Chapter 1: Appear


Appear weak when you are strong, appear strong when you are weak

-Sun Tzu, The Art of War


AKA the chapter in which Moruto thinks radishes got him laid


"Minari, what's wrong?"

Moruto had come up behind her as she looked over the valley. What had once been a makeshift camp was now taking on the shape of a settlement that crept along the sides of a valley that had once been part of a national park. All the developed areas had been destroyed in the frantic battles that had ensued upon Kabuto's appearance.

Kabuto had neatly united the developed world once it was made clear to every modern nation that nothing, not nuclear bombs or chemical weapons, could stop this man. Much of the world was moving on as it always had, the distinct drop in the need for politicians being the only real difference their citizens noticed.

But this country, which had once led the world in technological innovations, by the sheer bad luck of having been the place once called the Elemental Nations, had been almost blown back to the Stone Ages when Kabuto showed the world the full extent of his power.

The story went that Kabuto preferred it this way, though he'd taken care to preserve some of their best research facilities. He left the rest of the country to rebuild from what scant natural resources the people had. No one could leave, and they all lived in fear as to when Kabuto would come searching for research subjects.

A growing number of people came to this as yet unnamed settlement seeking Moruto's protection, but Minari, as one of the founding members of the settlement, knew the truth.

This settlement only still existed because Kabuto did not want to waste time hunting Moruto down. He had realized Moruto posed no real threat to him. No one did.

But if Kabuto were ever to change his mind...

Minari shook her head, her back still to Moruto. "It's nothing. It's..." A brisk wind blew past, and she gave up on trying to articulate her thoughts to shiver instead.

Moruto put warm hands on her shoulders, rubbing them briskly to try to warm her up.

"It's cold out, come in."

She sighed, leaning back into his touch. He enveloped her in his arms from behind, resting his chin on her head. They swayed gently.

"Do we have enough food?" she murmured up to him. "Ten more people arrived yesterday."

He groaned, and she could feel him slump into her.

"Really? We don't have many hands available to help scavenge."

The vast majority of the camp was still injured from the first devastating attack on Fire College. They had no medical personnel among them, and even if they had, there was precious little they could have done without supplies.

They were doing the best they could, but even now, she knew Professor Go's wrist was healing incorrectly. The lack of food wasn't helping either.

She worried at a thumbnail.

"I know you don't want to... but we could go hunting?"

She felt the frown rather than saw it. She broke the tension from his silent protest.

"Look, we don't exactly have tofu sitting around now, and people need food. People need protein right now."

"Minari, it's when you compromise on small principles that you open the door to compromising on big ones."

She tamped down the flash of irritation that ran through her at the vegetarian's words. This stubborn belief in the value of life was what had led Moruto to almost sacrifice himself rescuing the people who now lived there in the settlement. Moruto's conviction had been a blessing, but now, increasingly, a curse.

She sighed again, knowing there was going to be a breaking point, knowing she was fast approaching it.

But not now.

"You're right, let's go inside. We'll figure something out."


Dinner was not figured out that day or the next, and Minari felt the shame rise in her as she watched the people who had come to this settlement for safety and shelter be handed small bowls of dandelion broth.

She knew it affected Moruto too. He was gone, no doubt looking to gather more food.

If only he could find a potato... She would have murdered for a potato.

She stared down into her painfully potato-free bowl of gruel.

There was only so long people could survive off this. Her clothes now hung loosely on her frame. She laughed bitterly. Once upon a time, she would have killed for this body fat percentage. But now, it filled her with fear.

Staring at her reflection in the muddy water of the gruel, she made a decision.

"Krishna?" The ex-grad student looked up from where he'd been staring blankly into his own bowl.

"Hey.."

"You played a decent amount of sports, right?"

He shrugged. There was no point in asking. The evidence was there in the muscle that was still apparent on his arms despite the past two weeks of near starvation.

"I need you to pull together as many non-injured people as you can. Secretly. I'll distract Moruto tonight, let people know to meet me at the big rock by the river after breakfast. If we have the materials to make rope, or thread, or anything like that, get together to make them tonight."

His eyes lit up with something that looked dangerously like hope. "You mean..?"

She nodded. "I'm putting together a hunting party."

"Moruto-sama won't like it."

She smiled grimly. "Leave Moruto to me."

She left to wait at the settlement entrance, where she knew Moruto would arrive.

It was three hours past sundown when he finally did.

His face broke out into a smile when he saw her at the gate, a gaunter version of the one that had stolen her heart weeks ago, but no less appealing.

"I didn't expect a welcoming party," he said, grinning down at her in the silly, playful way he'd somehow managed to preserve through these horrors.

She rose up on tiptoe to meet his kiss.

"Couldn't stop thinking of you," she said, smiling back. It wasn't exactly a lie. She held out a hand for his backpack. He broke out in a wider smile and handed it to her.

Her hand plummeted to the ground with the unexpected weight of it.

She looked up at him, eyes wide. That had to be the weight of root vegetables in there.

He flashed a V.

"I found radishes."

She opened the bag in a hurry to find that, indeed, those were radishes in there.

Speechless, she looked from him to the bag, trying to figure out if she should cheer wildly or shower him in praises.

To both their surprise, she ended up choosing neither. She fell to the ground and broke out in tears.

"Oh, no no no." He swooped down to meet her on the ground, trying to wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, should I put them back?"

She laughed through her tears. "N-No, you idiot! Don't you fucking dare.."

She swatted away his flustered hands to wipe away her tears herself.

"It's just such a relief..." She hugged the bag closer. "Is there more? Do you think we could cultivate it?"

He nodded excitedly. "Believe it! There's plenty, it's kind of far away, but I put a seal down and if we start planting some over here, we should be able to—"

She interrupted him with an open mouthed kiss. She felt his relieved grin against her lips as he eagerly leaned into her touch. She released the bag to pull his face closer to hers, winding her fingers in the mess of blond hair that had grown unruly without the ministrations of a barber.

She pulled him further onto her, and they fell back, Moruto's arms on either side holding himself barely off of her as they continued their kiss.

She groped at his back, pulling the material up.

He broke the kiss to laugh. "Hey, hey, now. Anyone could walk by and see us, you know."

"Then take me somewhere people won't see us," Minari whispered into his ear. "Mr. Uzumaki." She bit his ear lightly. She felt a shudder of arousal run through his body as he held Minari closer to his side and snatched the bag back up. She soon felt the familiar blip of the Hiraishin as he teleported them home.

Krishna would not be interrupted.


The dawn was breaking over the mountains when Minari awoke. Blinking tiredly in the deep orange light of the dawn, she carefully disentangled herself from Moruto.

He murmured a sleepy complaint, reaching for her warmth.

She thwarted his attempts to pull her back in, tucking the thin blanket tightly up to his chin.

"Shhh, you did so well yesterday." She nuzzled the man affectionately. "Sleep some more, love."

He snuggled agreeably into the bedding. "Yes'm."

She grabbed the radishes on her way out of their simple quarters.

Hirai was up, staring listlessly into the fires they kept going at all times in the main square. There were too many refugees to fit into the few structures they had built, and Minari found herself picking over the prone bodies huddled by the fires to get to her.

"Hey, good news."

Hirai glanced up at her, and then to the bag.

"If it's not a potato, I'm not interested."

"Close, radishes." Minari flashed the contents of the bag at the ex-nutrition major.

Faint interest crossed Hirai's tired features.

"How many?"

In response, Minari emptied the bag out at their feet. It was far more food than they currently had in their stores, but still nowhere near enough.

"Moruto says he found a full field."

Hirai picked up a radish and dusted it off. Minari looked on, her initial excitement dampened a touch by the other woman's lukewarm response.

"This will definitely help..." Hirai started cautiously.

She hesitated, then met Minari's eyes directly, a little angrily. "But we can't live off radishes, Minari. They don't have enough protein. We all need protein right now."

Minari looked down. "I know. I suspected they wouldn't have enough."

She slumped down next to Hirai.

"I'm putting together a hunting party, Krishna should have a group together by now...I need you to keep Moruto occupied after breakfast. Keep him as far away from the eastern woods as possible. He put a seal down by the radishes he found, so if you could go out with him and help him do a thorough search for food?"

"You're what?" Hirai said incredulously. "How're you going to deal with the fall out with Moruto-sama?"

Minari rubbed a hand over tired eyes. "I'm not sure. Him finding these radishes actually makes it harder to convince him that this is necessary."

Hirai reached a hand out to the younger woman. "It is necessary though." Minari gripped the proffered hand gratefully, then found herself pulled into a hug. "I know Moruto-sama does the heavy lifting around here, but anyone who's been here more than a day can see this little safe haven runs because of you."

She broke away from the hug to hold Minari by the shoulders. "You're the only one who can authorize a hunting party against Moruto-sama's wishes, and we need this. I'll keep him busy the whole day. Don't worry, he will understand in time."

Minari bit a lip to hold back words she knew would only alarm Hirai.

He doesn't need to.


The radishes were well-received at breakfast. Minari watched Moruto beam as people came up to thank him for the food.

She shifted her gaze then to Krishna, who nodded back, then got up.

Six or seven others, still strong, still healthy, surreptitiously got up and left too at that.

After setting Hirai on Moruto, Minari joined the crew where they were waiting by the river.

They were shifting their weight anxiously from foot to foot.

One said the thought that was on all of their minds.

"Didn't Moruto-sama say he'd withdraw protection from the settlement if we started eating meat?"

Minari's face was calm.

"Yes."

"But you've figured out a way to handle Moruto-sama?" Krishna continued.

"Yes," she said, as blank-faced as before. The entire group relaxed.

She stood there, wondering if she should just leave it at that.

But this was a coup, and it would be too cruel to make them a completely unwitting part of it.

She spoke again.

"Moruto...may end up leaving the settlement because of this."

She could see that she'd lost more than half the group already, from the glances they exchanged with each other, but she powered on.

"And if he does, that's good for us."

Eyes widened all around at those words. It was no secret in the settlement what the two were to each other.

"Moruto is not powerful enough to save us from Kabuto. Yes, he fought Kabuto to save our class and lived, but only by distracting him from us while we fled. He only survived because of Hiraishin. If Kabuto steps out from his lair to fight Moruto in earnest, he'd be crushed. We'd be crushed."

She looked around at them to emphasize the point.

"We're safer if Moruto isn't here. He's the only reason Kabuto could possibly have to seek us out. Without him, we can safely build up a village, build up boats, then sail away from this cursed continent to leave Kabuto here alone."

"Minari..." Krishna trailed off, speechless.

Minari put her lips in a thin line.

"But even before all that, far more people will die of sickness and starvation in the coming weeks if we don't get some meat in us. We have no choice."

She took up the makeshift net she'd brought.

"So those of you that want to help us live, stay. I'm bringing fish back to the settlement today whether you join me or not."

Krishna's eyes wavered, but he picked up his own rope.

The one who'd brought up Moruto in the first place did as well. They all did.

"Fuck it, you're right. We need to eat."

Minari breathed an inward sigh of relief. With more than half of the camp's able-bodied members on her side, whether Moruto stayed or not, the settlement would be fine.

"We only need four people here to fish with the nets. The rest of you follow me with ropes, I'll show you how to set snares."


Hirai, true to her word, kept Moruto occupied the entire day.

The two only returned at sundown, and by then, the festivities had already begun. They heard the cheering and laughing from the gates.

Moruto, with radishes on the brain, grinned.

"All this over radishes? Wait until they see what we found."

Hirai closed her eyes. The worst had happened on this trip, right as they were about to end their search. She trailed behind the confused ninja apprehensively.

His confusion did not last long. Hunger had sharpened his senses, and the sizzling smell of meat that wafted forth could not be taken for anything else.

Least of all radishes.

Moruto's smile dropped as he followed the noise to the main square.

And as the celebrating refugees noticed his appearance, the main square slowly fell silent.

Deadly silent.

When Minari heard the noise die down behind her, she carefully moved the fish off the stone grill, back still turned to where she knew Moruto would be standing.

When she finally turned, the crowd had already moved aside to allow Moruto to level a piercing stare right at her as he stood stock still in the center of the square.

She wiped her hands on a cloth and met his eyes coolly.

"Welcome back."

A muscle in his jaw twitched, then he was on her, ninja-fast. He gripped her upper arms with bruising force as he whirled her away with the Hiraishin.


She found herself in their simple room. His vise-like hold on her upper arms did not slacken.

"Why?"

"Moruto..."

He was trembling. With rage? With sorrow? The grip was painful, but it did not seem like he realized.

"Why?"

"We can't live like this, Moruto. We can't. This was going to happen eventually." She tried to peel his fingers off. "Moruto, please."

He stared at the hold he had on her arms like he'd never seen his hands before. He let go, throwing her away from him in the process.

"Moruto, we needed—"

"I know what we needed!" Moruto snapped. "I know what we needed, and I was going to get us what we needed, I just needed more time!"

"Moruto, meat is—"

"You think this is about meat?" She drew back at the wild note in his voice. "This isn't about some stupid fucking meat, Minari, this is about you going behind my back and forcing this on me!"

He hurled his bag to the floor.

Minari looked away from what fell out.

Potatoes.

"You couldn't trust me, could you? You couldn't wait just the single more day we needed."

He slammed a forearm into the wall, breathing hard. She reached out a hesitant hand towards his back. He slapped it away without looking.

"I was ready, you know? I was ready to start talking about hunting if even this didn't work out. I'm not stupid, Minari, I wasn't going to starve us all for this."

"You didn't tell me." She raised her own voice as she drew close to him, knowing he wouldn't shove her bodily away. "How was I supposed to know?"

"You didn't trust me." he spat.

Minari stood there, a hands breadth away from him, torn. Should she keep pushing him away? Reel him back in?

She steeled herself. She needed him gone.

"Moruto...are you going to leave us?"

Moruto's shoulders rose up, shaking with suppressed emotion.

"Moruto..."

"No." Like the air was let out of him, he slid down to take a seat on the bed, cradling his head in his hands. "No, I won't leave you."

Shit.

"Moruto, I—"

"Don't talk. I can't listen to you right now. I-I," he took another deep breath. "I love you, but I can't listen to you right now."

She screamed internally. Moruto, loving me is not the problem, I need to you to get the hell out of this settlement.

She tried again.

"Don't stay for me. You can leave."

His hands shot out to grab her hands. He looked at her for the first time since he'd turned away to smash his forearm into the wall as he practically convulsed. He was crying. The deep breathing had been him crying.

"Don't say that. Don't say that." he repeated desperately. Minari looked away as he failed to fight his tears and sobbed into her hands, heavy hiccupping sobs. "I need-I need you."

She looked down on the bowed head of the man that had saved her, among countless others, right when they had needed a hero.

She'd provided him comfort after that first, awful day. When she'd found him retching behind the ruins of the library after the work of clearing out what few survivors there were had been completed.

Fear and relief and adrenaline had done their job, and the two had coupled there, roughly, passionately, next to a puddle of vomit and the remains of their classmates.

She'd been attracted to him, she'd been grateful to him. She had wanted him.

That had been it, but now, survival was a matter beyond such fleeting emotions.

He had stepped up to be the hero, but the opponent had found him wanting. She had found him wanting.

Yet now he was there in front of her, head bowed, hands clutching hers to his forehead almost as if in prayer as he wept.

She looked down at their joined hands and allowed herself to feel pity.

His half-formed strength, not strong enough to win, not weak enough to fully ignore, was dangerous to everyone around it. It was obvious to anyone who had witnessed the two battle. Kabuto may be content with his stability now, but the uncertainty that would no doubt bloom eventually in the snake-man's mind from having another ninjutsu user loose in the world would surely bring about their doom.

She could not stay for him.

He was speaking now, voice still soft and shaky, but no longer hiccupping his words through sobs.

"Listen, I know the only jutsu that I have that can really do anything against Kabuto is Hiraishin. That's the only real thing my parents taught me. Everything else is like... is like party tricks. Even with Hiraishin, all I can really do is run away. I know that."

Wide blue eyes met her own sorrowful dark ones.

"I know I can't save everyone, but you, you at least, I thought I could keep by my side, safe and sound. Don't push me away. Don't make me leave. I can keep at least you safe, I promise. "

She couldn't help the warmth blooming in her chest at his words, no matter how unrealistic she knew them to be.

He kissed her palm as she moved to skim a thumb over his cheeks, wiping away his tears.

She would need to drive him away, eventually.

But that day, it seemed, would not be today.

His touches that night were tender, his kisses slow and melting and apologetic. The usual teasing and laughter was replaced with a low, deep desperation to bring the other closer than ever, and for a moment, as Minari peaked, she wished his words could have been true.


Hirai twisted a lip at the bruising.

"I can't believe Moruto-sama would ever do this to you of all people," she murmured, running a hand carefully over the skin under which deep purple fingerprints melded into each other.

"He didn't mean to..." Minari said.

Hirai clucked at the younger woman. "I've heard that one before."

Minari tugged her sleeve down lower sheepishly.

"He really didn't realize, he was so shocked."

Hirai's response was cut off as Krishna came by the kitchen, holding some skinned rabbits.

"We've...oh, Minari-sama." He bowed.

He bowed? Sama?

Minari, bewildered, bowed back.

From the way Krishna's eyes very casually swept over her, very deliberately not lingering on her bruising, Minari knew the news was fully out.

She turned to Hirai the moment Krishna left.

"What do people know?"

Hirai went about butchering the rabbits.

"You two didn't exactly build your place very far away from the rest of us, you know."

Minari sank down, hugging her knees. Hirai looked down at her sympathetically, though the effect was a little marred by the blood spattering out as she hacked the rabbit apart with a crude knife.

"We did wonder if we should send someone in there, but what could any one of us do if Moruto-sama was..."

She nodded. It did not surprise her that no one cowering under Moruto's protection would want to intrude.

"You really did save us though," Hirai said as she swept the meat into a pot. "We needed this meat."

Her next words came out hesitantly.

"Where... is Moruto-sama now?"

The question Is he staying here? hung silently between her words.

"He'll be around soon, with more potatoes." She answered.

A rustle in the main square had both women turning to look.

A lone potato rolled away from the overfull bag that had appeared there.

Minari sighed and stood, dusting herself off.

"I'll go check what's bothering him."

Hirai nodded, not daring say the words in her head aloud, lest the ninja heard.

Be careful.


"Are you okay?" Minari asked, silhouetted in the light from the doorway.

Hope dawned in her chest as she realized Moruto had been packing. He turned to her now.

"I should be asking that of you. Is that how you're treated?"

Minari frowned lightly at the wholly unexpected line of questioning.

"What do you mean?"

"They thought you were in trouble and they wouldn't come help you?" He resumed packing.

"They knew you wouldn't actually hurt me," she said consolingly, closing the door behind her.

"And can you stop lying?"

She froze.

"What?"

He stopped packing to fix her with a determined look.

"Can you stop lying?"

She dry-swallowed.

"They really do know you'd never actually hurt me, Moruto."

"Oh yeah, stop lying about that too."

Minari fought to control her rapidly accelerating pulse.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're going to make me say it?"

"Say what?"

He rose from his seat on the ground now, bag fully packed.

"Underneath the underneath, Minari. I may not be Kabuto's level, but I was still raised a ninja."

Minari knew what he was going to say even before he continued.

"I never thought you'd actually go through with it. I know it's dangerous to have me around, but I didn't think you actually wanted me gone. You didn't think I knew what you were trying with this meat trick?"

He came closer to her, looking more resigned than sorrowful, more sorrowful than angry. She stood still as he rested his forehead on hers, the way he had so many times before.

"I thought I was losing my mind when I realized you were actually pushing me away."

He intertwined his fingers in hers and brought it up between them, kissing her fingertips.

"I know why you did it though. You're right. Everyone's in danger as long as Kabuto lives. And I'm not strong enough to stop him."

He stepped away to stand in the center of fuuinjutsu scrawled on the floor that she only just now noticed.

"So I decided to go find someone who is."

He was leaving. He could be back, but for now, at least, he was leaving. Through the relief, Minari noted that she'd never seen him use such large fuuinjutsu before. Where ever he was going, it would take a hell of a Hiraishin to get there.

He made some hand seals then paused to smile sadly back at her.

"One kiss for the road?"

Still not fully understanding, she nodded then leaned up dutifully to provide a kiss.

Instead of a peck, she was met with a hungry, open-mouthed kiss. The kiss of a man giving a final farewell.

His voice faltered for a moment, then returned.

"If I succeed, all this may have never happened."

Her eyes widened at that realization as he pulled away to complete his hand seals.

It was a mad impulse, an unmeasured impulse. And when he asked her later why she did it when she wanted him gone anyway, she would not have an answer.

But she grabbed his hands to stop them as he made his last seal.

The blip she felt at that was not at all familiar, tugging at her core in a dimension that had never been moved that way before.

And the next thing she knew was darkness.


A/N:

Y'all, I just want to say I know this is a hot mess of a relationship dynamic.

Minari is a strict utilitarian pragmatist. From everything to her major to her love interests, everything was and is calculated to find the path of least resistance to a clearly defined preferable end result, though it doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings. Not a sociopath, a wannabe sociopath. If you're curious about her major, it was mechanical engineering. This may come into play later.

Moruto is a principled idealist. It's a quality that heroes need to have, because it forces them to seek out more difficult paths that allow them to preserve their principles while still getting that end result, resulting in conflict. It also results in a lot of cancer-inducing scenarios where it feels like people needlessly suffer because this idealist will not bend. (See: Batman not killing peeps)

And the two have slightly different end goals.

Minari seeks to survive. Moruto doesn't seek just to survive, but to live, as a human, as a person.

Moruto believes he's in love with Minari because of hormones and the fact that she's pretty much the one other person he has around right now he could even create the illusion of relying on. He's fully devoted himself to that love.

Minari doesn't put as much stock in love as having value in and of itself. Though the actual affection is a pleasant surprise, she tells herself that even if she hadn't felt that, she still would have acted the same because Moruto is a useful tool for her survival. She feels affection for Moruto, but knows now that he's served most of his purpose and it's foolish to keep him by her side any longer and so is willing to give that up.

TL;DR: Minari's using Moruto to survive, Moruto knew that but believed that she did on some level return his feelings, and he just needed to keep serving his purpose as her tool until she realized it for herself. When he realized she'd rather be rid of him than risk having Kabuto come around, after much internal conflict, he understood that as long as Kabuto was around, his love could not be fulfilled. Thus this drastic act.