Hi hi hi
Here is the next installment for you lovely chicken nuggets! It's been a long time again, and I'm super sorry! Life ran away from me and I've also started planning a HP fic too! BUT I have three weeks off Uni for Easter so I'm hoping to get ahead of myself now.
This is a bit of a filler once again, got to jam those base line thoughts in there somewhere haha
Cheers for the f/f: Meeshamelee, EgyptianAssassin, 14, MercenaryBunny, MoiraAudrey, Onyx-Wolf1981, House Telvanni, Fili lover95 & hifries.
Cheers for the reviews: Drake Rhapsody, inperfection, Shisiwastaken, Marina Oakensheild, Hel Opacare* and Dhalmi93*
I only own little Todd!
Chapter 18 – Shifting Shadows
It took all of Todd's might to wake up the next day. Her body was still burning, and her limbs felt like she had been running for their whole journey instead of walking. She knew that she had slept in longer than usual, yet no one pushed her to wake; no one was even really up themselves. She couldn't really hear any movement. Taking a deep breath she let her hand trial up from where it was tucked in her borrowed clothes to her hair. Silently she started pulling at it.
Soiled.
She was dirty now.
This fact burned at her more than her physical wounds. She felt so ashamed. She wasn't strong enough to stop the foul Goblin from ruining her. She wasn't brave enough to save herself and she let herself down, and the company down. Yet more importantly, to her, she had let her Mother and Father down. She had thrown their name down into the ground, their name meant even less now. She had brought shame to their names. If they were still with her they wouldn't have been able to even look at her.
Something in her head shifted, like a presence had turned or rolled over in a slumbering fashion. The familiar itch began at first as a tiny twinge that built and built and built into a full-blown headache and constant aching. It made her brows furrow deeply, muscles tensing further. A dark shadow slid down over her whole being, she could feel it poking at her. A faint whisper like the wind flashed through her head. Her mind was a wash of negative thoughts all fueling the inner turmoil, but the more and more she sat there, the more she realized it was a cycle she didn't know how to break. Her mind was so… broken, at that moment in time that she really couldn't think of a way to shift the mess in her head.
Her mind wandered to the company then. Stalling on all their faces as they entered her mind. What would they think? Would they let someone as filthy as her carry on with them? She mentally punished herself even more then, letting her self sink deeper and deeper down into a dark mist. She had tried and tried so hard to prove herself, the had flung herself in front of every danger that had presented itself. Now it had been frittered away, she was completely worthless now. Who would want to have her around? They were going to look at her like she was a wounded animal in their eyes.
Her eyes started stinging and running. Yet she couldn't muster the strength to cry properly. She couldn't even summon a sob, she was just a shell of her former self. Silently she pulled herself up into a sitting position, letting the blanket around her fall to her lap. Looking down her eyes took a while to focus in on the said blanket. Finally her brain kicked in and she realized that it was her Kings cloak. Sucking in a deep breath she turned her eyes around the cave. Spotting their King sat with his back against the cave exit. His eyes were trained on the horizon, never wavering. Yet she thought that she could see a slight shiver in his tense posture.
The Company were all milling around, sitting in groups and chatting quietly and nodding to each other. There was a kind of mist hanging over them, like they didn't want to be too loud. Todd had half the mind that they were trying to keep quiet.
"Hey" Came a quiet, soft voice from her other side. Her eyes flashed round and she flinched slightly.
Bilbo was kneeling beside her bedroll, his eyes watching her every move. He winced a little when she flinched. His eyes followed her hands as they shakily started tugging at her hair again. Sharp and quick motions. Bilbo sighed, sitting himself down, he reached out and pulled a very familiar hat out.
Todd looked from Bofur's hat back to Bilbo with a confused look on her face. When she didn't take the hint, Bilbo plopped the hat down on her head and pulled her hands down away from her hair.
"There, does that feel better?" He asked. "If it makes you feel comfortable, wear it, it's why he left it here for you!"
"He did?" She whispered, a warm fleeting flicker rumbled in her heart at the thought of him. She blushed, pulling the hat down further on her head. The immediate balm from having the hat on was calming to her. It gave her a sense of protection, like she was shielded back from the horrid thoughts she had previously been thinking. The itching lessened, the darkness subsiding, if only just a little bit. She looked for Bofur and found him sat in between his brother and cousin, all three of them talking in hushed voices. "Why is everyone so quiet?"
"Oh, well uh…" Bilbo tapered off. He flashed her a nervous smile and she narrowed her eyes at him. "Bofur thought we would wake you, so he got really angry and made us all whisper"
"He did?" She could help her eyes widen and her mouth fall open a little. He had gotten angry at them for almost waking her up?
"He did" Bilbo smiled, a lot easier this time. "How are you feeling?"
"My back burns, but not as bad as before" Came her quiet reply.
"That's good, Oin wanted to take another look when you woke up." Bilbo breathed, pointing with his head to the old healer. "I'll go get him…"
"Bilbo!" She gushed. Grabbing his arm as he moved to stand, the sharp movement pulled at her back and she hissed a little in pain. "Its fine, really!"
Little did she know, her hiss had alerted the rest of the Company to her being awake and she was immediately swarmed by Oin, Ori, Fili, Kili, Bombur and Bofur. They had been waiting so patiently for her to wake up, none of them wanting to take away precious healing time away from her. They had been as quiet as possible, whispering to each other about what they could do to let her know that she was still worth their time. Balin had sat them all down after she finally fell asleep after crying for what felt like hours, that she was going to feel alone, closed off and like she didn't belong all over again. So they knew they would have to try their hardest to let her feel anything but cut off and worthless. They were all trying to ask her how she was feeling and if she needed anything as soon as they heard her pained hiss from the back of the cave.
She froze, her eyes wide and watching them all. Soaking in their worried and caring expressions. She had been so dead certain that they would all avoid her, that they would do their best to let her get on with the pain on her own. Yet as soon as they had all rushed to her side, she understood that her earlier dark and twisted thoughts of them leaving her were completely false. They may think she is dirty and broken, but that didn't mean that they would stop caring and that meant more to Todd than she could even comprehend.
Here she was, a woman with nothing to offer apart from herself. That was no longer pure, that was a half-breed, but she still had people that cared enough about her to want to help her.
Her eyes started to water, a few stray tears rolling down her cheeks. Her vision blurred a little, and this time she actually felt a small sob forming deep in her chest.
Bofur shoved himself through the many elbows of the others that had crowded her and kneeled down in front of her. He took his hands and gently wiped away the tears she had let fall. He hated it, hated seeing her so fragile, but he could tell that in her eyes these weren't all necessarily tears of sadness or loss. She was looking at them all with such fondness his heart melted.
"Here…" He said, placing his hand on his hat and shaking it, making her head wobble a little. "It looks better on you, Lass!"
"Sure does" Kili chuckled.
She sniffled then, a few more tears running but Bofur managed to catch them again, a small blush forming under where his fingers had brushed. He watched as she gently laid a smile upon her lips.
"Thank you!" She whispered.
Thorin had been sat watching intently as the youngest dwarrows had crowded Todd, after they realized that she was in fact awake.
She looked awful, her eyes were puffy and red with large bags under them, and she was shaking like a leaf. He knew it would take her a good few days to get her old self back again. He found himself looking forward to when she was strong enough to look after herself and not cry, for he really didn't know if he could handle it. It made him angry and annoyed. Angry at the fact that she had to suffer something so horrid, but annoyed that they were now almost burdened with her. He didn't need this kind of the side-tracked minds of his Company. It was exactly the reason woman were never invited to partake in quests such as his.
He eyed Balin and Dwalin who were switching their eyed from the scene around Todd to him. Once they caught eye contact, they met in the middle of the cave.
"She looks awful." Dwalin mumbled.
"That she does, but she is getting the help she needs" Balin concluded. "Wont take her long to be back to normal I don't think, she deserves the attention after what she has been through!"
"Yes, but we do not have time to dwell here until she is feeling better about herself now do we…" Thorin bit, a little too aggressive that what he was originally hoping for. Dwalin nodded his head fervently, while Balin just eyed them both wearily.
"It doesn't matter anyway, if we don't have a way out of this eyrie!" He countered.
The three dwarves delved into many different plans about who they could set to forming ropes and climbing down. They figured that is the Eagles had left them here then they couldn't rely on them to get them down. Climbing was the only other way they were going to get down to the ground. It was going to take a lot of work, especially seen as some of the company were a little bit banged up and bruised. They had been so engrossed in their planning that none of them had noticed Todd carefully, and very slowly, slip away and head over to them, Thorin's cloak folded neatly within her arms.
"Uhm… excuse me!" She called, but still coming out very quiet.
All three sets of eyes were on her in an instant. Balin's a whole mile softer than Thorin and Dwalins. All of them noticing their friend's hat secured firmly atop her wild red hair, her sad eyes bearing up to theirs.
"Thank you very much, I'm sorry for causing you trouble!" She bowed as Thorin took his cloak back from her outstretched arms. She bowed to him before turning to shuffle away again. They all watched her go. She shuffled gently back before sitting right next to Bofur. Their legs were touching as they sat closely to each other. Bofur smiled to her and immediately involved her back in the conversation that she had left. When she didn't smile, they watched as Bofur leaned in nudged her shoulder gently before reaching up and touching a few fingers to her forehead. Her cheeks immediately turned a rosy pink color and a small smile fluttered across her lips.
"Were going to have some trouble there aren't we…" Dwalin huffed.
"Yes, I think we are." Balin smiled.
Thorin just watched with a hard unreadable expression.
AN:
Okie dokie artichokie! I wanted this to be jam packed with how she feels, how this has effected her! Due to her lonely past before and experienced with being treated badly before, she thought that she would just be cast aside, and that the Company would just be annoyed to have a broken woman with them. Yet it was so important that she realize that she isn't alone any more.
I want that to be one of her struggles now, because it takes a long time to change and get used to having people around that care after being alone for so long. She is going to bottle things up, while others want her to just tell them how she feels.
I don't know if this was any good though. I wanted to introduce Thorins mind set. For obviously he would feel absolutely horrified for what she has been through, but his true self shines through again when he gets the small thought of her now becoming a burden.
Hope this was all up to scratch! Let me know what you think, I love knowing! You can also reach me here, my tumblr URL is kingofcarvemstoned
Drop me a line my chicken nuggets, yet till then I bid you all a fond fairwell!
TTFN
xxx
