"I wish I was like you

Easily amused

Find my nest of salts

Everything's my fault

I'll take all the blame

Aqua Sea Foam shame

Sunburn freezer burn

Choking on the ashes of her enemies" – All Apologies, Nirvana

She hates the visits to Dr. Haupman. Unsure if she can trust him. Even if he says he wants to help her. How is being locked up in some insane asylum any good for her? True, the man does have Terrasave and to some extent the B.S.A.A eating out of his hand. They believe anything he says. Any suggestion he makes. If he said she was under some mind control or something they would probably buy into it. At least some of them would. But she didn't feel like talking about the past. What would he be getting by helping her? His motives were a mystery. Until she knew more, she would keep her card close to her chest.

He makes her look at ink stains.

"What does it look like to you?" he asks.

It looks like two black eyes. Like Yuki's eyes did in that basement.

"A butterfly." She says.

He shows her the next one.

"A bouquet of flowers"

It reminds of the blood. Of the wounds on their bodies that she inflicted. It looks like a bloody heart.

She knows how to cheat standard psychological tests. He seems to catch on.

"Where did you grow up?"

A simple enough question.

"England"

She doesn't give any more details.

"What was your relationship with you parents like? "

"Never met them." She says, in a matter of fact, kind of tone.

"I am sorry to hear that." He says." Lord Oswald Spencer was your foster father?"

"Guardian." She corrects him.

"How old were you when you met him?"

"Sixteen"

A lie. She had met him much earlier. But he took her in soon after she graduated collage.

"Did you get along with him?"

"Yes"

He looks at her as if she had given the wrong answer.

"Was he abusive?"

"No" she says, perhaps a little too fast.

"He was, wasn't he?"

He sees through her and it scares her. Maybe he can help her but she can't let him close. He is too dangerous. She realizes she is out of her league here. He had been doing this for years. Reading people, analyzing them. Not in a medical, science experiment kind of way, like she has. She feels overwhelmed. He can tell when she's lying without so much as batting an eye. She's never met someone who could do that. Takes a deep breath. The truth is too uncomfortable. Saying it is only making it real.

"This kind of experience can be difficult to talk about." He nods towards her, sympathetic. "But it can help bring closure."

"You'll just report everything back to them." Her tone accusing.

"I assure you that everything you say will be between the two of us. Under the laws of patient confidentiality."

She doesn't trust it. But feels like there is no other option.

"It's wasn't abuse." She says" it's just... There were punishments."

"This was in the orphanage?" he asks.

She nods.

"And do you agree?"

She looks up at him.

"With the punishments? You don't consider it abuse."

"It was to teach us the proper behavior. "She says.

"Are you familiar with the reinforcement theory?" He asks.

"Yes."

She knows where he going with it. Skinner's theory that behavior can be shaped by controlling the consequences of it. Reward and punishment. Reward the desirable, punish the undesirable. Shape one into acting however you wish. A form of control. Instilled, ingrained and reinforced by fear of punishment. It was something she herself had used in her work. Realization strikes her. She had just given him what he wanted.

Spencer knew this too. He did it with a goal in mind. To shaped them according his vision. That was why he took them at such a young age. Before they could even remember. A child who has no basis of comparison. Who has never know anything else is much easier to shape than an adult. It becomes ingrained on such a deep level that changing it is nearly impossible. A kind of mind control, where the person is not even aware they are being controlled. All the behavior being on a subconscious level.

Take a rat and put a rod in its brain. Make it stimulate the pain centre every time the rat eats. It will learn food = pain. Do it enough times. It will stop eating. Even after you remove it. Even when there is food in front of it. It will die from starvation to avoid pain. This is what Spencer tried to do to them. Did to them. To obey. To the best, be perfect, to become god and rule the world. He jammed it into their brains. Ambition, perfection, above all else, above the rest of humanity. It was Spencer's ambition, it was his ideals. He shaped them to be versions of himself. A kind of brainwashing. If she had hated him before, she absolutely loathed him after. But even knowing the truth she could not disobey. The fear kept her in check. The fear of that something that would happen to her if she failed.

But she was not a rat. She could think for herself. Even if she felt afraid of the punishment, even if the punishment only existed in her own mind. She would not live the life he had carved out for her. She would seek her own path. Yes, the desire for power, for status, for acknowledgement was there. And it was not her own desire but the desire Spencer had carved into her. Carved in to him as well. But once she knew she made how own plans. Even if she was too afraid to directly disobey him. She had dreamed. Dreamed of a life with Albert. Making a name for herself in Umbrella. Selling her virus and becoming rich. Eventually perhaps opening her own branch of Umbrella. That was all before Raccoon city. She abandoned that dream that hope. And when he came back she was too tired, too weak to hope again. And then he died for good. And the empty ambitions of a dead old man were all that was left. Achieve glory, become a god. Not in Spencer's name. Never in his name. But for Him instead. The desperate desire to be something greater than human. To be more than weak, sick and alone. Even if she knew it was impossible. Even if she knew this ambition programmed into her. She couldn't escape it and the suffering it caused her. It drove her forward as much as she hated it.

In a sense, Spencer did become a god. While he was not their father biologically he did make them. Carved them, shaped them, and manufactured them, into the people they were. He was their creator. And they had carried out his will in their own ways.

It made the abyss in her chest open again. The feeling of emptiness swallowing her whole. It had hurt the first time she realized it but being reminded of it hurt just as much. She was nothing. Just a construct, created to carry out a purpose. She tried to rebel but in the end it didn't matter. She failed in her purpose and now she had nothing left. No reason to exist anymore. It made her feel less then human. Like she was an object. Like she was nothing.

Claire goes into the office. Alex has a blank expression on her face walking out. Sits in the waiting area.

"Have you made any progress?" She wonders

Dr. Haupman looks up from his notes.

"She is starting to open up to me." He says.

"That's good. " Claire says.

Hopes he will give some hints.

"And what about your progress, Claire?" He asks.

"Well, I can't rely say much. She won't talk to me unless I ask her to. She spends all the time in her room. And she's been incredibly obedient. "

He nods as if he had been expecting it.

"Do think it is a normal behavior?"

Claire thinks.

"I don't know. This isn't exactly a normal situation. "

"No. it not. " He agrees. "Continue to observe her."

"Well, it is kind of difficult when she sits in her room all day. She seems to love the book you gave her."

He smiles a little.

"You should consider a change of environment." He says.

Claire considers.

"Yeah, I'm starting to feel like I need a change too." She says.

She is lost in thought on the car ride. Claire opens the door for her. Alex didn't even notice the car stopped. They are outside the hospital. She gives the woman a questioning look. Claire smiles.

"I got a call from the hospital- Lucy is awake. I thought you might want to see her."

The words slowly sink in. Lucy wasn't dead yet. And she was awake. Saying nothing she gets out of the car. Claire walks beside her. Once they get to the floor Lucy is on a woman almost runs towards them. Her hair is red. She wears a deep blue dress. Put's her arms around Alex. She feels scared. Doesn't know what to do. Gives Claire a questioning look. She just shakes her head, just as confused.

"Thank you." the woman says. "Thank you for bringing her back to me."

This must be Lucy's mother, she realizes. She doesn't have the heart to tell the woman that it was because of her that Lucy ended up in this state to begin with.

The woman is crying and Alex feels like might start crying too. The thanks feel undeserved. She caused all this and yet the woman is treating her like some Savior. She had been called that before. The people on the island knelt before her, kissing her red shoes. Back then she just smiled and reveled in their praise, and the knowledge of the horror she would inflict on them soon enough. It made her feel powerful. But this only made her feel guilty.

The woman shoves an envelope into her hand. It's full of money. Alex shakes her head.

"I can't take this." She says.

Lucy's family was not that rich. The medical expenses it would cost a lot even if Lucy survived and got out of the hospital. Her recovery would take a long time. At least physically. Mentally? Was that even possible?

The woman insists.

"Please. I can't thank you enough. You saved her."

"Lucy needs it more. To get better." She hands the money back to her.

The woman is in tears again.

"You are so kind."

Alex feels like she will be sick. She is not kind. She caused all of this. Claire approaches the woman, gives her a chance to get away. She slips into the room. Lucy is laying on the bed. Machines still attached to her.

"Hey" she says weakly.

Alex sits on the chair next to the bed.

"Hey." She says, looking down at the floor.

"I'm sorry. You did so much to help me and I blew it." Lucy sighs.

"I should have gone with you."

"You're joking?! Then he would have gotten to you too. ..I was so glad you stayed behind." Lucy tries to raise herself higher.

"Don't think about it." She says.

"Yeah, that's going to be thought." Lucy says wincing.

"You never really forget something like this." She says, being honest.

"I figured."

"Does it ever get better?"

"You get used to it." Alex says." It just becomes a part of you and you learn to ignore it. For the most time anyways."

" I don't know if can do that." Lucy says.

Alex understands.

"I've spent my whole life resisting the desire to end it." a quote from Kafka, but also the truth.

"Fuck "Lucy slides down the pillow behind her, tears in her eyes.

Alex says nothing for a while.

"I'm sorry. None if this would have happened if we hadn't met."

Lucy props herself back up.

"No. he would have acted sooner if you hadn't showed up. And I would be dead or worse. He wanted Ashley too and you. He told me. He would tell me of the things he wanted to do to you."

Alex feels rage boil under her skin.

"It's a pity he is locked up. Because there a few things I would love to do to him."

Lucy laughs.

"Yeah, I would love to see that."

Claire walks into the room.

"Sorry. The police are here and would like to ask a few question. "

Alex sighs. Get up.

"We can talk later." She says.

"Yeah. " Lucy says.

Claire wonders. She had been talking to Lucy's mother in the hallway. The woman seemed nice. At first she had thought she was Natalia's mother. The thought sounded ridiculous. After she explained she was her current guardian the two started talking. Lucy had lost her father in a bad accident few years back. And then she became friends with Ashley. How sad she was when her friend disappeared. And bout how her boyfriend had been abusive towards Lucy and setting up cameras in her house. She never knew. Knew he and Lucy didn't get along but never thought it would get this bad. Claire did her best in trying to console the woman and feeling awkward and out of her depth, while doing it.

It left her wondering. While Alex denied having any actual care for Lucy, Claire recalled the conversation she overheard. For whatever reason the woman did feel something towards the girl. Perhaps she was just pretending, like she said. Did she know Claire was listening? Somehow she doubted it. Thinking back to the drawing, the dark haired girl. Maybe Lucy remind her of whoever she was. A sister? A friend? Somebody she lost. There were so many questions she wanted answered. What was the Wesker project? She and Albert were obviously part of it. But aside from that one document found Africa they knew little else. There were thirteen at least. She once again recalled the picture. The children in white surrounding Spencer. It made her uneasy.

The police officer asked her to stop by the station. They wanted to talk to Natalia. Something to do with the Hoffman case.

"I'll drop you off by the station. They want to talk to you about Hoffman." She said once they were back at the car.

Alex said nothing. There were so many things that it could lead to. From her hacking to the virus outbreak. She just sighed and put on her seatbelt.

"I know this is difficult" the officer said" but I would like you to try and identify the other person in these recordings. "

So that was what it was all about.

"We have determined that there was another individual or possibly individuals involved."

Alex focuses on the recordings. Disturbing, disgusting. But she put on a stoic expression. Listening to the voices off camera. They were distorted. But there were two of them. Hoffman was talking to someone. A client? An accomplice? Too hard to tell. She can recognize the voice of Hoffman and just barely. It's too far away from the camera. The other person she can't even tell if it's a man or a woman speaking. In another recording legs of another person briefly enter the scene. Black boots. All there is. Another video, not of Lucy this time. Some boy. It's not Hoffman in the video, or so she thinks. With the mask and leather apron it's hard to tell. They are standing behind the boy who is chained to a wooden X. It's almost like a scene of some execution. What glimpses she sees of the arms, covered fully, and the black leather mask it's impossible to tell. A video doesn't translate things like height difference. There doesn't seem to be a huge difference in body shape either. But the apron obscures most of it. In the end she had no idea if that person is Hoffman or not.

While Hoffman instead he had been working alone all the evidence suggested otherwise. They never found the mask or the apron in the place they found Lucy. The walls seem to have a red shade to them. This was not the same place. That she could tell. So there was another person, or a group of people still out there. Possibly many more victims waiting to be set free. She was certain that whoever it was didn't work at the school. They warn her to be careful. She might become a target for her involvement. Alex doesn't really care. She already has protection not that needs it.

Claire wonders about all this. It's not really something she can help with. Terrasave deal with bioterrorists and the clean up after attacks. A human trafficking ring is out of her jurisdiction. And yet all her instincts tell her to be on the lookout. Like there is more to this, like it's all connected. All the years of investigating and fighting monsters. Something just screams at her from within.

"You have quite the knack for heroism, Overseer." She call her that when she wants to tease her.

Alex just ignore her, like usual.

"Taking down the Davis's and they bioweapon research. To think it was right here and nobody caught on. Capturing Hoffman. There is some good in you after all."

"I didn't do it to be good." Alex says.

"I know." Claire says." But for are pretty good at it. "

She smiles a little.

Claire wonder why she did it. She could understand revenge for Lucy but the Umbrella research facility was a perfect chance to escape. Yet, she did not. It almost seemed to her like the woman was choosing to remain here as if, waiting for something. As to what it could be she had no clue.

Alex sits at her desk, checks her calculations. The chance of a splinter occurring was below 0, 0000002%. It was nearly impossible. And if it had happened it would have happened immediately, or within the first weeks after waking up. Honestly she probably would not have woken up at all if that happened. Natalia would have remained Natalia, not even the memories would have remained. So why was there another version of herself? Of course she accounted for the possibility of error. Once school started she would go back to her secret place. Rework the calculations on a computer.

She needed to know if it was real. If only she could experience it again. That space with the three of them there. The two promised to interfere if she tried to end her own life again. Alex wondered if perhaps it was the only way to get them to come out. She would have to try it. To satisfy her own curiosity. And if she happened to succeed in dying, that would just be a benefit. Even if Lucy would be sad. The thought that there was someone alive who would mourn her. She had never thought of it before. Her life being important to someone other than herself. The pain of loss, she knew it well. She didn't want to inflict more pain on the girl. She would be careful in her experiments.