Chapter 7: Katharsis
"If I were to open my eyes and find
I have to relive it all again
Can you please help me find a way?
To not make it feel real
Please tell this ain't real
Although I swore on my life
That I would only let you in.
I don't know if I can go on alone
It's too dark and scary"- Katharsis, Ling Tosite Sigure
It didn't seem like anything changed. Physicaly she was the same girl. In the same little room. But she wasn't. From inside she was watching. All those years of observing. Waiting for a chance. Fighting to surface. It had been more difficult than she expected it. Her resolve began to waiver. But when they slept the borders between them weakened. Things slipped in and out. The consciousness and the sub-consciousness were mixing together in dreams. She realized it was a danger. Her memories were stored inside Natalia's sub-consciousness. But sometimes they lipped out. There were thing she had to keep secret. But the mind did not choose what to reveal. Alex ended up reliving those memories alongside Natalia. She was scared that the girl would say something about the things she saw. But she didn't.
Her situation did not change. She was still just a trapped as she had been. The cage changed but she was still a bird stuck in it. She did not expect Natalia to break and give up the ghost to her after all this time. She made a mental note to thank Lucy. This would probably had not been possible without the loud, obnoxious girl.
Alex remained in bed. Feeling heavy, like she had forgotten how to move. Being unable to control the body, just a passive bystander for so long. Just feeling her own chest rise and fall while breathing took time to get used to. Feeling her heart beat. It was something she had forgotten about. Finally she moved her arm. Just a bit. Feeling the fingers bend. Rolling over to the side took a while. Taking in the sight of the closet door. Now decorated by a poster Natalia got at the mall. Nirvana. Something she thought Lucy would like. Alex didn't care much for music. Classical was what they all got educated on. It was not that she preferred it, she just didn't care. Something to dance to, socialize to at luxurious parties, a background. That's what music was supposed be. But this loud screaming noise could never a background. It drowned out everything else going on. Made it impossible to hear anything else but it. It suited that girl.
Finally getting out of bed and getting into some clothes for the day. Opening the closet door she looked at the stark contrast between the clothes. On the left all of Natalia's old dresses, on the right T-shirts and jeans. Mostly all black. She took the one white t-shirt of the bunch. It had a picture of what looked like an ink stain resembling a mix between a butterfly and a skull. The jeans were tight and like all pairs she owned ripped. Wearing torn clothes seemed like such poor taste but it was what Natalia wore. She had to pretend she was Natalia. To wait all this out. Until they let her leave the house again. And then…
She stood there thinking. Nothing came to mind. Umbrella was gone. Her island gone, all her research gone. Friends and allies, dead, arrested, in hiding. She was all alone. She had no money. She was being observed and monitored. Just like before. Just like back the orphanage. She was allowed to receive education and have meals and not much else outside of that. She looked at herself in the mirror for a long moment. She had escaped her sick and broken body, old age. She transcended death. She was reborn, reincarnate in a way. Only to relive it all again? The pain, the suffering, the loss, the loneliness, the helplessness. It's like she went back in time to her own child hood. Different house, different people, different physical body. Same situation.
She shook her head, slowly backing away from the mirror. But it was too late. The realization had begun to sink in.
"No. no." she whispered." This isn't how it was supposed to be."
Sitting on the floor next to the bed she felt exactly like she looked- a child. Scared. She pulled her knees to her chest and cried. The despair of it all being too much. Escape was just a dream. A delusion. Was this to be her fate? To be reborn just to repeat it all again? Was it some kind of twisted divine retribution? Or that thing people call karma? She had never believed in fate or god or anything other than science. But it felt like the universe was laughing at her. Reminding her of how truly powerless and helpless she was. That there was indeed something greater than her out there.
There was a knock on the window. And it was only when she awoke that she realized she had been asleep. Curled up on the floor next to the bed. The knock happened again and now she was aware that it was not a dream. Still confused she moved to the window and pulled open the curtain. Sitting on the small tilted roof was Lucy. Alex moved to open the window. Letting the girl inside.
"What are you doing here?"
It was then that she noticed Lucy was crying.
"I didn't know where else to go." She got in and Alex shut the window and closed the curtains.
There was a bruise on Lucy's face, part of it was bleeding, like something had slashed her cheek open. Alex felt a surge of concern. It had to be Natalia's, there was no way it could be hers.
"What happened? How did you find this place?"
She remembered that Lucy lived in another town. It was about an hour by car. She was dirty, scratched up, leaves stuck to her hoodie. Obvious that she walked here.
"I.." Lucy was out of breath.
Alex caught her when almost collapsed. Moving her to the bed.
"We need to take care of that" she looked at the bleeding gash.
If she recalled Barry and Kathy were supposed to be out today. But there agents outside watching the house. If anyone saw Lucy come in.. This could be bad. But first she needed to know how she found the house. Natalia had never told her address to anyone.
She got a towel from the bath room. Painkillers. Bandages Something to close the wound with and something to act as disinfectant. She took a bottle of vodka Barry kept in the cabinet downstairs. Sewing thread and needle. It would be bad if the girl bled to death in her room. When she got back Lucy was still in the same position she left her. Leaning on her pillow, with her legs of on the floor. The towel she placed was already soaking up blood.
"What happened?" She asked again while taking the bottle and opening it. Strong smell of alcohol hit her nose. She poured it into a small bowl. Dipped in the thread and needle. It will take time.
"My step dad, uh , you know what I mean."
"He did this?"
"After the forest, mom ended up in the hospital and… I was under house arrest but.. he caught me sneaking out. I don't know how. I waited for him to leave to work and.. he came back. He hit me with a bottle and it broke. "
"When was that?"
"This morning. It was early. "
"And it's been bleeding since?
It was already 2PM on the clock.
She took the needle out. Dried it off.
"Wait. Are seriously going to this?" Lucy seemed to suddenly notice what she was doing.
"No. I will sit here and wait till you bleed to death." She said sarcastically.
Lucy's breathing seemed to become rapid.
"Okay. But will it hurt?"
"Does it hurt now?
"it's kind of gone numb, but it does feel hot."
"You need to go to a hospital. " She got up and went to search for a tweezer.
"I can't. They'll send me home."
Alex found managed to find one.
"Give me your phone."
"What?"
"Flashlight. They took mine. There could be glass inside the wound."
She washed her hands, put on the rudder gloves Kathy kept around for cleaning. Disinfected the tweezer.
"Now be still." She began inspecting the cut, dabbing it with the towel edge soaked in alcohol.
Lucy frowned at the sting. But held still. There was a tiny hint of something shimmering. She took the tweezer and reached into the cut with. Lucy took a sharp breath. Then another. A pained yelp as the tiny bit of glass was extracted. Blood gushed out of the wound. Alex pressed the towel to the cut.
"Left side now. Hold it firmly." She commanded.
Lucy rolled over, pressing the towel to her face. Alex took time to take of her shoes.
"I'm sorry." Lucy said weakly." I swear I didn't know Ashley was.. Not really Ashley."
"Don't talk!"
"Sorry," she whispered
She moved Lucie's hand, lifted the towel. Bleeding has decreased.
"I'll stich the wound, but you lost a lot of blood. Honestly I can't believe you're still conscious. "
"I just need to sleep on it." Lucy tried to joke.
"That's not how it works."
"I, just." Lucy sat up. "Can you put some music on?" I just need to focus on something else." She gave the needle a sideways glance.
While Alex looked for something to put on Lucy took sip from the bottle of vodka. Her brow furrowed. She made a disgusted face.
"How can people drink this?"
Alex smiled a little. She put on a random song. It turned out to net be so bad. At least it wasn't distracting her from the task. (Numbers, Daughter).
The needle went in, out, connecting the sides of the gash. Lucy was shivering. Clutching the sheets. Halfway there. She tried to work fast, but to also make sure she was being efficient. Taking the scissors she cut the thread. Wound now closed. She reached for the bandages to wrap around Lucy's head. She was looking pale now. Cheek swollen. Body covered in cold sweat, shivering.
"You need antibiotics. If the wound got infected." Alex sighed.
Lucy laughed.
"You sound like a doctor."
Alex wanted to retort but then remembered that she was supposed to be pretending to be Natalia.
"Well, I…"
"and what's with the S.W.A.T. guys being after you?"
"They're from the B.S.A.A. "
"What?"
How did Natalia put it?
"A crazy scientist lady put herself into my head.. And then they thought she was trying to escape. Her name was Alex."
"Right" Lucy gave a look that said she was trying to figure out the joke. "Wait you're serious?"
"How do you think I did all this?" She questioned
"I don't know. Watch a video on the internet?
Alex gave a frustrated sigh.
"Did anyone see you end the house?"
"I don't think so. Why?"
"The house is under surveillance."
"Right.. Crazy science lady.. Huh?"
Lucy didn't seem to believe her. She could not blame the girl. She herself would not believe something like this if had not been the one to invent it.
"I'm sorry. I really got you into trouble. Didn't I" Lucy said bowing her head.
Alex said nothing. What was there to say?
"I really didn't know she was pretending to be Ashley. For three years I thought I knew her. And yet it turns out it was all a lie. I didn't know her at all. So decided to find out. I took a look at the school records. That's how I found out your address. Sorry. "
"You broke into the principal's office?" Alex was surprised she managed something like this.
"Yeah. There is a trick to it. Anyways. Ashley Davis I mean the real one goes to an all-girls school in a different town. But here is the weird part. She did go to our school five years ago and graduated. But that would make her at least twenty four. Ash enrolled three years ago when I first met her. I mean they look identical. Like twins but the Davis's only had one daughter."
"Maybe there is more to all this then meet the eye." Alex said, more to herself.
She remembered. The memory has been buried deep in her mind. It was a small, insignificant fact. Until now.
"I know right." Lucy said. "Like it's creepy. Some chic goes around pretending she is someone else and she did it before too. That's sick. I don't feel so bad about her being dead. Does that make me bad person?"
Alex shook her head.
"I feel so dirty. I really need a shower." Lucy said.
There was blood on her shirt, on her neck, in her hair. Alex pointed to the white door leading into the bathroom.
"Don't get the bandage wet."
She helped Lucy get out of her shirt that was stuck to her body with sweat and blood. Seeing her exposed reminded her of that time and she felt that urge return. It was something that clearly belonged to Natalia or at least the physical body of Natalia.
"I feel really woozy" Lucy said trying to stay sitting up.
"Probably the blood loss." She said.
It was the first time she noticed the black dragon on her side. Just near the ribs. A black dragon flying up. One of those Chinese ones. It's wing vanishing under the black bra right under her breast, while the other went towards the back. Her eyes followed the design up to Lucy's chest. Feeling her face grow hot. Lucy was looking up at her, dazed from the blood loss. They were so close, she could kiss her. She felt the overwhelming urge to…
They didn't hear the car drive into the driveway. The song had long changed from peaceful into something loud. She moved her hand up Lucy's side, tracing the tattoo. Lucy didn't flinch, didn't pull away. The front door opened. There was blood covering the side of Lucy's chest, her arm, shoulder. She moves one hand to wipe away the hair stuck to her face. Her face is warm, but the rest of her is cold. Alex screams somewhere in the back of her own mind. Tries to pull away but the feeling of Lucy breathing on her neck makes her blood pulse. Drowning out the logic. Leaving her to curse at the teenage hormones. The bedroom door opens.
"What is going on?!" Barry's voice cuts through the loud music.
Alex jumps. Turns to the door. The music stops playing. But she doesn't notice anything. Her reflection on the mirror is bloody. She didn't notice it before.
"Is that blood?!What did you do?" Claire is there too.
Lucy is covering herself with her shirt. Barry moved towards Alex, grabbed her by the wrist.
"What is going on here?!"
"I can explain." She yells.
Now he seems to notice Lucy. All the medical stuff on the bedside table. The bloody towel on the floor.
"Ale… Natalia" Lucy corrects herself" Was trying to help me. Please don't hurt her."
Barry is looking between the two girls.
"What is going on here?" He repeats in a calmer manner, but still menacing.
Claire moves to toss a blanket over Lucy.
"Please. I'm sorry I caused you all trouble." She is crying now.
Alex makes a note to get Lucy a present. The girl is a gift that just keeps on giving.
"I swear I didn't meant to. I didn't know she wasn't really Ashley. "
"Who did this to you?" Claire interrupts looking at the bandages. Tries to remove them.
"Was it her?" She looks at the other girl.
"She was trying to help me.." is al the Lucy says. " my.. step.."
The words won't come out. Alex understands. Admitting to it means making it real. She remembers. She understands. She speaks.
"He stepfather did this. Lucy ran away because he did. "
Lucy just nods. Barry and Claire exchange uncomfortable glances.
"He also put cameras all over the house. Even in her bedroom"
"What?" Lucy chokes out a sob.
"I thought you knew. " Alex turns to her.
Tears sting behind her eyes but she doesn't let them fall.
"So that's how he knew. "Lucy has a horrid realization.
"You're not going to send her back home are you. "She shoots a pleading look at Claire, then at Barry.
"We need to discuss this." Claire says.
They leave the room. Lucy hurriedly pulls her shirt back on. They wait in silence. And she never thought Lucy could be quiet. They aren't sure how long it goes on. But Alex remembers another girl that came to her room and asked for her help. That was how all of her suffering began.
It's been so long
I've destroyed so much
But did end up helping anyway?
I've changed so much
What have I become?
Think it's best for you to
Take the knife of revolution and kill me
I still wonder if my sins will meet their end.
