CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #1: Hey all you lovely fan's it's time for another chapter; this chapter was really hard for me to write for some reason. Originally this chapter was 7,780 words, but i've since split it up into 2 chapters. We have a lot of ground to cover in chapters 8 & 9, but it was simply too long to post as one chapter no matter how much I wanted to.

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #2: So in this chapter we pick up where we left Sarah and we finally see what Chuck has been up to, I have a feeling some of you will be mad at me, but I expected that when I began this journey. Anyway enjoy chapter 8 of "Contrition."


Contrition

A Story by

CharmingCharles2896

Chapter 8:

Stay With Me

She felt different, almost like she was in a haze, her mind was in a fog as she tried to think back. Sarah was so comfortable, the covers all around her felt like heaven; it was almost like she hadn't slept in an eternity. The feeling of a masculine arm snaking its way around her torso and pulling her in close pulled her from her sleep fueled haze in an instant, but the familiar scent of one Charles Irving Bartowski immediately put her mind at ease. The morning glow coming through the curtains illuminated the room warmly as the sound of the birds chirping outside played like music to her senses.

"Morning sleepyhead," came a familiar voice that Sarah hadn't heard in months. "Did you sleep well?" Chuck asked as he placed a tender kiss just behind Sarah's right ear, Sarah simply hummed in approval and nodded her head.

"Yeah I slept great." Sarah said sleepily having still not opened her eyes; the sound of a ruckus outside the bedroom door greeted both of their ears and it was Chuck who spoke first.

"Looks like the munchkins are up early, you stay in bed and sleep I'll go deal with them." Sarah simply nodded lazily and snuggled further into the wonderful bed, she was displeased when she felt Chuck's presence disappear, but the meaning of his words hadn't quite sunk in. Several minutes went by before Sarah finally opened her eyes; immediately she realized they weren't in Burbank, if Sarah was being honest she had no idea where she was. Come to think of it, why was Chuck sleeping in a bed with her, she could have sworn he still hated her? Sarah turned over onto her back and sat up on her elbows to look around.

She could see pictures and little knickknacks all over the bedroom; the signs of a well lived in home. The second thing Sarah noticed was the ring on her finger and the charm bracelet on the bedside table to her left. Sarah ran her hand through her hair as she heard a commotion outside the bedroom in the hallway; it sounded like children laughing and giggling, the sound was getting closer and closer before an explosion of giggly children burst through the door and pounced on her.

"Mommy!" Came the voice of a giggly little boy with curly brown hair and stunning blue eyes. He couldn't have been older than five, but he was beautiful. Next was a little girl who looked a little older than the boy; she had long blonde hair and the same eastern European facial features that Sarah had.

"Hey…" Sarah said wearily as she felt the two children climb all over her; she saw Chuck come in with an adorable little two year old boy in his arms, Chuck simply shook his head and spoke.

"Junior, Samantha, get off your mother." Chuck said as he sat down on the side of the bed and released the two year old to crawl about on the large bed. Sarah sat up and simply took in the sight before her; three kids with Chuck, how was this possible?

"Mommy, what's wrong?" Came the voice of little Samantha as she crawled over to Sarah and looked at her with concern. Sarah didn't know what to say, it was all so much to take in.

"Where are we? What day is it?" Sarah asked as she looked over at Chuck who was sitting to her right. He simply chuckled at her as he quickly steered the two-year-old away from the edge of the bed.

"We're at our home silly, these are our kids, none of this ringing any bells?" Chuck said as the Junior and Samantha fiddled with the covers.

"I guess it's just a lot to take in." Sarah said as she looked over to her left at her bedside table and spotted the photo of her and Chuck along with their three beautiful kids standing in front of what appeared to be the Eifel tower. For some reason she couldn't remember any of it and that bothered her.

"Why can't I remember?" Sarah asked Chuck.

"Does it matter, you're here with us now." Chuck said as he leaned over to give Sarah a kiss. Just as their lips were about to meet the entire world shook violently; Chuck pulled away in fear as photos and items all over the room shook before falling off the dresser and tables. They turned to dust before they ever even hit the ground.

"Sarah it's time to wake up." Came a different voice, almost like it was coming from the universe itself, but wait that was Jerry's voice which meant this was all a dream. More shaking and Sarah saw the walls and the door crack and explode away from her. She looked on frantically as all three of the kids looked to her in fear.

"Mommy…?" Came the voice of Samantha just before she turned to dust, Sarah began to panic this was too perfect she didn't want to lose this.

"Wait I don't want to wake up, stay here please." Sarah said as she tried to get up to capture them all in her arms to keep them here with her, but she was planted to the bed unable to move an inch. The two year old looked at her confused before he too vanished into dust.

"Wait stay with me." Sarah said as she reached out to Chuck, he had a worried look on his face as he too was pulled away from her and vanished into dust along with Junior as well. The world was turning black as the fog approached her from all sides.

"Please don't leave me!" Sarah screamed desperately before… nothing.

Office of Combined Intelligence

Floor Three, Jerry Weatherly's Office

4:00 PM EST

Sarah took in a deep breath as she tried to shake off the fog and find her center once again; she lifted her head and looked over her right shoulder and saw Jerry's office. Jerry was crouched down next to her with a concerned smile on his face; Sarah looked at her boss in confusion and then glanced at her ring finger.

"No ring, which means it was all a dream, a wonderfully awful dream." Sarah thought to herself as she sat up and ran her hands through her messy hair to fix it just a little bit.

"Sorry, I know you were sleeping really hard, but it's time to go home." Jerry said to her as he stood back up and returned to his desk to finish packing his things for the day.

"How long was I asleep?" Sarah asked groggily as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail and used her hair tie to tie it back out of the way. Sarah glanced at her watch and saw that it was four in the afternoon.

"It's four, I thought you said you were only going to let me sleep for an hour, Sir that was five hours ago?" Sarah said to Jerry in a panic, she saw him simply shrug.

"You were sleeping so hard I didn't bother waking you; I worked in here and had meetings the entire time and you never stirred once." Jerry said with a sheepish smile as he closed up his bag for the day and slung it over his shoulder. Sarah stood up and heard her back pop several times until she was back to normal. Sarah walked over to the closed shades and peered through them at the vast sea of cubicles.

"God I can't even imagine what they must think of me, I'm a god damn train wreck." Sarah said in a tone dripping with self-hatred. She felt Jerry's hand on her shoulder as he walked up to her on her left.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, some very powerful people with much more power than me have taken a great interest in seeing you get through this. That's why they sent you to me after the recruitment committee decided they didn't want your input any longer." Jerry said to Sarah who looked at him in confused terror, he spoke again to elaborate. "I'm read in on what happened between you and Agent Carmichael, there was a lot they couldn't tell me, but what they did tell me was enough to paint a picture of just how much you two falling out has done to you. All those people out there may not know why you're like this, but they're just as concerned as I am." Jerry said to Sarah who gave him a grateful smile, she knew she had an ally in Jerry Weatherly.

"Thank you sir, it means a lot." Sarah said as she reached for the door and opened it, Jerry simply nodded as the two of them walked out of his office. Sarah walked silently back to her cubicle to gather her things; as much as the five hours of sleep had done to rejuvenate her she still felt super freaking tired. Kara and Janice both stood up in there adjacent cubicles and watched Sarah with their eyes, she looked better rested, but she still had this darkness hanging over her head that they couldn't quite make heads or tails of. They watched Sarah as she gathered her things and made for the elevator; the two friends exchanged a glance and then sat down to return to their work.

Meanwhile in the Elevator…

In the elevator Sarah couldn't stop thinking about the dream she'd had, it was so peaceful, so beautiful, so wonderfully perfect. The more she thought about it the sadder it made her; that was exactly what Sarah had always wanted, since she was a little girl Sarah had always craved having a home and a family with lots of children. As the spy life sank its teeth deeper and deeper into her soul that age-old dream of hers felt further and further away, that is until she met Chuck and all those dreams came flooding back. For the first time since she was a young child Sarah had contemplated that wish of hers; that last great hope for a happy ending to her otherwise depressing existence. Then she threw it all away six months ago when she simply stood there and watched him leave. She should have chased after him and begged him to give her another chance; she should have fought for them like he had for so long.

As the elevator dinged and the door opened on the ground floor Sarah felt the usual wave of hatred and self-loathing wash over her. She'd made a lot of progress in her thinking about her life and her future in the last few days, but no matter what she couldn't escape that nagging self-hatred that always seemed to be there in the background to remind her just why she was always alone. Regardless that dream had left her shaken, it was such a normal moment yet for Sarah it was so antithetical to anything she had experienced since she was a little girl. The more Sarah thought about that dream the more she realized she wanted that life more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life before; more profoundly Sarah didn't want to be a spy anymore. She wanted to leave the violence and death in her past and live a happy life with the man she loved. When Sarah exited into the mid afternoon sun she paused at the top of the steps to take in the beautiful DC weather.

Olgiata, Rome, Italy

Largo Dell Piazzo

8:00 AM CEST

14 Hours Ago…

Chuck liked to get up early; it allowed him a moment to himself before the powers that be sank their teeth into him once again like they did every day. It's funny he used to hate mornings back in Burbank, but now that he was firmly imbedded into the spy life he had to seize these moments of solitude. After Burbank Chuck had been assigned as team leader of Task Force Astra, a combined Intelligence Operation tasked with hunting down and destroying the last remaining elements of the ring. While two of the five Ring Elders died in the air strike six months prior, the remain three Elders had all been elsewhere and had gone into hiding. Since then Mossad had killed one Elder, a Saudi man named Omar Naseem Salahi. In typical Mossad fashion it was a very clean yet very visible hit, Mossad hadn't been seen, but the message had been heard loudly by the remaining Ring elements, the world was coming for them. The Direction générale de la sécurité extérieure or DGSE, which is the French foreign intelligence service had found and eliminated the fourth of the five Elders, a Russian woman named Mira Sherpova. The fifth and final Ring Elder had so far eluded capture or termination. They had yet to learn anything about the fifth Elder, no name, gender, nationality, or any other information. The only thing that had was a codename, Seer; that was why Task Force Astra had been formed, a team of the best America had to offer all working towards the complete annihilation of the Ring.

Chuck walked back inside after his usual morning run, his mind focused on the pending expansion of Task Force Astra. If it went like the first time they let him pick he'd be given a list of agents for him to choose from. The last time he'd chosen Agent Miller, he was familiar with her, knew she was a superb agent, and they got along so it seemed like the best choice. Looking back he'd been totally validated, Agent Miller was a joy to work with once you got past her incessant teasing and innuendo. Once they'd moved beyond that she'd actually become a great friend, which if Chuck was being honest he needed at the moment. After his falling out with her he'd felt betrayed and exposed so Carina had been a welcome change. She still didn't know what exactly had happened between Chuck and Sarah and Chuck wasn't exactly keen to let her know, but he had no doubt the day would come when she learned the truth.

As he did every day Chuck jogged upstairs and made his way to his bathroom to clean himself up. Downstairs Carina was fixing herself breakfast. She had been going over mission reports from their last few ops and she was starting to notice a trend; more and more it seemed they were being sent on red ops instead of the more diverse slate of ops that they'd gotten at first. Apparently the powers that be had taken notice that Chuck was pretty good at the whole shadowy assassin thing, even if neither of them particularly enjoyed Chuck killing people. If Carina had to guess the powers that be wanted their Intersect assassin and didn't care what it did to the man behind the Intersect. She'd have to talk to General Beckman about it after the next briefing.

The government had purchased a large mansion north west of Rome to act as the cover for the team, her partner acted as a rich billionaire while she acted as his cover girlfriend when they were out and about, but even still it was well established in his cover that he was a playboy, which left more than enough latitude if he needed to get close to another woman.

Their base of operations was behind a hidden door in the basement of the adjacent pool house. The government had really set them up with a solid base of operations in Rome that was kitted out with absolutely anything they could need. The government had even set up a level III trauma center in the base just in case something happened on an op and they couldn't go to the hospital. Just as Carina was plating her two eggs she heard Chuck come jogging down the stairs like most days.

"Hey, I've made myself eggs; I can leave the skillet on if you want to fix some for yourself?" Carina asked over her shoulder as she set her own eggs aside; Chuck gave her a smile and nodded so she grabbed her breakfast and walked over to the bar style counter top and sat down. She saw Chuck pull the eggs back out of the refrigerator and begin to fix himself some breakfast. From where Carina was sitting she could steal looks at her partners nice behind, Chuck had made it clear that there couldn't be anything between them after whatever happened between him and Sarah so Carina had respected his wishes and kept it professional, or as professional as a flirt like Carina Miller could. Still, she found the once curly haired Nerd to be absolutely delicious to look at. He'd filled out quite a bit since she'd last seen him and the agent training had taken the nerd she knew and made him a man in the best way.

"Enjoying the view back there?" Chuck quipped as he focused on cooking his eggs, Carina simply stuck out her tongue at her partner.

"Absolutely." Carina said teasingly before she cut off another piece of egg.

"Careful, one day your mouth is gonna get you in big trouble." Chuck warned over his shoulder with the point of a spatula.

"I'd like to get into your trouble, big, big trouble." Carina said as her voice dripped sultry charm that only Carina Miller could pull off between bites of eggs. Chuck stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at his partner.

"What does that even mean?" Chuck asked her, completely dropping the borderline flirty tone he'd been using. Carina finally broke and laughed hard, she loved the flirty banter, but every once in a while she'd pull the old Chuck out of his agent exterior after a particularly explicit remark. She'd never admit it out loud, but she did it to make sure the old Chuck was still in there; with all the killing and lieing they'd been doing lately she was worried about him. The man she remembered from back in Burbank wasn't able to hold a gun let alone consider using it to take a life. Whatever had happened between Curls and Blondie had done a number on poor Chuck. Regardless of why Sarah wasn't on this task force no matter how much she deserved to be, Carina felt a certain obligation to look out for Sarah's guy. Sarah was so in love with Chuck that it would almost be funny if it weren't so damn heartwarming. Hopefully Sarah would be on the task force one day, but until that time came Carina was going to look out for Chuck. She wasn't exactly the mushy emotions type, but she had a soul and cared about people. Zondra, Amy, Sarah, and now Chuck all had a certain place in her heart.

"Everything okay?" Came Chuck's voice as he crashed through her private musings; Carina looked up from her plate and at Chuck in surprise.

"What?"

"You got kind of sad there for a second, did I say something wrong?" Chuck said with concern written all over his face; Carina couldn't help but smile, the old Chuck was still in there he just hid away most of the time.

"No you're good, I was just thinking about things." Carina said hoping Chuck would drop it; of course Chuck was a talker so he didn't let it lie.

"What's on your mind, you know you can talk to me." Chuck said as he returned his focus to the skillet and the eggs he was cooking. Carina smiled to herself, the old nerdy Chuck was still in there for sure. Now Carina was conflicted because Chuck would see right through her if she lied so she decided to simply tell the truth.

"I was thinking about Sarah and how much she should be on this task force." Carina said with a neutral facial expression, it was stunning to watch the old Chuck disappear into Agent Carmichael's protective walls at the mere mention of Sarah Walker.

"Oh, I see." Chuck said tersely as he focused on his cooking; it was like the air had been sucked out of the room. "Agent Walker is a phenomenal agent and is more than deserving of an assignment like this one, but I'm glad she's not here." The tone of Chuck's voice showed no positive feelings towards his former handler, which made Carina sad because she could remember how he used to look at Sarah.

"What happened between you two, I thought you two would be planning your wedding by now?" Carina asked teasingly as she watched Chuck plate his two sunny side up eggs; Chuck grabbed a napkin, silverware, and his plate of eggs and walked to leave the kitchen. Chuck stopped before he left the kitchen and spoke without turning to face his partner.

"So did I Carina, so did I." Carina could hear the hurt in his voice even as he tried to put on a front; she simply let him leave and turned her attention back to her breakfast. Chuck left the kitchen and retreated to his bedroom and the desk that housed his computer. Why did Carina have to mention her, why did she have to bring up how much Sarah deserved to be on this task force? Of course Sarah Walker deserved to be on this task force, honestly she deserved to be team leader much more than Chuck did, but he just couldn't bear to work with her after what happened.

He hated that he still thought about her after what she'd done to him, but he simply couldn't help it. He missed her, but there was simply no way they could work together after how their last conversation had ended. He hoped she was doing okay wherever she was, she deserved to be happy even if it couldn't be with him. Chuck simply closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He had to stop thinking about that woman, she betrayed him and everything they could have been, he had to remember that. He'd done everything she'd asked of him so they could be together like he assumed she'd wanted. The thing was he had no idea how she felt about him; she'd offered to run away with him so they could be together, but that was always a desperate fools errand. He'd seen it from the beginning that she'd only offered to run away with him because she didn't want him to become a spy, and to be honest he could see why. The red test had taken something from Chuck that he couldn't ever get back, and the job as a whole demanded a piece of you that you wouldn't ever replace. As horrible as it was, the saying that it get's easier to kill after the first one was absolutely true. He always felt a small piece of the old him die whenever he took a life, but the days of wallowing in his own despair over taking a life had come and gone. He was a spy now and some things just went with the job, no matter how much Chuck wished they didn't.


CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #3: So I know many of you will be pissed off at me for what i'm doing to our favorite curly haired nerd, but you have to trust me when I say that it will be worth it. Every great story has stakes and now you've gotten a chance to see where the stakes are coming from in this story, Sarah won't be doing this just for herself, but for him too because she's the only who can save him. This isn't just a story about Sarah's journey back, it's also a story about losing yourself. Also don't worry the old Chuck is still in there and we'll be seeing the old Chuck a few times in the coming chapters so have no fear I'm not erasing the old Chuck, he's just not here right now. There will be Charah eventually, I'm a romantic at heart so don't worry i'm not going to simply leave our favorite spy couple in a bad spot when the ending comes. :P

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #4: Please let me know what you think, your input and reviews are so important to me and really fuel me to keep on writing this story, which I will admit is a bit of a drag on the old brain. I didn't want to say anything, but I may step away from writing fan fiction for a few weeks to kind of reset and recharge. My grades in college aren't the best right now and I need to focus on that. I haven't decided if i'm going to take a break just yet, but by next Thursday I will have decided.

UNTIL NEXT TIME :D