Sorry I Couldn't be Better 18- Going Home
So I was depressed and decided to write because that's how my brain works. Simple really.
But this took forever and I'm so sorry. I was moping around for a while being depressed and then I had to give my school laptop back leaving me with two things to work on. The main computer which possesses a silly keyboard and nearly everything I write is spelt wrong or the family laptop which likes to swap the uses of keys around. I've sucked it up and am writing on the family laptop.
I extend many thanks to…
Hoshi star88: No totally not *sweats nervously too*
BloodyBullets648: I'm quite fond of plot twists
ChildrenAreMySoulFood: I love angst, it's usually all I ever read. Or humour…sometimes. *lets you hug me* I like hugs. And I'm glad it helps you!
Dwmalove: Aww thanks, I'm always worrying about it
S1T2A3R4: No, thankyou
CharaHoney-Chan: Aww shucks
Sol's Darkness: Aww *blushing like crazy now* I will check it out, it sounds great. And If I really enjoy it I'll drag my friends into it.
Guest 1: My therapist (really just a counsellor actually) just ends up making things hella awkward so I always like to deal with things with my friends, I guess that's why I had Soul and Maka help Kid. I hope I can answer everything you're curious to know
Guest 2: Aww thanks. I'm glad it helps. I just really think we shouldn't discriminate who has problems
Tenshoru: Wow, thanks. I'm sure you're a great writer though. Don't base your worth on others.
InkDreamer24: Aww *smiles and blushes like crazy* Can I find you and hug you?
Guest 3: Aww…I'm saying that a lot. But you're review was so nice and so motivating
Guest 4: Really? Sometimes I worry I let people down with chapters so I'm glad you think they get better
Sabrina bina: Yah me too. And yeah, poor Kid. I think he needs a hug
Mjus: Sorry if I confused you. I'm gonna PM you at some point so I can go into depth with your reply but for now, thanks for reviewing. I love seeing the alert in my inbox that says I have a review from you.
And of course to all the lovely people who support this fic by pressing the follow or favourite button or even both. Hugs and love for all of you.
Disclaimer: I never claimed to own Soul Eater…at least I don't think I ever did
Family…
Family…
'A group consisting of two parents and their children living together as a unit.'
That was a definition from a dictionary she'd once memorized. There had been one word she'd stumbled over when she'd read that passage.
Together…
What did that mean? She'd flipped over to 't' and scanned the pages until she'd found together.
'With or in proximity to another person or people.'
But didn't together mean that you were in a relationship? Wasn't together meant to be a special word, hold a spark, make you feel happy?
Basically both the definitions were stating you didn't have a connection with your family. Was it some law that you only had a child to carry on making more children so the world stayed populated?
But then what about all the happy children at school whose parents picked them up to get ice-cream or took them out of class to go on holidays? Was Maka the only one with parents who ignored her very existence bar giving her the basic things she need to the live?
"Maka," Marie's calm but slightly baffled voice drew her out of her flashback of sorts. "It's your turn sweetie."
"Right," Maka's mouth was dry and though her hands were still in her lap, her whole body buzzed with nerves. "Um…family…yeah." She licked her lips and frowned, trying to come up with anything to say.
Anything…
"My parents are together…" Maka drew the sentence out, making it sound almost like a question. Were they together? Did they have a connection? Did they love each other?
"Anything else Maka?" Marie asked, yet again stopping Maka from continuing her mental questioning.
"Mum's an emergency dentist." Maka said in a detached voice, reciting what she'd said every year at school on careers day. "And I'm not sure what dad does."
She was done right? She'd said all she needed to say. Now they could move on. Liz could talk and they could just forget about Maka and her oh so perfect parents.
"Anything else you'd like to say?" Marie said, fixing her eyes on Maka. Oh no she wasn't. She was not doing this. She knew why Maka was depressed, she knew it was her parents and Marie wanted her to say that. In front of everyone. In front of people who didn't know about her depression.
There was no way she was saying it.
"I'm good." Maka said firmly, her eyes meeting Marie's, almost like a challenge. "That's about it really."
"Okay well thank you Maka." Marie sealed the matter with her words, moving on to Liz in her usual perky way. Maka shifted in her seat, feeling eyes burning a hole in her neck. Probably Soul. He seemed smart enough to have noticed the mini confrontation between herself and Marie.
"Can Patty and I do it together?" Liz was asking, her hand holding Patty's tightly.
"Sure," Marie smiled. "Thunder and Fire did."
"Okay," Liz's smile widened just a bit, her eyes flickering around the room as usual. "Well Patty and I grew up on the streets so we don't really know our parents."
"I have an older sister called Liz!" Patty said enthusiastically and the weird thing was that it came across to Maka that Patty was saying this seriously, as if no one knew that Liz was her older sister.
"We did have a rabbit for a while." Liz said thoughtfully, tapping her index finger on her chin.
"But it ran away." Patty finished, physically drooping as she said this.
"Yeah," Liz shifted in her seat, glancing over at Maka. "It was really sad."
Maka suddenly frowned as a thought struck her. Here she was, feeling bad for herself because her parents didn't love her but…she had parents. They hadn't abandoned her at least. They'd done some nice things for her.
Liz and Patty had lived on the streets. They didn't know who had brought them into the world and who was supposed to love them. They probably woke up some mornings wondering if their mum and dad had even loved them.
And here Maka was getting all depressed because hers ignored her.
But a sob broke her from her thoughts and she turned to see Tsubaki shivering in her seat, tears slowly filling up in her eyes and overflowing, rolling down her cheeks. BlackStar was staring at her in shock, his eyes full of worry and fear and the next thing Maka knew, the blue haired boy was out of the room. He was gone, just like that.
"Oh Tsu I'm sorry." Marie was on her feet. "Everyone do you mind um…following BlackStar's lead? We'll have to finish early. Just go to the usual place. Sorry about this everyone."
Everyone filed out, chatting away normally as if this kind of thing occurred often. But then again, it probably did when you brought a room of mentally unstable kids together and forced them to talk about things that brought back bad memories.
Maka walked with Kid and Soul. Soul was looking out the windows as they passed them, his brow creased as he thought about something. Kid was shuffling along slowly, wincing at startling noises as if he expected Asura to start screaming again.
"What happened?" Maka asked to Soul, not really sure why she was since she had been right there but he obviously knew more about Tsubaki then she did.
"Tsubaki…had a brother." Soul said hesitantly. He was back to looking sick and pale as if the evacuation of the room had sapped his energy.
"Had?" Maka questioned.
"Had," Soul confirmed.
"I take it that it's a sensitive topic." Maka sighed as they all trooped along to the Rec Room.
"Yeah," Soul said shortly. "But everyone here has a sensitive topic we'd rather not talk about." He paused for a moment. "Except maybe Ox. I think he's just self-centred."
"I dunno," Maka frowned, looking over at the boy who was babbling away to Harvar who had a slight smile on his face. "I think…he has a sensitive topic too."
As if Ox could feel them staring, he spun around and pointed a finger at them.
"I know you can't help but talk about how awesome I am but I am having a conversation and your attraction to me is putting me off." Soul rolled his eyes and Maka tried for an apologetic smile. Her eyes flickered over to Harvar who shrunk in on himself and tugged on Ox's arms shyly, begging him to move on. The boy complied, sticking his tongue out and marching onwards with Harvar scurrying behind him.
They all made it to the Rec Room without any dramas and the groups all split up. Patty, Liz, Maka, Soul and Kid quickly claimed the squishy armchairs, Patty instantly staring the conversation by asking where BlackStar was. Maka sunk back into the plush warmth of the chair and shrugged.
"But why did he run off like that?" Patty pressed, leaning forward. "Is he scared of tears?"
"Don't be silly Patty." Liz said crossly.
"He'll come back in his own time." Soul remarked, leaning back in his chair. Next to him Kid had curled up and was watching them with his creepy gold eyes. The rest of his face was hidden by his legs and arms that were pulled up to his chin.
"What do you think we'll get for dinner tonight?" Everyone jumped as Kilik popped up, seemingly from nowhere. He wore a bright smile, a big difference from his sullen mood in the meeting.
"No vegetables?" Patty questioned cheerfully.
"Hey, who thinks it was stupid that we had to talk about family?" Kim joined in the conversation, marching over with Jacqueline trailing behind.
"Me," everyone said at the same time though Soul just lazily raised an arm. Everyone was migrating towards the group, dragging chairs or sitting in the free armchairs. Maka pushed her way further into the armchair, uncomfortable by the sudden increase of people. She wasn't used to this.
"I feel bad for Tsubaki," Jacqueline whispered. "But I'm glad I didn't have to speak."
Harvar nodded his agreement and shifted his chair so that he was closer to Ox.
"It's to do with her brother isn't it?" Ox said, strangely sombre for once, shocking Maka but adding to her theory that Ox also had a sensitive topic he hid.
"Of course it is." Liz sighed, her eyes flickering to the clock. "That stupid jerk…"
"Shh…" Kid hushed her. "Tsubaki loved him very much." It was the first thing the boy had said in ages so Liz listened and kept her mouth shut, the group descending into an awkward silence because of this.
"Are here you are." Azusa marched into the room. "Early dinner tonight. We're watching a movie. And would someone get Crona? They're in their room."
"I'll get them." Kim volunteered.
"Thankyou for offering Kim but…we need you in the dining room as soon as possible." Azusa said carefully.
"What?" Kim spluttered. "Why? I'm not going to steal anything. I've stopped, I swear."
"We know Kim." Azusa said. "That's why we need you in the dining room now."
"Fine," Kim grumbled, looping her arm through Jacqueline's and dragging the girl up. "Let's go."
"Kilik will you go?" Azusa asked, her tight facial features forming into one of fondness. Okay what the hell? Maka had seen all the therapists looking fondly at Kilik. Did they have some sort of special connection?
And there was that word again. Connection. Connection. Connection.
"Maka," Patty was waving a hand in front of her face. "Come on."
"Uh right," Maka shook her head. "Sorry I…zoned out."
Connection…
There was a tense air at dinner. Stein had been seen flittering past the door and it was obvious there was going to be some big news. Medicine was delivered and taken (reluctantly) and the residents settled down to eat, tonight's menu including pasta, lamb and a vegetarian bake.
Maka poked absently at her pasta, not really hungry. She glanced around at the occupants of her table and noticed that nearly everyone was just poking at their food. Well everyone but Patty who was yet again stacking her food up, this time making a pyramid out of the vegetarian bake that Liz had pushed aside after a few bites.
"Why isn't BlackStar sitting with us?" The tower making girl looked up, shoving a thumb in the direction of BlackStar who was sitting with Ox and Harvar, listening quietly to Ox babbling away as usual.
"And he's being quiet." Liz noted, perking up at the chance of conversation.
"It's m-my fault." Tsubaki stated, suddenly appearing from apparently nowhere and sitting down, placing a plate of vegetarian bake in front of her. "S-sorry about before."
"It's not your fault."Soul sighed. "You couldn't help it."
Maka wanted to chip in with reassuring things too but before she could even open her mouth, Stein all but flew into the room, his coat flying dramatically as he skidded to a stop.
Silence fell over the room as if someone had flicked a switch. Even Ox fell silent straight away without having to have someone tug on his arm or flick him.
"I have some special news for you all!" Stein said triumphantly. "I'm sure you're all going to be overjoyed." He waved his hands almost comically.
"Well hurry up and tell it." Kim snapped from her table, Jacqueline next to her giggling nervously.
"Very well Ms Kim," Stein gave her an odd little bow. "One of you here is being discharged!"
What? Someone was...going home? Someone was leaving this place, going back into the world because they were deemed 'better.'
Maka...
Oh no, not you again
I know what you're thinking Maka
Go away
You're hoping it's you. You're hoping that if you show your parents that you're okay, they'll love you again. You think you're better, you think they're going to ignore you breakdowns.
No I'm not
Yes you are
"Settle down, settle down." Stein clapped for attention, stopping people from chatting and Maka from progressing even deeper into her mind. "I'm sure you'd all like to know who it is."
"Well yeah," Ox said impatiently.
"And the answer to your question is," Stein brandished a hand. "KIM!"
Silence fell again.
"Isn't this great?" Stein beamed. "Kim is going home!"He began clapping, nodding to the gathered staff to join in. Eventually Luke and Tami joined in followed by Kilik and soon everyone was.
Everyone but Jacqueline. She was staring in horror at Kim as the girl smiled and laughed happily as people began to congratulate her. She didn't even notice Jacqueline's panic.
But Maka noticed. The girl always on the outside until now noticed that a girl she'd really only just met was panicking.
And Maka did nothing.
"A party tomorrow huh?" Maka rolled over in bed, sighing as the red numbers blinded her. She fumbled around on the floor for her abandoned sweater and threw it over the clock. "A party...we just had one. What am I meant to do for a present? How did the others get presents for me?" She broke off, tired of talking to herself and asking questions she couldn't find the answers to.
The air-conditioner whirled above her, stopping the room from being completely silent. Maka's eyes were heavy, she wanted to sleep.
But she couldn't.
Maybe she should talk to Kid or Soul about their insomnia. They could give her tips on how to get to sleep. But then again, Kid got nightmares when he went to sleep. Why would he have tips on how to do just that?
Tomorrow there would be no schedule. Tomorrow would be all about Kim. They would celebrate her time here, share memories. Ox had said something about Harvar making a movie of photos and videos. They would laugh and maybe even cry as they remembered their time spent with Kim.
Time Maka hadn't had with her.
She barely knew the girl. Yet again she'd be pushed to the outside. What could she share about Kim? What could she contribute to the conversation? It was going to be a terrible day.
Poor little Maka. One step forward, two steps back
Not now. Please not now
Thought she had friends and then they were gone
Go away
Friends, friends, you don't have friends
Hey! Don't ignore me!
Wanna hear the tale of Princess Maka? Always alone, never with someone
Shut up!
Poor little girl...she has no...connections
There was the word again. Connections.
Connections...
I'm so sorry this took forever and I'm sorry it isn't long enough to make up for that. The chapter demanded to end here.
So let's tell a story instead. It was Toshi's last day of school for this year (bar exams) and her teacher (the mean one) was using the lesson to do all these nice things. The kids wrote their names on the tops of paper and passed them round, writing nice things about each other. The teacher gave out quotes to each student, ones she'd picked out personally for them.
Toshi's was: No matter what anyone tells you, words and ideas can change the world-Dead Poet's Society
Then the teacher gave out Christmas cards.
Now a few days ago the teacher had asked Toshi for a good manga. In response Toshi had said Fullmetal Alchemist. Toshi wasn't sure why the teacher wanted one.
Then she opened the card and found out.
There at the bottom of the card was 'Get up and walk. You're strong enough to make your own path'-Edward Elric.
Toshi burst into tears in front of everyone and hugged her teacher and then kept crying.
Which goes to show friends, never judge someone once, they can spring something on you and change your mind.
So whilst my teacher was a bit of a jerk, she also really cared about us and that's how I'll remember her.
So yeah, story time over. Toshi is a sap. The End! Hope the story makes up for lack of writing in chapter and teaches you something. It certainty taught Toshi (who is me btw) something.
So yeah, byeeeee for now. Please review if you want to, don't if you don't want to.
