Lyrics to WAPby Cardi B (2020)
Lacy swam up from the depths of unconsciousness sometime later, a pained groan dislodging from her throat. She pushed herself to her hands and knees and blinked her eyes, but the pervasive darkness didn't flee.
Where was she?
She sat on her butt and rubbed her warm, achy head with the heel of her palm. The last thing she remembered was -
THE TIME MACHINE!
It all came back to her in a flash, and her heart jumped into her throat. Did it work? Did she really go back?
Struggling to her feet, Lacy stumbled to the door and felt along the wall for the manual release. She found it and pressed it; the door slammed open with a reverberating thunk and Lacy jumped out.
As soon as her feet touched the floor, she knew something was wrong.
The first clue was the darkness. While not as black as the inside of the tube, the basement was filled with shadows cut only by shafts of golden light from the ceiling. She looked up at one of them, and it took her a moment to figure out it was sunlight. Rays of golden brilliance fell through wide cracks in the ceiling and dappled the dirt floor.
Next there was the smell, Faint and earthy, it put Lacy in mind of the forests in which she and Katy played as kids, a mixture of copper, mold, and mildew. Gone were the chrome surfaces, replaced by decaying timbers and bare struts peeking through the sheetrock like bones through skin. The floor had turned to soil and all of the furniture was nowhere in sight. Lacy spotted heaps of splinters and bricks, piles of garbage, and discarded junk with no name, but she didn't see anything she recognized. Her little heart palpitated with fear as her eyes darted around the room.
What happened?
She must have done something wrong
In that case, where was she?
When was she?
Swallowing hard, she went back to the time machine. Okay, this wasn't a big deal, she just had to make an adjustment, that was all. She climbed back into the machine and fiddled with the control panel.
It wouldn't work. The buttons did nothing, the LED screen remained dark, and the tube stayed silent and motionless. Panic squeezed Lacy's chest and her nostrils started to flare. Oh no. This was not good. This was not good at all. What should she do?
Oh.
Right.
She balled her fist and hit the readout. "Work!"
Nothing happened.
Oh no.
She was stuck.
SHE WAS STUCK.
Lacy began to hyperventilate but caught herself and took a deep breath. Alright. First of all, she needed to calm down. Lisa would realize she was gone and come looking for her. It wouldn't take very long for her to locate the machine and then she'd come. In the meantime, she needed to figure out where she was: The past or the future.
For a long time she hesitated, then climbed the stairs to the first floor. Cobwebs fluttered in darkened corners and a thick layer of dust coated everything. Paper peeled from the walls in long strips and broken furniture littered the floor. Lacy peered out the front window and frowned. The lawn was overgrown, but the neighborhood looked exactly the same. Well...except for the house across the street; it should be blue but now it was yellow. Also, that fish-shaped mailbox was new. A car passed in the street, and Lacy tracked it with her eyes. It was an older model, but not so old that she didn't see them literally everywhere, so that was no help.
Easing the door open, she slipped out of the house and went down the walk.
It was warm for January.
Like...really warm. The sun pounded down on the world like a massive searchlamp and a sandpaper breeze scoured her skin. By the time she reached the rusted front gate, her shirt was damp with sweat her face was flushed red.
There was no way this was January.
She grabbed the bars and tried to pull the gate open, but it was stuck fast. She shook, yanked, and tugged, but it wouldn't come free. Fortunately, two of the bars were bent in such a way that she was able to wiggle through with medium effort.
Not knowing what else to do, she started downtown, looking left and right like a stranger in a strange land. The more she went, the more differences she noticed. None were very big, just noticeable enough that they stuck out. Houses painted different colors, saplings that should have been trees, signs and power poles where there shouldn't have been signs and power poles. The phrase "death by a million papercuts" randomly flickered across her mind. The changes were tiny, insignificant, but somehow they bothered her all the more for it. Whenever she was, it wasn't too distant.
Downtown was largely unchanged. Some of the stores were different, but the buildings themselves were the same. All of the cars she passed were older...or at least she thought they were. She stopped at the gas station on the corner of Main and Oakdale. Instead of pulling up, parking, and waiting as the gas pump automatically inserted itself into the tank, people were getting out and doing it themselves. She saw someone smoking a cigarette even though cigarettes had been banned by the 2036 Advanced Health Act, and...why was everyone wearing a surgical mask?
An old song that she occasionally heard on 95.5 The River (the biggest hits of yesterday and today) drifted from a passing car, and Lacy's stomach turned.
Beat it up, nigga, catch a charge
Extra large and extra hard
Put this pussy right in your face
Swipe your nose like a credit card
Hop on top, I wanna ride
I do a kegel while it's inside
She had a baaaaad feeling about this.
Hurrying across the parking lot, she went in the gas station. Her heart pounded and her breathing was heavy. She whipped her head around and spotted a rack of newspapers.
"Hey!" the cashier called. "You have to have a mask!"
Lacy ignored her and went to the rack.
The first paper she saw was USA Today. The front page boasted a picture of a confused old man standing at a podium. PRESIDENT BIDEN: "I DID NOT SNIFF THAT WOMAN."
She looked for the date, and when she found it, her heart sank.
June 23.
2021.
Lacy's face screwed up in misery and her knees trembled. Instead of going back two weeks, she went back two freaking decades.
She almost fainted.
When someone called out, she jumped. "Little girl!"
The cashier was looking at her, brows angled down in an angry V. "You need to put a mask on or leave."
Mask?
Oh...right. The world was just starting to emerge from the COVID-19 Pandemic of 2020-2021. In three months, President Biden would declare victory over Coronavirus and the media would declare him the greatest president to ever live...even as he sent US forces into Syria, Libya, Saudi Arabia, and Turkey.
Realizing she was susceptible to unseen particles of death, Lacy held her breath and rushed outside, bumping into a man with shaggy black hair and a black AVENGE SEVENFOLD T-shirt. Chains hung from his black pants and pimples covered his face. Maybe she was paranoid, but he kind of looked like her principal, only twenty years younger.
Outside in the fresh air, she heaved for air, then sat dejectedly on the curb with her face in her hands. She knew she put in the right date. Why was she here?
More importantly, what was she going to do now?
Part of her wanted to go back to the house and wait for Lisa...but an idea occurred to her.
She had the unprecedented opportunity to meet her parents when they were kids. She could be friends with her Mom and Dad. She'd be a fool to waste it.
A shadow fell over her and she looked up to see a frail old lady with glasses and a sunken mouth. "Are you okay, deary?" the woman asked.
Lacy opened her mouth.
The house or Mom and Dad?
"Actually," she said, "I...I kind of need a ride."
Half an hour later, the old lady pulled to the curb in front of 1216 Franklin Avenue and Lacy's jaw dropped. It looked a lot nicer than it did in her time. The siding was clean, no shingles peeled back from the roof, and the ground was covered in toys. She spotted a pink Power Wheel much like the one Aunt Lola gave her when she was little (only not as faded and broken down), a frisbee on the roof, and a football lying in the grass. "Here you go, dear," the old woman said.
"Thanks." Lacy said. She threw the door open, got out, and slammed it behind her. The old woman pulled away, leaving Lacy alone.
Alright.
Here she was.
Now what?
Lacy anxiously bit her lower lip. Now that she was here, within feet of her entire, aged-down family, she was nervous. Maybe meeting them wasn't such a good idea. What if it did something to the space-time continuum?
She didn't have long to ponder what before a voice sang out from the backyard. "Go long!"
At once, she recognized it as her mother's.
A boy with white hair appeared in the backyard, dressed in jeans and an orange polo shirt. Lacy missed a beat, then darted behind the cover of the garage. She peeked around the corner and sucked a shocked breath.
That was Dad.
Only smaller.
Dad jumped into the air to catch the ball but it flew threw his hands and hit the fence. Thunk! Lacy watched mesmerized. Her parents told her they met in high school. Why was Dad here?
"Nice fumble, Stinkcoln!" Mom yelled. She strolled over and put her hands proudly on her hips.
Dad picked the ball up and looked at it as though he were looking for answers. "I almost had it."
"No you didn't," Mom said. "You know, God could have given me a brother who can game. Instead, he gave me a brother who's lame." She laughed and punched his arm.
Brother?
What?
Mom didnt have a brother.
Snatching the ball from Dad's hands, Mom spun on her heels and marched away. Lacy watched them go, then let out a pent up breath. She turned around and jumped.
Someone was standing behind her.
Someone quite smol.
Clad in a rumpled green sweater and maroon corduroy pants that looked like they went out of style sixty years ago, Lisa glared up at her, arms crossed admonishingly over her chest. One foot tapped the concrete and her Coke bottle glasses magnified her eyes so much that Lacy could see every throbbing little vein.
In other words, she looked mad.
Uh-oh. Time to lie.
"Hi," she said, "I'm Lacy. I'm a friend of -"
Lisa cut her off. "I know who you are."
Oh.
She did?
Lisa brushed past her. "Come."
For a second, Lacy hesitated, then ran to catch up with her. "How do you know?" she asked.
"My future self sent me an email," Lisa said.
Duh. Lisa first became interested in time travel when she was three and managed to complete a type of receiver that was able to pick up text and audio from the future. It would only intercept snatchets of information at random, and it wasn't until she was in college that she figured out how to use it properly. She must have devised a way to reach past!Lisa on it.
Perhaps sensing her curiosity, Lisa said, "I don't know how she was able to do it, but she managed to send a message directly to my inbox."
"What did she...I mean you...say?" Lacy asked.
They were in the backyard now. Mom stood by the porch and bounced a soccer ball off her head and Dad watched from the sidelines, looking unimpressed. When she saw them, Lacy's chest tightened and the urge to turn and run away so they didn't see her gripped her. "She told me everything," Lisa said. "She said to treat you kindly. I suspect she's very fond of you."
Awww, that was -
Lisa wheeled around and fixed her with a scowl so intense that Lacy stumbled backwards as if struck. "I, on the other hand, am not. Because of you, I have to sacrifice an entire weekend to figure out how to get you back to your proper time. I am not happy about this. What were you thinking?"
Lacy fumbled for a response. "I just...I wanted my parents back."
She expected Lisa's features to soften with understanding, but if anything, they only hardened. The Lisa she knew was an empathetic adult, this Lisa was a toddler, and if there's one thing toddlers - even super genius ones - lack, it's empathy. "I told you...rather, my future self told you...to wait. Instead, you put yourself at extreme risk and loused everything up because you were in way over your head."
"I -"
"You had no clue what you were doing, and because of it, you're here, keeping me from my work. I have half a mind to let you find your own way back, but you couldn't do that with both hands, a flashlight, and a functioning time travel device. If you tried, you'd likely wind up in 3041 and then who would you pester to save you?"
Lacy pursed her lips and blinked back a rush of tears. She wasn't used to Lisa being mean. "I'm sorry."
Sighing, LIsa turned around. "Come with me."
She started walking again and Lacy followed. They were almost to the steps when Mom noticed them. Lacy had seen pictures of her mother as a kid, but seeing her in the flesh was almost enough to make her head spin. God, she looked so young. It occurred to Lacy that they were about the same age, and that struck her as both really cool...and really wrong. "Hey, Lise," Mom said. "Who's your friend?"
"This is Marjorie," Lisa said smoothly, "our cousin. She'll be staying with us for a few days."
Mom wedged her way between Lisa and Lacy and looked Lacy up and down, judging everything about her and, from the look of her face, finding nothing but faults. "I didn't know we had a cousin."
"You don't know a lot of things," Lisa snapped.
"Yeah? I know your face is ugly." She crossed her arms and locked eyes with Lacy.
Lacy flashed a nervous smile.
"Hey, Lincoln," Mom said, "come meet your cousin. She has busted up teeth just like you." She leaned in and poked Lacy's tooth. "Nice overbite, open any good cans lately?"
Nothing Mom could have said could have possibly cut Lacy deeper. She had always been sensitive about her teeth; kids used to make fun of her and she'd come home crying almost every day. Mom would hold her and tell her she was beautiful...but she guessed that was a lie.
Tears filled Lacy's eyes and her lips began to quiver. "Really?" Mom asked. "You're going to cry over a joke? Wow, okay."
Lacy swallowed deeply.
"Leave her alone, Lynn," Lisa said. She shouldered Mom out of the way, grabbed Lacy's hand, and led her up the steps. "Come on, Marge."
At the sliding glass door, Lacy looked over her shoulder. Mom and Dad stood side-by-side, Mom with her brows raised judgmentally and Dad looking confused. Inside, Lisa dragged her through the kitchen and living room. In the latter, Lacy met her aunts. Lana and Lola sat cross-legged on the floor and looked up at the TV; Luna sat in the armchair with her legs hooked over one side and lazily strummed her guitar; Lucy crouched in the darkness of the fireplace and watched Lacy from behind her bangs like a weirdo; Lori sat on the couch and stared at her phone; Leni walked in circles with a derpy expression on her face; Luan practiced ventriloquism with a wooden dummy; and Lily crawled around in only a diaper. None of them seemed to notice Lacy.
The living room looked pretty much the same as it did in the future except there were more pictures on the wall. Lacy studied them as Lisa guided her up the stairs. She was surprised to see photographs of her father at various ages. Dad as a baby; Dad as a toddler. It didn't make any sense to her. Why were there pictures of Dad everywhere?
She went back to what Mom said in the backyard. God blah blah blah gave me a brother…
As soon as they were esconded in Lisa's room, Lacy asked, "What's the deal with Dad?"
Lisa ignored her, went over to her computer, and sat down. "Why are there so many pictures of him? Why does he live here? Mom said she didn't meet him until they were in high school. I don't get it."
The little girl did not reply.
Alright, now Lacy was getting mad. She stalked over and spun Lisa's chair around. "I want answers," she demanded. "And I want them now."
Her outburst shocked her - she never would have imagined doing that to adult!Lisa - but she was kind of freaking out here. She cocked her fist and aimed it at Lisa's face. Would she really punch her four-year-old aunt's lights out? She didn't know, and she really hoped she didn't have to find out.
Lisa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "My future self asked me not to mention anything, though she expects you to find out anyway. If I tell you, you didn't hear it from me. Your parents...are brother and sister."
Lacy's fist drooped like a wilting flower. "What?"
"Lincoln is our brother. Apparently at some point in the future, he and Lynn begin a romantic relationship that culminates in your birth."
Brother and sister?
MOM AND DAD WERE BROTHER AND SISTER?
"I know this must be quite shocking for you," Lisa said. "Take all the time you need."
With that, she spun her chair around and went back to typing. Lacy just stood there for a moment, gaping at thin air, then she sank onto the edge of Lisa's bed and threaded her fingers through her hair like a madwoman at the onset of a breakdown. Mom and Dad were siblings...which made her inbred. A freak, a hillbilly. She tried to process it all but it just wouldn't compute. It made no sense.
"Why?" she asked, more to herself than to Lisa.
"I haven't the faintest idea," Lisa said shortly.
"Why did they hide it from me?"
"Obviously so that you wouldn't know."
Well, duh, but why? Why would they lie to her like that? Dad made up an entire backstory for himself and...just why?
The realization that her parents had been lying to her, that her entire existence was based on falsehoods, slammed into Lacy like a freight train. She bowed her head, laced her fingers across the back of her neck, and took a series of deep, calming breaths. Lisa glanced back at her, and for the first time, a hint of emotion touched her face. "I'm sure they were going to tell you when you were older. I don't know what the social politics of 2041 are, but I daresay incest is still taboo and that incestyous couples are subject to the same legal and social perseeecution that they are at present. Also, you seem to be taking this revelation quite hard, which, I'm sure, your parents anticipated. Therefore it makes perfect sense that they would keep it from you until you were old enough to cope with it. Their intentions were good."
Lacy sighed. Sometimes she hated how much sense Lisa made.
"Their familial relationship is a non-issue," Lisa continued. "They apparently loved one another very much and they definitely loved you."
She was right. "Still...I'm an inbred."
"Statistically speaking," Lisa said, "many people are inbred. Look at the British royal family. They've made an institution of it."
Well...that was true. Was it really a non-issue, though?
Lacy thought long and hard...and decided that it was. She still loved her parents and they still loved her. Nothing had changed.
"Anyway," Lisa said, "I will not be able to work on the time machine until tomorrow. You'll just have to stay here."
Was that a good thing or a bad thing?
She didn't know.
But she was going to find out.
Grandma and Grandpa sat side by side at the kitchen table and regarded Lacy with puzzled expressions, as though they were trying to figure out where they knew her from but were too afraid of sounding rude to ask. "So, Marjorie," Grandma said at length, "it's very nice to meet you."
"Who did you say your -?" Grandpa started, but Grandma elbowed him in the side, cutting him off. He was going to ask who her parents were; Lisa introduced her as a cousin but did not elaborate. They had no doubt been wracking their brains in an attempt to figure out where exactly she came from.
"You're welcome to stay as long as you want," Grandma said and flashed a toothy smile.
Lacy returned it. "Thank you."
"What do you do for fun, Marge?" Luan asked. "You look like you like jokes. Do you like jokes?"
Before Lacy could reply, Luna butted in. "Nah, man, she's a total AC/DC fan. Right, Marge? Which song do you like better: Shoot to Thrill or Gone Shootin'?"
"Do you think I'm pretty?" Lola asked.
Next to her, Lana glared. "No, she thinks you're ugly. Right, Marge?"
"Uhhh…"
"I like your name," Lucy deadpanned, "it reminds me of Large Marge the ghost."
Leni's face went white. "SHE'S A GHOST?"
"No, dummy, she's a person," Mom said. Then to Lacy: "We're playing football after dinner. Get ready."
Suddenly, everyone was talking at once. Lana wanted Lacy to play trucks with her; Lola wanted to give her a makeover; Lori wanted her to clean her room; Luna wanted to jam out; Lucy wanted to fit her for a coffin; Lily threw her sippy cup at her and it landed in the middle of her plate. Lacy locked up, so overwhelmed that she didn't know what to do or say.
Finally, Dad's voice rang out. "Guys! Calm down! You're giving her a panic attack!"
"N-No, it's okay," Lacy said. "That all, uh, sounds fun." She offered a weak smile.
Once dinner was over, Mom snatched her by the hand and yanked her out the back door. Outside, the sun was beginning its slow descent over the rooftops in the west and the smell of fresh cut grass seasoned the cooling air. Mom pulled Lacy down the steps and into the center of the yard, released her, and produced a football from seemingly nowhere at all. "You ever play this, Bucky Beaver?"
Ignore your mother, Lisa told her earlier, she's a braggadocious twit whose idea of social bonding includes merciless taunting and name-calling. She does it to your father all the time and she wound up falling in love with him. Don't take it personally.
That was easier said than done. This was her mother after all, and her barbs and zingers...well, to be honest, they hurt.
"Yeah, I've played football," Lacy said truthfully. Mom taught her to play all kinds of sports. She wasn't the best, but she could hold her own.
Mom tossed the ball into the air and Lacy caught it. "Alright, then," Mom said. "You better bring your A game, because I will."
Lacy narrowed her eyes. Wow, Mom was a jerk as a kid.
"I will," Lacy said, and meant it.
Mom backed up until she was almost standing at the fence. "Throw the -"
Before she could finish, Lacy wound up, slammed one foot on the ground, and let fly. The ball spun through the air like a bullet. Mom jumped up and grabbed it, then charged toward Lacy. Lacy and her mother had played football in the backyard a thousand times before. The fence was always the end zone and if Mom got past her and reached it, she won.
Lacy wasn't going to let that happen.
When Mom was close, Lacy lunged at her. As expected, Mom faked cutting to the right, then went left. She just looooved the fake out. Unfortunatly for her, she would one day teach Lacy all her tricks. Lacy went left and tackled her. They fell to the ground and the ball flew from Mom's hands. Lacy got to her feet and Mom looked up at her wonderingly. "Always fake right but cut left," Lacy said, quoting what her mother always told her, "I call it the fake out."
Mom gaped...then grinned. "Hey, so do I." She jumped up and dusted herself off. "My turn."
They switched spots. Mom threw and Lacy caught. Lacy charged down the field. When she was close, she faked left then cut right. Mom missed her by bare inches. Lacy reached the fence, spiked the ball against the ground, and thrusted her hips back and forth. "Booooo-yah!"
"Okay," Mom said, "now you're messing with me. That's my move."
"I guess it runs in the family," Lacy said.
Mom looked at her funny...then they both laughed.
They tossed the football back and forth for a little while longer and talked. Mom told her all about herself, most of it information that Lacy already knew. At one point, Dad came out with a bag of trash and tossed it into one of the cans along the side wall. "Yo, Stinkcoln!" Mom called. "She's almost as good as I am!"
Dad shot her a sarcastic thumbs up.
Lacy watched them interacting, searching for some hint of their romantic bond. Maybe she didn't see it...or maybe it wasn't even there yet. When Dad was gone, Lacy said, "So...you close with your brother?"
She tossed the ball and Mom grabbed it. "Yeah, pretty close, I guess. No one else will play ball with me." She threw the ball back to Lacy. "We also used to play together a lot and shared a room when we were little and stuff."
Winding up, she threw the ball and Lacy caught it. "You guys seem to really get along."
"He's not totally lame like everyone else," Mom said. "He knows how to take a joke. Everyone else is too sensitive."
After playing with Mom, Lacy hung out with her aunts, more by force than anything else. She helped Lana fix the Power Wheel (yep, this was the one aunt Lola would eventually give her); she watched a horror movie with Lucy (or part of one, since it was way too scary); and she listened to Luna play a song. To Lacy's amazement, it was one that she knew. Luna played it all the time when Lacy was little. One of the lyrics was different, though, and Lacy's confusion must have shown, because Luna stopped. "What?"
"I like it," Lacy said, "but that part there….I want to get you out of your mood, well life is too short for you to sit and stew."
Luna stared at her blankly. "Yeah."
"Change stew to brood. It makes more sense."
Luna sang it back to herself, and her eyes widened with understanding. "Hey, it does. Thanks, Marge."
From there, she cleaned Lori's room (Lori was an even bigger jerk than Mom); had a tea party with Lola; pranked Dad with Luan; let Leni model some outfits for her; and watched The Fenton Fox Show with Lily. Lacy always wondered why her aunt Lily had a fox tattoo on her ankle, now she knew; Lily was engrossed by the cartoon. She watched it with big, shimmery eyes and slapped her chubby little feet whenever the characters sang.
Wow. Okay then.
At the end of the day, she played Grave Robber 64 with Dad, one of his favorite games. Lacy was shocked that he was living in the linen closet. In her day, Grandma and Grandpa kept extra sheets and towels in here, and Lacy never once imagined it doubling as a bedroom.
She and Dad had played Grave Robber 64 many times in the past. She wasn't good...at all...but she knew where all the easter eggs were. "Have you found the Torch of Monte Carlo?" she asked.
"Not yet," Dad said.
Lacy grinned. "Follow me."
A couple of Uzi toting skeletons jumped out of the darkness and massacred her and Dad both. "Freaking crud," they said in unison. They looked at each other and laughed.
Mom came in and sat between them. "Can I play?" she asked.
"No, go away," Dad said.
"C'mon," Mom whined, "I wanna play." She tried to take the controller out of Dad's hands and he fought back, leading to a vicious game of tug of war. Mom shoved him back and he grabbed her wrists in an attempt to wrestle her away. They giggled like loons and Lacy simply watched like a spectator at a sporting event. Yep, she could see it now.
That night, Lacy slept in a sleeping bag on Lisa's floor. "I've been in touch with my future self," Lisa said. "I anticipate the repairs taking most if not all of tomorrow. With any luck, you'll be back in your timeline by Monday."
Lacy frowned in the darkness.
But she liked this timeline.
Mom and Dad were alive here.
Sighing, she rolled onto her side.
It was a long time before sleep found her.
