CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #1: Hey everyone it's that time if the week again, chapter 9 has arrived! This will be the last chapter for a while because as i discussed last week I will be taking a one month hiatus from posting "Contrition". With all the rewrites and added chapters my original plan has gotten muddied and complicated. In light of that I've decided to take a one month hiatus to reevaluate the direction of the story and to establish a new plan that takes into account the expanded scope of the story. To put it in perspective back when I posted chapter 2 I spoke about delaying the original chapter 2; well as we stand right now I haven't posted that original second chapter or any other other 8 chapters I had already written for that matter, that's how much this story has grown since day one. I've written a new chapter every week since i posted chapter 1. My original plan is useless and doesn't reflect the direction of the story so I need to make a new one. On top of that my school workload has gotten heavy in recent weeks so I need some time to focus on my school work. Look at this like a mid season finale, the show will return, they just need some time is all.
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #2: Anyways let's talk about chapter 9 shall we? Last week we got a glimpse of Chuck's current state of affairs and some of you were worried that I was turning him into an assassin just for the angst of it all. I can assure you I most certainly am not doing that, Chuck's motivations are explained to an extent in this chapter so I hope that clears things up about that. We check back in with Sarah where we left her and see an interesting moment in her apartment. We also see some of General Beckman's opinions on recent events in the story so that's interesting. Now without further ado I present you "Contrition" chapter 9 "Sacrifice & Clarity".
Contrition
A Story by
CharmingCharles2896
Chapter 9:
Sacrifice & Clarity
Washington DC, United States
Office of the Director of National Intelligence
4:45 PM EST
Back in the Present…
General Diane Beckman had an extremely difficult job as the Director of National Intelligence; she was the cabinet level Intelligence official in charge of overseeing all US Intelligence and crafting the Presidents Daily Briefing about US Intelligence. She was also in direct command of Task Force Astra, which was so far yielding excellent results. As it stood right now she was looking at expanding the task force from its current two-person size to a team of four. With Agent Bartow…erm Carmichael acting as team leader she'd found it difficult to find agents that he would approve of working with. The mess with Agent Walker had really messed up her Intersect Agent and she wasn't very happy about it if she was being honest. She had been surprised when he'd chosen Agent Carina Miller to be on the team, but other than Agent Miller none of the other agents had worked out well. They'd had several DEA, NSA, FBI, and Homeland Security agents, but none of them could get along with Agent Carmichael who was quickly developing a reputation as a great spy, but hard to work with.
He got along okay with the male agents, but he always seemed to butt heads with the female agents; he wasn't rude or mean to them, but the trust he'd developed with Agent Miller just wouldn't come with other female agents. He always respected them as agents, but just couldn't trust them. She'd known for a long time that Agent Carmichael and Ms. Walker had been in love with each other; it was so plain to see that Walker loved her former asset, but the red test had changed things between them. For some reason that General Beckman still couldn't understand Ms. Walker had rejected Agent Carmichael just when their possible relationship could have flourished. What she did know is that Ms. Walker's rejection had really fucked up his head; everyone could see he was different, but as long as Task Force Astra was functional there was nothing to talk about.
Now she was given the impossible task by President Obama himself to expand Task Force Astra to four members by the end of the week. She'd been looking over various options to pitch to Agent Carmichael, but she knew he'd reject them all like normal. She might just have to force it on him this time, that didn't usually end well, but it might have to be done. The candidates she was particularly keen on pitching were Agents Rizzo and Bishop, but Weaver, and Evans were good choices too. After several minutes of deliberation General Beckman had made up her mind on who she'd pitch.
General Beckman had been keeping tabs on Ms. Walker since her relationship with Agent Carmichael fell apart and what she'd seen made her sad. Walker had taken it all very hard and it showed in her results in the field on subsequent ops over the next couple months. Poor girl was a train wreck these days and there wasn't much General Beckman could do about it. If she had her way she'd put Ms. Walker on Task Force Astra in a heartbeat, but she knew there was simply no way Agent Carmichael would work with her. More than that, the CIA had benched her and as far as she understood it, had no intention of ever letting her back in the field. General Beckman simply shook her head in disgust, Ms. Walker deserved better from her bosses at the agency. She'd done so much for the CIA and hadn't gotten much in return.
"I should call her one of these days." General Beckman thought to herself as she cleared her desk in preparation for the video call she had to have with Task Force Astra. General Beckman reached over to her phone and pressed the line one button. General Beckman brought the phone to her ear.
"Lillian, prepare to securely transmit the documents to Task Force Astra." Beckman hung up the phone and prepared herself for the call.
Washington DC, United States
Sarah's Apartment
4:51 PM EST
Sarah walked into her apartment and instantly went to the small freezer attached to her refrigerator. Sarah pulled out the frozen Stouffers Lasagna and tore the package open before removing the plastic film; she set the oven to preheat to 350 and tossed the frozen dinner into the oven and closed it up. She set the timer for 40 minutes and walked away. That would give her enough time to shower and change before it was done cooking. Sarah left her small kitchen and retreated to her bedroom to empty her pockets. As if seeing her room with open eyes for the first time she saw just how sterile and lifeless the place really was. There were no mementos of any kind, no pictures or things hanging on the walls as decorations. Her furniture was all cheap crap from IKEA, and the place just generally lacked character.
"No wonder I'm so depressed, I live in a prison cell." Sarah mused to herself as she set down her phone and the rest of her things and stripped off her clothes. The one beauty of living alone was not having to worry about offending your roommates if you were to walk around naked. Sarah walked from her bedroom to her bathroom and turned on the shower. As she walked through her place it was like a fog had been lifted and she was able to see again. This apartment was so sterile probably by design, the CIA didn't want their agents to lay down roots anywhere so if they didn't have a place to call home it would be easier to move them around the globe from one assignment to another. She needed to move if only so she could live in an apartment that had some semblance of personality. The place she currently called home was a prison of sterile white walls and bland furniture; yes she'd definitely be moving somewhere else.
As Sarah stepped into the bathroom she quickly turned the fan on and the shower as well so it could start to heat up. She returned to the mirror and maybe for the first time since Burbank saw herself in the mirror without the lens of self-hatred. To be honest she couldn't recognize the person she saw in the mirror; the Sarah Walker she remembered was strong and fit, with a healthy head of hair. What she saw in the mirror was a frail woman who'd lost most of her muscle tone and hadn't been taking care of herself. Ignoring the numerous cuts and bruises all over her body from the fight she'd gotten into yesterday, which mind you she would have had no trouble with six months ago, she could plainly see the outline of her ribs in her chest and just how sunken in her eyes appeared to be. She'd lost so much weight she looked like she hadn't eaten in a lifetime. Her face was pale with sunken eyes and gaunt cheeks; she had noticeable dark circles under her eyes from the continual lack of sleep.
"Jesus." Sarah said out loud as her fingers traced the outline of her ribs. To be plain Sarah was unrecognizable, she used to be the example of what a female agent was supposed to look like, gorgeous, but fit enough to take down anybody. Now she looked like she had more in common with an emaciated stray dog.
"I look terrible." She thought to herself as she turned and looked at the visible bumps of her spine down the center of her back. The fact that her shoulder blades were so pronounced was disconcerting for the former spy. Sarah simply shook her head in disgust and returned to the shower to finish adjusting the heat; upon deeming the temperature to be acceptable enough she slipped in and sighed at the feeling of the warm water cascading over her battered and bruised body. One thought kept banging around in Sarah's mind as she washed away the days grime, no matter what she told herself all she could think about was that she needed to get Chuck back no matter what it took. She needed Charles Irving Bartowski in her life and she wasn't going to rest until she'd reacquired her target. The thing was, did she want him to see her like this? She didn't look like the Sarah he remembered from Burbank and Sarah wasn't sure if she wanted him to see what she'd become. She wanted to win him back because he loved her, not because he pitied her.
So step one of any master plan to put her life back together was obviously to get back into shape; if she could get her body back to what it was before the collapse then she could move forward with a plan to get back out into the field. She knew she couldn't get Chuck back without being a field agent. No matter how she ended up finding him, she knew it would only be possible if she was an agent again. The thing was, before she could even think about getting back into the field she had to look like the old Sarah again. She had to show him that she was ready to be that girl now and she couldn't do that the way she was right now. She'd failed to do that when it mattered the first time and she wasn't going to make that mistake a second time.
Sarah pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind as she finished washing her various battle scars from the other day along with the rest of her body. As Sarah washed the soap off of her body she couldn't help but imagine Chuck's hands on her body doing this for her; it was almost too much to imagine, would he be rough or gentle? How bold would he be? Would he be timid around the more sensitive areas of her body or would he be confident and simply ravish her like she'd always fantasized about? As Sarah got carried away in her amorous fantasies she felt herself approaching an edge she hadn't experienced in what felt like a lifetime. It was like an awakening of passion inside of her, urges that had lain dormant and forgotten for the last six months suddenly came rushing back with a vengeance. When it was all over Sarah was left a shaking, quivering woman in the corner of her shower wonder what had come over her.
It had been so unexpected when Sarah had imagined her nerd in the shower with her; she hadn't had thoughts like that since before Chuck's red test so long ago. She felt a surge of energy coursing through her veins like she'd tapped into pure lightning; Sarah Walker felt more alive and in tune with her body than she had in a long time and it brought a smile to her face. Of course Sarah had fantasized about Chuck, who else was Sarah going to think about on all those lonely nights in Burbank? As the years went on her fantasies about her nerd had gotten both more complex and more explicit if she was being honest with herself. She hadn't had the desire or drive for activity like that since he'd walked out and for Sarah to have suddenly regained that desire was like regaining a piece of herself that she'd long since lost. To put it bluntly Sarah Walker was back baby and nobody was going to stop her from achieving her goals.
Once Sarah had dried off and left the bathroom she checked on the oven and noticed she still had 15 minutes so she retreated to her bedroom to get dressed. Once Sarah was in her bedroom and examined the clothes in her closet and she had to pause and ponder what she saw before her. She saw a lot of clothes that a member of the CAT squad would have worn out partying; a lot of the clothes she'd acquired for her mission in Burbank had been paid for by the agency and had gone back into their storage facilities for another mission. Her wardrobe had changed since she went to Burbank, far less party girl and much more girl next door. So as she saw her wardrobe she couldn't help but smile to herself. It was like she was seeing everything for the first time and what she saw was a woman who needed to retake control of her surroundings and make some long overdue changes. As Sarah looked at all of her clothes she couldn't help but smile as she saw the handful of items at the far right side of her closet. She had managed to save a couple of pieces that she'd always wanted to either wear for Chuck, or reminded her of a moment with Chuck. There was the skimpy emerald bikini hanging way off to the right, she'd always wanted to see how he'd have reacted if he ever saw her in it, but that day had never come. She knew it would likely be too much for the poor guy, she knew she would have looked good in it back in Burbank. With what their situation had been back in those days, Sarah didn't know if it would have been very fair to tease him so hard.
Sarah could see the blue silk blouse with the little white buttons that Chuck had always loved on her. Chuck would always gape and stare for a brief moment whenever she wore that blouse, which was why she only wore it for him and only on certain occasions where they could be themselves. Then there was "the shirt"; she'd managed to steal one of Chuck's Stanford shirts after the pita girl crisis. Sarah had wanted a piece of him to always remember him by if he did in fact get sent to the bunker so she discreetly grabbed one of his Stanford shirts and kept it. The shirt itself was well worn and comfortable to wear; she hadn't worn it in a long while since everything had happened between them. Today though felt like a perfect moment to pull it out. If Sarah was being honest she could use a little Burbank comfort right about now.
Sarah smiled to herself and slipped on a pair of comfortable pajama pants and pulled the shirt out of her closet. As Sarah slipped the shirt on over her head she padded out of her room towards the kitchen where the smell of lasagna was starting to fill the air. It wasn't a large serving, but she needed comfort food these days; she never felt like eating so eating super healthy had been a chore to say the least. As Sarah waited for the oven timer to ding she walked around her apartment and looked at it honestly, maybe for the first time. Her hotel room in Burbank had more character than this place; she wished she had some photos of her and Chuck to add some character to the place.
"I should call Ellie and see if she'll send me some photos." Sarah would have to think about that, but for right now she heard the ding of the timer on the oven so she grabbed oven mitts and pulled out the very hot dinner. She knew it needed a few minutes to cool before she could dive in so she quickly jogged back to her bedroom and went in search of her suitcase. Sarah quickly found what she was looking for and grabbed the picture she had always kept in her suitcase. As Sarah looked at just how happy the two of them were and thought back to how much simpler those times were she had to stop herself from breaking down and crying. She hadn't looked at this picture in six months, she hadn't seen his face in six months, hadn't heard his voice in six months. She was starting to forget what his voice sounded like and it made her sad, but it also filled her with a resolve, she had to fix this for the both of them.
Olgiata, Rome, Italy
Largo Dell Piazzo
10:51 PM CEST
What a boring day, Task Force Astra hadn't had any operation to do so far today and had instead been stuck at home with nothing to do. Carina had gone into town to do some shopping; Chuck had simply stayed home and messed around on his computer. He'd contemplated playing some Call of Duty like he would have done back in Burbank, but with all the real killing he'd been doing lately the idea of simulated killing didn't really appeal to him at the moment. Instead he'd been thinking about Sarah all day; he missed her so much, but he was so mad at her at the same time. She used to make him want to be the best version of himself he could be, but recently he'd become the worst version of himself he could be, he was a killer plain and simple and if Sarah could see him now she'd hate what he'd become, what the spy life had turned him in to.
The thing was, Chuck didn't have the luxury of worrying about things like that; the reality was there was a war going on between the Ring and the global intelligence community. They had originally thought that the air strike was a crippling blow because two Ring Elders were killed, but that was far from the truth of the matter. The reality was that the Ring was still very much a threat; now though the Ring was much more violent. They had more in common with the Taliban than they did with the CIA; more violence, more public displays of terror all over the world. Desperation had driven the remaining Ring assets into a new phase of the war… scorched earth.
Chuck was the only one with the skills and tools to defeat the Ring as it stood right now so it was up to him to end this war once and for all. Somebody had to do the dirty work to win this war and Chuck would rather it be himself instead of someone else he cared about. He knew he was more capable than anyone else in the world so it was selfish of him to turn his back on this war. Chuck would never forgive himself if he could have done something but chose not to and then someone he cared about like Sarah, Casey, or Carina died. No, Chuck was going to suffer and sacrifice until the Ring was destroyed once and for all; maybe after the war was over he could worry about things like the morality of killing or if he had any soul left. For right now Chuck was just going to bury those feelings and put up walls around them; he would lock away that human part of himself and let the animal loose on the Ring. Chuck was pulled from his dark musings by the sound of his partner's voice.
"Hey are you coming to the briefing, it's about to start?" Carina said as her head popped into the room. Chuck sat up in his chair and quickly spun in his chair.
"Yes I'll be right down." Chuck said with a fake smile as he stood up to join Carina in the base for the briefing.
Once Chuck and Carina had entered the base they sat down at the large conference table in front of a large screen. As they sat on opposite sides of the table Carina couldn't help looking at her partner. She felt bad bringing up Sarah this morning, obviously Blondie was a sore subject for Chuck not that Carina could have known just how sore the subject was to Chuck. She'd noticed he was decidedly gloomier after she mentioned Sarah and that made her feel bad.
"What did you do Walker?" Carina mused to herself, she had to know what happened between her best friend and her current partner, but she didn't know how to find out. She was undercover so she couldn't simply call Sarah. At the same time she knew she couldn't ask Chuck because he'd simply put walls up and get all sad again. She'd figure it out some day, but today wasn't going to be that day. Carina was pulled from her thoughts when the screen lit up and General Beckman's face appeared on screen.
"Good evening Agent Carmichael, Agent Miller, sorry about the late call, but it's been a hectic day here in DC." General Beckman began, Chuck and Carina quickly sat up straighter and nodded their heads. "I've been ordered by President Obama to expand Task Force Astra to four members so I've assembled a shortlist of possible candidates for you to choose from Agent Carmichael. You'll have to choose two of the four on the list; my assistant has sent them to your computer via encrypted message." General Beckman said as she waited for Agent Carmichael to get the files of the agents in question up on one of the laptops they had on site. Chuck opened a laptop and quickly began to retrieve the files that Beckman had sent.
"If you don't mind me asking General, but what is prompting this expansion, do we have something big coming down the pipe?" Carina asked as Chuck decrypted the files and began to look through them.
"I'm told President Obama is growing impatient and wants to see this war with the Ring end already; the mid term elections are coming up in a few months and he doesn't want any bad actors hurting the Democratic Party at the ballot box." General Beckman finished just as Chuck began looking at the files, instantly Chuck grew irritated.
"General, with all do respect, is this really all we have?" Chuck asked as he looked over at the screen and at General Beckman's slightly irritated face.
"I don't know what you mean Agent Carmichael, these are our best candidates." General Beckman said with a raised eyebrow.
"Natalie Weaver, CIA, age 22, she's fresh off the farm; she comes from a rocky background, broken home, exceedingly driven, very little field experience. Why the hell would we put her on Task Force Astra? Also she sounds a whole lot like a certain blonde CIA agent who shall remain unnamed, which can't be a coincidence. Robert Patrick Evans, DEA, age 52, highly experienced in undercover work, hasn't been in the field in 7 years? Kate Bishop, NSA, age 31, specializes in infiltration and inducement of enemy personnel. General we don't need another seduction expert, Agent Miller is highly skilled as an agent and is more than capable of filling that role regardless of how grotesque it is. Zondra Rizzo, CIA, age 28, spent 3 years as a member of the Clandestine Anti-Terrorist Squad or CATS for short with Agents Walker, Miller, & Johansson. Accused of being a double agent by Agent Walker leading to the breakup of the CATS. Specializes in combat and asymmetric warfare. Agent Rizzo seems qualified and would certainly be an asset in light of the Ring's recent activity, but how can we trust her?" As Chuck finished speaking Carina simply shook her head, this wasn't going to end well.
"She passed all of our lie detector tests, she was clean, and the case that led to the breakup of the CAT Squad was never solved. Agent Rizzo has a previous working relationship with Agent Miller who I assume can vouch for Agent Rizzo's character?" General Beckman said as she motioned towards Carina who quickly spoke up.
"Yes General, she's the real deal and I trust her with my life; my last assignment before I was moved to Task Force Astra was with Agent Rizzo so yes I trust her." Carina finished by looking at Chuck and giving him a subtle nod, which he picked up on.
"Okay if Carina trusts her then Agent Rizzo is fine with me, but all these other candidates are just not good enough; they're either too inexperienced, haven't been in the field in far too long, or fill a role we already have covered." Chuck said as he sat back from the laptop and closed it. General Beckman rolled her eyes at her top agent.
"Agent Carmichael you have to pick one, this comes from the Commander in Chief himself." General Beckman said with a sense of finality that told Chuck she wasn't joking. Chuck sat and thought for a moment before he spoke.
"Weaver, she's green, but we can coach her up in no time." Chuck said as he looked over at General Beckman who smiled and nodded.
"Okay I will get that sorted out, enjoy your evening Agents." General Beckman said and abruptly ended the call; Carina squealed in excitement before she spoke.
"Oh this is going to be so fun, you'll love Z, she's so cool." Chuck gave her a weird look.
"Z?" He questioned with a smirk, Carina simply shrugged.
"Don't call her that, she'll get mad at you; I only call her that because of our days with the CATS." Chuck simply nodded and stood to leave, Carina stood as well but walked over to a computer terminal and pulled out a chair.
"l'll see you in a bit Chuckles, I'm gonna stay here and do some paper work for a while." Carina said as she booted up the computer, Chuck simply nodded with a smile and left. Carina waited a few moments to hear the door to the base close before she stood up and walked back over to the main table and quickly initiated a call to General Beckman. As the screen lit up to show General Beckman, she saw the General flinch in surprise as Carina appeared on her screen.
"Agent Miller, what's the matter, why are you calling?" General Beckman asked, as she sat up straighter; Carina looked over her shoulder towards the hallway leading to the entryway of the base before she looked back and began speaking.
"Sorry to bother you General, I just wanted to talk to you alone." Carina said to her boss with a nervous look on her face; now General Beckman was intrigued.
"What's on your mind Agent Miller?" Carina took a deep breath a spoke with an uncharacteristically nervous tone.
"I've been reviewing our last several ops and I've noticed a worrying trend." General Beckman gave Carina a confused look.
"What are you getting at Agent Miller, what is worrisome?" It was now or never so with a steading breath Carina spoke.
"I've noticed we've been doing a lot of wet work recently and since the number of red ops increased I've observed a noticeable change in Agent Carmichael's demeanor." General Beckman's interest was piqued by Agent Miller's words so she simply nodded her head. "You remember what he was like back in Burbank, he was always so cheerful and made lots of jokes, but these days he's just… darker. He jokes every once in a while, but the smiley guy I remember is changing."
"What do you think is causing this change, and do you believe it's a reason to bring him in for evaluation?" General Beckman asked; Carina was worried now, because if she didn't say this right her partner could be suspended and it wouldn't have been his fault.
"I think all the killing is starting to get to him; he won't admit it, but I don't know if he can take all the killing he's being asked to do recently." Carina said honestly, General Beckman simply nodded in understanding.
"I see, I'm sorry Agent Miller, but there really isn't anything I can do about it. We're in a war against the Ring and though we thought we'd won when we destroyed their HQ we only set them back. The Ring is still out there and until they are completely gone Task Force Astra is going to have to stay in the field. I can't do anything about the number of red ops he's being assigned either. There are other forces here in Washington that want their Intersect Agent in the field like any other spy." Carina was afraid that's what her superior would say.
"What are we going to do about Agent Carmichael, General? If the killing is affecting him as badly as I think it is he could develop serious mental health problems." Carina said, the worry in her tone told General Beckman that the former Nerd Herd Supervisor had wormed his way into yet another woman's heart, albeit in a different way this time.
"I'm sorry Agent Miller, but as long as this war continues we're all just going to have to make sacrifices." General Beckman said bluntly, Carina closed her eyes in frustration and finally let her temper flare.
"General, with all due respect; what the hell am I going to do about Chuck? He's hurting bad and I don't know what to do about it; I don't know what happened between him and Agent Walker, but couple that with what he's enduring now and I'm seriously worried about him. What are we going to do, because at this rate he's going to crack wide open before the year is out?" Carina said finally laying it all out for the general who simply nodded her head and paused to contemplate.
"Handle him," General Beckman said flatly, Carina's eyebrows shot up in confusion.
"I'm sorry?" Carina said hoping for some clarification, the general simply smiled and spoke.
"I'm going to send you his file, I want you to study it and come up with a plan to make sure he continues to function. You're a smart woman Agent Miller, you went to Yale for psychology, you should be able to handle this. If all else fails just call Agent Walker and ask her for some advise, how much you tell her is up to your discretion. If that's all, I've got a meeting in a few minutes so I must be going." With that the screen went black and Carina was left standing there I shock.
"How the hell am I going to handle him? I've never had to do that before, I don't know how to be a normal person." Carina mused to herself nervously as she sat down in a chair. She simply sat there in thought for a long while simply at a loss for how to actually pull this off.
"I don't know if I'm up to this," Carina mused as the magnitude of her newest sub mission began to sink in. The thing was, she had to pull this off because whether Sarah was here or not Carina needed to keep Chuck safe. Sarah was in love with him and he in love with her, and until they could reconcile it was up to Carina to keep him functional. Just as she felt a sense of determination she heard the fax machine start and out came Chuck's file one page at a time. As the last page printed Carina saw a hand written note. Carina picked up the print out of the note and read it silently.
Agent Miller,
I know you care about Chuck, I care about him too; don't misconstrue my tone earlier as me not caring. I can plainly see that he is changing and I don't like it either, but my options are limited so I'm counting on you to deal with this until Task Force Astra completes its mission at which time we can get him some help.
Good Luck,
General Diane Beckman, Director of National Intelligence
Carina was stunned, General Beckman had a heart after all. So maybe this sub mission wasn't going to be as difficult as she originally anticipated, but still it was looking arduous at the moment. Carina grabbed the newly printed Chuck file and sat down to start studying her partner.
"Okay, Operation Save Chuck is a go." Carina mused to herself as she began reading about Orion and the Frost Queen. She was about to learn a lot about her partner, but she just hoped she could do the job that Sarah had done so well for so long without him noticing that was what she was doing. If he figured out that she was "handling him" he'd stop trusting her and that would be the end of Task Force Astra. No her mission had to be done on the sly and she had to succeed this time, failure was not an option.
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #3: So what did you think? If you wish to opine leave a review and share your thoughts and feelings. I really appreciate your feedback both good and bad so please let me know what you thought.
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #4: I know one month sounds like a long time, but I need it right now, writing this story is a ton of work and is extremely draining so a moment to pause and recharge while I make a new plan is so necessary right now. I promise I will return, I will not abandon this story; this isn't like when I was in high school I will return and i will finihs this journey with all of you no matter how long it takes.
UNTIL NEXT TIME :D
