Chapter 10 : Smoke

In a smoke filled room
With your father watching me

There's three doors and no keys

It's rising, it's choking me

In a smoke filled room
In a smoke filled room

There's a man with no face Just a blurred out portrait
In a photo frame I'm losing again
I'm losing my friend- Smoke, Daughter

The room is familiar to her. She had been there many times. Spencer's old office. The painting of the old man on the wall. But it is different now. Clouded. Foggy. Swirling smoke fills it. But there is no fire. It's coming from the door. It was not there originally. It's open but there is only darkness past it. Alex is not the young girl she is. She looks like the woman she used to be, her old self. Something emerges from the darkness. She turns. Sees him. The same black suit. Dark glasses.

"You can't be here. You're dead" She says

"So are you" He responds.

"Not quite" she says." Though I wish I was."

He comes closer. Embraces her.

"I'm sorry. I failed." She whispers.

"It hardly matters" he strokes her hair.

"You're right, it doesn't matter. " She stand on the tips of her toes, kisses him.

He returns her kiss. Pushes her against the table. She sits on it, leans back on her arms, and gives him access to her neck. He leans down. Kissing her again. Moving down her neck.

"I missed you so much." She whispers.

He unbuttons her shirt. Hands touching her. Whispers in her ear.

"I missed you too."

He undresses her. It's just like before. Back when he was alive. It feels real. She feels him moving inside her. The pleasure building. Arms around his neck. All she wants is to hold him like this forever. Finally having him back. She comes. Feels him follow soon after. He kisses her again. Looks back over his shoulder.

"They're calling me back" He says.

"Can't you stay a little longer?" She pleads.

He shakes his head. Begins to fade, turn into smoke. She could have sworn she herd Birkin's voice from the darkness beyond the door. The door closes on its own. Vanishes.

Alex wakes up in her bed. Of course it was a dream. The dead don't just come back to life. Well not like they used to be. As monsters, as zombies, sure but not as people. He isn't coming back, no matter how much she wants him to. She pulls her legs to her chest, cries until the alarm goes off. Washes her face with cold water. Puts on make up to cover the crying.

The ride to school is quiet. Lucy isn't there to greet her by the gate. Even thought she was loud and sometimes obnoxious, she did break up the monotony. As she walks to class somebody bumps into her. It almost knocks her down. She looks up. It's the boy she saw once outside of art class. She tries to remember his name. Lucy called him Eliot. Messy shoulder long auburn hair. He gives her grin. He did it on purpose that much is clear.

"Better watch where you're going. Lucy ain't here to protect you anymore."

She ignores him and his snickering friends. Walks away. Sees his posture fall from confident to confused in the reflection in the glass door. It art class and Mr. Hoffman forces her to stay behind and make up for all the time she spent in house arrest. She isn't too thrilled.

"You know, Miss Burton, you can talk to me about anything." He says leaning on one of the desks, observing her.

She ignores him. She doesn't care much for secrecy anymore. He seems insistent that she get's creative with her drawings. He won't let her leave until she makes something that pleases him. She begins to see why Lucy didn't like him.

Black on red. Black ground, red sky. A small orange line, like a fire in the middle. A black shape of a tower rising from the ground.

"Very good." He moves closer. Stands behind her, almost touching.

He takes her hand, moves it.

"Now if you used this stroke."

She tenses, feeling his hand on hers. Tries to pull away.

"It's alright. Relax." He takes the brush, draws a few lines.

His hand moves to her side. She can't leave. He is holding her in place.

"Now try again." He smiles, reassuring.

She does what she's told. He takes her hand again. Moves it until she can repeat the stroke exactly. The thin orange line is now mixed with yellow and pink. A sunrise? Or maybe a sunset.

"I'm sorry." He says when she prepares to leave." I should have warned you about Miss Jones. I hope you're not taking her leaving too hard."

She says nothing. She is aware of the game he is playing. Trying to act like he cares. She knew men like him. She remembers Lucy hating the man. She returns the sentiment. Flips him off while leaving the classroom.

She is still wearing the bracelet Lucy gave her. It's not elegant. She wonder why she didn't take it off. It's black leather with four rows of metal studs circling around it.

Alex spends the lunch break in the house. Cid is trying to steal some of the chicken Kathy cooked. She finally gives up on protecting her food and tosses the cat a large piece. She supposes that now she needs to take care of it. The cat seems to notice Lucy's absence as well. It looks at her, the then at the door. Meows a few times. Settles down on a shirt Lucy left behind on Friday. It almost makes her feel sad. It's quiet. It was never quiet when Lucy was there. She always played music. The silence seems unfitting for this place. It feel like a funeral. Too heavy. Lucy is not dead. She is far away and probably having the time of her life. Silence doesn't suit her. She finds the old CD player. It plays "Sex Pistols". Lucy loved them. Named the cat after their vocalist. Put a small chain with a tiny padlock on him. So people don't think he's a stray. The cat get's up. Moves closer to her. She looks at it annoyed. Raises her food overhead. Cid climbs on her lap. Sits down and purrs. She strokes his fur. It feels nice. It's warm. It isn't too bad. He doesn't go for her food anymore. Just sits there snoozing.

She tells herself she doesn't care about Lucy. And there is no way she could miss that girl. These feelings must be Natalia's. Yet she wonders, if she had gone with her. Where would the two of them be now? Somewhere far away. A big city. Back in the U.S. . . Seattle maybe. She did wire some money to one of her own accounts. Made copies of the data from the facility. It could be useful. And even if the B.S.A.A. cleaned it out, it was still there. The terminal, the labs, the equipment. But it would be risky to do anything right now. Maybe in a few years when they've stopped monitoring it. After they caught the monster in the woods.

Another night another dream. She is back there in that smoke filled room. Wonders if he will show up again. He does.

"What is this place, anyways?" She asks.

"A room" He responds.

"But where? Raccoon city was destroyed."

"In between."

"In between what?"

"I doesn't really matter."

"It's a dream. I had one like this before. Sure is strange to know you're in dream when you're dreaming."

"It's called lucid dreaming. Care to dance?" He bows, extends his hand to her.

"Why not. But there's no music?"

The melody starts playing out of nowhere. She takes his hand. Even if it is a dream, it feels good. She doesn't want it to end. She rests her head against his chest as they waltz.

"You know it's a pity we only danced once." She says.

" We never had an occasion to."

" No, we didn't."

The song is over. They stop.

"You're leaving again." she realizes.

"I have to." He says looking at the door.

"Take me with you! I don't want be without you!"

"I can't. it's not your time." he walks back into the darkness, vanishes.

She reaches for him, her finger only touch air. It's cold as ice. There are voices echoing in the dark. The door closes and vanishes.

She awakes with a pain in her chest. These dreams only make her miss him more. She looks at the bracelet. Then at her tattoo. Things that will remind her of Lucy. Somebody she only knew for a short time. She had known him more or less her whole life, yet she had nothing of his. Nothing to remind her that he was there. Only memories. And dreams and the pain in her heart.

Another day of school. She runs into Eliot again. He and his friends block her way. Standing on the stairs not letting her pass.

"Better go around then" one teases" or you'll be late for class."

She turns around. Somebody pushes her from behind. She grabs on to the railing. Steadies herself. Hears them laughing. Takes a breath. They are not worth it. She walks away.

Another free period spent making up for missed art classes. Hoffman is standing behind her again. Close. He doesn't touch her yet. She suppresses the feeling of disgust. Does what he tells her. He is good at teaching art. But bad at hiding his intentions.

He touches her shoulder. Hand sliding down her arm. She tries to ignore it.

"You know if anyone is giving you trouble. Or if you simply need someone to talk to."

She can feel his break on her neck.

"Whatever makes you think I need someone?" she retorts, cold. Emotionless.

"You don't have be strong. You don't have to pretend with me. Clearly you're sad. Your friend has left you. But you don't have to be alone."

She wants to vomit.

"I'll decline but thanks for the offer."

She pushes back. Leaves before he says she can. Doesn't care.

She sees the familiar room once more. These dreams have been giving her comfort as well as great sadness. But they allowed her to see him. Even if it was only a dream of him. He emerges from the blackness. No suit this time. He looks like he did that night. Taller. Black coat flowing behind him.

"What's the occasion?" She wonders

He gives her a sly smile.

"Fine. Keep your secrets."

"If I recall, you seemed to enjoy this form."

She feels her face flush.

"Maybe I did"

He embraces her from behind. She shivers with excitement.

"This time it won't hurt."

"You know, I don't mind the pain." She says.

"I know." He kissed the top of her head, lifts her into his arms.

She straddles him on the sofa in the waiting area. He lays there waiting for her to adjust. Let's her set the pace. She tries to drag it out. She doesn't want to wake up. But he touches her, fingers teasing her. Making her lose control. It's over all too soon. She lays in his arms.

"You're going to leave again, aren't you." She questions.

"You already know the answer"

He sits up. She clings to his back.

"Please stay, just a while longer."

He looks at the darkness, listens.

"I guess it's alright."

He kisses her. Hold her close. It hurts knowing that it will end. But she doesn't want to let go.

"I'm sorry "he says." I won't be able to see you anymore"

He gets up. Leaving her confused.

"What you mean? This is my dream! You'll be here when I fall asleep." She feels tears flowing down her face.

He shakes his head.

"I'm afraid not."

"Why?"

"It's not for me to decide." He looks back at the door.

"You're going to go back there." She says disappointed.

"Not this time. That is why I can't see you anymore."

A new door appears on the other side of the room. Grey.

"Don't leave." She pleads weakly. "Don't go somewhere I can't follow. Not again"

He embraces her.

"It will be alright. It's not forever. Just a long time. I will see you again."

He opens the door. Behind it is a light. It's blinding. She can't see. He is gone. The door vanishes.

The week passes by. No matter how hard she tries she doesn't dream the room anymore. Or him. it's like he had been erased even from her dreams. It reminds her of that night. The night she had asked him to end her suffering. But instead, he left and then he died. Leaving her alone. It's like that pain came back fresh. She can barely keep herself from crying on the ride to school. Barry looks at her funny but says nothing.

There is smoke coming from the forest behind the school. It feels unreal. She runs. She knows what is there. Runs even faster. Enters the forest. She sees the blue jeans jacket. A red can in hand. Messy auburn hair. He turns. Looks at her. The look on his face is almost apologetic and scared. He runs. She wants to go after. But the house is burning an open flame. Barry shows up. Tries to pull her away. She struggles. Tries to run into the fire. Save something anything. But he is stronger. Pulls her back into the car. She cries. Another thing she knew is gone. It was a place where she felt safe. She felt happy. It was a sanctuary. Now just ash and smoke.