Seattle Grace Mercy West
4:00 AM
Working more than humanly-hours had been the reason of the crumbling of his first marriage, he knows this. He now understands it, but he won't stop. His marriage ended over two years ago and there seems to be no reason to stop anymore, not when he has already lost the only person who knows him so well. That person whom he may have hurt more than he expected he could, still loved him beyond infinity. He used to use work an excuse to run away from his life, now, he just uses it to run away from his thoughts; the thoughts that he can't control, thoughts that when he's operating, he can control. Derek Shepherd is a control freak, he wants to be aware, he wants to know what's going to happen next – that's what a surgeon's job is anyway, to control other people's lives and decide whether they live or not.
"Are you ever going to answer that?" His thoughts were cut-off when Callie Torres started shaking his cellphone in front of his face.
His eyes widened. He hadn't noticed anyone beside him inside the attending's lounge before Callie sat next to him. "Huh? Uhm, y-yeah." He stammered trying to hide the fact that his mind was elsewhere.
"Okay…" She hands him his phone." …do you want me to leave?" She asked, pointing to the door.
"No, stay. Rest with me." He answered as he looked at who was calling him. "It's Naomi." He says, looking up at Callie.
"Addison's other best friend from LA?" He nods. "Put it on speaker mode, if it's about Addison. I want to know about whatever it is that's going on. She hasn't answered any of my calls for the past few days." With that, he obeyed and put his phone on speaker mode.
"Derek, thank God." Naomi says as soon as Derek picks up.
"Nae, is everything okay?" He says with concern, this past few days he has been thinking about 'her' and once he got the call, a feeling of nausea and fear took over him.
"It's about Addie…" Oh there it is, it's about her. Naomi pauses to take a deep breath and the fear inside Derek increases." look, Derek, is anyone else there with you?"
"Callie's here." He looked briefly at Callie before returning his gaze to the phone in his hand.
"Other best friend here!" She chimed in. "Do you want me to leave?" Callie frowned, the moment that Addison's name was mentioned. She already wanted to stay.
"No, stay. It's fine, it would be better if more of her friends from Seattle knew because we really don't know what to do with her right now." Even from the East Coast, Derek can sense the irritation from his ex-wife's best friend's voice.
"W-why? What's wrong?" If Naomi calls all the way from LA, he knows this would be trouble. His Addie is rational, his Addie is stubborn but with the right affection, she gives in. Especially for her girlfriends.
"It's because of Mark…" She paused again. Of course, it's about Mark. "…and her WASP-y family, they went here last week. The same week-" Derek cuts her off.
"The same week that Mark did. I know that, he's already back here." He pinches the bridge of his nose. He should've known. Mark probably has done something to upset her. "What I don't know is, is what he did. What did he do to her?" The irritation in his voice is there now.
There was a long pause before she started talking again. "Its not what he did, it's more of what he said before he left. During the days that he was here, he was trying to persuade her into letting him move to LA so they could raise Sloane's baby together. He said he was serious, and then he left. I didn't know what he said to her, but she hasn't left her house ever since he left. Sam has tried to get her out, I've tried, Charlotte King, the chief of our local hospital gave her a high profiled case and she turned it down. Derek, Addison hates grease and when I came to her house, it was filled of pizza boxes."
"She's right. Addison hates grease and she loves high-profiled case. She loves being inside an operating room…" Like Derek. "…kind of like you." Callie looks at Derek worriedly.
"Uhm, Nae, why are you exactly telling me this?" He asks. He wants to hear her say something.
"Because you know her the best, Derek. Look, I know Meredith-" He cuts her off again and Callie sighs uncomfortably.
"Meredith doesn't matter now; what matters is Addie. What do you want me to do, Nae?" Just say it. He keeps wishing it silently. "Say it and I'll be on the first plane out of here." Callie's eyes linger at him by surprise, but he doesn't care.
She took a deep breath. "Addie needs you, Derek. She might have not told us what she wants, but I know that she needs you." And that's it, that's all he needs to hear.
"I'll see you in LA, Nae." She says her goodbye from the other line and Derek hangs up.
"Dr. Shepherd." Callie tugs on his scrub top as he starts to stand up.
"Dr. Torres." He looks down at her. "You heard what Naomi said. She needs me." It's been a long time, but now he's sure about who the 'she' he's referring to. Addison has held the title of She-Shepherd once, she but he never thought of her as the she that he was drawn to. At that time, he was still too hurt, too mad to admit that even after everything, Addison can still be the she that he was asking for.
Callie looks at him skeptically. "I know, but what about Mark? Don't you want to talk to him first? Let him explain tell you what he said before you march there unannounced. Derek, you need to make a plan before you come talk to her. You know how stubborn she gets."
"No, no." He shakes his head. "I'm going to get a plane to LA and I'm flying there tonight. I don't want to talk to Mark, I think about him and I want to punch a wall. So, if you want to talk to him, go talk to him. Just text me what he says, I just can't talk to him. Not right now, not when Addison needs me. And I know how stubborn she gets; I was married to her for eleven years and we were dating for five years before that. I know her, Callie."
She was about to say something else but before anything, he has fled the room with his phone and his things in hand. Derek has waited for this for a long time, for her to need him. They were both hard headed and proud people, they never say anything when they need something or someone. Derek has been needing her and he doesn't want to say anything so he took this as an opportunity to finally run after her.
Los Angeles, California
7:06 AM
"Montgomerys look the other way when it is none of their business." That's the number one motto that Addison has been raised in, but with that, there are still a lot of mottos that her family has provided her; a lady does not down her drink when she's in front of a gentleman, so she doesn't; a lady must always look her best, so she settles with her 4-inch heals and her complex outfits. Among all of the mottos in her life, one really is hitting her the best – crying shouldn't be done in public, it should be done in the comfort of her own home, preferably in her own room. So, it's what she does now, she's been crying and sulking in the comfort of her own home for days.
This day isn't any different, she's slumped on her couch drinking wine at dawn and reading a medical article. Her own medical article when she still was Addison Shepherd. It's what she does best, once a problem rises, all of the problems that has happened goes down at her so she reads. Reminiscing the simpler days of her life, when a man still took her seriously. When she was still in the bubble of a fairytale. In days like this, she likes to remember the old days; its bittersweet and it hurts, but she goes for pain, its better than being numb.
Speaking of being numb. If her mother could see her right now, she's certain that she'd judge her. Her mother would blame it all on her; her being forced to stay with the captain, her infidelity. Hell, she'd blame her for her failed hair treatment. If her mother could see her, she would…
"Oh, for the love of God, Naomi." She mumbles as she stands up from her couch. She's been there for God-knows how long and she hasn't slept even for a minute. "If you're here to try and persuade me on having a girl's day out with you, you're not getting any pedicures today!" She calls from the living room, making sure that whoever the person outside (She's sure it's Naomi) hears her.
Groggily, she walks towards the door even if she doesn't want to. Naomi and her colleagues have been trying to get her to leave. From food to fashion to even surgery, they've tried it all but none of their ideas seemed to work. "Nae, I've told you already. I'm fine, I just need some time to-"
She stops talking when she opens the door to reveal the figure who interrupted her early morning sulking session. Addison was sure that Naomi was there, but now she's stunned by the person in front of her. It was definitely not Naomi; from the short dark waves, the pale-blue eyes and dreamy smile. Even with their luggage, rustic and manly. She knew who the person was.
"Derek." She tries to blink, thinking that it was only just a dream. All the Bizzy-stress and reading her old articles might have caused her to hallucinate.
"You're drunk, are you?" Okay, he's definitely there. She's not hallucinating, she kinda is drunk but she knows that voice to well. She knows it too well to deny.
She doesn't answer his question, instead she lifts her hand to feel the warmth of his cheek. He's definitely here. He's real and she doesn't know what to do or what to say. "Y-you're here." She says weakly.
"Yes, I'm here and you are certainly drunk." Derek takes the hand on his face and molds it into his. "You look flushed so you've definitely drank at least four glass. You're not hammered yet but your certainly not sober either."
With this, she regains the strength that she put in herself for Naomi. She will not be analyzed by her ex-husband that pops out of nowhere and now is at her front door. "What do you want from me, Derek? What are you doing here?" And there it is, her cold WASP-y façade.
"You've changed, the Addison I know is a great hostess." He looks at her amusedly and she just raises her eyebrow at him. "Are you going to let me in or are you just gonna look at me the whole day?" And there goes another unspoken Montgomery rule; be a great hostess and be polite to your guests.
She sighs in defeat and fully opens the door so he could come in. But she doesn't let him have the last say. "The Addison you know would be married and living in Seattle, to you and with you." She says as they reach the living room, she flops down the couch again.
"How ladylike." He says sarcastically. Derek lets her last comment slide. He knows that she needs him, but she also knows that she isn't going to cave in and admit it that easily. Especially to him. Especially after Seattle, the prom, the divorce.
"Did you really come here to analyze every move I make, Derek?" She prompts her elbows on her couch cushions to look up at him. "Naomi sent you here, didn't she?" She smirked.
"You turned down a high-profile surgery, Addison." He sits down on the coffee table adjacent to her. "I came here for you because you certainly aren't yourself right now. Naomi ran out of ideas so she called me to tell me to call you, but flying down here, it was my idea."
"Hasn't it ever occurred to you that I've changed? Ever since I moved to Seattle, I've changed." She tries to reach for her wine glass but his hands were faster than hers.
"I can read you more than you think I can, Addison. You haven't changed, but this, the drinking and the not working for days. The last time I saw you like this was when we were still interns and Richard told you that you killed the baby." He sets the glass further away from her and takes her chin so she could look at him, really look at him. "And from what Mark said, you were like this when I left New York."
"Y-you talked to Mark?" Now, he can see everything on her face; from her dry lips (wine is probably the only thing that has been hydrating her) to the dried tears on her cheeks to the droopy circles around her eyes (she hasn't slept ever since Mark left).
"How long has it been since you last slept?" His hands were on her cheeks now, caressing her soft skin. She was stubborn and a bitch, yes but Derek knew how to make her soft. For years, he was the only one who can bring out that side to Addison. He just wishes that he can still do it now.
"I…Derek… I can't. I can't let my guard down, not right now." She tries to hide the hurt in her voice. Wishing that Derek couldn't hear it, but he can and he's not backing down.
"Addie…" Using her cheeks, he maneuvers her to sit on his lap so she's straddling him; her head buried in his chest, his arms wrapped around her shoulders. She doesn't fight from this, she just trembles against his touch. "I'm not leaving you until you tell me what's wrong, Addie. I'm sorry."
"You're not leaving me?" She lifts her head to meet his eyes and he feels his heart break; she was on the verge of a breakdown and he knows it.
"I'm not leaving. I promise." He tucks a strain of red hair behind her ear before leaving a kiss on the top of her head.
"It's all my fault, Derek. Everything. My life is a mess and its all my fault." She buries her head on his chest again, clutching on the shirt that he was wearing. "My world has turned its head on me and its all my fault. M-my m-mother, Bizzy, she's a lesbian and the Captain knew. They said they do it to protect their children, to protect me. My poor mother had to hide in the closet to protect me and my father had to endure the wrath of my anger because I didn't know that my mother was a lesbian. Do you remember what I told you about when I was nine?" She couldn't see him, but she knew that he nodded as he continued to play with her hair.
"From the age of nine, I've already mastered how to mix drinks but at the age of that too, it became known to me that he was cheater. From one of my nannies, his secretary and my French tutor. They've all slept with him, he was cheating on her and I always thought that I needed to protect her from that so I kept those a secret. I hated my father because of that and I hated myself more because I tolerated him. I mean, don't you see? I hated the wrong parent because they had to lie to protect me. They lied because of me. See? See! Its all my fault. And then…" She pauses for a moment. "A-and t-then t-there's M-mark." And there it is. Derek's fist clenches, he wants to kill him but he doesn't say that.
"What did Mark say to you?" He says gently, still holding her tightly.
"Do you really want to know?" She asks, lifting her head to meet his eyes with tears filling in her eyes. He nods.
"I really want to know." He smiles at her sympathetically, urging her to go on.
"I-I'm barren, Derek. When I first came here from Seattle, I went to Naomi and she told me that I've lost my chance. I've never told anyone from Seattle that, except for Callie." He was shocked to hear that. Derek knew that she's always wanted children of her own. With him, she wanted a baby with him. "I've gave up on that dream long ago, but then Mark came here. With Sloane and the bay inside of her. He painted a pretty picture of having a family, he kept telling me that we could have our second chance with that baby. And that set something inside of me, I was about to say yes but I had to think. I gave him an out and he took the chance and left. He chose the Grey girl, his little Grey. This is how I ended up here now, Mark had something to numb the pain I felt but now that I lost him, all I can do is drink and eat."
"Oh, Addie…" There, she collapses in his arms. Her walls finally broke down and she started sobbing in his arms. She was trembling and all he could do was hold her tighter. Derek knew that it was partially his fault too that Addison has broken down. If he chose to fight and yell instead of leaving that night in New York. If he had really tried to fix their marriage instead of pinning over his own 'Grey girl'. If he had just stayed there, holding her in his arms during prom. If he only…
"I'm so sorry, Derek." His thoughts were cut off by her sniffing. "If only I didn't cheat on you to stay with him, if I didn't do all of those stupid things in the past. This wouldn't have happened. Oh God, I really am a mess, am I? I mean look at me, I'm pouring my heart out to my ex-husband and what's worse is that we're talking about my ex-mistress. I'm a mess, I'm a cheater and I've become a whore and this is all my fault."
"Addie." She tries to get off his lap, but held her tighter. "You are not a mess and you're certainly not a whore, you're human." He whispers in her ear and she shakes her head no.
"Hey, look at me." He caresses her cheek again so their eyes would meet. "All this sulking, all this 'I'm a mess' thing isn't going to help you. Have you ever asked me if I forgave you? Because I have and I know that it wasn't your fault, I had my faults too. You cheated on me when you thought that our marriage was crumbling, I cheated on you when I told you that we were fixing it. Not everything is your fault, Addison. Stop sulking and locking yourself in this house."
"Is that supposed to be you comforting me or you being sarcastic?" She sniffs once again, but he swore that he could see a slight smile on her face.
"Well, I'm not really an advice type of person. Shall I give another sarcastic comment?" He gives her a soft smile and much to his surprise, she tries to swat him. "Hey, none of that. I know a part of you still hate me, but believe me, you're the most brilliant person I know. All of those things that you did, it doesn't mean you're stupid, it makes you human."
Finally, she smiles for the first time since he got there. "Thank you, Derek. Thank you so much. You came all the way from Seattle to get here. Is there anything-"
"Sleep with me." He stands up with her still in his arms. He was carrying her in a bridal style but he could feel her stiffen.
"I-I, Derek, no. We can't. I'm not-"
"Addie, you haven't slept since Mark left. I know that you're having a hard time sleeping alone when you're hurt so I'm going to sleep beside you." He sits down on the couch and carefully settles beside her.
"You're really not leaving?" She looked at his eyes as they lay beside each other in her decently small couch.
"I got a one-way ticket to LA. I'm not going back to Seattle. Now sleep." He drapes his arms around her to pull her closer to him; her head was now resting on his moist chest and she settled herself there. Just like the old times.
Her breathing started to slow down and he can feel her arms around his waist. Derek couldn't stop smiling over this, it was a simple act but Derek knew it meant something more. Its her way of telling him that she needs him closer to her. He makes her feel safe. Things didn't work out the way he expected it to be, but he's happy with this. He's happy with her.
"Derek?"
"Hmm?" He mumbles.
"How about your wife?"
"We were never legally married, she's not my wife."
"Okay, then she's your fiancé."
"She's not that either."
"Aren't you going back to your Grey girl, Derek? Mark went back to his Grey girl after two days. I just want to be ready."
"Just because Mark went back to Seattle, doesn't mean I will. I have a lot to tell you, but you're my first priority right now. Just sleep now and we'll handle things later, okay?" His eyes were shut but he felt her nodding onto his chest.
Derek placed a soft kiss on her head, pulling her closer. Their breaths became as one and they certainly weren't going anywhere right now. Right now, it was just the two of them. Sharing a couch to sleep on just like how they were when they were still married, just like the old times. He hadn't told her yet that he came here to be with her again and relive the happy parts of being together, but he'll get there.
St. Ambrose Hospital
9:53 PM
One week upon his arrival, a lot has changed – Addison had finally returned to her old self and started working again; he stayed in her house if he wasn't working at St. Ambrose, he'd cook and wait for her. Some nights, both of them were at the hospital for surgeries. No one would leave without the other, in Derek's defense, he's never been to LA so he could get lost. Tonight, is one of those nights. Derek had finished his last surgery (news of Derek Shepherd, world-class neurosurgeon broke and Charlotte King didn't waste anytime to get him), he was waiting for Addison so they could leave together and come home but he didn't know where she was. Unlike Seattle Grace, there wasn't a surgical board for him to check her schedule. The only thing that he did know that she should've been finished hours ago and this made his stomach curl. Maybe she was rushing after a surgery and hit her head on a tile? Maybe it was her turn to run away from him after he came to her place unannounced?
"Dr. Shepherd." His thoughts were cut off as two women stood in front of him, Charlotte King and…
"Callie." He stands from one of the chairs in the waiting room to greet her with a hug.
"Okay, Shepherd. I know you haven't seen me for a whole week but I didn't expect you to miss me this much." She chuckled uncomfortably.
"Oh, sorry." He pulled away from the hug and brushed off the non-existent dirt on his coat. "It's Addison's thing, she's rubbing it off me."
"Is that the only thing that she's rubbing on 'ya?" Charlotte raises her eyebrow at him.
"Dr. King, Callie, my intentions for Addie are completely clear. I've been sleeping in her guest room for a week. I am not sleeping with her unless she wants to." He rambles, looking around the hospital corridors. If Callie's here then Addison must be there to. Everytime they get together, they just turn inseparable.
"You're really serious about this whole 'she needs me' thing, are you?" Callie asks, clearly impressed by Derek Shepherd's patience. If he really had that then she supposes that its only for Addison.
"I'm very serious." He smiles confidently.
"You heard that, he's serious." The two women nodded at each other as they chuckled in chorus.
"So, Callie, what are you doing here?" He asked, ignoring their remark.
"Well, Mark wanted to say sorry to Addison-"
"So, he sent his girl best friend to LA? Hillarious." He was amused.
"Derek, Sloane went into labor and we brought her here so Addison could make sure that the labor goes smoothly." And then there it is, he could feel something inside of him. He knew that the scar's that Mark left was still new to her and now he's afraid that she must be hiding somewhere he doesn't know to sulk. "But don't worry, I was there when he apologized to her and Addison seemed fine." He nodded at this.
"Where is she?" After a moment of silence, he finally broke it. Carrying his work suitcase, he started to move.
"She's in the NICU with the baby." Charlotte says and then he's walking past the two women.
"Oh, and Shepherd?" Callie called.
"Yeah?" He turns around to face her.
"It's either Red or Grey. If you're really sure about this, choose her." She smiled softly at him.
He nods before continuing his journey down the hall. Its been a week and he's taking Callie's arrival as a sign to finally tell her why he's really there. Her words echoed in his head as he paced faster. He can't wait to see her. Choose Grey or choose Red. He doesn't need to choose, not anymore because the week that he spent with her only made him sure about his choice. He has chosen her even if he's not sure that she'd choose him. Again. After all, he was a part of the crumbling of Addison Montgomery.
His journey didn't take that long as he finally reached the end of the hall. He lingers from the window for a moment, watching her as she stood there. He knew it was her because of her red hair.; she's wearing her casual clothes again, the black button-up dress that she wore this morning; her hair was down, straight but curls down, just how he likes it; she was nursing an infant. Derek was sure that it was Sloane's baby that she was holding. He didn't know what it was, but there was a feeling in his heart. That was it. He's really sure.
"Dr. Montgomery." (Shepherd, if only he fought for her) he finally builds the courage to open the sliding door, he was grinning. Seeing her holding a baby, that was his dream.
"Dr. Shepherd." She turns to meet his eyes, returning a grin before cooing to the child in her arms.
"Can I come in?" He gestures to the inside of the NICU.
"Yeah." She nods and smiles up at him again.
Derek took this as a sign to stand right next to her. Now they were both cooing to the child in her arms. And he couldn't help but smile from ear to ear, if he does it right this time, they're going to have this in their life too.
"Derek, you didn't have to go here. I was just checking up Sloane's baby." She breaks the chain of cooing between them and settles the child to his bassinette.
"No, it's fine. I actually wanted to talk to you." He says, still smiling widely at her.
"Oh, I actually was going to tell you something too." She fidgets on one of the buttons of her dress, a sign of anxiety for Addison.
"You go first." He grips on her forearm, urging her to go on.
"Sloane's giving up the child for adoption and well, uh, she offered him to me. I said yes and, in a few weeks, the baby is coming home with. I'm planning to raise him alone since I'm sure that Mark is out of the picture and I just to know if-" He cuts her off.
"No." He says firmly, his smile drifting away.
"No? Derek, as far as I know you are not my husband anymore. You have no say in what I do my life anymore." She snaps at him, but she doesn't raise her voice. They were surrounded by sleeping infants and she knew better.
He rubs the bridge of his nose; he didn't expect for her to take it the wrong way. "No, Addison. What I'm trying to say is that no, you are not going to raise that child alone if you do adopt him."
"What? Derek, I have…" she pauses, realizing what he was trying to say. "…you. I have you. Derek, what is this? What are we? What about your life in Seattle? Your job, your friends, your Grey girl. You have a life in Seattle."
"Had. I had a life in Seattle. Past tense." He tried his best to keep a straight face. They were saying the words that they said to each other before and he knows it. "This is what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Okay…" She shoos his hand off her forearm and crosses her arms to her chest. "…talk now but do it quietly because I don't want these babies to start kicking and screaming at the same time." They both chuckled at this.
"Well, before I flew out here, I turned down being chief because I saw a sign." She raises her eyebrows at him. "A sign that I could stop burning myself with work and stop running because finally, you came knocking to my world. Well, it was Naomi but still, you came back to my life unintentionally. Before Naomi called, I spent my nights thinking about you because the last time I saw you. It was different, I felt it again. It felt like I looked over the cadaver again and you were there. I saw my life with you. Addie, I know a lot has changed now but I'm more than willing to embrace change if it means that I could be with you. Again. Maybe not like the old times, but I feel like this time would be better. We're better people now, Addie. I want to be in this with you. Sacrifice for you and with you."
"W-what about your Grey girl?" Her face softens upon hearing his words.
"What about her?"
"You love her."
He reaches for cheeks and cups it in his hands. "Loved, past tense. I'm in love with you, Addie. I know its hard to believe, but I'm never choosing Grey over red again. Addie, what I'm trying to say is I choose you. I choose Red and I'd choose you over and over again. Question is, can you still choose me?"
"Derek…" Her bluish-green eyes met his pale-blue ones before a smile curls on her face. "I choose you too."
With that, he fills in the gap between them and his lips finally met with hers. He lets go of her cheeks as she wraps her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss, his hands on her waist pulling her closer. They were surrounded by beeping monitors and sleeping infants, not really the best place for a love confession, but it doesn't matter to them. Especially to Derek. What's important to him is that he's finally with the she he was asking for.
"Addie." He says breathlessly as he rests his forehead on hers.
"Hmm?" She mutters, opening her eyes.
"Do you know what this means?" He opened her eyes and meet hers.
"What do you mean?" She looks at him quizlike.
"What do you want us to be?"
"I don't know." Her eyes darting to the floor as she sighs before meeting his gaze again. "I just know I'm in love with you and I want you."
"Then I'm all yours." Both of them started grinning like lovesick teenagers.
"Even if I want you forever and always?"
"We're Addison-and-Derek. Forever and always is a part of our package." Her smile grows wilder at this. Its been so long since she's been alone and it feels good to finally be with her other half again.
He leaves another soft peck on her lips before embracing her like he hasn't done for years. He hasn't hugged anyone like this before, his body molded with hers perfectly. Almost like a glove and now he's certain that he has the right 'she' him. Addison is the she of his life again. There's nothing haunting them anymore so he can finally admit it, she was still the love of his life.
