Sorry I Couldn't be Better 7- Awake

Well holidays were fun. I swam with crocodiles. Don't worry, I didn't die…hmmmmm death by crocodiles. Had a slight slip up with my *ahem* bad habits so sorry for this delay.

Thanks are extended to MyDogsHaveIssues (so far this is a no pairing. Not many 15 year olds I know date (myself included) so at the moment Maka and Soul will just become really close friends) Super Pan-Chan (Sorry I had to, here's more) Dwmalove (did I do something wrong? Is that why you're shocked?) Sabrina Bina (awwww shucks) Guest (your review made my horrible day so much brighter. Thankyou) Laylay (so many smiles *hugs*) Darkangelily (I'm glad you picked up on that, Maka does have something else which will be revealed later) TRIX19 (OMG thankyou so much. That means a lot) and Phantom Wish (Perfect? *dies of joy*)

And to all who favourite and follow. I'd love to mention you all, seriously, but there's like so many of you! I love you all. Your support means more than you'll ever know. I mean it

And the grammar in the last chapter was appalling, I am very sorry.

Also some serious depressive thoughts. I don't want to make any of you sad so if you can't handle it, please don't read

Disclaimer: Sad depressed girls whose parents are jerks probably couldn't own Soul Eater. But keep dreaming if you are. I'm here for you, regardless of who you are!


Maka was awake.

Now you probably wouldn't view that as a problem since most of the time people are awake and exciting events generally tend to happen when someone is awake but Maka really wasn't meant to be awake. The small digital clock on the bedside table's glowing red digits showed the time to be three AM.

So yes, Maka should definitely not be awake.

But she was nonetheless. He mind kept replaying the dinner over and over again. The events that had gone on after the food fight had been broken up. They weren't really that interesting but Maka kept thinking about them.


The food had been cleared away and each of the patients involved had been given a stern but gentle scolding by Marie who had come into the room specially to deal with the aftermath. Then everyone had to apologise to the staff and other patients.

Patty had seemed cheerful enough with her apology until Kim had made a snarky comment and the girl had flown into a rage. She'd been led away by a pretty nurse with big spots on her cheeks.

BlackStar had fluffed his way through his apology, adding random comments whenever he deemed it necessary. After a sharp look from Maire, the boy had the decency to look slightly apologetic and he was allowed to sit back down.

Soul had muttered a careless apology but no one made a comment. The teen hadn't really been involved, he was more of a victim but he also hadn't done anything to stop the fight.

Liz shot everyone suspicious glances as she confidently apologised, the tone she used making it sound like she'd said the words many times before. Maka got the idea that the group of teens often caused chaos at meals.

Tsubaki stammered and stuttered her way through her apology, her face as red as a ripe tomato and her hands twisting together so that her palms became slick with sweat. She hadn't really been causing any trouble like Soul but Liz whispered something about it being part of her treatment.

Kid wasn't there for an apology. He'd started crying again and he'd been dragged away to talk to whoever his therapist was.

After the apologies were done and dusted, the remaining patients sat back down and poked listlessly at their food. Even BlackStar seemed to realise it wasn't the time to talk. Then again, it might have just been the medicine he'd taken. Liz had said it was to keep him calm.

Maka hated the silence. It was always silent at home apart from the clink of cutlery against china and the muffled chewing sounds from her parents. That was when they ate dinner together of course. Maka's parents didn't eat at home much.

The teen wanted someone to say something. The silence was ebbing into her, like soon her entire life would just be silence. It was like she was wrapped in a thick blanket that no matter how hard she struggled, she couldn't escape. She was stuck.

That was why she had jumped. Somewhere in the back of her head, Maka had hoped that she would be free if she was dead.


"No!" Maka broke herself out of her memories, sitting straight up as she did and breathing hard, trying to keep calm. "Don't go there Maka," She spoke quietly to herself but loud enough to break the silence of her room. She didn't want to drown. She wanted to soar. She just wanted to break the shell she was trapped in.

Maka had decided that she would be the person to break the shell. But she was still trapped no matter how hard she tried. The staff here thought they were helping but all they were doing was reinforcing the shell. Soon Maka would suffocate. It was only a matter of time.

The girl lay back down, staring upwards into darkness that concealed her view of the ceiling. She wondered what everyone else was doing. Did they lie awake? Or were they all so perfect that they slept without any fears or worries.

Maka had no idea that Harvar lay awake at night, terrified of nightmares that plagued him. She didn't know that Liz never fully went to sleep, that the girl woke up at least every two hours to reassure herself that she was safe. She was not aware of the fact that Jacqueline had to sleep with thick earplugs to block out the tiniest sound that might rouse her from her slumber and she certainly had no idea that right now, Soul and Kid were wandering the corridors, their insomnia prompting them to abandon their beds and walk into the night.

Maka knew nothing because she'd never bothered to ask. She didn't know how to communicate. But she also didn't want to hurt anyone. Because if her parents hated her enough to all but ignore her then certainly no one would ever like her. Because if your parents didn't love you, then who else would?

The grandparents she'd never known?

The neighbour who once waved but never did because Maka didn't wave back?

The girl at school who had once complimented Maka's hair?

Tsubaki?

Kid?

Liz?

Patty?

BlackStar?

Soul?

None of them right?

"Right?" Maka asked herself out loud to the silence and received no answer.

She never did.

It wasn't like she was expecting one. She used to ask her parents questions but they would just stare before saying in polite and formal tones, 'Children are meant to be seen and not heard.'

Was that all she was to them? Someone to bring to functions? The equivalent of a new car that you bought just so you could show off to your colleagues? A china doll that you couldn't play with, you could only watch from afar?

Was that really all that Maka was? Was she just slowly gathering dust on a shelf until her parents grew tired of her? That wasn't fair. Her parents were the ones who had decided to have her.

Or maybe you were an accident

It was the voice again, seeping its way into her brain and picking out her deepest fears.

Maybe they didn't mean to have you

That's not true

Really? But you don't even have baby photos

Cameras are expensive

Their jobs earn them a lot of money

Well then they couldn't be bothered

Because they don't love you. They don't want to bother with an accident

NO!

Maka sat up again, this time jumping out of her bed and pacing back and forth. She'd said exactly what the voice had wanted her to say, she'd slipped up, all but welcomed it into her head. The voice knew how to exploit her.

She looked over at the small clock and saw the red lines now formed 3:15. It was still a long time until morning. And there was no way she was lying back down and letting the voice speak its black words.

So that left only one option.

Walk…

Walk around the halls of the hospital. She was sure there would be at least some light and no one would be awake right? And if she was caught well…she was sick. They wouldn't get angry at her. At best they'd send her back to bed.

Maka reached for her dressing gown lying discarded on the floor and slipped it on, the sleeves a little short for her as it had been a while since she'd been shopping.

Your parents don't want to spend time or money on you

Shut up

Maka marched to the door before stopping, her hand centimeters from the knob. This was her last chance to turn back, to stay in bed and just try to sleep. She looked back at the bed but the glowing clock just gave the whole area an eerie feel to it.

Maka opened the door and slipped into the corridor, slowly shutting it behind her. The corridor was cold and the ground was icy beneath her feet. At least her breathe wasn't coming out in cloudy puffs. That would have been slightly off-putting. The corridor was dimly lit but the lights were blue making the whole thing seem like the setting of a horror movie.

"Calm down," Maka told herself. "It's better than the voice right?"

She fell silent, half expecting the voice to come back and fill her head with lies. But the corridor was silent and so was the inside of Maka's head. The teen let out a small sigh of relief before starting to walk, unsure of where she was heading.

Everything was quiet apart from the soft slap of Maka's bare feet on the floor. Maka hated silence but this one was…strangely peaceful. In fact Maka felt entirely at peace wandering the halls. It was the first time she'd felt relaxed since coming to the hospital and she was grateful. There was no chaos. No screaming BlackStar or accusing Liz or crying Kid.

But when Maka rounded the corner, she smashed right into someone and was sent tumbling backwards.

"Geeze are we going to make a habit of this?" An exasperated and annoyed voice asked.

Maka stared upwards and saw Soul standing in front of her with Kid peering out from behind him. Both the boys were dressed in just their pyjamas or what they were wearing as pyjamas. Soul was wearing a threadbare baggy t-shirt and trackies whilst Kid wore immaculate buttoned black ones.

"What…what are you doing up?" Maka struggled to get the words out quietly. "I thought I was the only one awake."

Soul laughed suddenly and the loud sound shattered the silence.

"You think you're the only one awake in a hospital for mental kids?" The boy asked incredulously. "Please, more than half of us are awake though not all of us go wandering like Kid and I and now apparently you. What are you doing up anyway?"

"I could ask you the same question." Maka hissed. "And why are you so interested in me?" Soul shrugged.

"You're new," he said in a conversational tone. "Of course we're going to be interested. The last new person was Tsubaki and that was 6 months ago."

"Plus you seem nice," Kid said from behind Soul's back. "So it'd be cool if we could be friends."

Maka stopped mid breath as her mind replayed what Kid had just said. Be…friends? She'd never had friends? Why would they want to be friends? Wouldn't they just hate her?

Of course they would. Now run away. Make them hate you

The voice was back and this time it was ordering her around, telling her what to do. It seemed too confident, so sure of itself that all Maka wanted to do was listen. Things would be better for everyone if she was left alone.

But you don't want that do you?

A strong voice, different from the first burst into her mind and Maka almost stumbled from the force of it.

"Maka?" Kid's voice sent the old voice and the new voice tumbling away. "Are…you ok?"

"Huh?" Maka wanted to say yes but all that came out was a confused sound.

"You look kinda…faint," Kid explained. "Do you have a headache?"

"No," Maka said hesitantly. "At least I don't think I do."

Soul snickered but Kid nudged him and a serious expression took the place of the smirk he'd been wearing.

"You should get back to bed." Soul said firmly. "If you faint in the hallway it'll end badly for everyone."

"I'm not going to faint." Maka said indignantly. "The light is probably just making my face look a pit paler than usual."

"It's not the light." Kid piped up.

"Thanks Kid," Maka said sarcastically. "Anyway fine, I'll go back to bed. I don't want to stand around with you guys anyway."

She spun around but not before seeing the look of hurt flash across Kid's face and the concern on Soul's.

Good…they won't bother you again

Yeah

But you want them to. You want them to care

No she doesn't

Yes she does

"You don't know me." Maka said out loud. "So how about shutting up and letting me sleep?"

And the voices fell silent, satisfied for the night.

So yeah, I found the time to update between holidays. It's the house boat today, I leave in about 1 hour. Hope this satisfies you, sorry it's short but I wanted to give you guys a chapter.

Please review so I can come home to surprises!