Bane

Nakahara Chuuya didn't know what came over him to allow Dazai's protege to touch him in this way. He hated kids, and yes to him Akutagawa was an overgrown kid. He was snively and bratty and thought he knew more than he actually did. Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, a man who had a ways to go before he reached his own self-actualization, thought he could mentor someone as if he could raise Izumi Kyouka when he himself was in some stage of arrested development. How foolish.

Yet there the pair were. In a moment of weakness, Chuuya gave his tacit permission. In a matter of seconds, they'd tumbled onto the bed, Akutagawa quivering as hands clammy and soft in the most uncomfortable of ways felt their way against Chuuya's body and pushed at his jacket. They were slick with nervous sweat that had Chuuya shuddering with discomfort when they finally brushed against his skin.

He didn't push away though, willing to put up with it as he always did. He'd have time to think of it later when he was back in his own bed ruminating in the darkness and bathing in his own self-hate.

The cot in Akutagawa's room was too small for the both of them. The springs dug maliciously into Chuuya's back and he hissed as it pinched at his vertebrae. Forever tone-deaf, Akutagawa took that as encouragement, settling more of his weight against him and hitching the red head's leg over his waist.

Chuuya didn't know if it were Akutagawa's first time and he wasn't going to ask or speculate. Instead, he weighed the pros and cons of being present in the moment or letting his mind wander.

He decided it'd be rude to not engage a little. This was Akutagawa. The kid didn't do anything wrong despite his fumbling ministrations. Chuuya decided to help him along, moving his fingers to undo the cravat Akutagawa wore at his neck. His hand was knocked away.

"Don't."

So Chuuya didn't, letting his arms fall to his own chest so he could begin stripping out of his own clothing. That Akutagawa didn't seem to have any issue with and began helping as well, yanking the jacket completely off Chuuya's slender shoulders. Chuuya sat up and pulled his shirt over his head.

With that obstacle out of the way, Chuuya reclined back again and Akutagawa leaned in for another kiss, his hands ticking bare ribs. He traced the outline of bones before moving up and gasping against Chuuya's mouth as if surprised when his thumb stroked a nipple.

Chuuya guided the poor boy's hand the rest of the way there, encouraging Akutagawa to pinch at his nipples but that too did nothing for him. He closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around Akutagawa's shoulders tightly, nose pressed into inky tresses. He breathed in the smell of smoke and sweat. He just needed to get it over with.


Walking home from Akutagawa's that evening felt like the biggest walk of shame of Chuuya's life. It was a fairly chilly night, so the air helped to clear his mind of the fog of thoughts threatening to take over. Chuuya took in a deep breath and let it wash over him, filling his chest in a futile attempt at mindfulness.

He never regretted a partner more than Akutagawa. Not only did he feel like he'd passed an unspeakable boundary but he didn't get off either. Sure Mori never made Chuuya cum but he'd been close to it. The boss refused to completely acknowledge what Chuuya possessed between his legs. He just wasn't interested.

Yet somehow, whatever Akutagawa did felt even worse. Chuuya had lost way more than he gained in the transaction and he wanted nothing more than to get home, wash it all off of him, and bury his face in the sand.

He couldn't remove the torturous moment from his mind. Every time he blinked he was back in that room eyes trained at the ceiling. He could feel Akutagawa rub the head of his dick against his ass crack in the most clumsy of motions. Akutagawa's breathing, so heavy in the darkness and hot against his ear, was engrained upon him as well as and the sound he made as he came. A single name was uttered, stifled yet perfectly audible despite lips pressed against the crown of his head.

Dazai.

Somehow it was possible for Chuuya's frown to deepen as he grimaced. A chill ran through him and he pulled his jacket closer to himself.

"You look like shit."

Startled from his thoughts, Chuuya glanced over, eyes widening as if he'd just heard the voice of a ghost. His eyes, upon landing on the speaker, narrowed into a glare. Running into Dazai Osamu was the last thing he needed to end his evening. But of course, there he was as if summoned by Chuuya's own traitorous thoughts.

"That's more like it," Dazai said with a grin, saddling up to Chuuya as he tried to walk away. "That glare suits you better than whatever that other expression was."

Chuuya let out a huff.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dazai pried.

"Do you want to hear about it?" retorted Chuuya with a question of his own.

He hated how Dazai feigned like he was considering the question, his arms thrown over the back of his head before his face broke out into his trademark grin.

"Not really. But I'm all ears anyway."

"Gee, thanks."

Naturally, there was no real gratitude in his words.

"What are you doing out here anyway?" scoffed Chuuya. "Don't tell me you got nothing better to do than bother me."

Dazai chuckled lightly, "Wouldn't you like that? No, I'm out running errands."

At this time? That seemed unlikely but Chuuya knew not to question Dazai and his idiosyncrasies. Anything was possible with that guy and there was no use putting him in any box.

It was then that Dazai lifted his arm. A plastic convenience store bag dangled from his slim wrist. Until that moment Chuuya had failed to notice it.

"That workaholic got himself a little cold. Would you believe it?"

It took Chuuya a moment to register who it was that Dazai was referring to but when he did an unidentifiable feeling crept up his throat. Kunikida Doppo was sick, and Dazai was taking care of him. Or at least cared enough to pick him up something to eat and deliver it to him. Dazai never took care of Chuuya while he was sick.

"He lives somewhere near you. Lucky me,"

"Lucky you," Chuuya muttered and made to quickly walk away.

Dazai grinned, sensing Chuuya's distress. He sped up, stepping in front of Chuuya and blocking his way on the sidewalk.

"Oh, is the shorty jealous?"

He leaned in close, bending so they'd be perfectly eye level. Chuuya lunged forward, tired of the game quicker than usual. He was not in any kind of a playful mood after the shit day he'd had but Dazai was brimming with energy and skipped backward with ease.

Dazai moved in again but before Chuuya could lash out Dazai's eyes caught on something of interest.

"What's this?" Dazai stepped back, tilting his head.

"What?" Chuuya asked, taken aback by the change of tone.

The other man seemed genuinely curious as recognition dawned on his features.

"It's a hickey," Dazai said.

"Hah!?" Chuuya reflexively slapped his hand over the place Dazai was looking at so intensely.

It was his collar bone. Chuuya cursed as he pulled the lapel of his black jacket tightly against him.

"Hmmm," Dazai crossed his arms and Chuuya took the opportunity to go around him.

Dazai followed.

"I know it's not the boss. That geezer doesn't leave those kinds of marks," Dazai thought aloud.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Chuuya snapped back, arms crossed close to his chest as he continued walking forward.

"Really?" Dazai followed an eternal pest. "Then why are you walking away like that?"

"Because you're an idiot and I never told you to follow me in the first place! Isn't your partner dying or something?"

Chuuya basically spat the word partner out and he hated how bitter it sounded. He didn't care about that dumb four eyes or his relationship with Dazai. He just wanted to be left alone for the rest of the night at the very least.

"Aw, now I know it's something. But hey congratulations, I guess. It's about time you actually got laid by someone other than the boss."

That was the last straw. Dazai knew that was a sore point. He knew it and he still poked at it anyway. They both had their own dealings with Mori past and present and it wasn't something he liked to get into. He whirled on Dazai so quickly and had it been anyone else perhaps he would actually believe that there had been no time for his opponent to react. But for how angry he was he'd managed to slam Dazai against the wall, forearm pressed dangerously against the other man's neck.

"Shut your fat mouth or I'll shut it for you."

Dazai's face beamed in a way that should have been out of place for a man in his position. But Dazai wasn't one phased by being backed into a corner. No, he reveled in it.

"Do I know him?"

Dazai lifted a hand to finger at the collar at Chuuya's throat. Chuuya reacted by pressing his forearm harder into Dazai's neck causing him to choke.

And still, he looked so happy, not jealous at all; unlike Chuuya who, despite the burning hatred towards Dazai, the animosity that populated the fiber of his very being, gets jealous all the damn time. He wished it hurt. He wanted to make Dazai as angry as he was to his core when he first met Dazai after the defection working with that goody-goody blonde. He couldn't even bring himself to speak the name.

He despised Dazai in every moment but especially then. The scathing hate was something so vicious he barely had control of it. His eyes saw red and his teeth grit together with as much power as he pressed his arm into Dazai's neck. Chuuya no longer wanted to play the game Dazai's way. He wanted to make it hurt. Needed to make Dazai understand the way he felt.

But did Dazai really have the heart to care? He never seemed to give a shit about anyone but Oda Sakunosuke anyway.

"You really want to know?" Chuuya asked not letting up on the pressure against Dazai's neck.

Dazai's eyes shone with equal parts amusement and curiosity despite the way his mouth struggled for breath. Chuuya felt vindictive.

"It was Akutagawa."

The tonal shift was tangible and threw Chuuya off enough that he slackened his hold, arm faltering. In an action that betrayed his strength, Dazai easily dislodged himself from Chuuya pushing the shorter man back a few paces.

Chuuya waited with stomach coiled for Dazai's next move.

"I see."

The words uttered were soft, almost whispered but carried an ominous weight that settled heavily over Chuuya's shoulders. Burdened, Chuuya couldn't read anything in the tone, nor could he decipher Dazai's expression, obscured as it was by the shadows of the night. He was unsure how to reply and Dazai wouldn't give him the chance as he chose that moment to turn without so much as a goodbye. He walked away.

Chuuya was stunned.

"Dazai!" he called after him.

But there came no reply. Instead, Chuuya was given only the expanse of Dazai's back as he withdrew. Chuuya's fists clenched at the sheer audacity of it. In spite of his inherent resentment, Chuuya wanted to chase after him and force him to face him with the bravado he had up until a few seconds ago.

Dazai got what he wanted, right? He wanted to know. And for Chuuya wasn't it the same? He wanted a reaction, something different from the usual infuriating mask of mirth. It was never fun and games between them. It was normal to fight, so where was that push back now? He felt the anger wanting to rekindle within that knot of his stomach but the tiredness began to overcome him.

Hopelessness reared its head as Chuuya watched Dazai disappear into the night. He didn't want to be weak and it was only with the last of his mental strength he held his head high. He wanted to be worth something and he repeated it like some kind of mantra in his brain every day until he could believe it for himself.

He blinked his eyes and ground his teeth willing his vision not to blur. It was all for nothing, wasn't it? Nothing felt as if it were worth it. Alone in the darkened Yokoharama streets, he had nothing but grief behind him. He was empty.

-THE END-

AN: As long as I live Chuuya will never be happy and I'm so sorry. He's my little marigold and my muse. And funnily enough, this is the first time in a LONG time that I wrote something that was straight angst! I hope I did OK and I also hope I did OK with the characterization as this is only my 2nd BSD fic.

Thank you for reading and of course, reviews are always welcome~!