a/n: The first half of a short, semi-lighthearted two-shot while the world feels a bit glum.

Saved as draft.

18th January 2020

Vicky bit her lip, her finger hovered over the send button. In the middle of the living room floor, Sonny was secured in his swinging chair, being rocked gently to soothe him while his bottle was cool enough for his feed. She must have dithered over the message for longer than she thought, because he suddenly let out a shrill wail.

"Okay, okay, won't be long darlin'," Vicky hushed him, placing her phone back down on the counter. She peered once more at the message she'd yet to send.

Hi. I know I might be the last person in the world you want to hear from and if that's the case, then I understand. But I'm in Dublin now and I just wondered if you were doing okay? Maybe we could meet for coffee?

Vicky.

"No," she muttered to herself, shaking her head.

Message saved as draft.

20th January 2020

It was freezing. Sonny was bundled up in a padded all-in-one, a thickly knitted blanket tucked around his frame. At least he was cosy, bundled in his pram. Vicky's scarf blew from around her neck and she shivered, quickly tucking it back into her coat. Maybe they should have emigrated. Somewhere warm, with a lot of sun. It wasn't like she didn't have the money, now. She'd been careful with it; she'd chosen a modest apartment. It was close to the daycare that she'd enrol Sonny into once he was older, more settled, and then she'd be able to work. Until then, well, she knew what it was like to struggle and she didn't need anything flash. Just comfortable and warm. And safe. There was a library that they sometimes went to, she'd sit in the kids' corner with Sonny and flip through picture books at the mum-and-baby sessions. She'd made a couple of friends there, people to chat to over a mug of tea when Tyler was out at work and she needed adult conversation. But she felt like she had this darkened cloud over her heard. This secret that she carried, that no one else could know. It felt like she wasn't being true.

Five minutes until the bus was due. She pulled out her phone and scrolled down her contacts once more.

Hi. I know I might be the last person in the world you want to hear from and if that's the case, then I understand. I'm in Dublin now and just wondered if you were doing okay? Maybe we could meet for coffee?

Vicky.

Her thumb hovered over the send button. Her fingers trembled with cold and the message suddenly disappeared from the dialogue box and appeared in a bubble on the blank screen.

Message Delivered.

24th January 2020

She felt nervous, now, but was glad they'd arranged to meet on a weekday. As she cautiously pushed the pram up to the cafe's entrance, she could see it was nearly empty. Vicky peered up at the sign; Café K. It didn't look particularly affluent, but it promised hot drinks and home-made food. There was a counter and a glass display at the back, with plenty of aisle space for a pushchair.

Vicky saw her then. She was sat against one of the leather backseats, caramel hair pooling over one side of her face as she dipped forward. There was a newspaper spread out in front of her. Vicky pushed the glass door open and she instantly looked up.

She smiled then.

She looked nervous, too.

"Hi!" Michelle greeted her, getting up from her seat. Vicky hadn't been sure on the etiquette, but Michelle was leaning forward with her arms out and she found herself engulfed in a hug which she returned just as warmly. She felt herself relax. The other woman's hair became trapped beneath her hold and she found herself having to resist the urge to stroke over it. It was silky. Michelle pulled back and peered into the pram, her eyes widening.

"My god, look at him!" She gasped, her face breaking into a delighted smile. "He's gorgeous, oh look at all that hair," Michelle cooed, hunching over so she could take him in properly. He'd grown a generous crop of it over the last month and it had darkened to a deep shade of brown. His eyes were a clear, bright blue as he took Michelle in, curiously. Cautiously, she held her hand out towards him and he seemed to decide that she didn't pose any threat; he continued to make his content, babbling noises as she stroked over his soft cheek.

"How're you doing?" Vicky asked, once Michelle had finished fussing over Sonny and had somewhat reluctantly sat back down in her seat.

"I'm okay," Michelle said, instantly, more out of habit and politeness after having spent the month reuniting with her family and exchanging the same old pleasantries. Vicky raised her brow; part of the appeal of meeting had surely been so they didn't have to pretend anymore.

"I mean—" Michelle continued, then broke off again, looking as though she didn't know how to answer. Vicky wondered if her thoughts were as jumbled as her own. "I'm just…Getting through each day as it comes, really. Are you okay?"

Vicky pulled off her scarf and pushed her curls back, though they fell back around her shoulders and framed her face, refusing to stay put.

"One day at a time is the only way we can take it," she sighed, though nodded towards the pram. "I have a good distraction though; he keeps me in a routine."

Michelle nodded and gazed back into the pram, her lips twitching. Vicky smiled at her and then leaned over to unclip his safety reigns.

"Do you want to hold him?"

Michelle's face split into a grin and she nodded again, holding her arms out to carefully receive him from Vicky. The waitress came over to them, then, asking for their order and she too couldn't help having a little fuss over him. They ordered coffees and Michelle settled him into the crook of her arm. For one second, Vicky thought she looked on the verge of tears, but she continued to smile down at him. Hesitantly, Vicky reached out and placed her hand on Michelle's arm.

"I think he likes you."

7th February 2020

It was weekly, now, only this time it was Vicky who arrived first. She set Sonny's pram in its usual spot and discarded her coat and scarf on the back of the chair. She walked over to the counter and ordered herself and Michelle's usual, then asked the woman who served if she'd be able to bring over some hot water to warm Sonny's bottle in. They'd missed lunch due to Sonny's monthly health check and having been informed he was developing perfectly, she had no doubt that he'd demonstrate just how healthy his lungs were if he didn't get his dinner soon. Her own stomach grumbled and she peered up at the menu on the back wall. By the time she'd completed her order and pocketed the change, the door behind her had opened and Michelle finally entered.

Vicky knew straight away something was up. Her usual bronzed glow was missing; she looked pale, with shadows under her eyes which were tinged pink. The only make-up she looked to have applied was a quick layer of mascara and she was dressed in leggings and an oversized, grey, hooded sweatshirt that fell to her thighs. She also had a cosy, cream, knitted scarf around her neck and her unstyled hair was trapped beneath a matching beanie hat.

"Are you alright?" Vicky asked, worriedly, instantly heading over to her.

Michelle nodded, though her brow was creased as she moved beneath one of the café lights overhead.

"Mm, just had a skinful last night," she mumbled, pulling the hat from her head. Her hair was oddly ruffled and Vicky automatically reached up to smooth it down. The other woman started slightly at the action and Vicky pulled her hand back quickly.

"Uh—Sit down. I've already ordered the drinks," Vicky said, holding her own hand against her chest as though she wasn't in control of it. Sonny was looking grumpy and Vicky hoped the hot water would arrive sooner rather than later; the last thing Michelle looked like she needed was the place to fill with his screams. Despite her hangover, she offered him a smile and greeted him softly. His face didn't look quite as offended anymore.

"Where did you go?" Vicky asked, absentmindedly fiddling with the pepper pot on the table.

"I just went to the local with our Tom," Michelle replied, rubbing her fingertips across her forehead, "But I stayed until after closing, we know the fella who runs it so… We had a night cap."

Vicky raised her brow.

"Not like that," Michelle said quickly, defensively and Vicky just shrugged. It wouldn't have been her business.

"We could have rearranged, if you didn't feel well. I wouldn't have minded."

But Michelle shook her head and glanced up at her, managing a small smile then.

"No, I like this. I like seeing you."

Vicky smiled straight back at her, her chest light. It was like the burden was less, here. Knowing she didn't always have to force a smile or make up chunks of her past to shove into conversations somehow made it easier for them to laugh, or talk about other things or have fleeting moments of silence where they seemed trapped in their own thoughts but with the added comfort that they weren't trapped there alone. Michelle's other hand was settled inches from hers.

They were interrupted then by the arrival of their drinks. Vicky instantly put Sonny's bottle in the glass jug of hot water that had been brought over, then picked up the salt. She doused it over the chips that had been placed in front of her and then pushed the bowl towards Michelle.

"Here, it'll help soak up whatever the hell is in your system right now."

14th February 2020

Vicky's nose wrinkled in distaste as soon as she walked in and the first thing she heard was Michelle's knowing laugh.

"I thought you'd have liked this, it's very pink," she teased.

The café had undergone a make-over to celebrate Valentine's day; the tables had been given pink cloths and sprinkled with red and silver heart shaped confetti; heart shaped red and pink balloons floated in bunches around the room and their usual coffee cups were now pink, with heart shaped coffee-art dancing on the surface of their lattes.

"They came free with the coffee, today," Michelle indicated to the red, heart shaped plate on the table. Upon it were two red-velvet cupcakes, decorated with a swirl of white frosting, sprinkled with tiny, pink sugar hearts and topped with a strawberry. Vicky parked Sonny's pram, in which he was bundled up, fast asleep, and then sat down.

"Oh, they're just disgusting, like," she laughed, though picked the strawberry from one and dipped it in the frosting, before biting into the tip of it.

"Hmm, maybe we could have tried somewhere different," Michelle said, glancing around her. There were more people in than usual; couples that held hands across the table and laughed loudly together. "There's a nice one near me that's supposed to be nice, it's called Sinead's."

Vicky suddenly looked sheepish.

"Ah. Maybe not that one…" She said, causing Michelle to eye her curiously. Vicky sat back slightly against her chair and bit her lip. "Had a bit of a set-to, I don't think I'm welcome."

Michelle leaned forward across the table, clearly interested.

"Woman who owns it thought I was eyeing her fella."

Michelle raised an accusatory brow.

"And were you?"

"No, I was not!" Vicky said, indignantly. There was a pause, as she took a sip from her mug, in which Michelle continued to scope her out. She sighed and set her mug down on the table.

"I was… I was eyeing her up, actually," Vicky admitted.

"Oh."

Michelle tried her best not to look taken aback and suddenly realised how offhand her reaction may have seemed. She quickly reached out and dropped her hand over Vicky's, looking across at her apologetically.

"Sorry, sorry, I just wasn't expecting you to be so open with me," she said, her eyes softening in earnest, "And I shouldn't automatically assume things about people," Michelle added, giving her hand a gentle pat.

"It's alright," Vicky said, glancing down at their hands and then back up at her with a smile.

"Did you tell her?"

"Well, after she told me they sold tarts, not served them, I didn't really think it was an appropriate time to ask for her number," Vicky smirked, as Michelle let out a hum of laughter. "Besides, she was taken, wasn't she?"

"Probably for the best," Michelle laughed, picking her mug back up. Vicky wrapped her hand around her own to replace the warmth where the other women had been. "She sounds a bit of a cow, if I'm honest."

Vicky chuckled appreciatively and shrugged her shoulder.

"And I prefer brunettes."

28th March 2020.

The highlight of her week was quickly becoming the hours she spent in the café with her. However, the day before when she'd met Michelle, she'd seemed down. She'd covered it well enough when she'd laughed at her jokes and groaned about how Helen's presence was becoming overbearing and that she'd started looking for her own flat, but in the fleeting moments of silence between them, when her eyes had been cast down at the table, they'd been loaded with sadness. They said they'd get through things one day at a time and Vicky couldn't help but worry that Michelle had been having bad ones.

Vicky found herself hovered over her phone once more, wondering if she should text to see if she was alright. They didn't speak too much beyond their weekly meetings; they messaged one another to make sure it was still going ahead as planned, or to tweak the time by half an hour or so depending on Sonny's mood or the shifts Michelle had started to work at the front desk of her cousins B&B, but Vicky wasn't sure of their territory. Were they proper friends, now? Was it still one of convenience or had they progressed into the sort who could support one another beyond their café catch-ups?

Hey Chelle, just checking in to make sure you're alright? You seemed a bit off-it yesterday. I'm always here if you need to talk about anything.

Xxx

Vicky bit her lip. Could she shorten her name like that? What if Michelle didn't like that? What if she thought Vicky was just prying or it wasn't her place to be sending comfort messages? What if Michelle hadn't been off-it at all and took offence? Or maybe now she'd settled, she'd realised that the weekly meetings weren't a help, but rather a reminder. What if she wanted them to come to an end? And she definitely could not send the kisses.

"Get a grip," Vicky groaned in frustration at herself. Why was she overthinking this so much? Michelle was probably fine. She swiped the screen down.

Message saved as draft.

She knelt down on the rug where Sonny was laid out on a sensory play mat and started the musical mobile above his head. It was Saturday and Tyler worked as a trainee chef at a restaurant in town, they were always his longest shifts.

"Just me and you today, kid," she smiled.

It wasn't until after Tyler had come home, Sonny was tucked up in his cot and she'd spent her evening cleaning and relaxing in the bath that she picked up her phone again, after forcing herself to leave it alone all day and find something else to do other than agonising over whether she should contact Michelle. When she peered at the screen, her heart leapt. There were several messages. All from Michelle.

[19:28] Vic! I'm at the pub with Tom, do you want to come? Xxx

[21:02] We've moved imto rown now bbe xxz

[21:58] tOms lefttt ;(

[22:30] ME & hyou need a niht out xcc

It was just after eleven now.

"Oh, God," Vicky muttered, quickly unlocking her phone and scrolling to Michelle's contact. She pressed the call button and brought it up to hear ear. It rang three times and then a very loud and slurred voice answered.

"Vicky! Hiii!"

"Michelle, are you alright?" She asked, starting to head towards the door. There was chatter behind her, a shout of laughter and the rush of cars.

"Yeah, I'm in the taxi line with, uh—Wait what's your name?" She heard her mutter, then a man's laughter and Michelle's apology. "Oops, yeah, I'm with Declan…Could have sworn you were called Donald."

There was indistinctive chatter again and Vicky grabbed her coat from the hook.

"Listen, I'm going to come and get you."

"Noooo, it's late and it's cold, I'm okay!" Michelle slurred, then the same man's voice was heard down the line. Vicky couldn't help but notice he seemed a lot more coherent than Michelle.

"Tell your wee pal I'll get you home safe and sound, gorgeous."

Vicky's stomach knotted uncomfortably.

"Michelle, do you know him?"

"I do now."

"Right, listen." Vicky snatched up Tyler's car keys from the side and pulled her boots on, one-handed. "Do not get in a taxi with him, alright? Stand near the taxi marshal's and tell them I'm coming to pick you up."

"You're coming out?" Michelle asked cheerfully down the phone.

"Sort of. Michelle, promise me you'll wait there for me, yeah? Promise?"

"Of course I'll wait for you baby!"

Vicky rushed over to Tyler's room and knocked abruptly on the door. She waited for his gruff response and pushed it open. He was sprawled out on his bed, games console in hand.

"Can I borrow your car? I need to pick my friend up from town, she's in a state."

"Yeah, go for it," He shrugged, eager to get back to his game. Vicky had bought him an inexpensive run-around as a gift when they'd got to Ireland, after he'd secured his position at the restaurant. She didn't want him to have to rely on taxis and buses during his late shifts.

"And will you keep an ear out for your brother?"

Again, Tyler nodded and Vicky was out of the door. Traffic was almost at a stand-still as she got closer to town, as taxis and designated drivers curb crawled to try and find their friends. Vicky could see the taxi line and impatiently pulled in beside a closed shop front. She could walk it in thirty seconds.

Michelle was at the front of the line, next to two people in high-vis jackets, but there was a man stood with her. He had his arm slung around her waist, his had resting at the very bottom of her back. He stroked his fingers over the black sequins that adorned her figure and Vicky stalked over to them.

"Vic!" Michelle attempted to dash over, but she stumbled in her heels and, the man she presumed was Declan, caught her to steady her, only his hand moved far too low this time when he wrapped it around her once more and Vicky gripped hold of his wrist.

"Oi! Now you keep this hand where I can see it or I'll break it. You got that, pal?"

"Whoa calm down, love," he laughed, his other hand reaching out towards Michelle's. She didn't take it, though that could have been because she was so sloshed, she couldn't actually see it.

"Michelle, come on, I'm taking you home," Vicky said, reaching out for her hand. Michelle took it and Declan instantly tried to stop her.

"Uh, we were actually planning to go home together," he said, looking at Vicky distastefully, "So if you don't mind—"

Vicky scoffed and stepped between them both.

"Well, I do mind actually, since my friend is clearly off her face and you look stone cold sober."

"She's been flirting with me all night!" He argued, but Vicky just wrapped her arm around Michelle's shoulder's and gently turned her away towards where she'd parked.

"And now she's going home, she's had enough."

It looked like he might have attempted to argue again, but one of the taxi marshals held out their arm in front of him and warned him that he'd be kicked from the line and have to seek alternative arrangements.

"Hey! Why don't we all go home. Together."

"Ugh, I'm gonna boke," Vicky shuddered, firmly steering Michelle away from the crowd of rowdy, inebriated clubbers and walking her down the road towards the car, "I don't know what I see in 'em, sometimes."

"Wait, are we really going?" Michelle suddenly asked, stopping so abruptly that Vicky almost pulled her over. She steadied her, placing her hand gently on her shoulders. Michelle's eyes were red, her eyeliner had smudged and the corner of her lash had lifted off slightly. "I want to stay out!"

"You've had more than enough, let's just get you home—"

"I don't want to," she stated, stubbornly, folding her arms across her chest. It was still cold and though she might have been too drunk to feel it, Vicky could see that goosebumps had erupted down her arms. She unzipped her coat, shrugged it from her shoulders and wrapped it around Michelle.

"Hard luck, sweetheart, because you're going."

Vicky slipped her arm around Michelle once more and tried to coax her down the street again.

"I said no!" She suddenly snapped, wrenching herself from Vicky so fiercely that she staggered in her heels and fell over before Vicky could catch her this time. Then she burst into tears.

"Hey, hey," Vicky knelt down beside her as she sobbed into her hands. "Look at me… Have you hurt yourself?"

Michelle didn't look up, but she shook her head and Vicky scanned her frame. It didn't look like she was hurt, save for a light graze on her knee.

"Did that man do anything before I got there?"

Again, Michelle shook her head. Vicky gently pulled her hands away from her face and pressed a hesitant hand against her cheek.

"I feel so guilty about everything, all the time," Michelle confessed, as tears slid down her face, "And when I can't stop thinking about it I just… drink until I don't have to, until I pass out and sleep."

"Come here," Vicky whispered, wrapping her arms around her. She hugged her tight, rubbed her back comfortingly and several passersby stopped to ask if she was alright, but Vicky gave them their reassurances and sent them on. "It's okay, it's going to be okay."

She managed to get Michelle to the car, who remained quiet all the way back to Vicky's after her protests that she couldn't rock up at her parents' house in the state she was in.

"It's like you're a teenager again," Vicky tried to tease her, as she helped her out of the car. They started towards the path that led them to the ground-floor apartment Vicky had managed to secure. There was a large amount of land surrounding the building and Vicky was looking forward to the weather getting warmer, so she could sit on the grass with Sonny and let him enjoy the garden. Michelle looked like she'd been about to respond, but the cold air hit her face again and she suddenly turned away from Vicky and retched.

"I suppose that was inevitable," Vicky winced, quickly dragging Michelle's hair back from her face as she spluttered again. "Ooh, right over Mrs Murphy's daffodils, she'll have us for that."

Michelle let out a pained groan and Vicky rubbed her back again.

"Get it all up, you'll feel better."

"I feel horrendous."

Vicky just let out a sympathetic hum and helped Michelle into her flat.

"Of course, it's pink," Michelle nodded, managing a slight grin as she glanced around the room.

"I'll slap you pink, in a minute," Vicky warned, helping Michelle out of the coat and holding her steady as she kicked off the heeled boots on her feet. "It's mostly grey."

The sofas were and the rug against the wooden floor, but blush pink pillows adorned the cushions and the rug had an abstract, pink swirl through it in a matching pastel tone. It wasn't quite as in her face and Vicky preferred the muted colours.

"Go and get cleaned up, there's a spare toothbrush in the mirrored cabinet."

Michelle made her way into the bathroom. She splashed her face with cold water, washed away her make-up and cleaned her teeth. She'd started to feel the repercussions of the alcohol she'd consumed, her throat ached and there was already a dull ache in her skull. The living room was empty when she walked back out, but Vicky's soft call beckoned her into the bedroom.

"What?" She asked, at the smirk on Vicky's face. Vicky just pointed to the folded pair of pyjamas on the bed.

"Hilarious."

They were a fleecy, pink, leopard print set and when Michelle held them up against herself, she blanched.

"Birthday present from Tyler," Vicky grimaced, in a low voice; he was probably still wide away on his games console despite it being past midnight. "They're comfortable, though."

Michelle laid them back down on the bed and took hold of the hem of her dress, pulling it swiftly upwards. Vicky averted her gaze and got up from the dressing table quickly.

"I'm going to get you a drink," she said, disappearing from the room before Michelle had got the garment over her head. She stopped outside Sonny's room and inched the door open, peering in. He was still sound asleep, the blinking light from his monitor assuring her she'd be the first to know when he wasn't.

Michelle was dressed in the pyjamas when Vicky placed a glass of water on the bedside table, along with a cup of tea and a plate of toast. The other woman reached out and took hold of her hand.

"Vic... Thank you."

She held her gaze for a moment, offering her a warm smile.

"You're welcome, darlin'. Have some of that, it'll settle your stomach, then try and sleep this off," she said, leaning over to pluck one of the pillows from the bed.

"Wait, where are you going?" Michelle frowned, when the Irish woman had turned towards the door once more.

"I was going to take the sofa…"

"Don't be daft, there's loads of room."

Vicky looked hesitant for a second, causing the other woman's brow to furrow. There was a second's pause before realisation dawned on Michelle.

"Vicky, I don't care that you like women. I'm not one of those bigots, who get all weird about it," Michelle insisted, pulling the corner of the duvet back. "Or do you fancy me, now I'm wearing pink?" She teased.

Vicky forced out a laugh.

"Catch yerself on, Michelle," she said, dumping the pillow back onto the bed. She moved around and slid beneath the duvet. "You wish I fancied you."

Michelle chuckled and picked up the mug of tea Vicky had made her, wrapping her fingers around the soothing warmth of it.

"Well, you do know how to treat a woman."

At that, Vicky couldn't help her smirk.

"Aye, that I do," she grinned, sinking down against the pillows. "Now, I've got a baby to get up with tomorrow, so sup up and shut up."

a/n: Thank you for reading! Part 2 on the way… (: