***Note from the author*****
First and foremost, let me just say thank you. Thank you to all of those who read and a special thank you to all those who comment. Writing this fanfiction has been nothing short of incredible for me because I really didn't think I had enough in me to put this story forward. It really has a life of its own and though its not my most refined work, your constant support and input, really motivate me to continue. I know firsthand how it feels to be on the other side of the screen, hopelessly waiting for a new chapter and I thank you for your patience.
This chapter is for you.
Jaken watched as the stars in the skies refused to plummet to earth, where they so rightly belonged after the scene he'd just bore witness.
She had so blatantly defied the wishes of their Lord that there was nothing, no hope, no promise, no deity above that could have save her from her fate at his hands and yet there she sat; breathing, alive, and unscathed.
It was nothing short of amazing and he wondered if he'd miss some part of the exchange. He was sure he hadn't, after all he had pinch himself so many times to make sure he was awake that his small arm was now covered in welts.
Their Lord hadn't so much as touched her for such insolence and yet he knew whatever punishment she hadn't yet received would be brought down upon them, the ogres, something or another. For even he could see the rage spilling out of him and yet this…girl, this changeling…..
Rin.
She worked over the dying slayer tirelessly now, gently removing his garments, cleaning and mending the parts of his body that she could. She was resetting broken bones, splinting them and then dressing them.
Jaken shook his head as he continued to boil the soft water under her instruction.
This new Rin was so much like the old Rin, so fiercely kind and naïve that it bordered on depravity and insanity all at once.
He dipped a small cloth into the water and brought it to her, not before wringing it out and eyeing her carefully.
Her pretty face was flushed and contorted into something he couldn't understand and yet did not want to see.
She should be rejoicing not wasting her limited breaths over this dying ningen.
Rin took the rag from him and use it to gently go over his body, as if to clean the dried mud and blood that stained his body.
Finally, after what seemed like too long, Rin sagged onto her knees in exhaustion and looked over her work. For the minimal training she had, she'd done quite well, he was by no means saved quite yet but he'd make it through the night. His breaths were already less labored and she could feel her only breath coming back into her body replenishing her muscles from the grueling task that had been saving this man.
Almost as quickly as he had been to be done, she wished there was more to do to take her mind off of her current situation. Kagome and Kaede had taught her to have a singular focus was trying to save someone, it was a skill that was more than handy for the job but helped in demon slaying as well but now that she'd finished her task, every overwhelming thought and emotion flooded over her.
What was she thinking?
How could she prolong the life of a man, she couldn't be around to save? There was no way he'd be able to move by dawn and she didn't have a prayer in hoping that Sesshomaru would allow her to drag him along.
She could barely stand now, the only way she'd be able to move in the morning was by latching onto A-Un and hoping he didn't say anything.
Who was she kidding? He'd probably never speak to her again, he'd dropped her on the ground like a venomous spirit after she had loosened her tongue and spoken against him. She should be dead by now and by his hand, no doubt.
For the first time he looked at her with…shock and disgust. He hated her. What was once the look of guardianship and curiosity had faded into abhorrence and it was her fault. Had they really change so much over the years, had she really misunderstood him?
Was he not the demon that took her in and cared for her? The demon that watched over and appeased her, even in her youth?
Had he always been this cold, this indifferent? Had she fooled herself into thinking that there has been companionship there? In a world of conquerors and conquered, she had thought for certain they'd found the compromise between the two and forged something so utterly unique that it was the only thing that could fulfill her. Now? She was not so certain. She was more lost than she'd ever been and she wondered if maybe she were on the wrong path.
She'd had so many chances, so many opportunities to live a different life, a life with no bloodshed, a life of comfort and companionship and she forsaken all in his name; hoping…..knowing that there was more to be had; fulfillment with Lord Sesshomaru.
But it was all for naught.
He was not the demon she remembered and not the demon she had sworn to follow; he wasn't the demon she loved anymore. He was just…..a demon.
Jaken opened his mouth to speak as he saw her sag in her exhausted state, finally finished with having mended this broken man.
Before he could get out but a single reprimand, a strangled sob fell from her lip. Her bright cooper eyes, drowned in the tears she attempted to conceal before spilling over the brim of her lid and down her flushed cheeks.
"What am I doing?" she cried.
She sobbed as she brought her stained hands to her porcelain face, letting her body fall to her side as she wept into the grass.
Jaken waddled over to where her hands covered her face. "You cry now?!" he exclaimed. "You faced death at the hands of Lord Sesshomaru and you bring yourself to tears now?"
Rin gave a muffled reply as she continued to cry into her hands.
"What?" Jaken asked. He shook his head in distress, he couldn't understand this woman. She was utterly backwards, turned around in the mind, of this he was sure. He opened his mouth to blame her humanity and then thought better of this.
All women were backwards. He'd never met a normal one. He was sure.
Yet he couldn't find it in him to allow her to cry so openly. She was no longer a child, her tears had to be justified, at least by her own account and despite the tenor he tried to maintain he deeply cared for her.
He missed her greatly over the years, her easy smile, her winning charm, even her naiveté. These tears were unbecoming of her. She had grown into a fine headstrong young woman, her willfulness contended with that of their Lord's, her beauty though remarkable paled in comparison to her strength of heart and suddenly Jaken found her tears infuriating.
"I said, enough of that Rin." He snapped.
"Huh." She sniffed, her eyes poking through the holes of her slender fingers.
"You are no longer a child, these tears only dishonor you now." He chided. "You are a most valuable vassal to our Lord, the greatest demon that ever walked these lands, have you forgotten your place?"
She barked a dark humorless laugh, "What place? I am nothing. I am a burden and a vexation and-"
"I said enough Rin, I won't hear it, I won't!" Jaken stomped.
"You are," he struggled to find the words, "You are a part of our troupe." He finished lamely. "You are important."
Rin shook her head.
"Maybe once, but I am not the same Jaken, I am not a child I cannot just forget the values that were instilled in me. I cannot abandon who I am in an effort to be…..beside him. I am not you." She muttered.
The green imp took no offense and instead hung his head, she was right, their Lord had left her behind so that she would grow among her own. Now, she was faulted for it. It was truly no fault of her own.
"Be that as it may," He continued. "He hates it when you cry."
Rin's brown eyes pierced his then, her brows pulling together.
"How-"
Suddenly the slayer wheezed and coughed in his sleep. Rin brought her head to his chest to listen to his heart; it sounded just fine.
He hated the space between them. He watched as she closed that small space and placed her head on the man's chest. While something dark and heavy rumbled in his.
Damn her. Damn her and her ability to make him feel this way, so volatile. Didn't she understand her position? Did she not understand that she was his, his to do with as he pleased? Instead she exercised her free will as if she were Lord of herself, as if she didn't give a damn about him.
No, instead she gave a damn about the dying human. A man she didn't know but had to defy him, in order to save. He should've killed them both but even he recognized that something deep within him, deeper than he cared to look into, recoiled against such an action. She was his.
He hated the smell of her tears, the heat of her bitter words and the heaviness on her shoulders. Now more than ever, she was so unlike his Rin. Now more than ever he missed his Rin.
The Rin that made smiling look so effortless, the Rin that hung onto his every word, the Rin that followed him…revered him.
Why was she so different now? Why didn't he hate her the way he should because of it?
He sighed as he breathed in another lungful of air tainted by the scent of her tears.
Because she was still his Rin.
And so he closed his eyes and let his mind wander.
It was daybreak when she finally returned to the campsite, it was clear she had bathed recently. She smelled clean, the scent of the bloodied warrior, free of her.
He could scent her discomfort and yet when their eyes met, he saw a steely resolve that would not be broken.
A feeling he'd never felt before crept into his veins. Was she leaving him?
No. He wouldn't allow it.
"Are you ready to go?" he asked her.
Her brows raised in mild surprise, she couldn't believe he spoke first. She squared her shoulders and steadied herself for another fight.
"I'm not leaving him." She said firmly. "I won't let him die here."
"Of course not." He replied.
He'd seen this coming. She would not put up such a fight only to abandon him now, no even now she would remain true to herself.
His gold eyes narrowed as he assessed her. Her own bright eyes shone with determination that seemed to almost seep out of her bleary cried out eyes.
Incredible.
She wept nearly the entire night before collapsing into a restless sleep and woke up with the courage to challenge him yet again. She was relentless as she was impressive, he decided. Had it been anyone else, it would have resulted in their immediate death, but this was Rin. He has spent the entire night remembering the old Rin and her resilience. Admiring her loyalty and unwavering stubbornness. Perhaps this Rin was indeed the same except he was learning to read her all over again. He sighed.
He remembered having enjoyed her company. Was it because of his unyielding curiosity or did he genuinely come to appreciate the warmth that her presence radiated?
Perhaps he had simply chosen to appreciate the old Rin and that had been the difference. Could he choose to appreciate these characteristics in her now?
If it meant keeping her, and he did want to keep her for reasons unbeknownst to him, then he would.
Because he remembered, he remembered there was something about the old Rin that this new Rin had the ability to do. Rin had always made him reflective, a trait he did not use often without her, but a trait that furthered him along by far.
A trait he needed if he were to rule the Western Lands better than sire.
He stood up with is demonic speed, darted to the river bank and back. He placed the broken man over Ah-Un's saddle as best he could before reappearing before her.
"Let's go." He said as he began walking.
He subtly looked over his shoulder and watched as her plump pink lips fell open in shock before curving up into a smile.
She looked so much like his Rin.
