Sorry I Couldn't be Better 30- Two Months

I'm back! Please don't throw your fridges until I explain everything.

Year twelve guys, year twelve. Plus, a psychologist who lets me pick her carpet to pieces, a lack of inspiration, an interest in another anime (Tiger and Bunny OMG PLEASE WATCH THIS SHOW) and also, year twelve.

Okay throw your fridges now, if you're still here because I took so long to update you all gave up.

Guys I wrote a 130-page Tiger and Bunny fanfiction that is still being written, and I probably won't ever do anything with because nobody will ever want to read. Oh well, I'm having fun with it. Was writing the fanfiction and went to write 'poor kid' but because of how much I write this story, I caps locked 'Kid' end me now.

This chapter has like, three parts to it. A Soul part, A BlackStar part and a Maka part with some wise Kid. Hope you enjoy it!

Response to Guest Reviews

Guest January 20th: I am so sorry to hear that. If there is any way I can help, don't hesitate to tell me. Thank you for enjoying my story!
AnimeFlower:
Wow, such high praise, thank you so much for your review. I'm smiling just reading it again, it really makes me so happy and glad that you love my story.
Miss Kittycat: Ah, thank you. I'm glad you like the video part, I really love to do things like that!
kim: Thank you for watching the movie! I'm glad it turned out okay, I was rushing to do it, but I was determined to get it done. Thank you for your amazing review!
Guest February 8th: Yeah, me too, even though I wrote it, I was really glad I was able to!
Guest February 12th: Yeah, she is much happier in the hospital. We'll see how it all plays out : )
Guest February 12th: (are you the same person, gosh I'm awkward) I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, I hope you continue to do so!
Rose: Aww, thank you so much! I'm really glad this story cheered you up!
KAYLA: I don't think anyone has 'petty problems,' a problem is a problem, no matter how small. Your problems do matter!
Guest March 29th: It is pretty hard, I can't really do it either
Strawberry shake: First off, thank you for your amazing review, it just blew me away! Second of all, thank you for your feedback, it really inspired and helped me get back on writing this. Your review was just amazing, and I cannot thank you enough!

And thank you people who favourite, follow or read, of two, or all. Love you guys so much! Big shout out to all you people!

TLDR: Throw fridges at me because I suck

Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater, probably never will own Soul Eater, I just own this story.


For Maka, the two months Soul had left seemed like a very long time. Days seemed to last forever in the hospital, so two months would be like eternity, all the time in the world to help the teen, right?

Wrong.

The days after Maka had found out what two months really meant seemed to fly by. Soul was constantly in therapy or doing weird activities that were meant to help him. They'd switched him to a new medicine that was meant to be much better than his old, though Maka didn't know the difference. She had been seeing a slight difference though, or she thought she was. She didn't want to project her hopes onto the whole situation.

Everyone knew that something was up with the white haired boy, but it was some unspoken agreement that they wouldn't bring it up. Instead, everyone was just super nice to Soul. Patty wouldn't steal his food for her towers and Liz sewed him a new headband with Nygus supervising. Tsubaki created some cool stationary for him to use, all black and white piano keys spiralling around the pages, and BlackStar would leave him alone if he got too agitated. Kid would sit with him for hours, just chatting about random things, the two being the best of friends they could be.

Maka was privy to Soul's private thoughts however. She got to listen to him talk about what was going on, hear recounts of the latest therapy session and was always there when another day was marked as finished in a thick red marker. She was there for Soul whenever she could be.

Still, Maka had her own things to worry about. Her own sessions to attend and pills to take. She was trying not to let Soul take up every moment, Marie had said it could get very bad if she stopped focusing on herself, but it was hard. Soul was her best friend. The whole group were her best friends. And the others in the hospital, they were her friends as well. She'd never had connections like this before, and she wanted to nurture what they had. She wanted to protect them from the bad days. She wanted to be able to make a difference.

She wanted to be able to help Liz when she locked herself in her room, too scared to be anywhere else, too afraid to even eat. She wanted to help Patty when her mood went through the roof, or when it crashed to the ground.

Maka wanted to help BlackStar when his mind turned against him, telling him to pick up those scissors and gouge his eyes out, or to put his fist through a window because it'd be fun. She wanted to help Tsubaki when the social settings got too much and her stuttering became so bad she could barely talk.

She wanted to help Kid when his OCD became too much for him to bear and he broke down from the stress of it all, or when his depression and nightmares took control of his body.

Most of all, she wanted to help Soul. Soul with his white hair and shark like teeth, who could be so aggressive and socially awkward, but who could also be kind, and caring, a true friend.

She couldn't do all that, though, if she hadn't helped herself first. Helped herself when she couldn't get out of bed, or when she couldn't keep the tears back anymore.

It was selfish to want them all to be together forever, but Maka was willing to fight for it, fight as hard as she could. Too bad her time for helping Soul was severely limited.

The first month ended and the flower on Maka's bedside table finally gave out. She wasn't sad to see it go. She'd come to realise it was just a pity flower, maybe from the hospital or a sympathetic nurse. Either way, she didn't need a flower to be strong. That was all on her.


The first day of the second month brought worry and fear, though strangely enough, not because of Soul.

An ambulance pulled up to the hospital whilst they were eating dinner, lights flashing and siren wailing. Two paramedics yanked a stretcher out and ran for the doors. Everyone on floor four, bar Crona, dashed to the windows to peer out at the chaos below, pushing and shoving each other as they tried to get the best vantage point.

"Sit back down!" Nygus called but she was ignored.

"I wonder what floor it is." Liz wondered aloud. "As in what floor the person's from."

"I wonder what happened." Maka echoed her friend.

"It's not our floor obviously," Soul muttered.

"Maybe one of the old doctors had a heart attack!" Patty suggested cheerfully.

"Maybe someone ran with scissors." BlackStar said darkly. He'd been in a bad mood all day and even the delicious lasagne and promise of cheesecake for dessert hadn't lifted his spirts.

"Maybe just an overreaction?" Kid suggested hopefully.

"Look," Kilik gestured wildly at the stretcher reappearing below them, a tiny body resting on it. From so high up, the figure was unidentifiable to most of the floor. Maka however, recognised the dirty blond hair and baggy clothes. It was the boy from the maze, the one who'd written her that letter, Tobias.

"I can see blood!" Luke yelled suddenly. Jacqueline screamed and latched onto Tami. Harvar backed away quickly.

"Get back from the window now!" Nygus shouted, shocking them all into submission. She marched over and began shutting the large curtains that usually remained open, blocking out the gruesome scene. "No more talk of this, or I'll make sure nobody gets any cheesecake."

The rest of dinner was a silent affair. Cake was delivered eventually and everyone headed off to bed. Maka followed Soul as usual, ready to mark off the first day of the last month, leaving them with less time.

"He probably tied to kill himself, you know." Soul broke the silence as the approached his room.

"Huh?"

"That boy," Soul explained.

"We're not meant to talk about it." Maka said, thinking back to their first meeting, the blood stained bandages and his fingers digging into her wrists.

"Not unless we didn't want cake, which we've had now. They can't make us throw it back up." Soul chuckled.

"True," Maka laughed along with him, before breaking off, remembering the grim topic they were discussing. "Maybe he just…had a fall or something?"

"In a place like this? Unlikely."

"He could have collapsed. Sleep deprivation maybe." Maka countered.

"They wouldn't call an ambulance for that. Remember Harvar collapsed last week ago. He just went to the infirmary for a few days." Soul sighed as they finally reached his room, opening the door and making for the calendar. Maka echoed his sigh. He had a point. The poor boy. They'd been sort of…alike at the start of all this. Now Maka was getting better and Tobias was just stuck.

"Wanna mark it off this time?" Soul twisted his mouth into a hopeful smile.

"Why not," Maka took the marker and penned a large cross on the first day. The last day of the month had some words scrawled in messy black ink.

Leaving DWMA.

Then below it, in the red pen.

MAYBE!

It lifted Maka's spirits to see that writing. Capping the pen, she turned back to Soul.

"What did you get up to today?" She asked, throwing the marker at him which he snatched deftly out of the air.

"Same old stuff, teaching me about social skills, stuff about recognising symptoms, he even started talking about jobs." Soul reported, the he that he was referring to being Sid. "The annoying thing about schizophrenia is that treatment is for life. I'll have to keep it up until I die, even if the symptoms stop. Plus, if I ever get out, I'll need someone to care for me, maybe a case worker, stuff like that."

"Not if, when," Maka said absently, her mind racing at a million kilometres per hour. Soul would need someone to help care for him, keep him on track with medication. That person might even live with him.

That person…could be her!

Or it couldn't be. Maka don't be stupid!

It wasn't the voice this time, just her plain old common sense kicking in. She'd need experience, training, and someone like her probably wouldn't be able to get a job as a care taker, if she was the one who needed caring for half the time.

"Anyway, I'm probably gonna have an early night." Soul said. "Big day tomorrow, we have those mini exams, remember, and the rest of the day will be therapy."

"Don't remind me," Maka groaned. The mini exams were mostly just to see where the students were at but everyone was dreading them, even someone as studious as Ox. The whole idea of exams just stressed people out.

Soul didn't say anything in reply, just merely beginning his bedtime routine. As far as he was concerned, she was gone. At least Sid was helping him with social skills.

Maka left the room and made her way through the corridors to find her own place of seclusion, slightly more cheerful now as presents from friends, pictures, poems and good test results began to cover the walls. She ran into the Pots having an impromptu game of chasey, laughing slightly at their wide smiles. Despite not speaking, nothing seemed to get them down.

Her mind drifted to Tobias, his pale form on the stretcher, the ambulance sirens shrieking and wailing. Was Soul right? Had he tried to...kill himself? Maka found she didn't want to know. It was too upsetting to think about that.

But of course, now her mind was thinking about her own pitiful attempt, the fall from the roof of her house. She'd felt the bone in her arm break, she'd felt the skin on her palms scrape away, she'd felt the blood ooze out. She'd felt everything and she'd ended nothing. She'd failed miserably.

And yet, she was here now, in the hospital, getting better. Her attempt at ending things, had turned into a beginning for fixing them.

Maka had dreams sometimes, that she was falling from that roof. Only, the ground never came and she just continued to fall forever. Voices blurred together, screaming at her as she fell, on and on. Her other senses were dulled, so the screams practically engulfed her. It wasn't necessarily a scary dream, just not one she enjoyed.

Maka had thought her life was just one endless fall, and so she'd decided to end it herself. Had Tobias decided he'd had enough? Had he tried to fly, only to fall?

No, no, no! She didn't want to think about that! She wanted to think about Soul getting better, about Tsubaki leaving soon and starting her life again. She wanted to think about her nice books, and even nicer friends. She wanted to think about…

BlackStar in the corridor smashing his head against the wall.

"Oh my god!" Maka yelled, freezing briefly before racing forward to grab the boy's arm. "BlackStar what are you doing?"

"Get away from me!" He shrieked, pulling back to smash his head again. The two struggled briefly before BlackStar was able to rip himself from her grasp and throw himself at the wall.

"BlackStar stop!" Maka cried out, finally yanking him away from the wall and onto the ground. She wasn't really sure what BlackStar's disorder was, only that it made him want to do bad things to himself sometimes that he usually couldn't control, something Soul had told her.

"Just go away," BlackStar struggled in her grip. An elbow met her ribs and she grunted in pain.

"I can't, not if you're going to hurt yourself again!" She protested. "I have to help you! What can I do? Can I get someone? Sid?"

"No!"

"What's wrong?"

"It won't shut up," BlackStar wailed. "I need to get it to shut up?"

"What won't shut up?" Maka grabbed the hysterical boy's wrists in an attempt to stop him from thrashing around.

"Myself! My mind! My dreams!" BlackStar was sobbing now. Maka hadn't seen him like this since the aquarium.

"Smashing your head in won't help." She tried.

"You don't know that!" BlackStar yelled.

"I want to help you, please, let me get someone." Maka begged him.

"Just, let me try this, it'll help, I'm sure it'll help!" BlackStar twisted and thrashed, trying to free himself.

"It won't, you'll just hurt yourself." Maka was way out of her league with this. Even when she'd been comforting Kid, who'd been just as worked up, violence had never come into play. But BlackStar was in such a state that he was probably going to end up hurting himself or someone else.

She could yell for help, but she was so awkward and afraid to start screaming. But BlackStar…he needed somebody who could help him, really help him. She wasn't that person but she could find someone who was.

"Help!" Maka yelled, ignoring the fear that struck her as she shouted, the voice that laughed at her for speaking louder than a whisper. "Somebody help me!"

"Stop," BlackStar choked out. "One more try, one more. It wasn't my fault that they died, but I can't stop seeing it!"

That's right, his parents were dead. Maka found herself wishing she could just make all his pain go away. She knew she couldn't, but BlackStar was her friend and there had to be something she could do.

"Help!" She called again. "Sid? Soul? Kid? Can anybody hear me?"

"Let go-o-o," BlackStar moaned. "I need to make it stop."

"SID! Anyone!" She couldn't listen to him, not right now when he wanted to hurt himself so badly. Someone had to be close by. Somebody had to hear her.

"Maka? BlackStar?" Kilik was standing there, probably looking for the Pots. "Oh shit!"

"Get somebody." Maka told the startled teen. "Or help me hold him down. He's trying to hurt himself."

"MAKA! Let me go!" BlackStar roared.

"Oh shit," Kilik repeated. "Just hang on Maka. I'll get help."

"Hurry,"

BlackStar continued to kick and fight Maka, so much so that she could feel bruises forming and she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold on. Kilik was fast, right? He'd be getting help.

"BlackStar it won't help, trust me it won't." Maka said over and over again, hoping it might get through one time. "There are better ways, there are better ways, please, stop fighting me." Tears overfilled in her eyes and began to fall. It was just so hard to see the people she loved like this. Her friends probably felt the same way whenever she broke down.

Just a bit longer. Help would come soon.

"Maka, get away from him, he'll hurt you!" Sid was pelting towards them, Kilik hot on his heels.

"I'm sorry, I had to help," she sobbed. "he's my friend."

"Just slowly let him go, I'll grab him, trust me." Sid knelt down next to her. "You're very strong Maka but it's my turn now."

Her arms gave way and BlackStar sprung free, right into Sid's arms. The man held him tight, rocking him back and forth and shushing him. BlackStar threw himself from side to side, twisting and even biting. Sid just continued to hold him there. Eventually, BlackStar stopped fighting and started crying, loud sobs that racked his body, much like the ones at the aquarium.

"I'm sorry," Maka repeated. "I'm sorry I couldn't help him."

"It's fine Maka, you did well, just, go to bed, alright." Sid said tiredly. The words should have stung but Maka felt just as flat as Sid was probably feeling. He just wanted what was best for BlackStar.

"Please, help him." She said, before moving away from the scene. Kilik followed her. They walked in silence for a moment before the teen shattered it.

"You're bruised," he gasped in shock. She turned on him in an instant.

"Please don't tell Sid, or BlackStar, or anyone." She begged. "It wasn't his fault, I don't want him to get in trouble."

"If something happens during BlackStar's…attacks, they have to know." Kilik said seriously. "They have to know everything about anyone's attacks. Sid needs to know that you got bruised holding him down. You have to go back and tell him."

"But BlackStar…"

"Can handle it," Kilik ruffled her hair comfortingly. "This is not the first time this has happened, and it won't be the last. This is a mental hospital. We can't be all jolly and problem free all the time." He gave her a crooked smile. "Go back and tell Sid, for BlackStar's sake. If he learns what he's done wrong, he can fix it. Make sense?"

"Yeah," Maka admitted. "Thanks Kilik, see you around."

"Of course," Kilik grinned. She gave him a small wave and headed back towards Sid and BlackStar. They were both still sitting there, BlackStar crying into the man's chest.

"Sid, I'm sorry," Maka began. The man looked at her and she held out her bruised arms as an answer. "Kilik told me to come back and tell you."

"Thank you Maka, it was the right thing to do." Sid nodded. "Do you need anything for them?"

"They're not too bad," she said truthfully. It wasn't anything she couldn't handle. "I'll be fine,"

You'll never be fine…

It echoed in her head briefly, the voice, before fading away. Maka clenched her fists and grinned slightly, pushing away the negative thoughts that tried to flood her mind, lured in by the sentence. She was going to prove the voice wrong.


In the morning, there was a knock at Maka's door, startling her even though she'd been half awake, just enjoying the silence and the warmth of her bed. She slipped off the mattress and padded over to open it, running her fingers through her hair and yawning. She was so tired it didn't occur to her that anyone could be knocking and would see her in her baggy pyjamas, with her messy hair and exposed bruises.

"BlackStar," she blinked rapidly in an attempt to wake up, staring at the teen in front of her. "Hey, how are you?"

"Better," BlackStar gave her a weak grin, eyes flickering down to her bare arms and legs. The bruises varied between angry red and dull purple, nothing too bad. Still, the boy tensed at the sight of them.

"Don't worry about it," Maka said before he could speak. "Seriously, it's nothing bad. I had worse when I tried to…well I've had worse."

"But you shouldn't…you shouldn't need to compare your worst, or anything else, with this. This shouldn't exist. I shouldn't have done it." BlackStar stared at his feet.

Maka was about to assure him that it was okay, but then she realised, that wasn't what BlackStar wanted to hear. He had done something not usually acceptable, only alright in a place like the hospital. He wanted to hear Maka say that it wasn't okay, but that she understood why he'd done it, which she did.

"Yeah, it isn't really okay, I guess." she began, not sure where she was going. "I mean yeah, hurting people is bad, but most people wouldn't understand why, but I do." At this, BlackStar's eyes lit up. "You may have hurt me, but I know it was an accident and I understand why it happened. Plus, these bruises are nothing. I'm glad I was able to help you. So you don't need to worry. We're still friends. This doesn't change anything."

"Really?" BlackStar grinned widely, bouncing on his toes and throwing his arms around her in a quick hug. It was a complete, one eighty switch but Maka was glad for it. "Thanks Maka! Sorry, again, so sorry. See you later." He dashed off, whooping down the corridor. Her words had been few but they'd made a difference. Maka watched him go, a smile on her lips.

Just when had she started to care so fiercely for everyone in the hospital?


You think you're getting better. You think, you think, but you're just a dumb girl. You don't deserve these people! You can't help them!

The voice had been bothering Maka ever since BlackStar had come to see her. As she ate her breakfast, it chatted away, making fun of her and her progress.

What progress? You're still just an ugly brat…

As she tried to focus on the science exam, it reminded her of her home life and that sooner or later she'd have to go back there.

Those empty halls, those dusty frames, those empty photo albums. You should just kill yourself now, like that boy. It'll only get worse once you leave.

Maka pencilled in answers on the maths exam, double checking a few. The voice began to chant some of the insults that had been thrown at her in primary school.

Little Miss Maka! Gutless, gutless! Ugly! No friends Maka! No friends Maka! She's cursed, she's probably a witch. Don't you mean a bitch?

A narrative slowly filled the lines of the English exam book, the story of a girl who wanted a friend, and who found one in nature. The voice laughed at it, ridiculed it.

You think you're a good writer? A blind man could see how bad this is! Nobody wants baby stories about sad girls. Grow up! Or better yet, go die!

The history exam was tough. Having to write about the world wars, friends turning against friends, really made Maka feel upset. The voice took advantage of this.

That'll happen to you! Your friends will turn against you, Maka dear. They won't need war as an excuse. They'll just do it!

Maka!

Are you listening to me Maka?

LISTEN GIRL!

As she handed up finished exam, listening to the voice telling her she'd definitely failed, and sort of believing it herself, it hit Maka. She stopped, stunned at this realisation. Suddenly, it seemed so obvious, what the voice was. Why hadn't she seen it before? It was so clear now, like someone had opened a curtain inside her brain and filled it with light, illuminating everything. The voice, the thing that filled her mind with her greatest fears, the voice that taunted her and threw insults at her, wasn't some real demon or the beginnings of another mental illness. The voice…

Foolish…

…was her!

Maka was the voice. Maka was the one insulting herself. Her brain, evolved for survival, had figured that the best way to help her, was the hold her down. All those bad thoughts, were really just her own thoughts about herself. Whenever she did something, or thought something, she would automatically counter it, calling these negative thoughts a voice, like it was someone else holding her back. Maka was the only one at blame, the provider of these dark feelings.

Every word, every sentence, every taunt and insult was the result of her own mind. There was no voice, just Maka alone in her head, trying to cling to a sense of normality, the normality being the way she usually felt about herself. Pathetic, worthless, horrible.

Maka…I…I hate myself…

"Maka, come on, lunch time! Exams are over!" Patty cheered, running past her. Maka remained where she was, still stunned.

She was the voice. She was her own worst enemy.

Of course you are Maka. I can't believe it took you this long to notice. I am Maka. You are Maka. We are Maka…

That was just her, only her.

"I'm the voice," she tested the words on her lips. "Those words, I said them, to myself."

"Voice?" Kid was standing next to her. She flinched, startled, and he backed away.

"It…talks to me, says bad things." Maka bit her lip. "I thought…I thought it was a…I don't know…I thought it was something else…it's me, I'm the voice. I say those things to me." She bowed her head. "It was only ever me."

Strong hands grabbed her suddenly, and pulled her into a hug. Kid held her close.

"We all have a voice Maka, that we need to get rid of." He whispered. "The first step is realising that the voice is just us and our thoughts."

"I think I just did that." Maka smiled weakly. Kid let her go, mirroring the smile, only stronger.

"I think you just did."


Again, sorry for lack of update! Hope you enjoyed the story, feel free to drop a review! Love you guys! Sorry if there are any grammar errors!