Chapter 13 Fall of the House of Death
„Stood in the face of the grim death
Screaming monsters bring me to deafness
My dagger and swagger are useless in the face of the mirror
When the mirror is made of my face
This is the house of death
Where even angels die in arms of demons"- Fall of the Douse of Death, Marilyn Manson
It hurts. Just a lump of pain stuck in her throat. Slowly expanding. Making it hard to breathe. Hard to think. Hard to feel anything else but this emptiness. She felt it before and it was one of the most terrifying feelings. Feeling so numb you can't even feel afraid. She felt it when she heard of his death. But even then she could grieve, she could cry. Now she couldn't even do that. She just felt that emptiness inside her expand. Slowly swallow her up. Like an abyss opening inside her. She doesn't seen the road. Eyes unfocused. A car nearly hits her but she hardly cares. Death would be preferable to this.
A can hits the lampposts. Did she kick it? Doesn't know. Didn't notice it. Or anything for the past who knows how long .She isn't sure how long it lasted or how far she has walked. But it seems to get a little bit lighter in her chest. Like the crushing feeling has been startled away by the tin can.
It's cold. She is suddenly aware of it. Her jacket, she left it back at the hospital. Her phone as well. It was only supposed to be a short walk. Yet she found herself in an unfamiliar part of town. It was an alley between two brick buildings. Factories? Warehouses? She wasn't sure. It looked unfamiliar. There was a light of a cigarette in the dark corner. Somebody was there. She isn't afraid. Moves closer. He doesn't seem to notice her. In the dim light of the lamp nearby she can see him. Auburn hair cover the face. Dark grey jacket with. She recognizes him.
"Eliot?"
He looks at her, from where he is leaning against the wall.
"Natalia?!" he is clearly surprised to see her.
She smells alcohol and something else, it's not regular cigarettes he's been smoking. It smells a little sweet.
"What bring you to this part of town?" He asks shifting.
"I could ask you the same."
He moves closer to the light. A bottle in one hand.
"I work here. Well not here, here. I just found a cheap place nearby to crash. Your turn"
He sit down on the stair leading up to one of the doors.
"I seem to be a little lost." She admitted.
"This isn't a good place to get lost in."
"I figured as much" she takes a seat next to him. "Lucy's in the hospital."
The crushing feeling threatens to comeback. She doesn't want it to. Doesn't want to get swallowed up again. Wants to feel something else. Anything else.
"So, I've heard. I always knew Hoffman was a bastard but never thought he could do something like this. Damn. Now I wish I pushed back against him more." He puts the cigarette to his lips. Takes a drag.
She rubs her hands over her exposed arms trying to get some warmth. He seems to notice. Takes of his jacket, puts over her shoulders.
"What are you doing here?" He questions again.
She gives him a devious smile.
"Looking for a distraction."
She snatches away the cigarette. Puts it to her lips. Eliot seems to be freaking out.
"Hey that's not.. a good idea."
She takes a drag, exhales the smoke. It not something she's done in long time. Once, when she was young. Because it was something everybody was doing.
"What is this?" she asks coughing
"It's weed." He admits with a guilty smile "don't tell anyone."
She laughs. Smoking weed in a dark alley was not something she had ever expected to do. Yet here she was. At least it kept the devouring emptiness at bay. For now.
"Don't worry I won't tell. After all, I'm just as guilty." She take a drag again before handing it back to Elliot.
He smiles a little.
"This might be a better away to warm up." He show the half drank bottle of rum.
It's the expensive kind. One she is certain he couldn't afford.
"Did you steal it?"
"I may not look it. But the job pays well." He says.
"You do this on a work day?" She questions
"I'm off today. It's a night job. At the warehouse. Don't have to work till tomorrow night. And the damn place has no heating. And you can't smoke inside."
She takes the bottle. Takes a sip. It burns a little. But the warmth spreads. Eliot takes the bottle from her. Takes a swig. She feels her head begin to buzz. This body was not used to alcohol. Something she had forgotten.
"Might wanna take it easy." He says
" I know how to drink" She argues, takes the bottle from him.
He looks at her as if he was trying to figure her out.
"You know this isn't quite what I meant when I said I was looking for distraction." She hands the bottle back.
He looks puzzled. It's innocent. Almost cute.
"But it's a good start."
He smiles a little. She moves closer to him. Leans on him. He tenses. She feels the muscles of his arm through the hoodie he's wearing. He turns to look her in the eyes. She touches his face. Pulls him down. She kisses him. He seems to catch on. Kiss back. He isn't bad. He turns his body to make it more comfortable. She gets on his lap. Hands feeling him thought the fabric. Trying to get under, to feel skin. So long with nothing but memories. It didn't even occur to her until now. How much she missed it. The feeling of warmth. Of skin. Of being close to someone. But now the desperation has taken over. She pushes him back a little. Deepens the kiss. He is pressed gains the rails of the stairs. She pulls the hoodie up, hands sliding over the material underneath and she groans in frustration. He pulls away for air. She doesn't give him much time. Capturing him in another kiss. Her body does feel much warmer now. He takes her wrist, moves it to his waist. He sits up. Taller than her. Moves his arms around her, supports her. Leans her back a little. Kisses her on the lips briefly, moves down to her neck. Alex tangles one hand in his hair. Her skin tingling. She remembers being kissed like this, but it didn't happen to the current her. This body has never been touched like this. Something that she had forgotten.
He pushes the jacket back. Exposes her shoulder. Kisses where it meets the neck. For a teenage boy he is definitely experienced. Something she never would have guessed about him. He moves to unbutton the thin vest she's got on. Looks a little surprised seeing that she isn't wearing a bra. Nipples hard from the cold and arousal. He touches her thought the t-shirt, squeezing her breasts, kissing her again.
Light snow begins to fall. They don't seem to notice. She feels heat pooling between her legs. Wraps her legs around him. Pulls him down top of her. Laying on the metal step, his jacked on her back. He looks down at her. Breathless. Hair messy. Smiles.
"Inside might better for this." He says.
It comes as a surprise but he lifts her. Arms around her. Supporting her back. With her legs still around him. She never knew him to be this strong. Into the building, that seems to a factory. In the dark, he knows the way. Up some stairs. A hallway. Into a dark room. Shuts the door with a kick. Places her down on something soft. Too close to the ground to be a bed. No light in the room. She hears him undress. Sees the white shirt in the dark. He had taken off his hoodie. She wants to see, wants to touch. But he is out of reach.
There is a sound of a match and a small light. Then he lights the candle. She can see his muscular build. The tank top exposes his arms and chest. He looks at her. She runs her eyes along his body. Expression on her face one of pure hunger. He smiles, reaches into his pocket.
"Shit. I know I had one somewhere. In my other pants?"
He is looking around frantically in his pockets. She is confused for a moment. Realizes. Smiles. The sentiment is almost cute.
"You won't need that with me" she says.
"Are you sure cuz. I..."
She gives him a look. Commanding. Stern. Yet full of want.
"Alright then. "
He kisses her again. Moves her t-shirt up, pulls it over her head. Kisses her exposed breast, her stomach. She rocks against him, desperate to feel touch somewhere else. Hopes he picks up on it. He seems to. Unzips her pants. Moves them down. Hands running across her thighs. Up to her lacey underwear. He touches her through the material. Silk sliding across heated flesh makes her cry out. He is driving her crazy. She takes control. Flips him on his back. He was caught off guard. She pulls the tank top of. Runs her hands down his chest, feeling his muscles. Savors the anticipation. Undoes his pants. No underwear. A little surprised he is only half hard after all this. He observes her. She doesn't care. Slides her underwear down. Moves her finger to touch the wetness. He takes a sharp breath. Her hand is now slick, hot. She takes him, strokes him, hears his breath quicken. With her other hand she touches herself, light teasing touches.
"Fuck, Natalia where did.."
"No talking" she interrupts him. tone strict.
He keeps quiet. She positions herself above him. Takes him in, slowly. Then she feels it. Something inside tense and break. Another thing she had forgotten about. He must have felt it too. She feels him sit up. Feels his arms holding her to his chest. He kisses her again. Pushes her down on the mattress. She wants to tell him that she is fine. That it doesn't matter. She bites his lip, not enough to draw blood, but hard. He returns the favor, hand moving down to tease her. She rocks against his fingers still just as desperate.
"I'm not some frail little princess." She breathes.
He nods. Doesn't say a word, like she ordered. She feels him enter her again. It hurts a little but she doesn't care. She digs her nails into his back. He seems to get the hint. Moving faster. She keeps one hand around him, the other touching herself in time with his thrust. She feels the orgasm building. The feeling is familiar, yet new. It's strange, overwhelming. This body has never experienced it. Yet she remembers it so well. All the past, the present, all the misery fade away. Stop to exist for a moment. She feels free, like she could float. She comes for the first time. Eliot soon follows.
Smoke swirls. This place. She has been here before. Reaches out her hand into the mist. Call out.
"Albert?!"
Sees a figure. They turn towards her. The room comes into focus. But is not Albert that she sees.
"You!"
The old man looks at her.
"So, you live. While I have perished."
She wanted to see Albert not Spencer. But she remembers Albert's words. " I can't see you anymore".
"Why are you here?!"
She doesn't want to see him. This must be a nightmare.
"Because there is something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time. "
There is a strange tone in his voice. One she has never hear before.
" I always thought of you.. I always loved you as a daughter."
Alex flies into a rage.
"Daughter? Love? You don't know the meaning of it. And please..! We both know you loved Albert more. But I was the one who truly loved him! More than you ever could."
She doesn't need this. Doesn't want this. Doesn't want to hear this cruel old man lie to her again.
Spencer shakes his head.
"Yes, I admired Albert. But I admired you more."
She looks at him in disbelief.
"You reminded me of myself." His voice is strangely sincere. "No matter how many times you failed. How impossible of a task I gave you. You always found a way to make it real. To endure and move forward."
She has no words. Just shakes her head in disbelief.
"I know what it's like." He says. "To fail. To struggle. I was a failure once too. That is why I always like you better. Albert never struggled. He was a genius. Somebody who got it right all the time. Without effort. Without struggle. I couldn't understand him. He was already perfect. But you were like a gem, a diamond that needed to be polished. So I pushed you. For your own good. "
She feels tears of repressed anger beginning to roll down.
" You took everything away from me" her voice is just a whisper. "If you think that I'll forgive you…"
"I'm not here to ask for forgiveness." Spencer says. " I realize it's far too late for it. I can't give you back what I took from you. "
"You took away my family! My life! You poisoned me! You made me a monster!"
"I am sorry." He says. "For your own sake ... I want you to do something this old man never could. "
She waits for it. Become god? Rule the world? Achieve immortality?
"I want you to be happy. "
She is speechless, half wondering if she heard it right.
"Be happy in this new life. You deserve it. That is my only wish for you." He says.
She doesn't know what to say. Another wave of tears begins to spill from her eyes.
A door appears in the wall. It is bright red.
"My time has come." He says. " I will trouble you no more. Goodbye."
He opens the door. She can see flashes of fire. There is a sound of screams coming from beyond. Spencer walks through it. Disappears.
Alex awakens. The feeling of emptiness has been replaced by a kind of sorrow and guilt. She gets of the mattress. The cover sliding down her still naked body. She is alone. It's cold but she doesn't care. The room looks like an office that somebody was trying to renovate into a living space. There is one other door, leading to what she believes to be the bathroom. Thankfully it comes with a shower.
Looking at herself in the mirror. Hair messy. Eyeliner running down her face. She realizes she had been crying. Why did Spencer's words hurt so much? "I want you to be happy." It made the emptiness inside her chest throb painfully. Be happy? How could she possibly do that?
The water is not hot but at least not ice cold. But to her it doesn't matter anymore. She feels numb. At least a sense of clarity is back. The reality kicks in, the hospital. Lucy. She left her phone. They could be looking for her.
She dries herself off. Gets dressed. She needs to go back. Eliot returns. With two paper cups of what smells like coffee and a paper bag.
"Hey. I got some breakfast."
"What time is it?" she is almost afraid of hearing the answer.
"uh.. " he looks at his phone." 6.30 AM"
Earlier than she expected it to be. Winter mornings are always long and dark. She calms down a bit. He hands her a cup of coffee.
"Sorry I didn't know what you like."
She takes a sip.
"Black is fine."
She takes a croissant from the bag and takes a bite. Not really hungry.
"Do you think you could give me a ride to the hospital? "she asks.
"Sure. You wanna go right now?"
She nods.
"I was supposed to stay the night. I left my phone there. If anything happened overnight …"
He bows his head.
"Right. Lucy. …I'll go warm up the car."
The ride back is quiet. Almost uncomfortable. They get to the hospital easily, the streets are nearly empty.
"Last night was nice" she says, more to be polite than anything. "But don't take it the wrong way. I doesn't mean anything. It was just a
"A distraction." He finishes for her. "I got it."
He doesn't seem upset about it. Almost like he is used to it. They go their separate ways.
She goes back to the room where Lucy was. The room is empty. The bed is gone. She feels the ground beneath her open up and it's like she is falling into the abyss. It can no longer fit inside her. It's too big. It has swallowed her whole. She should have stayed here. She should have been there in those final moments instead getting some cheap thrills with Eliot.
Somebody walks into the room. She doesn't react. Frozen in place.
"Natalia?" Claire calls out.
She doesn't turn around.
"Where were you?"
"Where's Lucy?" the question is almost too hard to ask.
"The doctors said that her health took a turn for the worse in the night. They are preparing her for surgery."
So Lucy wasn't dead. Well not yet. But in her condition, will she make it? The doctors didn't want to operate because she was too weak. It's only been hours. She didn't dare hope. Hope was pointless. It will only hurt more when she doesn't survive. Just like everyone else in her life, this girl will soon be gone. Like Albert, like that annoying stupid Frenchman, like Annett and William, like everyone and everything she knew. After all "The meaning of life is that it stops." It's a quote she used to repeat to herself often. Believing that it would make her not afraid of death. But in the end, when time came she was so afraid. Clung to life. Dragged herself back to the broken body and ruined everything for herself. If only her other self would have had the decency to die when she was supposed to. But now it was all in ruins. No future. No plan. No hope. Only misery. And she wonders why she is still here?
Why is she still here after she had so miserably failed at everything? She was always a failure. Since the start. She failed to save Yuki. Her research into T-phobos was a dead end. Her life's work was nothing. She ruined Albert's masterpiece in her own delusions. She couldn't accomplish anything. Except that one thing, that shouldn't have worked. But it did. And now she was here. Stuck being alive. Simply to relive all the mistakes of her past once more. To fail again. She should have died and stayed dead. If only she had let her illness finish her off. She won't make the same mistake twice.
"Natalia!" Barry's voice calls out to her.
Sitting there in the waiting room outside the operation room. Claire had gone somewhere. Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore.
"I'm not your Natalia." She says.
He looks at her confused.
"Haven't you figured it out yet, Burton?"
His eyes go wide.
"Wesker!"
There is anger in his voice. It makes feel oddly happy. Happy that he still hates her. Perhaps enough to kill her.
"Yes, it's me" She turns, faces him. Smiles smugly.
One last performance.
"It's been me since the forest. You are so slow to catch on. And I gave you plenty of opportunities."
"What did you do to Natalia?"
"She's dead" she says it because she knows it will anger him more.
Barry reaches for his gun only to be reminded that he is in a hospital in his civilian clothes and his guns are at home. The expression of rage and heartbreak on his face. One more push and he will break.
"Well? If you're going to kill me, do it. I do miss my brother. I wish to be reunited with him."
Barry lunges at her. She feels his weight upon her body. A punch sending her to the ground. Hands around her neck.
„Hide your heart in your gut, but for what?
When they're waiting to pull you apart
Like a scarecrow on death row
So now, all of your secrets are shown
This is the house of death
Where even angels die in arms of demons
This is the house of death
Where even angels die in arms of demons
No one is exempt from the odds of even"
