He was on that same rooftop above Vic's. Shit, Night City again. He looked down at his body, it wasn't shimmering now. "Panam!" He yelled. The only thing he heard was own voice echoing back at him, coming from in between the buildings.
Wait a fuckin' minute? Echo? NC was never this quiet. He looked down at the street, there were no cars or people. The windows in the buildings around him were lit, but he didn't see any signs of people in the windows. He looked up in the air, no AV's or shit, anything. He saw something on the railing, walked over to it. It was the bullet necklace; he picked it up, it was cold in his hand. "Panam!" He yelled again. Still nothin'. Shit. Night City shimmered and flickered all around him.
He went down the stairs to the alley, over to Vic's shop, saw it it was empty, then headed to Misty's. Empty. Shit. Where to next? He was just heading out of the shop when he saw it, on Misty's table. Another Tarot card, alone. The Moon.
"The Moon reminds us that reality is not always what it seems at first glance. In a world of appearances and illusions, the best course is often charted by one's own intuition. The Moon is also the card of dreams, desires, and of course, sleep – Death's nightly ritual."
Shit. What had he dragged Panam into? What did that guy on the intercom say? Gotta find Panam. She must be in here somewhere.
He stepped into the street, looking around for anyone, or anything to help him figure out how to find Panam. He was standing there, trying to decide what to do next, and how he'd get there when a car pulled up, and the door opened.
"V, welcome. Where would you like to go?"
Shit, that was Delamain's voice. No fuckin' way.
"Delamain?"
"Yes V. Where are we headed? Or did you want to walk?"
Fuck it. He got in the car. Where would Panam go? He thought about it for a while.
"V, I need a destination."
He had an idea. "Take me to the edge of town, Santo Domingo."
"Understood. On the way V."
The streets were empty as they traveled to that parking lot on the edge of town. Shit, he'd never seen NC like this. It was peaceful, almost beautiful.
They arrived at the parking lot where he'd first met Panam. The Thorton car she'd had at the time was there, but there was no sign of her. He got out of the car and looked around. "Panam!" No response. Then he saw it, on the driver's seat of the Thorton. Panam's jacket. He yelled for her again, still nothing but his voice echoing back at him. He walked over to where that Strength card had appeared, looking for something. There was a card there, but it wasn't Strength, it was the Moon, same as the one in Misty's shop. Fuck. He got back into the car. Where to next?
"Did you have another destination in mind sir?" Delamain asked.
V thought about it for a while, then said "Yeah, take me to the Sunset. Just outside town"
"Affirmative Sir. Sunset it is."
It was quiet as they drove out of town, past the dump, to the Sunset. Not a car on the freeway, and still no people anywhere. The parking lot was empty at the Sunset, but the windows were all lit. V walked around the whole outside of the Motel, investigated all of the rooms. He saw the one where he and Panam had slept in two separate beds the first night they'd spent together. There was no sign of her anywhere. He went to the bar, to the stools where they'd had their first beers together. There were two opened beers on the bar, directly in front of the stools. He walked over, picked up one of the beers, it was still cold. Shit. Nothin.'
He was heading back to the car when he saw a shimmer on the front of the Sunset. He walked over to take a closer look; it was the Moon card again. What the hell was goin' on? He got back in the car.
"Destination?" Delamain asked again.
He was runnin' out of fuckin' ideas. Then it dawned on him, "Take me to the Aldecaldos camp. Way out in the desert."
"Affirmative sir. On the way"
V was looking at the moonlight shimmer across the sand on the way out to the camp, it was so bright it was nearly daylight. Eventually, they got to the camp, and V got out of the car. Camp looked empty, no sign of anyone. He slowly circled through the camp, and went to the ramp, sat down in the spot where he and Panam had spent that night together before raiding Arasaka tower. He look at Night City, all of it was shimmering and flickering bizarrely in the distance. This was nothing like Ortega's machine, he had no idea what to do next, then he saw something. It was on the edge of camp, metallic, shimmering in the moonlight. He walked back down towards it, as he approached, he recognized what it was. The basilisk, so damaged it was nearly unrecognizable. Next to it was a pile of Moon cards, just like the ones in Misty's shop. The tank's broken, twisted metal shimmered in the moonlight. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach as he got back into the car.
"Destination?"
"Take me to the radio tower. South o' town." The last place they'd stopped before he left NC, where he'd seen the Star card. He'd told her about that place.. That was where she'd be. Had to be.
"On the way."
The moonlight was even brighter on the way to the radio tower. V looked up at the moon, he'd never seen anything like it. It was two or three times bigger than any moon he'd ever seen. As he looked more closely at the sky, he noticed that there were no stars.
As he got close to the radio tower, the moonlight began to dim. He looked up, menacing looking storm clouds were rolling in. By the time he'd gotten to the tower, it was pitch black out, and the wind had started to pick up.
"Delamain, can you shine your lights on the building there?"
"Certainly." Headlights kicked on, and V headed towards the towers control building. It stared to rain, hard. Huge drops pelted him as he walked towards the building. He stepped inside, looked around as best he could with the headlights coming through the window. He saw something glinting in the corner, he walked closer to investigate. It was his Aldecaldos jacket, shiny and new, like when he'd first gotten it. He walked over to pick it up, and almost slipped. He looked down, and Panam's jacket was on the ground, in a pool of blood. Her jacket was badly shredded, almost in pieces. He left the building and headed back towards the car. The raindrops were bigger than any he'd ever seen. What the fuck? Where was she?
He'd just stopped to look back one more time as he was getting in the car, and he was blinded by a flash. The tower was illuminated for a split second, and the thunder cracked, rolled and echoed through the desert.
The tower exploded; it had been hit by lighting. He heard metal creaking as the radio tower twisted under its own weight, hesitated, then crashed down into the control building with a thud. The rain was more intense than ever, it was nearly knocking him down to stand in it.
He was standing in the rain, trying to decide what to do next, when he felt that familiar sensation, like he was being put back into his head.
He opened eyes; he was back in StormTech's room.
That voice from the speaker again "Congratulations V! You are cured."
Shit. Cured. No fuckin' way. He reached for Panam's hand, but she wasn't there. He looked over at her chair, it was empty. There was a small amount of blood on the headrest, dripping onto the floor.
"Where's Panam? Is she ok?"
The voice from the speaker again. "I am afraid Ms. Palmer did not survive the procedure. You can pick up her body out front if you wish. Or we can put her in our incinerator. You decide"
No. No fuckin' way. Not her. After all they'd been through together.
His vision went grey, he fell out of the chair. Shit, how could he have done this to her? He threw up. His eyes burned with tears, his throat closed up. He rolled over onto his side, curled up into a ball. No. Not Panam. He shoulda just died on that rooftop in NC. Fuck.
The door opened and a man walked in. V sat up and looked at him.
The man spoke. "V, I do regret what happened. But we did get what we were looking for about Soulkiller, about Arasaka. Now that you aren't dying, we'd like you to work for us. You are a very capable net runner. You are in no condition to decide now of course, but you have my number."
V looked at the man, still in shock.
"What... happened?"
The man sighed, looked at V. "V, this is was an experimental procedure, you knew that going in. There was no guarantee that you would both survive. You were too far gone, she gave up too much to save you."
V looked at the floor. "I... I killed her."
The man frowned "V, she lasted about fifteen minutes when we pulled her out of the Labyrinth. She could not speak, but we connected her personal link to this tablet, she managed to leave you this message."
The man handed him a tablet, there was blood on it. V looked down and read the text, he heard Panam's voice as he did.
Hey V, Stormtech said that you will be cured! I am so happy for you! I would have liked to be there for you when you woke up, but you know how it is, can't have it all. Take care of the family, Mitch and Dakota will need your help without me there. You will need to find a new co-pilot for the basilisk too, but we have some promising new recruits. And V, I know that eventually you will find someone else and forget about me. After all, how could a sweet talker like you stay single? Whoever she is, make sure she knows she is the luckiest girl in the badlands. I do hope you will remember me when you watch those beautiful desert sunsets though, I always loved watching those with you. Whoever you end up with, and whatever you end up doing, I hope you have a long, happy life, I just wish I could be there with you. We had a crazy ride V, and I would do it all again, I am SO glad I could do this one last thing for you. The technician said I don't have long, I will think of you until the end. I love you V, love you so much...
Tears flowed freely from V's eyes after that, mixing with the blood on the tablet. His hands were numb, he almost dropped the tablet. She'd died for him and she didn't regret anything. He'd never find someone like that again.
The make spoke again. "V, did you decide on the incinerator, or did you want her body?"
"I'll take her... she'd want to be buried in the desert." V got out through the sobs.
The man nodded. "Very well V. I will send her up." he said and left the room.
V sat there for a while, not believing what was happening. He read the message again, fresh tears flowed as he finished it. The door opened, and a hoversled with a sheet on it in the hallway appeared just as he started to read the letter for a third time.
The man's voice from the speaker. "V, did you need anything else? Please collect Ms. Palmer and head out. We need this room."
V stood up, walked over to the sled. He took a deep breath and pulled back the sheet. It was Panam alright. Her eyes were open, and she had bloodstains around her ears and nostrils. He reached down and closed her eyes with his fingers.
He looked down at her, touched her face, she was cold. "Panam...I never should have involved you. Johnny was right."
The voice from the speaker again. "V, please follow the arrows out of the building."
He put the sheet back over her face, he couldn't bear to look at her. The arrows on the floor lit up, same as when he'd walked down here, holding her hand. He cried so hard he could barely see the arrows as he pushed her body through the building, into the elevator, and back to the entrance. The door opened, and he started to push the sled out into the snow. The snowflakes seemed to glow in the moonlight, it would have been beautiful under different circumstances.
He heard the voice from the speaker again, "V, you will need to carry her. We aren't giving you our cart or our sheet."
Fumbling, he tried to pull back the sheet, but his hands wouldn't work. He closed his eyes, focused, and removed the sheet. More tears came as he looked at her, illuminated in the moonlight. She was so beautiful, even like this. He touched his hand to her face, stood there a moment, composing himself. Then he took a deep breath, put one hand around her back, and the other under her legs, and picked her up, staggered out into the snow, tears in his eyes.
As he approached the hover plane, Kerry ran down the ramp. "V, what happened? What the fuck?" Kerry sounded like he was in shock.
"She didn't... didn't make it." V got out through the sobs. His vision blurred from tears, and he tripped, dropped her, and went sprawling into the snow. He laid there on his back, looking up at the sky. The snowflakes were cold as they landed on his face, they melted as they mixed with his warm tears. He felt something inside him die out, he'd killed her, the one person who'd always been there for him, the one person who'd really loved him. He was so fuckin' stupid, asking her to do this. The snowstorm intensified, it was so bad he couldn't make out Kerry, or Panam's body next to him. Eventually, he couldn't see his hand in front of his face. The wind picked up, and the cold stung his face so badly he had to close his eyes.
-Author's note. This next part is best read alongside Outsider no more, OST Version. Headphones in a dark room for the best effect.
youtube dot com/watch?v=zz3o6aS4b20
When he opened them, he was standing on the shore of the lake, just outside Night City, where he'd first left with Panam. He looked down; he was completely nude. What the fuck was goin' on?
V looked around, didn't see anyone else. He looked up at the sky, there was no moon, but the stars were brighter than he'd ever seen them. He was standing there, naked, looking at the sky, trying to figure out what to do next, when one of the stars started to move. He blinked again, he was sure he was losin' it, but when he opened his eyes, more were moving. Soon the whole sky was slowly shifting, shimmering, swirling in a slow-motion lightshow.
One of the pinpoints of light slowly started descending out of the sky, it fell into the lake with a splash. Another followed it, then more and more, faster, and faster, until it was raining light. It was so bright V had to close his eyes. When he opened them, the sky was dark, but the lake was glowing a soft white. Panam was standing on the water in the middle of the lake, also completely nude.
"Panam..." V called out to her.
She looked over at him, smiling, glowing faintly with some of that same whitish light. "V?" He could hear her voice in his head.
He felt his mouth open in awe. "You look like... some kinda' angel."
She laughed; he could feel her joy in him. Her voice in his head again. "V, always the sweet talker, I hope you never stop." Then she started moving towards him, across the surface of the lake, smiling. "How about a kiss?"
He put one foot on the glowing surface of the lake, and he didn't fall in. He took another step, and then another, walking faster and faster, eventually he was running across the lake. As he got close to Panam, she started glowing brighter and brighter. By the time he got to her, he couldn't look away, she was radiant, hypnotizing.
As soon as he was close to her, he heard her voice in his head again. "V, come here you gonk."
She leaned in and kissed him. As soon as she did, he started glowing faintly with that same whitish light. She put her arms around him and started pulling him closer.
"Panam... I..." He was a complete loss for words.
He felt her skin on his as she embraced him. He was hit with a tidal wave of emotion, but different than before. He felt comfortable, safe, content, loved as she held him.
The lake started to bubble, churn, and swirl around them, soon they were in the middle of a slowly moving, glowing whirlpool. She was holding him tightly, her head on his shoulder, his head on hers.
V felt her strength, her resolve, her determination, her love flow through him, stronger now, it was nearly overwhelming him. He wanted to laugh, cry, and scream all at once.
The lake exploded, then time stopped. The water droplets were all around them, suspended in the air, glowing. He felt her grip on him loosen, and they dropped out of the embrace. She looked in his eyes for a long time, not saying anything. He looked at her, mesmerized by the reflections of the lights in her eyes.
She pulled him towards her, brought him in for a kiss. As she did, the water droplets started slowly rotating all around them. She held him close, kissed him for a long time, he could feel a warm sensation start in his chest and spread throughout his entire body. He felt full, whole, complete, safe, for the first time in he didn't know how long. When Panam finally broke off the kiss, he looked down at his body, he was glowing as brightly as she was. He looked up, back at Panam. The droplets reflecting in her eyes looked just like the stars in the sky.
He saw the reflections in her eyes, shift, change, then he realized she was crying. He started crying too.
"Panam... I thought...thought I lost you." he got out through the tears.
She pulled him close to her again, held him tightly. Comfort, trust, and love, washed over him. He'd never felt so at peace.
Suddenly, he woke up in the chair in Stormtech's lab. He looked over frantically for Panam next to him.
She was there, looking at him with tears in her eyes. "V... I..." She trailed off.
He blinked back his own tears. "Panam..." He trailed off too, didn't know what to say.
The door opened, and a man walked into the room.
"V, Ms. Palmer, that was amazing." It was the voice from the speaker. "V, you are cured. I felt I had to come in to congratulate you. We were not sure what to expect, but we did not expect that."
"Is this real? What the fuck happened in there?" V asked.
The man laughed at V. "Yes, V, this is very real. Ortega told you that one of the most human emotions is love. He was correct of course."
The man walked over to the computer and sat down. "Do you know what the other one is?"
V shook his head. "What?"
The man continued. "Hope. I'm sorry we had to do that to you, but it was the only way. We had to take away your source of hope to break your mind. Once your mind was broken, you'd cry out to her, you'd want her back more than anything else in the world. We theorized that if her love for you was strong enough, and her will to find you was great enough, she'd find you. After your mind shattered, she gave up part up of herself to save you. V, she had to want you so badly that she would accept part of you in her mind as well. She did of course, but now you are not the same V you were before, and she is not the same Ms. Palmer. You are linked, much more closely than Ortega and Isabelle."
V looked at Panam. "What did you see in there?"
She looked around the room. "I was here, in the facility. But it was different... surreal. There were all these doors, hundreds of them, thousands. They told me I had to check them all, that you were in one of the rooms. I checked so many it felt like years, decades. I was never going to quit though; I did not care how long it look. Then I felt you, but you were so sad, broken... I cannot describe it. I just wanted to hold you, help you, make you feel ok. Next thing I knew we were at that lake, and we were naked. It was... strange. What about you?"
V looked at her. "I was in Night City, but it was deserted, surreal too... I went to all the spots I thought you'd be, but you weren't there. I finally went to the radio tower, and lightning hit it. I woke up, heard I was cured, but you'd died during the procedure. I saw your body, carried you out into the snow. It was terrible, I lost it. Then I was at that lake."
The man spoke again. "Your connection is truly remarkable. But remember, if one of you dies, the other one will follow shortly after."
V looked at Panam. "Panam... I... don't know what to say. I love you. Thank you so much, you... saved me."
He was trying to think of something, anything else to say when Panam spoke. "V, you mean SO much to me. And now we have some real time together. I love you V, I would not have it any other way."
He was sitting there, dumbfounded, but he managed to smile at her.
She laughed at him. "V, you gonk. How about a kiss?" She got out of her chair, crossed the room, and kissed him. An electric feeling washed over him, like nothing he'd ever felt. Well, outside of Labyrinth.
She pulled away from him "V... did you feel that?"
"Yeah..."
"Interesting" the man said. "That will fade with time, but for now you are very closely linked."
V grabbed her hand, that same electric feeling. "Love you too Panam. Thanks for everything"
She smiled at him, "I knew we would get your head straightened out. You just had to trust me."
"Yeah...Guess so." He said, smiling at her. Damn she was fuckin' beautiful.
Authors note: Well, there you have it. True love conquers all, even Soulkiller. Remember, I am a hopeless romantic. I hope this was a satisfying way to cure V. There is a note at the end of the next chapter (epilogue) with my future plans.
