Hello my lovelies!
Next chapter incoming... the Mirkwood chapters are picking up now and I'm so pumped to get to the Woodland Realm!
I hope that you are all enjoying this... I've had someone say that this story is boring and not very surprising which although is their opinion and they are more than welcome to think that, it isn't very constructive for me. I love helpful hints, tips and constructive criticism please!
Thanks again for the follows, favourites. I really really appreciate them.
I do not own The Hobbit, just my OC.
Chapter 39 – Tipping Point
She couldn't remember how long it had been since she had gotten used to the black fox being with her every step of the way. It was right beside her, taunting her and whispering away for only her to hear. She knew she was seeing things now, she knew that it was all in her head, because otherwise the others in the Company would have spotted it and scrambled for their weapons by now. Yet at the same time as knowing it wasn't real, only made her feel worse, like she was slipping away from her sanity every single time she made eye contact with it.
She had awoken that morning from the exact same dream as she had done for weeks now, hair all matted and stuck to her sweaty face, hands shaking and eyes searching out Bofur to make sure that he still had a rise and fall to his chest. Even though he didn't want her, and she was angry and hurt and confused, she still needed to know that he was breathing, that he was ok. Yet before she could find him it was there, stood over her, snarling at her like she was its next meal. It had been joining her in her waking hours ever since Bofur had tried to talk to her two days passed. Yet this day was the first day that it had been there since she had awoken from seeing it in her nightmare.
Its mere presence put her teeth on edge. It made her furious and terrified all at the same time and the confusion did nothing to help the way she was staggering around after the Company like their pet. It was starting to drive her insane, how she had been there literally almost from the beginning, save meeting them at Bilbo's house in the shire like the Hobbit had told her. She had been there putting her neck on the line, putting her body in harm's way, sacrificing her dignity for them. Yet none of them could even look her in the eye anymore. She knew that she was being difficult, but Thorin was difficult and they still all fawned over him. Dwalin was difficult, but his Brother still stuck by his side. Bilbo was difficult in his own way, and he practically had the Company wrapped around his little finger. Not to mention the Wizard, who she told she could take it, and he urged her inside the forest anyway. All of this was his fault, she well and truly believed.
She was sure it was the forest and the wretched beast having this awful effect on her, but she couldn't shake the aggression building up. She started pulling at her hair and pinching at her arms to try and get her to snap out of it, but it was becoming suffocating.
I can tell you're close now… The midnight fox's voice curled around her mind like a blanket.
"Close?" She whispered back at it.
Red rimmed, and bruised eyes darting from the fox back to the back of Bilbo's figure up ahead of her. She could feel the itch stretch out, it had progressed now that the fox was constantly in her sight, it felt like she was having boiling hot water poured down her spine. It didn't make her shiver any more, she could only twitch.
Close to where I want you… It offered, not feeling like being more enlightening which made her fury rise up a notch.
"Leave me alone" She hissed, feeling her lip roll back to show her canines.
Oh no little one, you have so much to learn…
She growled lowly at it, yet loud enough to have Bilbo almost tripping over his feet to look back at her. She could feel a red-hot rage fill her up then, she just wanted to be rid of the beast before her. She just wanted to be rid of the cursed forest. She wanted everyone to stop asking her if she was ok. She wanted rid of the rank and mouldy smell of the rotting vegetation around her. She wanted Bofur to understand how much his blatant disregard pained her. She wanted to slam her fist into the rotting wood around her. She wanted to sink her teeth into everyone around her.
With that last thought she paled and stopped mid-step. Her eyes cleared enough to see Bilbo staring wide eyed at her, her hands were shaking in claws by her side and her chest was heaving harshly at the rage within her. It felt like the feeling that had washed over her when she had dispatched those two orcs before entering the forest. It was a sick excitement.
There was a part of her, she realised now, that wanted to rip everything around her to pieces, including the company. She knew that it wasn't her, that it couldn't really be her. Yet there was another part of her, the part that was controlled by the burning hot itch that was constantly upon her that wanted to. Wanted to feel the ripping of her claws through wood, through metal, through flesh. It terrified her.
Now you see it… embrace it
She shook her head as the fox stalked over to stand right beside Bilbo. The two of them stood together made her head split in two and the pain had her crouching down to her knees, hands covering her ears as tried to shut it all out. She was faintly aware of Bilbo shouting out, but she couldn't tell who to. She was too busy moaning in pain as her head threatened to pull her apart.
You are almost there, I can feel it coming…
"Stop it!" she ground out through clenched teeth. She flinched when a hand appeared on her shoulder, and she lurched back to fall on her backside, slashing her arm out to push the hand away. She didn't bare open her eyes though, too scared of seeing the Company before her, too scared that if she made eye contact with them she wouldn't be able to stop herself from hurting them. The need to break something, to rip and kill something filled her head so much that she was holding her breath hoping that the lack of air would make it go away.
Want to know why I keep showing you that same dream…
"No no no no no no no no" She was muttering now. The scene exploded in her mind's eye, the bloodied massacre was the last thing she remembered seeing before the darkness claimed her.
"WAIT!" Bilbo shouted, catching the whole company's attention.
One by one they all turned back to face him, their eyes travelling from their Hobbit to the crouched over rocking figure of Todd. It looked as though she had dropped into a low crouch to duck from something, as her head was bowed between her knees, hands clasped over her ears as if she was trying to block out the roar of a balrog. Her hair was falling like stringy dark ripped curtains around her face, blocking her face once more from view. Yet they didn't need to see her face to know that she was suffering.
Bofur was the first to react out of the dwarves as the rest just stood and stared with confusion rolling off them in waves. Some of them even swaying on their feet, feeling like they were still in motion even though they had stopped walking. He stumbled away from them back towards Bilbo and looked at him in pure confusion
"I just turned around and found her like that" Bilbo slurred, the words feeling right in his head, but he was beginning to sound just as drunk as the rest of the company. Bofur watched his mouth as he spoke, trying to clear his mind so that he could be of help, but the air was getting thicker with every second their spent in the accursed forest and he was really feeling it.
Instead of waiting for his head to fully clear, he dropped down to kneel before his Todd once more like he had done the night before and reached out a hand onto her shoulder. As soon as he made contact, he flinched as she jumped backwards out of his touch, a hand coming out and slapping his away. He watched as she fell onto her backside, the blackened hair falling away to show her pained face, eyes still squeezed shut tight.
It took him a long while of looking to her in shock before he realised that she was muttering, and he couldn't get his brain to kick in enough to follow what it was that she was muttering and so he turned and looked back to the Company. He needed help, he needed help to help her.
"Thorin!" He shouted back, knowing that his King needed to come. The king burst through the Company and all but staggered over to them before glaring down at Todd as she muttered away seemingly to herself.
"What is happening?" He barked, even though he was feeling murky and floaty, his voice still sounded just as harsh as it normally did.
"She's going mad, that's what's happen'in" Nori piped up from behind him as the rest of the company moved around them to see what was happening.
"Shut it, Nori" Dori hissed, clumsily elbowing his brother in the side.
"No… he's right" Bilbo sighed, rubbing furiously at his head. "She hasn't been well at all; this place is changing her"
"The Wizard warned me of such…" Thorin all but mused out loud, Bilbo and Bofur turning to him in varying degrees of shock.
"You knew this would happen?" Bilbo voiced before Bofur had a chance.
"What does it matter, she needs to be held with a watchful eye now, Kili I put this task in your…" He was cut off then, all eyes falling back to Todd as she groaned in pain before them. Her hands coming back up to grab at her ears once more.
It was in that moment that everyone fell silent as Todd's muttering picked up and all they could now hear were her frantic words.
"No no no no no no no no" her voice sounded desperate and pleading, but no one had been talking to her. The company all looked to one and another to work out what was going on, but everyone was just as confused as the rest.
Bofur was about to try and get through to her once again, when her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she promptly feel unconscious in the dirt before them.
"What in Mahal's name are we going to do?" Dwalin growled curtly.
"Well we are not leaving her here… she needs to get out of this damned place, and that is what I intend to do!" Bofur shot a dark look up at Thorin, one that was purely fuelled by his betrayal and anger at the fact that his King, the man whom he had trusted with his life and had laid his sword down for to come on this reclamation for, had knowing put one of them in harms way. One of the Company who had also laid down her life many times over, his one. Thorin had moved to rebuke him, but Balin had pulled him back and away from the Company as Bofur set to pulling the limp and unconscious Todd into his arms. Her head lolled against his shoulder as Bilbo moved forwards to tuck her arms across her body so that they were not hanging in an uncomfortable position whilst Bofur carried her. Both Hobbit and Dwarves met eyes and nodded to each other, for they both knew they wouldn't let anything back happen to her.
The rest of the day went with Bofur carrying Todd bridal style after the Company as they made their way winding through rotting trees and over creeping roots, all the while following the crumbling path. He was determined to carry her all the way, just by himself and he knew that it was nowhere near enough to clear him of the wrongs he had caused her.
He spent the whole time listening to the shallow breathes escaping her and wondering why he had let it all get this far. His muddled brain was stuck going over every single moment before the forest where she had searched him out and he had turned away. Or where he had caught her eye and he had looked down instead of holding her gaze and making her blush like he had gotten so good at doing. The more he thought about it, the more he felt his insides twists in guilt and raw regret. It didn't sit well with him at all, and he was so utterly and completely ashamed that it had taken him that long to stand up to Thorin.
The King had been kept up at the front of the Company by Balin and it seemed as thought for now he was happy with Bofur looking out for her. He was terrified that he had spoken to far out of turn that as soon as they made it out the forest he would be cast out of the Company for speaking against him. The King had given him an order and he had completely gone against it. He didn't regret going against his word, but he was scared of the outcome all the same. He wanted nothing more than to be able to reclaim Erebor and make himself a home, a home he could share with his brother, his cousin and his one most of all.
