Sorry I Couldn't Be Better 8- Admitting is half the Battle...right?

Can I just say I am overwhelmed with all your reviews? I got back from my pretty good holiday (spare a few crappy moments that made me feel so small) to see all these amazing reviews and I all but cried.

Thanks go out to

TRIX19: I'm a huge Kid fan too so I am going to write a lot of Kid angst and Kid background…probs not in this chapter though. Sorry
sabrina bina: Amazing *blushes* Thankyou so much
Phantom Wish: The best? Oh my gosh thankyou thankyou thankyou
ChildrenAreMySoulFood: It's no prob. And I had lots of fun writing the new voice
Saltpath: I am blushing and smiling so hard right now. Thankyou for your praise
Cherryberry998: Maka is going to confess very soon…maybe even this chapter, I'll see how it goes
Laylay: Woooooooo smiles and hearts!
Guest: Kid does relate to her, you'll see soon why and I'm glad you picked up on Maka healing!
itsjustRAE: Beautiful? I am truly touched.

Plus anyone who favourites and follows! Love you all!

Disclaimer: Soul Eater is very sadly, not mine…I am a terrible drawer…


Maka yawned as she sat at the table, her eyes struggling to stay open. She was tired from her little walk last night and it was very obvious. Kid was ignoring her which she was pretending not to care about and Soul was shooting her weird glances. Maka was just lucky that no one had noticed yet. Though it probably wouldn't be too long until someone did.

"So Maka, did you get a schedule yet?" Liz asked as she sniffed her apple. She put it down untouched eventually, obviously unhappy with some aspect of it.

"Schedule?" Maka asked quizzically, finishing her mouthful of yoghurt before she answered the question.

"Yeah," Patty cut in, strangely low key. "They're all pretty much the same apart from our individual therapy sessions." The bipolar girl was making a stack of grapes on her plates which Kid was fussing over.

Maka shrugged as a reply and focused on her yoghurt, scooping big spoonful's before flipping the utensil over and letting the food fall back into the bowl with a splat. Soul shot her another look and Maka quickly looked away. She could feel his eyes burning into the back of her neck.

He's worried about you

So?

So tell him to get lost

Why?

Because then you can be alone

But you don't want to be alone

Yes she does

Stop it!

"Maka here comes Nygus," Liz nudged the depressed teen. "Looks like she has your schedule."

Maka shook her head to clear it and looked over to where Liz was pointing vaguely. The brown skinned nurse was walking over with a piece of paper in her hand and Tsubaki following behind. It was only now that Maka realised the stuttering teen hadn't been at the table. Neither was BlackStar come to think of it. No one had offered any explanation or been vaguely worried so it must have been normal.

"Hello Maka, you look a bit tired. Didn't sleep well last night?" Nygus all but picked Maka to pieces in seconds.

"Uh I slept okay." Maka muttered, looking down and willing her cheeks to stay pale. The blush would have surely given her away.

"Right," Nygus gave her a long look. Soul glanced at her again and now Kid was, a frown plastered on his face. "Well here's your schedule. Please see me if you have any complaints." She walked off with Tsubaki trailing after her, the shy girl waving before she left.

"What's Tsubaki doing?" Maka questioned, slightly curious as to why the girl hadn't sat down with her friends.

Why do you care?

I…don't know

Do you want to tease her? I can help

…No

You paused

…No

And again

Shut up!

Or what? You'll cry?

…No

Leave her alone. She wants to help the girl

I do?

See! She doesn't know what she wants. That's why her parents hate her!

"SHUT UP!" Maka screamed out loud. "Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" With a swipe of her hand, Maka sent her bowl flying which smashed to the floor sending shards of pottery and splatters of yoghurt flying.

"Maka?" Liz was backing away whilst she shielded a scared Patty behind her. "Calm down girl. You'll upset Jacqueline with the noise."

"Make them shut up." Maka begged. "Please Liz, please."

"I…I don't know what you mean." The teen's eyes were shifting back and forth, looking for a way to escape.

"The voices!" Maka cried. "They won't leave me alone!"

"Maka calm down. Everything will be alright." It was Soul! Soul who helped her to her feet. Soul who led her out of the room whilst everyone stared on. Soul who led her to Marie where Maka took one look at Marie's concerned face and burst into tears. It was Soul who slipped away whilst Maka tried and failed to not cry.

Marie sat the teen down in a comfy arm chair with a blanket and cup of hot chocolate which Maka ignored. Her tears had dried up now though her eyes were still red and puffy. The girl licked her dry lips and stared around the room awkwardly, taking in the bright posters, pictures and books which she quickly forgot about.

"So Maka, tell me everything." Marie said gently. "I need to know or you can never go home. You've been managing up until now. What happened?"

"I don't…I decided to pretend to get better." Maka sighed, sick of the act she was failing to keep. It was hopeless. They obviously didn't believe her. "But then there were these voices. I don't know where they came from but they're in my head. There's two of them. They keep talking to me, telling me things…" She broke off.

"Telling you what things?" Marie asked, her hand flying across a note pad, pen in grasp. Maka found herself not upset about the fact that Marie was analysing her and writing down everything she said.

"Telling me things that are true." Maka wailed. "They're both true. And I hurt Kid and Tsubaki and Soul and everyone and I hurt myself and I don't know what to say and I scared Jaqueline. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm scared. I'm letting my parents down. I'm letting everyone down. What gives me the right to take my life? I just don't know and no one will give me answers. It's not fair. I didn't ask for this! How do I get better? I'm sorry I couldn't be better!"

Silence fell over the small office. Marie stopped writing and put down the pad. She didn't look annoyed though. She just looked sad and very weary like she'd been fighting a battle for a long time only to lose at the last moment. Maka looked down at her hands. She suddenly felt very hot, like she was suffocating. She hadn't meant to blurt everything out. It just…happened.

"I…I'm sorry," Maka muttered. "I'll leave."

"No Maka it's alright," Marie seemed to have found her voice. "I was just surprised and a little upset that you feel that way. No one should have to be that upset."

Maka stayed silent, unsure of what to say or how to reply. She didn't deserve it? But…why else would her parents leave her alone? Were they testing her?

"Maka you also asked how do you get better just before." Marie said softly.

"I did?" Maka couldn't remember half of what she said; just that she felt more…relaxed. Like she'd dropped something she'd been carrying for a long time. She said everything she wanted to say.

"Yes and well, I could help you if you'd give me the chance." Marie offered, holding out a hand to Maka and smiling. She was so sincere, so gentle that Maka felt like crying again. Was this what it was like to have a mother who loved you?

"Um…I'd like that." Maka said shyly before sitting up straighter. "I want to get better!"

"Great," Marie laughed. "First step, telling others."

"WHAT?!"


Maka stared awkwardly at the people sitting in the circle with her. Tsubaki, Liz, Patty, Soul, Kid and BlackStar. They were all quiet for once, fixing her with expectant looks. Marie was there too and Azusa. The stern therapist had been quietly talking with Marie and occasionally glancing over at Maka.

"So tell me again what we're doing." Maka grumbled, shooting uncomfortable looks at each person.

"Telling others why you're here is something that helps you admit your problems. Kid skipped this step." Here Azusa shot the teen a glare who replied with a sheepish smile and an awkward shrug. "But apart from that, everyone has at least told two or more people why they're here. We find it helps when it comes to therapy. And that's what you're about to do Maka if you feel up to it."

Maka took a moment to think about this. Was she ready to tell everyone? If it meant she could get better and please her parents then she had to do it. But how would they react? None of them had depression right.

"Whenever you're ready Maka." Marie broke the train of thought with her gentle words. Maka wanted to shoot her the evil eye but she resisted, instead taking a deep breath and standing up.

"Well I'm in here…I'm in here because I…" Maka just couldn't get the words out. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't say it. Why…damn it why?

Think of getting better Maka

Or just stay silent. It's better that way

Why?

Because then no one will have to hear your voice

Don't let it win Maka. Say it. Tell everyone. They deserve to know.

"I'm in here because I'm depressed and I tried to kill myself." Maka said in a rush. She could feel tears leaking out of her eyes. "I jumped off a building. My house."

Silence fell over the room much like it had when Maka had poured out her heart to Marie. Suddenly the teen couldn't bear it. She turned and ran from the room, ignoring the shouts for her to come back. She couldn't bear it anymore.

What were you expecting? Hugs? Congratulations?

I don't know

Well that's ok right? Not knowing is part of the adventure of life

Adventures often end in death

They do?

Oh yes. Every trip is doomed to fail.

Don't listen! Don't believe it!

"But then who do I believe?" Maka asked. "Who's going to tell me the truth?"

"Maka wait!" A voice yelled, familiar yet hard to place. Maka risked a look over her shoulder as she ran and saw Liz chasing after her.

"Go away!" Maka yelled. "Why are you following me? You don't trust me!"

"I was sent to bring you back." Liz called back as she tried to catch up to Maka. "It was just a random choice."

"I don't want to go back!" Maka protested loudly. "You all think I'm a freak. You sat there and said nothing after I'd just made the biggest confession of my life."

That's right. Push her away. She's not worth the trouble

"We didn't know what to say Maka!" Liz shot back. "Maka WAIT!" The volume of the shout made Maka freeze though she refused to turn around and look at Liz.

"We didn't know what to say." Liz repeated. "What could we say to make you feel better? We all have problems but we can't all relate. It's not like we know what it's like to be depressed. We all have different issues, different reasons why we're here but we share one main thing in common right now. We're worried for you Maka. Tsubaki's crying. BlackStar is actually silent! And you're scaring my sister! And you're scaring me." Her voice softened. "I don't want to see you like this Maka. It's bad enough seeing Kid like this. Don't make me…don't make us go through this. Maka please come back."

Maka slowly turned to see the blonde teen standing there, tears also leaking down her cheeks.

"I know it hurts Maka. I know it's not fair. I grew up on the streets. I did anything I could to keep my sister safe. And look where we ended up." Liz laughed bitterly. "But if you keep it inside you, if you push us away well…you just make it worse. For everyone. So just come back with me and we can all talk about it. Together."

Maka took a step forward and saw Liz smile, one of relief and something else Maka couldn't distinguish. And for some reason, Maka hated herself even more. She'd made the paranoid girl cry. That wasn't right. She was here to solve her own problems, not cause more for the others.

Maka turned and ran again. And this time she didn't stop until she was sure she wouldn't be found.


It's silent again. Her parents must be out. Like always.

There's no note on the fridge. When she opens it however, a ready-made pasta meal sits there in its cardboardy goodness glory. The fridge holds nothing else she could make a meal out of unless she felt like salad dressings and blocks of cheese.

She ignores the pasta, not hungry as always. She's learnt to survive on little. She'd not underfed…but her choices are often dismal.

She walks down the corridor towards her parents' bedroom. Dust coats the floorboards. No one has cleaned in a while. The door creaks as she pushes it but it does little to shatter the blanket of silence that has settled over the house.

She wants to keep pushing the door until the creaks build up…but she can't. She needs to use her time wisely. She needs to see if her parents have any evidence of loving her when she was little. Perhaps they loved her when she was a baby but she did something to upset them.

She's done this before, with different sections of the room. Today she's going to look in their bedside tables. Maybe they'll have the odd card, photo, drawing. Maybe she'll find some proof that she's loved.

Her hands tremble as she approaches her dad's bedside table. The top holds a lamp and a clock. There's no sign of anyone using it. It might as well be a bedside table in a hotel.

Detached…

She opens the single draw. Spare contacts, a few odd receipts. Dust…lots of it. No sign of anything to do with her.

She shuts the draw door with a thud, welcoming the brief sound before silence falls again. It is as if sound is someone beneath a blanket, the blanket being silence. When you move, the blanket moves with you before adjusting. When you make noise, the silence is broken before returning fully repaired.

It's time to check her mother's side. She's still clinging to hope, still believing she'll find something. She opens the door more hurriedly this time, desperate to find something.

A lace handkerchief, a couple of copper bangles, a pair of scissors and a tube of moisturiser.

Nothing…

Just like there was nothing with the TV cabinet or the walk in robe or the tall boy or the antique chest.

There'll never be anything.

Because they don't love her.

And they never will.


Maka woke up to darkness. It didn't scare her. She was used to it. At home, she often fell asleep to pass time because there was nothing else to do. She'd ran and ran after she'd left Liz until she'd found a store cupboard. This must be where she was now.

But when she sat up, she realised she was lying in her bed and that scared her. Who had moved her? How had they found her?

Little baby all alone, all afraid

What?

Got some bad news for you

What is it?

You really want to know?

…Yes

Are you sure?

Push it out Maka. Don't listen

But the news…it's bad right?

Very bad

"Maka!" Marie burst into the room. "Oh good you're awake. I'm sorry dear but this is an emergency. Kid is missing!"

Short chapter. So sorry for being short.

Please review! Also I kind of get caught up with the voices. They're so fun to write!