so, as even the light touch felt like I'd just punched myself in the gut. I know I should be grateful I could even breathe, but damn I hope I recovered soon… Something fuzzy entered my line of sight, and it took me a little while to work out it was Yuyu holding a ration bar. I reached for it.

"Where's the Ray?" I asked, sitting up so I could eat.

"Dead," she answered.

I chewed and forced myself to swallow the bland, dry ration, before having a look around… And realised three things: we weren't in the fairy tale world any more (my vision was still a little fuzzy, but there was a lot more silver and gold than I remembered), Nyunyu wasn't here, and Yuyu had what looked like squares of green next to her. "Tell me what happened while I was out cold."

Yuyu summarised it all: After I fell, Nyunyu beat the Ray on her own (which made me raise my eyebrows), and came over to see how I was doing. Worried about my condition, and knowing that world contained danger, Yuyu set a Hole device for a safe world for us, and sent Nyunyu and TT-392 back to Flip Flap.

"Why did you send them back?" I asked. I mean, I wanted to try and carry out this mission alone, sure, but… something about what she said bugged me.

"No immediate danger, so no longer required. Even if danger, Toto unable to fight. If no danger, Nyunyu prone to wandering or shooting things. Or both. Could get lost or attract potential enemy in a future world."

Although I wanted to work out what the hell Yuyu said that bothered me, my head was a little fuzzy from my injury, so I couldn't place my finger on it... Rather than worry about that and overload my brain when I could barely think, I asked Yuyu about the green squares sitting next to her.

"Remains of hunter's clothing. Required for repairs."

"Repairs?" That confused me a little, but as I raised my right hand (which felt heavy, so it was a bit of a challenge), and brushed it against the right side of my body. I hissed in pain, when my fingers came into contact with skin. Looking down, I saw an angry purple bruise.

"Toto's scans revealed no damage to organs. Ribs are cracked. Bruising will remain for a long time. Both could be agitated easily." Yuyu said. Cracked ribs... I've had that happen to me a couple of times before when I worked for Asclepius. It was one of few times they didn't send me back into Pure Illusion until I was fully recovered. There's nothing you can do for broken ribs (even if there was, I doubted Asclepius would really do anything unless it meant losing their key to Pure Illusion), so it was just a thing I'd have to put up with for a while... As annoying as that would be, and as much pain as I was in right now, I was also thankful that was the only damage I took. If I hadn't been transformed, you probably would have needed to scrape what was left me off the floor.

"So... that green stuff is to fix my armour?"

Yuyu nodded.

"Why haven't you done that yet?"

"Would prefer you to be awake while repairs take place. Waking due to pain could cause sudden movement. Needle lodged in injured side would not aid recovery."

After she said that, Yuyu shifted closer to me, bringing the scraps of the goblin's dragonhide clothing with her, and took out a needle and thread from her belt pockets. Small as they were, I was almost a little surprised she had space for them in there amongst all the rations she bought for me.

I sat up as straight as I could, and propped my right arm up on my knees, so it wouldn't get in the way of Yuyu's sewing, as she tried to carry out makeshift repairs. If that really is dragon skin, I wonder if it'll protect me from fire? There was no telling if that would be the case, but I could hope that at least. Either way, as soon as this is done, we can get moving again…

Should I be thinking like that though? Would it be better for me to head back to Flip Flap until I recover? I thought about it for a little while. I know that if Flip Flap had sent Cocona, she would have dragged me back with her, without a second thought, because she'd want me to get better. But I'm here in the first place because of her. I need to keep her safe. If I go back to Flip Flap, they're not gonna let me go back here until I'm recovered, and someone could get hurt by my shadow between now and then... I have to end this.

I clicked my visor on to see if I could get any readings, and cursed when I saw only coloured lines across the cracked screen. I forgot all about that... It made me mad. How the crap can I hunt the shadow down if I can't see where the hell it is? I mean, okay, there was still no guarantee that's what the red dot actually was- I just realised: even if Toto did examine that data and work out what it was, there wouldn't be a good way for him to contact me and tell me. I had no idea if my voice function still worked, and even if it did, Toto has permanent breathing problems now, I wouldn't want to tire him out by pressing him for too much information…

Something about this isn't right…

"Finished."

My train of thought immediately crashed when Yuyu said my name, causing me to jump. That was fast. I moved my right arm from my knees, back down to my side… The dragonhide squares that'd been stitched over the gap felt… surprisingly solid. More like I was resting my arm against a sheet of steel, rather than something that felt like clothing. I doubted I could bend over too well if I wanted (not that I should probably be doing that in my current state anyway), and my ability to run probably just took a hit, but the new addition to my armour definitely felt like it'd keep me safe.

For some reason after that, I took a better look at the scenery, and was shocked, because I recognised this part of Pure Illusion.

Waves of silver, gold, shining greys, and dull rusted iron were... everywhere. Metal bushes and plant life of all shapes and sizes (minus grass, which I was happy about because that would not be fun to be laying on it my condition) covered the whole land, apart from the small clearing we were in. Palm trees, pine trees, oak trees, rose bushes, sweet peas, lilies a couple of giant mushrooms... if it was a plant, it was here, and some of them were just as fragile as their real-life counterparts. If you wanted, you could tear some of the petals, and it'd feel like you're ripping tinfoil…

This is the land of metal leaves…

I'd only been here once before, but I've always wanted to come back here, and I was sad when Asclepius called us back from the mission. I grabbed a loose metal leaf from the floor and took it back with me so I would remember this place...

And now... I was here again. Here amongst the strange plants, with their colourful leaves flashing in the sun, which give the impression of twinkling stars in the sky...

Yuyu said she took us to a safe world, which means… "You remembered this place…" I just… couldn't believe it. I walked up to one of the metal oak trees nearby, so I could put my hand against it, and feel the coolness beneath my palm. I felt like I was in a dream or something, just being here amongst the dancing lights of the metallic surfaces… I had to touch something in here, just to know this was real, and I wasn't imagining things.

My fingers touched the grey bark…

…But it didn't feel cold. It felt… Wet. Like paint…

And my hand was sinking into it.

I grabbed onto my arm with my other hand, to try and pull it free, but if anything, that just seemed to make things happen faster. WHAT THE HELL?! By the time it occurred to me to try and use my grappling wires, to try and tug myself back out, both of my hands had been absorbed by the wet slimy tree trunk. Starting to panic, I tried to kick at the ground with my steel capped boots, to try and anchor myself to the world, only to hear them 'splash' as the ground I was standing on was no longer solid. SHIT! I looked over at Yuyu, and was about to call for her to help, but I barely had time to take a deep breath, before my head was submerged too, and I was about to drown in tree bark…


…Or so I thought.

Somehow, I found myself able to wake up for the second time today… Only now, I was alone. The ground here was solid. Carefully, I pushed myself to my feet, and had a quick glance at my surroundings.

All I saw was a wall of mist.

I frowned and closed my eyes, trying to listen out for any possible danger…

Nothing.

I lowered myself to the ground, and hissed with pain, as the dragon hide repairs on my armour made it hard to do so, to see if I could feel any vibrations in the floor with my hand.

Again, nothing.

The dragonhide. Yuyu fixed my armour with it. Where the hell is she?

"YUYU!" I shouted her name as loudly as I could manage, but there was no response. I had my hands on my grappling wire too, just in case I'd attracted a monster or something hostile, but nothing appeared. That wasn't enough for me to take my hand away just yet though.

What the frag just happened?

Then I heard a faint voice, from deep within the mist. "Buu-chan! Wait!"

"Buu-chan?" I repeated the words out loud to myself, quietly. Papika's robot? Or are they referring to someone else entirely? As if the words had cast a spell, the mist around me began to lift. Shadowy square towers began to melt away from the mist, becoming solid shapes. There were some smaller squat buildings huddling close around the towers, too, as if they were worshiping them, making me feel a little uneasy. It didn't help that all the structures were white, either. My mind went back to when Asclepius held a little ceremony for me after I found my first amorphous in the Iron Boy's desert world. Part of me wanted to shudder, and step away… but… I also felt drawn to the buildings. There was something really familiar about them, and despite the Asclepius vibes I was getting, I found myself taking a few steps towards them.

It felt a little like I was drifting, as I moved. Like I was walking through a dream, rather than—I was about to say 'reality', but in Pure Illusion feeling like this could well be an effect of this world. It was so odd; I almost didn't notice the grass as my steel-capped boots brushed through it lightly. If I was feeling more alert, I would have thought that maybe grass was more common in Pure Illusion than I originally thought, but instead… I don't know, I felt like I was watching fish swimming in a tank, my mind was just sorta wandering as everything happened around me.

Much like how the buildings appeared, slowly people began to fade into this world too. At first, being grey shapes, that were walking out of the mist, but as the mist retreated, and the shapes moved closer, colour slowly bled into them, and I saw skin and clothes… White lab coats and black trousers. Despite the drifty-dreamy feeling I had, seeing so many people around me wearing that was enough to set me on edge. Their outlines and facial features were blurry, as if they weren't really there, but that didn't make it any better. If anything, my imagination saw that as an opportunity to mess with me, and I pictured then all turning towards me, with white crescent-moon shaped smiles and dark holes for eyes, as they'd all turn to face me, arms outstretched, ready capture me and take me off for more experiments…

I wanted to shake my head, to try and clear those thoughts out of my brain, but I was starting to feel a little dizzy being here. It was a little disorienting to tell distance here, like when me and Papika were in the sketch world in Mimi's jungle—

"Buu-chan!"

There was that voice again… And my stray thought answered why it sounded familiar to me, about two seconds before I saw the yellow cereal-box robot wheeling along a flagstone path, being chased by…

"Papika…" I said her name out loud. Unlike everything else here, every detail about Papika was clear and sharp, as if the rest of the world was on an old VHS tape where every frame was smudged, but Papika was a high definition image carefully pasted on top… Only a lot smaller. One of her arms was out, and she was running as hard as she could in front of a wall lined with flowers, in a desperate attempt to catch the robot. She was wearing a white dress, that flapped in the air around her, along with her pink hair. Eventually, she stopped running, and doubled over, hands on her knees, panting for breath… Or so I thought at first, but I heard a hiccup and I thought I saw something glint in the light, before leaving a small dark mark on the flagstone path. A tear? She's crying…

"Hey, Papika, are you okay?" I asked.

If the small Papika heard me, she didn't respond. Why is she so clear, when the rest of this world is so faded? I knelt down by her side, and looked up at her face. It was a little odd to watch, as another clear tear rolled down her cheeks, only for it to leave and become another blurry smudge as it fell to the ground. Is she sad because she can't catch Buu? My hands were still on my grappling wires. I debated shooting one after the robot to bring him here, for Papika, but if I did that, I wasn't sure if I'd upset this world somehow, or if it would even interact like it should in the real world. I didn't know what I could do. I wanted to help the small Papika, and even reached out with a hand to wipe a tear or hers away, and I saw my hand was oddly clear too.I mean, I didn't think it'd be blurry, but it was just… really weird to look at. This damn place is gonna give me a headache at this rate… Hell, I could already feel one trying to build up behind my eyes. I sat down, resting my back against a nearby wall (thankfully not falling through it), and put my hands over my eyes, to try and shut out the visual weirdness.

And that was when I heard another familiar voice.

"Do you want to hear a story?"

That's… I've heard those words before… I tore my hands away from my eyes, and tried to look over my shoulder, nudging the wall of flowers as I did so. Not just the words, but in that exact tone too… it can't be… I know I was only gonna give myself a bigger headache, but I had to know for sure. It's too similar. It can't be a coincidence… My hand pushed against some of the flowers, I felt my fingers touch against all the leafy stalks… I looked down at them, and even though I knew what I'd see, I was still startled to find myself looking at the waves of red and pink begonias. This is… Then I turned my attention to the blue-haired and blonde-haired girls I knew I'd see sitting amongst the flowers. Me and Cocona…

Is this… a memory?

It was bizarre to be witnessing this scene from another place entirely. I could still picture a fair part of this exact moment in my mind, and seeing it from another angle was… weird. But as little Cocona began to tell me the story of the banished knight, and she grew more confident and energetic with every word… I found myself smiling. Of course, I knew the story she was going to tell, and how the knight ran into all sorts of friends and enemies… I ended up sitting with my back against the wall again, with my eyes closed, listening to Cocona's story. The knight was going through the craggy mountains, and lush rainforests again… Times he was alone, and others he found friends… Although this time, instead of picturing them all as Cocona in different costumes, like I did when I heard this story all those years ago, this time as she told the story, I only pictured her as the friendly maiden who guided the lone knight (me) on part of the journey. This time when the knight ran into the fairy, I pictured a tiny Papika flying around. When the knight made it to the wizard's tower asking to be healed, Toto answered the door. When the knight was surrounded in the woods, it was Nyunyu the ranger, and Yuyu the stone golem who'd helped the knight stand their ground. I never really had friends to start with, and now I have so many…

I opened my eyes again, and this time, I saw the young Papika had stopped crying, and was standing close to the wall, with her ear against the begonias, as if she was trying to listen better. I doubted I could touch her, but if I could, I would have been tempted to lift her up over the wall so she could watch as Cocona acted everything out too. When Cocona was finished with that story, and saw I wanted more, she'd begun to tell the story of Hansel and Gretel. Knowing how upset the story made Cocona, I felt myself getting a little sad, as I remembered her telling me how she'd never known her parents… But that's different now, too. She stays at Flip Flap with her dad, and she can see her mum in Pure Illusion when she wants too… But Yayaka of the past didn't know that… And neither did Papika. She stood there, on the other side of the wall, out of sight of mine and Cocona's younger selves, with her hand over her heart, looking as if she was about to start crying again.

"She sounds so sad…" the little Papika said.

Right after that, I heard my younger self say "I don't have a family either…"

That… hurt a little to hear again. In all that time, things had changed for Cocona and she now had a mother, father, brother and sisters, so her saying she didn't have a family was no longer the case. For me however, my sentence was still mostly true. Nyunyu was made from my blood, so I had a little sister but… that was it, I guess. Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted parents or anything, but the way I said that… a small part of me maybe felt a little jealous…

"They both sound so lonely…" the young Papika said, looking like she was going to burst into tears all over again, as she voiced what I was thinking about myself. I was about to reassure her, when she said "I want to help them!"

Maybe because I still wasn't quite used to hearing someone say something like that, like they cared… but as she spoke, it was as if someone sent a little shock or spike through my heart, but not a bad one. My chest began to feel warm. I felt a little rush of affection for the pink-haired girl standing next to me, and for the future Papika, too. Even back then she cared about someone she'd never met, just like Cocona…

I heard Cocona ask me if I wanted to play a game, and the little Papika next to me suddenly seemed to leap up. If she was a dog, her ears would have pricked up at the mention of 'play' and her tail would be wagging. She jumped up, trying to get a better view, as if to want to try and invite herself, the top of her head just about appearing over the flowers, as she rushed over, eager to join us.

I remember I'd looked in the direction where Papika had been listening to our conversation, and seeing the pink flowers weave and bob… But as I saw the young Papika here, I realised my theory I had back at Mimi's house was right after all. So, she was here that day…

But for all the effort her younger self was making right now, to rush over and meet us, she never did. The next things I remember were playing a word game with Cocona. We'd say things we liked or disliked after a set amount of time, and we'd both say it at the same time. All of my attention was on her… At least until the hospital staff found us hiding in the gardens.

But if Papika was here… what was she doing?

"Papika, come back!" came a new voice entirely. One I felt a little mad just hearing. I knew I'd see the magenta-haired scientist Hidaka, but I wasn't quite expecting his hand to appear first, sticking right through my neck. I couldn't feel it at all, but I couldn't help exclaiming "Crapping hell!" as I leapt away from him. It was a little odd, he was still clearer than most of the people in the background, but he wasn't quite as crisp an image as Papika.

Papika's big blue eyes met his gleaming glasses, and she began to beg to let her stay. I knew it was because she wanted to see me and Cocona and play a game with us, but what she said had nothing to do with that.

"But I can smell it! It's really close!" Papika said to him. Smell it? Smell what? I sniffed the air. I wasn't really expecting anything to happen, but I caught the smell of begonias, which was a surprise. I wasn't expecting to catch a scent of anything in this world at all. But it can't be just that though… I tried sniffing a little more. Still begonia's… No wait… I breathed out through my mouth, and inhaled slowly through my nose, in little bursts. There's something else here, too… I couldn't place it, but I knew that smell…

"I don't care about that right now, this place is crawling with Asclepius spies, and we can't afford to let them get you."

"Nooo!" Papika was about to run away again, and memory or not, I was ready to shoot a wire at Hidaka for upsetting her... But as he placed a hand on her shoulder, to hold her in place, his face softened. He ducked down next to her, so he was eye-level with Papika, and spoke to her kindly, "I'm sorry. I know you want to play, and you can smell something important to our mission, but it's not safe for you to be here right now. You can play with Buu when we get back to Flip Flap, okay?"

That... made me lower my hand from my weapon belt. Is... Hidaka being nice to her? Papika still looked upset, and turned to look towards me and Cocona again, but she sighed, defeated, and agreed to go back to base with Hidaka and Buu.

As I watched them walk away, they both began to fade. Heck, the whole scene around me was dissolving, as mist swallowed the world again, and I stood alone.

I wasn't sure how I felt about just having witnessed a moment of Papika's life like that. It answered a question I'd wondered about before, sure, but... I don't know. It was… odd.

Then I had another thought, is that what it was like for Cocona and Papika when they went through Irodori-senpai's memories? They thought that they'd managed to change something in her life by being there though, whereas Papika didn't seem to hear, see, or react to me in any way or form. I didn't change anything by being there, did I? The idea scared me.

But seeing myself with Cocona there, I felt a little happy. Not just because I got to live through that memory again, but because it proved that I met Cocona first.

((See? You were there first. Cocona should be yours...))

Yeah... she sho- NO! I shook my head hard, as if I could shake that damn voice out of it. You left me alone! You were gone! I was free of you!

((But you saw the evidence... Cocona should be yours, now... Switch with me...))

"I refuse!" I kept shifting around on the spot, agitating my ribs, and cursing myself for moving. Although the voice seemed to be coming from inside my own head, I swear it was coming from the mist at the same time. Maybe it was just something about the fact everything was grey and blurry, but I thought there were shapes moving in the mist. Shifting. "Leave me alone!" I shouted as the voice laughed. Where is it?! I activated my visor, and saw the mess of coloured lines. Crap! I was about to put it away, when I noticed something... Although there were green, blue, yellow and red lines all over, there still appeared to be some data getting through... For example, all those red lines? As I moved my head, all of the green, yellow and blue ones sat still, but the red? That changed. I can find it!

"You can't hide from me!" I shouted into the wall of mist. The only response I got was laughter. Screw you!

I turned until the scramble of red lines appeared to be in front of me, and clicked my visor off. I squinted, but there definitely was a shape in there. My hand was at my weapon belt, ready to fire. The shape came closer, and I could see a pair of red eyes glinting at me. I smirked. I've got you now...

I still had no idea how the hell to activate Hidaka's damn explosive wire thing, so I was a little annoyed I couldn't do that, but at least I could actually attack this stupid thing that's been messing with me and hurting my friends.

I fired both wires, just as the shape stepped out of the mist…

And they passed straight through my target.

That should have hit!

I pressed the button to retract the wires, only for them to catch in mid-air. What the… I barely had time to think that line, before something rose out of the mist in front of me, a thick brown wall… or maybe the wall had been there the whole time and was just invisible, as my wires stayed exactly where they were when it rose. I pressed the buttons a few more times, and when my wires finally came back to me, I was surrounded.

Trapped.

Or almost.

There was one opening in this new place. I ran towards it, only for some bars to shoot up from the ground when I would have been free in a couple of steps, so I ended up smacking into them.

"Ow…" I said, and rubbed my face where I was certain there was now a rod-shaped red mark. With my other hand, I reached out for one of the bars, and was surprised to find that they weren't cold and smooth, like I was expecting. They were… rough to touch, like tree bark. Still kinda solid though. I tried to pull it to see if I could break it, but that wasn't happening. I wanted to voice my frustrations, but all that came out was a little growl. Let me out!

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get my vocal cords to really work, beyond making a few vague noises. Annoyance quickly gave way to despair. I got the feeling that there should have been someone with me right now, but I… I couldn't think who. No matter how hard I tried to think of a person, I just… couldn't. Nothing came to mind. No one appeared.

I'm stuck here… forever…

It was almost surprising how heavy I suddenly felt. I took steps away from the bars. Away from the freedom I was so close to, and sat with my back against one of the brown walls. It was dark in here. The only light came from the barred opening I was too weak to escape from. I pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around them. Not because it was cold in here… But as a desperate attempt to comfort myself…

It wasn't working.

All alone and trapped…

Have I done something wrong? Have I hurt someone?

That was the vague feeling I had, along with my head whispering the same thing. Taunting. Telling me that I'd made some sort of mistake, and that this whole mess was all my fault.

But… I haven't done anything wrong. Or I didn't think so at least. No matter how far I tried to reach into my memories, even those of a couple of minutes ago, nothing came to me. It wasn't like this though… I know it wasn't. I was here with someone! And… They gave me something important…

I think…

The more I tried to remember, the fuzzier they became. Something I could almost touch with my fingertips, was suddenly flung a million miles out of my reach. But why?

Why am I here?

Tears had begun to fall down my cheeks before I knew it, and I hid my face. Crying over something I had lost, and didn't have a single memory of. It felt like a part of my soul had been torn away. Something I'd never known had existed, until it was suddenly gone… And I wanted nothing more than for it to come back.

But it won't… It can't…

This is my life now…

Along with my sadness, I could feel myself growing weary… Tired…

So very tired…

My bones began to ache. I rose my head, the tears still falling, and it looked a little like the skin was coming looser every second, as if my tears were secretly what was holding my body together. Soon veins were visible, and my skin began to dry and form cracks. The hair on my head, or what little of it I could see that caught the light had lost its bright colour, and was becoming a weak grey. Somehow, I found the energy to raise my fingers to touch it. Wiry and messy, like it was made of straw… I lowered my hand, still holding it out to the light that streamed through the bars, and watched. Watched as my fingers began to wither. For some reason it was then, that I realised I was aging.

If I could remember any life I'd have previously, I got the feeling now is when it would have been flashing before my eyes… but there was nothing there. All I could do was watch, as I grew older, with no life to remember. Did I have anything before today? Even if I did, there was no hope I could ever see it again…

I began to mourn for a life I'd never lived…


Suddenly… things. Light… and dark… The ground was dark. The place I was in was dark. But the light… That was near.

I walked to it. It was far away… And stripy.

I didn't understand.

I reached the stripes in the light. I touched them. They were hard. I could move a hand between them. I could almost touch the light…

But the stripes were stopping me.

How did I get here?

Why can't I get out?

Who am I?


Time passed. I don't know how much, but I was bigger. Maybe it was lots. Maybe it wasn't much at all.

It was like this for a long time. Dark, and light. Trapped. I could see things beyond the stripes now. Little green strands, and tiny white flowers. They would come up to my ankles… Or maybe that thing above my left ankle. I don't know where that came from. It's always been here. Changed with me. Grew with me.

"Hello."

I heard a noise. Something new.

It scared me. This place was quiet. No noise other than my own breathing. Or my footsteps when I walked to the back of the dark. I didn't like it there. The dark scared me more than the new noise, so I didn't run away.

"Hello?"

The same noise came again… I think. The tone had changed slightly. I looked towards the light and the green. Where I heard the noise…

And saw… something like me.

Small, like me. Similar shape, too. But her hair was short and blue. Mine was long, pink and messy.

I was curious… but also scared.

"It's okay. I won't hurt you."

The noise happened when it opened its mouth. Talking. It was talking. I don't know where that word came from. I tried to make the same sounds and opened my mouth. My throat felt funny. It… rumbled, as I made noise.

"Heh… loh…" I tried to copy the talking. I didn't get far.

The thing like me seemed surprised. Then its face changed. The ends of its mouth turned upwards.

"Is it hard for you to talk?" their mouth moved as more sounds came out. Talking. It wanted to talk to me, and seemed to be waiting for something in return. But… what? I felt… dizzy. Unwell. I felt like I was going to fall. I grabbed one of the stripes.

"Are you okay?"

More talking. I couldn't understand. I closed my eyes. How… How do I talk? I need… I need… I shook my head. It was too hard. I opened my eyes. The thing looked… sad. I felt hurt looking at it.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

I watched its mouth as it talked. I tried to move mine in shapes like that. I could try and talk, but I don't know if they would… work. If they could be understood.

I slumped down. Sat, and faced away from the light. Staring into the dark. This was too hard for me. Too much…

The thing's shadow moved in the light at my feet. Like it looked down at me. Then it turned behind. Looked at me again. And became small.

Something moved around my shoulders. It scared me. I wanted to escape, but… something about it felt… good. A hug. Those words came to me, too.

Warm. It felt nice and warm. There was a smell, too. One I felt like I should know.

"I'm really sorry, but I have to go now. I'll try and come back and visit you!"

It moved away. I watched as the shadow ran away, and my tiny world grew colder...

And I was alone again.


So much time had passed between now and then, that I thought that girl was a hallucination. Something my brain made up, to try and combat my eternal loneliness here…

I was bigger now. Older. But the girl, when she returned, had hardly changed at all.

"I'm back!"

She talked to me, like she did back then. She sounded happy. I couldn't understand what she was saying, but her words made me feel happy too. It was so nice to see her again.

"I learned a really good story! Do you want to hear it?"

I still didn't know what the sounds of her talking meant, but she seemed to know that hearing her talk made me happy. She spoke a lot. I don't know how much time had passed, but it felt like it was rushing by. She moved with her talking. She did actions, like waved her arms, and walk, and pull faces. Some words repeated themselves, and as she moved, I learned their meanings.

Before I knew it, her 'story' was over. When she finished, she stood up.

"I have to go again, but I'll try and come back!"

She said some of those words last time she talked, and like before, she left. "I'll try and come back"

And I was alone again.

...But this time, I knew it wasn't forever.


It felt like that kept happening to me… over and over… I grew young and old… young and old… For reasons I don't know, and for a very long time. The girl would come and go, and see me in different stages of life. If she thought it was strange, she never said so. Every time, she had a new story for me. I would listen, and she would act it out. Eventually, I began to understand her talking, and what her words meant. When she was gone, I practiced, so I could say them right. I wanted to show her that I could talk, just like her…

But it was a long time before I could do that… There was a time when I'd grown young and old, over and over, without seeing her once…


Missing… Something's missing… How long had it been? I don't know. I was… here, where I have always been. I felt… hollow. There was nothing. Nothing but the light, and the dark.

I understood that I was imprisoned. I understood there was no way out.

I understood I was alone.

It hurt.

I hugged my knees. Why… Why am I here?

In all the time I've spent here, one thing from a very distant life came back to me. A faint smell of flowers.

That was all I could remember.


My life had been like that for so long, I couldn't imagine anything else if I tried…

I was waiting for something I could barely remember...

Everything felt wrong...

I hugged my knees, praying every day, that maybe things would change...

But they wouldn't... I know they wouldn't...

For what felt like an eternity, I sat there. Just... waiting. Losing hope. I didn't want to continue like this. There wasn't a reason. I was just here...

And I wanted it to stop...

Please... Let this stop...

"Who are you?"

My ears twitched, and I let out a soft gasp. That voice... It had been so long now since I heard it. I couldn't tell you how many times I had lived and died since the last time...

But she came back... Like she always did...

The heaviness in my heart seemed to lift. I raised my head slowly. It had been a long time... I didn't want to believe that I had begun to imagine things. I wanted this to be real...

Please be real...

Everything was blurry. It was a while before I could see clearly. There was a shape beyond the stripes. No... the bars.

The bars of my prison.

It was misty outside, but it began to clear... And the girl was there. Her head tilted, curious. Big eyes, the colour of my prison looked down at me. Do you remember me? Maybe she didn't... It had been so long after all... But she came back.

I stood up and walked to her. My legs felt a little wobbly, because it had been so long since I'd done that... But I had to. I had to know she was real. As I stepped closer, I got that faint scent of flowers again.

She came back! She's really here!

"You were a big girl before, an old lady before that, and a baby before that..." She was talking... And this time I could understand her. But at the same time, I almost couldn't hear her. All I could think was 'she came back'. Is she real? She has to be real! I slowly lifted a hand, to try and touch her. Her own hand was lifting to meet mine... and they touched. Our fingers and our thumbs all lined up... Solid. Connected.

"...and now, you're the same as me." She said. My heart was beating fast, excited. You're real! You're back! And... I can understand you!

I turned the corners of my mouth up, in a gesture I learnt was a smile. I gave her a big one. The biggest I could manage!

"I'm Cocona." She said, her hand back down by her side. "And you?"

My hand had fallen too. It took a little while to realise she'd asked me a question, and that she was telling me her name. Names are important. But... who am I? I wish I had a name... But I didn't.

"Dunno." I said. I'd practiced words. I think I could speak okay.

"Don't you remember?" the girl, Cocona, asked me. Again, it took a moment for me to hear her and understand what she was asking me. 'Don't you remember?' No. I don't. I don't know if I had a name before... All I knew was that I had grown big and small, old and young, over and over and over... But Cocona seemed to know that. She remembered me...

I wished I could give her a better answer, but words were still new to me. "No. Nothing."

It was then that my stomach made a noise. It had happened sometimes before. Hunger. When that happened, I would go into the dark part of the prison. There was water and food there. It got rid of those feelings.

Cocona laughed at the noise my stomach made. It was a small laugh. She seemed to find it funny.

"I'll be right back." She said, and she left me. As I watched her turn away, I lifted a hand to reach for her... And then I realised what she said 'I'll be right back'. She would come back, but soon.

I waited.

She returned.

"I saw these earlier. I've had them a few times, they're good to eat!" She was holding fruit in her arms. Fruit like the ones in the dark part of the cave. She was holding them out for me to take. I grabbed them, and sat down. Eager, I tore the skin away, and ate the flesh of the fruit inside. Juicy and sweet.

Very sweet.

"Feel better now?" Cocona had sat against the bars of my prison, with her back to mine. Her voice was near my head. She's still here.

"A little." I said. I wasn't very hungry any more, but I still felt strange. I don't think it was bad-strange, but I didn't know yet.

"I'll stay with you until you're all better."

"Huh?" She would... stay this time?

"It won't be lonely if we're together."

Lonely... That was a word I knew very well. Cocona didn't say it much, but it didn't take long for me to learn that one.

"Really?!" I asked. I couldn't believe she would be here with me for some time.

She sounded a little shy as she nodded "yeah," but it made me gasp. I felt warm and... cared for. At this point, another word came to my head. 'Friend'. Cocona said this word a lot in her stories. All of the people in them had met other people, and they helped and cared about each other. They were 'friends'.

I got very excited. That word made me feel happy. Friends! "Then... Please! Be friends with me!" I wish I knew more words to say how I felt then, but sadly 'happy' was the only one I knew, and it was far too weak. My heart felt big, and my chest was warm, and Cocona... She was so nice!

Cocona's big eyes were shining as I asked her the question.

"Sure!" She said. My happiness grew a whole lot, as she said that. We reached our hands out again, at the same time. They met, in the air, but this time, our fingers didn't line up. They... fell between each other. We gently pressed our fingers against the back of the other's hand, in a squeeze.

We both closed our eyes and laughed. I'm so, so happy! I have a friend!

There was a glow I could see through the darkness of my eyelids, and I opened my eyes again. There were two lights near Cocona, one from her leg, and another from her left hand. There was a small glowing orange rock in it, like an egg. Small and pretty. The colour made me think of the stories Cocona told me. About the 'dragons'.

But after that was another noise.

If I was alone, it would have scared me, but Cocona was here. She made me feel brave...

But I didn't need to be brave.

The bars of my prison were... moving away. There was now a great big gap in them... One I could step through...

I was free...

…But then I was falling.

I was so scared, I let go of Cocona's hand, and looked down.

Darkness.

Endless darkness.

I looked back up, and tried to reach for Cocona's hand again, but she'd gotten so far away from me in seconds. We were both falling, far, far away…


"GAH!" I clutched my head, as it felt like my mind was suddenly ripped away from the scene I'd just experienced. I looked at my hair, to see it was blonde and short.

Yayaka. I'm... myself again. It was... weird. I mean, I'm Yayaka, I've always been Yayaka... But for a while I was young and old and had pink hair and had short arms and... I'm getting a friggin' headache...

"What the crap was that?" I asked no one in particular.

"Something I wanted you to understand," came an answer I wasn't expecting to get.

I whirled around, to face the speaker, only to end up flat on my ass fom moving around so fast. I guess the sudden change from being small, to being big hadn't quite caught up to me yet. I felt a little clumsy, with my arms and legs being longer than they were just moments ago... And that was just phyisically. Emotionally... I'd just experienced sadness, and loneliness far, far crippling than anything I'd ever felt before, and not just once. Lifetimes, of it, broken by the few times I saw... a young Cocona.

And I had pink hair...

I closed my eyes, and kept them closed. Even though the only thing around me was grey mist, it felt like it was too much to look at. That one voice that answered me almost felt too much to hear.

"Those were memories of Papikana's," came the voice again. Although my eyes were closed, I frowned. I know who's talking...

I heard footsteps, and with them came the faint scent of wildflowers. If I looked up, I knew I'd be seeing the rose-petal red eyes of Mimi's.

"Why did you show me them?" I asked, grumbling.

"Because you've been given the option to switch with something else, too."

I wondered how Mimi could know about that, but maybe she'd seen the shadow when it attacked Papika. Hell, it was probably written all over my face, that I knew something about what happened...

Either way, she continued: "There is a dark force in Pure Illusion, which preys on the selfish wishes of the people who enter it. Living here for so long, and having been possessed by it in the past, has allowed me to know what to look for... And it wanted to hurt my best friend...

"I don't know what your reasons are for being given the offer, Yayaka, but I'm asking you... please, don't hate Papika."

'Don't hate Papika'...?

"I can't stay for long. You're in the right world now, but... you'll have to be careful. Although there's normally no physical danger here, that's no reason to let your guard down. It can be just as deadly as any other place in Pure Illusion. It's not a world I like to stay in for long, if I can help it."

That... confused me a little. Not one she'd like to stay in if she can help it? I opened my eyes. "Am I still awake?"

Mimi nodded. It looked like she was about to speak again, when heavy footsteps began to thunder deep in the mist. I spun around, taking my eyes off of the red-eyed woman, trying to work out where the noise was coming from exactly. Everything seemed to echo all of a sudden, and I had no idea where it was coming from. Fear was starting to pulse through me.

I could barely hear Mimi's voice over the sound of the monster in the mist. "This world will play with your mind. Try to scare you, and make you feel alone…" As if to prove her point, the land at my feet began to crack, and the echoing footsteps only grew louder. There was a loud, bursting, roar which I felt should have shattered everything around us. I could feel the power of it, vibrating through my bones, and upsetting my damaged ribs, leaving me feeling like I Was about to black out from the pain. My heart began to pound furiously, and my already-painful breathing quickened, as I desperately tried to hold onto what little courage I had left. Mimi seemed to notice that I was hurt at that point.

"I can send you to a safer part of the world, and heal you there, but only for a moment. It's… best not to be around people too long here."

There was another roar, and I saw some piercing yellow eyes like headlights, staring out at me from the mist. They tilted to the side, as if they were curious.

Or planning to leap at me. I can't fight that thing right now!

I was getting ready to run, as the eyes shifted again, righting themselves. Heavy paws were dragging themselves along the ground, as the thing in the mist slowly came closer. A few dark claws, as long as kitchen knives peeked out from the smoky grey wall, slowly followed by a gaping maw, filled with teeth the goblin guy in that other world would probably have loved to have gotten his hands on.

The teeth and claws suddenly spiked forward, as it lunged at me. I wanted to duck out of the way, and for the second time, almost blacked out from pain. Bright spots and dark stars danced in front of my eyes as it felt like someone had just harshly yanked barbed wire all along my right side. I can't escape… I'm done for…

It was at that point, I felt a hand on my shoulder, shoving me down, and my purple eyes met a pair of rose-red, and Mimi sent the both of us tumbling through a Hole to another part of the world…


Authors note: Man, every time I swear I know where this fic is going, my head gets a ton of other ideas and all things sorta happen at once... I really wanted to include a world heavily inspired by a video game at some point, but I don't think that's gonna happen now. Darn brain.

As you may have noticed towards the end of Papika's memories that Yayaka experienced, I took a few notes from the start of episode 13 of the anime, with Cocona's and Papika's meeting then, but again, I changed a point or two around, to help it fit the story I've ended up telling. I'm hoping it all makes sense and isn't too confusing. I wanted to keep it kind of vague what was going on to start with, and I'm a tad worried I may have made it a little TOO vague. At the end of those memories too, I try and explain how Papika got back to Earth. Although Mimi gave Cocona to Papikana to hold, they somehow got separated while Papikana ended up in the tree and went through her many lifetimes. The Head Priest of Asclepius could have used Elpis again, at his own risk, to try and get Mimi back, but only found Baby Cocona. He dismissed Papika, as Cocona was the one related to Mimi, and bought her back to Earth with him, creating a false life for her, where she could be raised by her 'grandmother'.

Cocona had dreams throughout her life on Earth though of Pure Illusion, and sometimes, she'd encounter this pink haired girl in the tree… When Cocona freed Papika(na) from the tree-cage, Cocona opened up a Hole and got separated, so Papika fell back to Earth and found Flip Flap, and Cocona just woke up one day at home, but she found a small orange stone in her hand…