Hi Hi Hi!
Back again with the next installment. I wanted to thank everyone who stood by the story and hadn't given up hope. This is something that I was looking forward to doing, a heavy chapter. I wanted to fit a few things together and weave them in before my plans for Beorns. I'm so excited to write Beorn, it will be a bit of a challenge to get him right, but I hope I'm up to the challenge.
Cheers for the F/F: JustAnotherGirl94, , Dantae Ophydain, dancertoria, Princess Of The Sea555, MusicalLabryinth, Hollydoor, LittleRin26, Hatsuyuki Suki, aewprincess & texasbellboots.
Cheers for the reviews: Silversun XD, kimmy, Lucy & Noxy the Proxy!
I only own little Todd.
Chapter 21 – Just Like That
"Bilbo?" Todd called quietly, her voice only just loud enough to catch his attention as the company came to a stop against a shady outcrop in the rock line they were following on their last decent from the misty mountains.
Bilbo had been chatting away with Gandalf, his hands waving around animatedly, his cheeks going red and flustered. Yet never the less, the Hobbit had a calm smile on his face as he talked to the giant wizard. Todd sat and watched, her hands deftly raking through the soft grass, the little trickles of dew kept her fingers cool, a refreshing chill against her warm self from all the walking they had achieved that day. She had been struck with a thought while she watched him chat away. She had been thinking more and more about her parents, after she had sung that song to the company a few days back, the resolve she had made had already crumbled, she needed her parents and her singing that song had only made her miss them more and she had gotten lost in the loneliness of loosing them all over again.
She understood the back-stories of all the company as a whole, of losing their rightful home, having live as refugees of a struggle they were still fighting through. Then there were the others who had been inspired by a great leader and friend to fight for a home they knew they belonged to. Yet with Bilbo, she was confused. She knew that the company had hired him, she understood that much, but they had never really chatted about his real drive, what he wanted from the situation he had entered with the Dwarves. She watched him, his gentle soul showing through his actions and speech with the wizard who so fondly engaged back with the Hobbit, wondering why he was here made her think on her own reasons.
She had been stuck in a no win situation, facing imminent death from a gaggle of thick skulled trolls, when this company had come from nowhere, she had thought at the time that it must have been fate. Their paths had been written to cross ever since she had become a twinkle in her Mothers eye. Yet she had been through more perils and more hardships since, and she had the great swelling of a thought inside her, that this was not a reward for her. She was not handed a way out of that troll cave, only to have Mahal hand her an easy life. She felt a crushing sense of dread, as if everything was only building up, as if everything they had been through to get to this point, wasn't the last of it. Her drive was coming into question, was all this hardship worth the pain that she felt, the itching at the back of her mind reared its ugly head as a means of agreeing. She felt a great sense of loneliness surround her like someone had just slipped a blanket over her shoulders.
She needed advice, and Bilbo was the only one she could think of. Bofur would have been the perfect person to talk her out of her tumultuous thought spiral, but she didn't want to worry him. Glancing at him, she saw his bright smile as he laughed with his brother, and her heart melted at the sight. She had been catching herself staring at him more and more, and she wanted nothing more than to just tell him everything. But she knew that he would never feel the same, let alone stick around once she unloaded all the feelings onto him. No, she couldn't burden him, it had to be Bilbo, and the only other person she really truly trusted. Once their conversation had died down, Todd ran a nervous hand through her hair and straightened Bofur's hat on her head, pulling it further down her head, something she had started doing when anxious. She called to Bilbo and she smiled softly as he smiled back and parted ways with Gandalf.
"You ok?" He asked as he plopped himself down on grass beside her. The others around they were chatting away, not noticing Todd shuffle closer to Bilbo so they could talk in hushed tones. She moved to speak, but she lost her words. How does one breach a subject like the one she wanted to have. Her mid fell blank, and in that instance she had never been so frustrated with herself. She moved to ask, her mouth starting, but the words falling as a quite 'ah'. Before she shook her head and sighed. Her frustration only grew then as she felt tears well in her eyes.
"Oh, hey come on." Bilbo breathed, moving to sit more in front of her, so that the company could not see her tears. "Tell me?"
"It's hard to say… and I don't really know how to say it." She whispered, feeling as though her voice was decibels louder than it actually was. Making her feel even more on the spot.
"Just take a deep breath, and just spill it all out?" Bilbo suggested. So she took a deep breath. Bilbo placed his hands on hers and she looked into his bright caring eyes. He smiled crookedly to her.
"I'm lost Bilbo…" She gushed then, her voice still a rushed whisper. She watched Bilbo's face morph as he tried to understand where she was coming from. "Why am I still here? Why are you?"
"Why are you still here?" He repeated, his eyebrows flying up slightly. "Because you belong Todd."
"I don't feel like it, I feel like I've lost too much, I'm no good to this company any more. I'm tired Bilbo, tired of loosing the things I hold closest, I lost my parents, I lost the home I had with them, I lost my freedom, I lost my innocence… I don't want to loose anything else, but I feel like that's where I'm headed." She sucked in a deep breath and pulled at her hair again. Bilbo's eyes watching with worry and hurt for her as she voiced her fears and feelings.
She shook her head. She belonged back with her Mother and her Father, staying out the way, back in their jeweler shop, carving and crafting pieces that they proudly sold on. She belonged back in that shop laughing and joking with her Father as the days passed by comfortably. She belonged back with her Mother as they made the daily morning trip to market for fresh bread, and as they brushed each other's hair fondly before bed. She belonged with them, and they had moved on to a place where she hadn't been able to follow. Yet now, she wished more than anything to be with them. More tears welled in her eyes.
"I wish I could just see my parents again, to tell them about all of this, to get their advice and their help!" She hiccupped a little. Bilbo's face crumpled a little at her words, as her meaning touched something within his own fears and wishes.
"You know what. I understand completely." He breathed, holding her hands more tightly. He looked to her and he slowly started nodding his head and pursing his lips, as if he was thinking over something important. "I haven't told this to any one here, so you best listen now, ok?"
"Ok" Todd whispered, rubbing at her cheeks to rid the wet tracks her tears had left behind.
"When I was, much younger than I am now… yes" He muttered. "I lost my Father to illness. He was a great respectable man you see, known in our part of the world as a master of craft. For when he met my Mother, he constructed the family home, Bag End." She watched intently as he let a smile fall over his features at the mention of his home. "Now, this lot can agree with me when I say that Bag End is the homeliest home that anyone could wish for, a true testament to how great of a Hobbit my Father was. When we lost him, my Mother fell ill too, she held on for a long time though and I cared for her, yet as the ill often do, she faded and I lost her too." Todd breathed deeply and started rubbing comforting circles with her thumb over the backs of Bilbo's hands, trying to comfort him. She felt in awe of him in that moment. He was sharing with her a story that she could tell he had not told many times, of not only by the raw emotion she saw reflected in his soft eyes.
"I was left in that beautiful homely home by myself you see. Every morning I would wake up and be reminded of everything I had lost, my Father wouldn't be sat at the breakfast table, my Mother would not be tending the stove. It was all down to me, and I hated it. That home felt like it had swallowed me whole, but then I realized something. I left the home one-day and I was greeted by friends and well-wishers, who only wanted to see me well again. I slowly got used to the trails I had endured so young, and fought through them." He nodded to himself then, his eyes moving to look straight at hers. "Because I had people who were helping my fight."
"This is you finding that homely home Todd, this is you finding those friends and well wishers and making yourself a new home, don't let your worries take you away from that home." He breathed. "I wont let you give up on the one thing that, I can see as plain as day, is saving you!"
In that instance she understood completely. She was fighting for home, and she had completely forgotten in the events that had taken hold on her. She lost her home, like Bilbo had lost his as he knew it, and now she had been guided by Mahal, through his arduous trials into a new fight. One that she had been fighting, building and moving towards since she had been freed from that wretched troll hoard. She looked to the Company and she saw the makings of her new, extremely unconventional family, and her new home she knew now, lay with them. Todd's heart burst on the spot at his words and his heartfelt appeal to her. Her worry faded and her chest swelled with affection to the Hobbit before her. She had let the itching and aching dark part of her mind creep up on her once again and she loathed it for making her loose sight of the light she had found. She realized that it had been happening more often, that Itch knocking her off course.
"Bilbo!" Came the strict tone of their King. Both Bilbo and Todd moved apart and turned to face Thorin. Their King strode from his place with Gandalf, Balin and Dwalin to stand before Bilbo.
"We need you to scout ahead, check the path ahead for any signs of the Warg. I've been told you light feet will be more than adequate to keep yourself hidden in case!" He stated gruffly, with a hint of affection that Todd hadn't left unnoticed.
"Oh, yes… of course!" Bilbo stammered, obviously lost for words at being picked for such an important task. Yet the whole company could see that he was more than willing to prove his worth and he quiet happy to oblige. Todd thought it must be because the offer of the job by Thorin, showed how the King was warming up to him.
Todd stayed sat on the ground, picking at grass with her hands, as the rest of the company stood around, milling if you will, waiting for Bilbo to return from his little adventure to scout the horizon for them. They needed to be sure that they were not heading straight towards the Orc's and Warg's they knew were trying to track them. They had been walking all day and were nearing the end of the undulating land as they headed further east. It had taken them a good two days of solid walking after Todd's song. Todd was sat thinking over everything that she and Bilbo had let off their chest earlier on, now feeling like she was a hundred times better than she had the day before. She had physically healed nicely and her wounds were merely dull aches compared to what they were, Oin was adamant that she would never get rid of the scarring left behind from the Goblin tunnels.
After her song to the others she had been feeling something strange, and it had only been today that she could put her finger on it. She had, due to what she had been through, segregated herself from the others, from Bofur, and she ahd been lonely because of it. The company had been noticing her backing away from them; they had hoped that before long she would be back to normal, thinking she just needed a little time. Bilbo's speech had done wonders though, in that small time, with that small insight everything had clicked for her, and Todd now felt like she needed to be more involved with them, sensing that her separation from them couldn't continue if she wanted to move on from everything that had happened.
Bofur stood between his brother and cousin, his ears listening and his head nodding away at the conversation they were having about whether or not to use the rest of the wild hare they had caught a day ago, or to save it. Yet his eyes were watching Todd, they followed her every movement, as she raked her hands through the grass and then pick at it. He watched as Ori moved to sit with her and they began chatting, something she had been avoiding since their close call in the tunnels. The mere fact that she was engaging made him smile, a warm smile. He had utter fondness in his heart for her at that moment, and he had to shake himself awake. He almost started silently berating himself, thoughts swirling around in his head like 'what would she think if she knew?' and many other similar lines of thought.
