Sorry I Couldn't be Better 12- Crumbled Envelope
And we're back for another instalment of Sicbb or Siccb as I was calling it for a while…where are the two c's? I'm a very sick potato right now and highly contagious…fun times. This means I experience really, really weird dreams when I sleep. Yay!
And I went on Jesus camp as my school calls it and it was the worst thing ever. I was still sick, got terrible cramps, my dorm was the loudest thing in the world and I skipped lunch on the final day and fell asleep on a couch and I fear photos may have been taken. O.O
Thanks to
ChildrenAreMySoulFood: hehe yeah…*awkward silence*
GakuenLME: I hope that's not bad
Mjus: Wow I was not expecting that but wow. That's really clever and you're sort of right…can't tell you where because spoilers! Good job though! And I have four pretty small cups. I'm sure spiders could drink out of them!
INGENman: XD laughing so hard at the Maka pfft part of your review. I showed my friend and she died laughing too…also taste? Tobias?
Phantom Wish: I love to make questions, that means you always want to read the next chapter! Hope you enjoy!
Dwmalove: Yup, Star was the one to apologise. I wanted to show another side of him.
sabrina bina: Awwwww thankyou. That's what I'm aiming for so it's nice to hear it…see it…um
Blonde-And-Quirky: Wow, your review was so nice *blushing like a fool* Thankyou
One Is Vexed: I love Animorphs! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! I'm glad you like his appearance in the story!
Nerdangel1600: That sounds terrible. Rude teacher. Ima hunt them down!
Bottlecaps: I hope it's a good interesting! Glad you like!
And to all the lovely people who favourite and follow, you are all amazing!
Disclaimer: Do I need to do these anymore…yes…*clears throat* Attention all readers, I do not, could not and will not ever own Soul Eater!
When Maka woke, she was greeted with a white roof. Whoever had painted said roof had been very good at the job, the surface smooth to look upon and the strokes all blending together. They must have been a professional.
She shook her head the moment she thought this, the pillow rustling beneath her. Why was she over-analysing the roof? Did she have something more than just depression? Did depressed people ponder the effort put into painting a roof?
Maka groaned, annoyed at herself and rolled over. Golden eyes stared straight at her from another bed.
"Crap!" Maka sat straight up as shock coursed through her body. "Damnit Kid why'd you do that?"
"Do what?" Kid blinked innocently though Maka got the feeling he really didn't know what he'd done. He'd always spoken rather politely and almost blankly like he wasn't aware his words had any effect on anyone.
"Nothing, you just…startled me." Maka had been about to say scared but that wasn't the right word for it. Fear was what had struck her right before she jumped. Being scared was when she'd first heard the voice and after she'd had the awful nightmare. Kid wasn't scary, he'd just surprised her. Saying he scared her could be taken the wrong way. Kid did seem awfully sensitive.
"Sorry," Kid apologised mournfully. "I'm a terrible person aren't I?"
"What, no." Maka protested, a bit surprised that Kid hated himself and annoyed at herself for putting the boy down in his mind. Didn't he just have OCD? Then again, what had Azusa said?
'He has severe OCD and…other illnesses.'
Of course! The world wasn't just black and white with nothing in-between. It came in shades. You were never just happy or just sad or just angry or just depressed. You never had one illness because it was always a mixture of things that led to you falling ill. There were building blocks, small ones and big ones alike stacking up to create you and your personality. A tree is made up of not just bark but leaves as well and sometimes blossoms. And bark had layers to it, hidden ones that could only be seen when you peeled away the top part.
OCD did not define Kid and it certainly wasn't the only reason he was in DWMA. Just like Maka had more than just depression or at least she had a whole array of types of depression if that made sense. Maka was not some dish of boring vanilla ice-cream. There were sprinkles there too.
Okay the weird analogies had to stop.
"You gave up out there." Kid snapped Maka out of her train of thought which she'd become quite proud of despite how bizarre they were. "That kid shouldn't have been able to rile you up out there."
"What do you know?" Maka snapped, not happy with the direction Kid had guided the conversation in. "You gave up before. You ran away."
"I didn't give up, I just took a break." Kid admitted. "You never win a race by putting one hundred percent effort into it. You need to slow down, enjoy the feelings, get help from people around you. Then you can continue until you cross the line."
"That's awfully deep but what's your point?" Maka lay back down and kept her eyes on the ceiling she'd been analysing.
"You've stopped running." Kid said sadly. "You've left the track. You've given up!"
"No I haven't!" Maka found herself yelling. She hadn't given up…had she?
As long as I'm around you'll never get anywhere
"Why can't I quit the race?" Maka went along with Kid's metaphor for the sake of it. "Why can't I just find another way round it?"
"Because that's not the answer."
"WHY?" Maka was on her feet before she knew it, the covers spread out on the floor like a pool of white blood. "Why is it not the answer? Why can't I just give up? Why can't I stop?"
"Because," Kid said sadly from his bed. "Because if you stop, you stop nowhere but if you keep going you might get somewhere."
The group were waiting outside the infirmary yet again, minus one person because now, just like they'd been waiting for news on Kid, they were now waiting for news on Maka.
"What actually happened?" Liz asked, breaking the silence. She and Patty had been on the other side of the garden, hiding among some flower beds and by the time they'd heard the commotion and come out, Maka was gone and the weird blonde boy was just being taken away by third floor doctors.
"I kinda saw," BlackStar admitted. "From my tree. I saw Maka run into the maze and the boy spoke to her. Next thing I knew she was spazzing out and screaming for help. He collapsed after she did. That's when Marie and the others came running."
"P-poor Maka," Tsubaki said sadly. "I t-though she was doing okay."
"No one is ever doing okay in here." Soul said harshly. "Sorry," he added as an afterthought when he saw Tsubaki's face crumple.
Footsteps warned them of someone approaching and an older woman, probably a nurse or therapist though no one recognized her appeared. She was clutching an envelope and looking quite pitying. Liz moved to hide behind her sister, startled and paranoid of the appearance of the stranger.
"Yeah?" Soul asked as she finally stopped in front of them, biting her lip, obviously hesitant to speak.
"You're Maka's…" She broke off.
"Friends," Liz finished the sentence firmly despite the fact she was partially hidden and Patty nodded her agreement.
"Right well I'm a therapist form the third floor. This is for Maka." She held out the envelope quite timidly and Soul took it.
"I'll make sure she gets it." He assured her, pocketing the crisp white paper pouch.
"Right," The therapist repeated. "Nice meeting you." She left just as quickly as she'd come.
"Well that was weird." Patty said, staring after the disappearing figure.
"Nah, she's probably trying to make sure Maka doesn't try suing them or something like that." BlackStar leant back in his chair.
"I don't think Maka has the money or power to sue." Liz remarked, twisting a lock of hair between her fingers. Her comment went unanswered and silence fell over the group once more.
A startled yelp from the room and them all on their feet however, wondering if they could enter the room and Marie wouldn't find out. The blonde therapist was currently talking to Stein who had ordered over the intercom that she come and report to him.
"It's probably nothing." Liz said moments after they'd heard the cry. "Maka probably woke up and Kid was staring right at her like he normally does. I mean, remember that time we had the sleepover in the lounge room?"
"Oh yeah," Soul jumped on board as he recalled the event Liz was talking about. "And BlackStar and Kid were next to each other."
"Guys don't." BlackStar pleaded but his protests fell on deaf ears. The group were dying to share the story and since Tsubaki hadn't been at the hospital when the event had gone down, they had the perfect excuse to share the story.
"So BlackStar despite his claims that he was going to stay up all night falls asleep first." Liz continued, nudging the sheepish looking boy. "He sleeps with a teddy bear." Tsubaki giggled and BlackStar flushed red.
"And one by one we all fall asleep except Kid and me." Soul took up the next part of the story. "Because of our insomnia."
"I woke up right before it happened." Liz explained to Tsubaki. "Because I…" She stopped for a moment to control the laughter that was escaping as she spoke. "Because I get paranoid and when I woke up, I knocked my torch over."
"It didn't make a really loud noise, just a dull thud but BlackStar opened his eyes." Soul cut in, desperate to share the funniest part of the story. "And Kid," he broke of laughing.
"Kid's just staring right at him." Liz spluttered. "And his eyes were kinda glowing in the dim light because he's creepy like that."
"And BlackStar just screamed." Soul burst out laughing when he finished this. It was completely out of character for him but the memory was too funny to not laugh at.
"And he woke everyone up." Patty suddenly added. "Including me because I'm everyone!"
"Um right," Tsubaki shot a glance at the crimson cheeked BlackStar who was currently staring furiously at the ground, his fists clenched. "V-very funny." To be honest, the girl hadn't thought it was as funny as Soul and Liz had made it out to be but it was probably one of those 'you had to be there' moments. Was it weird that she was upset she hadn't been there? The others seemed to have such a strong connection and now she felt like she was sitting on the outside or watching a movie she hadn't played a part in.
Suddenly the sound of Maka yelling filled the corridor. What she was saying was lost due to the walls and door that separated but it was obvious Kid had said something to anger the girl. Silence was quick to follow however leaving the group confused and desperate to know what was happening.
"Where is Marie?" Liz complained, looking down the corridor. "Stein didn't want a report on Kid."
"He probably got it from someone else." Soul said lazily, leaning back in his chair and staring blankly at the ceiling. "But Marie was on site for the incident so she's the best person to ask."
"Whatever," Liz grumbled, annoyed at how oblivious she'd been to the obvious answer to her question. "Someone else should be here then."
"And that's why I'm here." A firm and steady voice said, surprising them all and causing Liz to shriek and duck under Soul's chair. "Again Liz, really?"
It was Azusa who was standing there in her neat blouse and skirt with her pointy heels and black framed glasses.
"Hello ZuZu!" Patty laughed, earning herself an exasperated yet rather fond glare.
"Yes hello Patty." The therapist said patiently. "And Liz we'll work on that later." Liz muttered something under her breath as she pulled herself out from under the chair but chose not the voice it loud enough for Azusa to hear.
"Did you hear what happened?" BlackStar asked, tugging at his t-shirt.
"Yes I did." The therapist stated. "I was just talking to Loren, the therapist from floor three who I believe spoke to you. She told me everything on my request."
Patty giggled at the very formal way of speaking but fell silent when Liz nudged her. Azusa was now looking at Soul as if waiting for something.
"She told me everything Soul Evans." She said to the teen who sighed and pulled out the envelope, now slightly crinkled due to being stuffed in his pocket. Azusa took it from him and without another word, pushed open the door to the infirmary and vanished inside.
Maka turned her head towards the door upon hearing it open. After Kid had told her about getting somewhere, she'd climbed back into her temporary bed and turned away from him, pressing her head into the mattress and trying to blank everything out. The voices had stayed away. She was glad for this. Right now, she didn't want to talk to anyone.
It seemed Azusa hadn't gotten the mental request.
"Hello Maka, good to see you're awake. And hello Kid, you're still in here I see." Azusa moved swiftly through the greetings before gracefully pulling a chair up and sitting or rather perching on it. She crossed one leg over the other giving her a delicate appearance and surveyed both teens over the top of her glasses.
"Why are you here?" Maka was very abrupt in asking. If she was going to be questioned, she would have preferred Marie.
"Marie is busy." Azusa also possessed the magical therapist mind reading ability. "So you have me instead. Sorry to disappoint you."
Maka struggled to keep her face straight, dismayed that Azusa was able to read her so easily. Why wasn't she picking on Kid? A quick glance in the boy's direction showed he'd propped himself up on some pillows and was waiting patiently for Azusa to get to the point.
Maka suddenly realised she was lying down so she pulled herself up into a sitting position too. This was what Azusa had apparently been waiting for because she immediately launched into speech.
"So Maka, I'm sure you want to know what happened to Tobias, the boy who caused the incident."
Maka in fact did not want to know what happened to the boy. It was all his fault that she was stuck in the infirmary with the 'oh so wise' Kid and the 'oh so smart' Azusa. Then again, those words were basically the same thing.
"Yeah I guess." Maka mumbled. She could feel Kid's eyes boring into her and it unnerved her. What was so damn fascinating about her?
"He was admitted to the third floor infirmary for blood loss and is expected to make a full physical recovery. He was asked to write you a letter so here." Azusa leant forward and placed a slightly crumpled white envelope on the equally crumpled sheet that covered Maka. The teen girl stared at it blankly. She didn't want to read it, she had no interest in it.
"Is it an apology?" She asked finally.
"I wouldn't know," Azusa rose to her feet. "It is confidential, the contents is between you and him only unless either of you willingly wish to share."
"Where are you going?" Kid spoke for the first time since the black haired therapist has arrived.
"I have a meeting." Azusa glanced at her fancy silver wrist watch. "With a parent. Goodbye Maka, Kid." She marched to the door and then, she was gone.
"Are you going to read it?" Kid glanced at the envelope and then up at Maka's face. Her reluctance was there, plain as day.
"I don't want to." Maka grumbled. "He's probably just writing what he thinks I want to hear. I don't want fake apologies."
"I think you're scared." Kid said seriously but Maka was oh so fed up with him playing at being a therapist. She was however, smart enough now to ask him nicely to stop.
"Kid please, I've just been through a lot. Can I just have a few moments to just think quietly?"
Kid nodded and lay back down, turning away and burrowing deeper under the blankets till all that was visible was his mop of black, white streaked hair.
Maka took a breathe and reached forward, picking up the envelope between two fingers and holding it up in front of her eyes like it was interesting specimen. With the help of light streaming in from a small window, she could see the black outline of hastily scribble words. She could make out the sentence 'don't want apologies' and this was enough to wash away her hesitance at reading the letter. She had to know what Tobias had written.
She slid a finger under the sticky seal, failing to open it smoothly and resorting to tearing it apart until she was surrounded by scatterings of envelope. She unfolded the flimsy paper and began to read.
You don't want apologies, I know that. I wouldn't want them either. I don't want pity because I don't exist to be pitied. You can relate to this can't you? I could see it in your eyes. If you wanted pity, you wouldn't have tried to fly. You would have called for help, dropped hints. But you ended up here and now all you get is pity.
Let it all go. I've learnt to blank them all out. One day I'll succeed. I know you can to though I don't know what you want to succeed in. You seem unsure. Maybe I'll see you some oth...
The letter ended so abruptly and so strangely. Maka let her hand open and the letter drift from it to rest on the bed. The words stared up at her.
You seem unsure
And she was.
What did she want anymore? Was it death? Or life? Friends? Or family? A home? Or the hospital?
Why couldn't someone hand her the answers on a silver plate? Why were there so many choices? She wanted a clear path to walk upon even if it was one she didn't like. Maka didn't want these responsibilities. She just wanted to be guided along. It was too tiring to do anything else.
Maka lay back and surrendered to the black abyss of sleep.
And that's all for this chapter.
I was just thinking, do you think I need a beta reader or am I doing ok on my own? Please tell me your thoughts.
So yeah, please review!
