L
I couldn't sleep. I lay there for hours, watching Jennie sleep in my arms. She had curled up against me and clung to me as if I were her only warmth. The fear that I might never have this again was very real. As much as I didn't want to believe she would leave me, I knew I could lose her. How would I survive that? I pulled her closer to me and held her tighter. If I could just take her and run away. Never let her know the awful truth. Why did I always have to hurt her, when all I wanted to do was protect her?
"I love you," I whispered into her hair.
That had to be enough for us.
I watched the sun come up and the morning grow brighter. Jennie needed sleep. She'd probably sleep until noon. I had to talk to my mother and Abe before Jennie woke up. They needed to know how I felt about her. She had become my top priority. That had to be made clear.
Closing my eyes, I inhaled her and soaked in the feel of her in my arms. So trusting. Forcing myself to get out of bed, I moved her over and out of my arms. I was ready to go downstairs and deal with the truth. The ugly, horrible, sordid truth that was going to hurt her. I couldn't stop that. I could just hope that I was enough to help her heal.
I pulled on my clothes and headed for the stairs, then stopped and looked back at Jennie lying in my bed. She was curled up in the covers now. Her long hair was fanned out over my pillow. As a child, I had often wondered if angels were real. By the time I was ten, I had decided they weren't. That was all bullshit. I realized now that I'd been wrong.
Jennie was my angel.
Abe was standing in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee and looking out the window. This was the man who had abandoned my Jennie. He'd let her bury her mother and left her to figure it out all on her own.
I hated him.
He didn't deserve Jennie.
Abe turned and met my glare. A frown tugged on his mouth, and he took another sip of coffee before turning to look out the window again. He was used to my hatred. But he had no idea how high it had risen since he'd seen me last. I wanted to start ripping his arms off his body. Just looking at him infuriated me.
"Are you going to ask about her?" I snarled.
He shrugged. "She's here, I assume." He assumed. He didn't care. He just assumed.
"What fucked you up so badly that you could be so heartless?" I asked, hate laced in my words.
"A pain like you could never understand, girl," he replied. His voice was empty of emotion.
"She buried her mother by herself, you son of a bitch. And you knew it."
He didn't reply.
"She is so fucking innocent and alone," I said, needing him to acknowledge her, or I was going to lose my shit.
"She isn't anymore, is she? Innocent and alone, that is," he said.
My anger hit a boiling point, and I moved across the kitchen. He turned just in time for me to grab him and throw him up against the wall. "You motherfucking piece of shit! Do not ever, and I fucking mean ever, insinuate for a minute that Jennie is anything less than innocent. I will end you! I don't give a fuck who wants you!" I was yelling.
Abe had dropped his coffee, and the cup had shattered on the floor, but I ignored it. He didn't look like he cared. There was an emptiness in this man that I didn't understand. It was as if he had no soul. "Did you sleep with her?" he said calmly.
I slammed him against the wall again, hard enough to rattle the walls and send plates falling to join the broken cup. "Shut up!" I roared.
"Lisa!" My mother's hysterical voice broke through my rage.
"Not your business, Mom," I said, not taking my eyes off the man I was ready to murder with my bare hands.
"Doesn't sound like she's alone anymore, either," Abe said.
I swallowed the fear that was clawing at my chest. "She's not. She never will be. I'll always be there for her. I'll keep her safe. I'll take care of her. She will always have me."
"Who? What are you talking about, Lisa? Let Abe go!" My mother was beside me, pulling on my arm.
Jennie was going to come downstairs soon. I couldn't kill her father. Not unless she asked me to. Then he was a dead man. I let go of him and stepped back. "Careful how you speak about her. I want nothing more than to see you suffer," I warned him.
"Lisa, that is enough!" My mother's nails dug into my arm, and I jerked free of her.
"Don't you touch me, either. You wanted this sack of shit in our lives. You let him leave her." I pointed my finger at her.
My mother's shock grew to confusion as she looked around her at the broken things. "You've made a mess in here. Go into the living room before someone gets cut. I need an explanation for your behavior," she said, walking out of the room and expecting us to follow.
I watched her go, then looked over at Abe.
"Nothing you can do to me will compare to the suffering I've been through," Abe said, and then he turned and followed my mother out of the kitchen.
How did that man raise someone like Jennie? I didn't understand how that woman upstairs in my bed could be a product of this man. Rosé I could see, but not Jennie.
I had to talk to my mother and Abe. It was why I had gotten up and left my bed with Jennie still tucked in it. I walked into the living room, and my mother looked at me with a gaping mouth. Apparently, Abe had told her something.
"You . . . you . . . I can't believe you, Lisa. I know you have a problem with sleeping around, but you have to draw the line somewhere. That girl used her body to manipulate you."
I shook my head and stalked toward my mother. I was done with hearing them talk about Jennie. I no longer cared who the hell said it, they would pay.
Abe stepped between us, but his attention was on my mother. "Be careful what you say about her. Jennie is my daughter." The warning in his tone surprised me. It didn't make up for his other shit, but he had defended her.
"I can't believe you, Lisa. What were you thinking? You know who she is? What she means to this family?" my mother said in a horrified tone, like I had committed a crime. She blamed Jennie for something that was never her fault. How insane was this thought process my family believed in so much?
"You can't hold her responsible. She wasn't even born yet. You have no idea what all she's been through. What he has put her through," I said, pointing at Abe. Because I did know, and I would never forget it.
"Don't go getting all high and mighty. You were the one who went and found him for me. So whatever he put her through, you started it all. Then you go and sleep with her? Really, Lisa. My God, what were you thinking? You're just like your father." My mother loved accusing me of being just like Dean when she was mad at me. I was just thankful that I was nothing like her.
"Remember who owns this house, Mother," I reminded her.
"Can you believe this? She's turning on me over a girl she just met. Abe, you have to do something."
My mother looked pleadingly at Abe, and I wanted to laugh. She expected him to do something. That was bullshit. I was tired of this. I needed to get this shit straightened out before Jennie woke up.
"It's her house, Georgie. I can't force her to do anything. I should have expected this. Jennie's so much like her mother."
His words caused me to pause. What the hell did he mean by that?
"What is that supposed to mean?" my mother roared, obviously already knowing what he meant, or she wouldn't be about to lose it on him.
"We 've been over this before. The reason I left you for Jennie's mother was that she had this draw to her. I couldn't seem to let her go—"
"I know that. I don't want to hear it again. You wanted her so damn badly you left me pregnant with a bunch of wedding invitations to rescind," my mother said, interrupting him.
"Sweetheart, calm down. I love you. I was just explaining that Jennie has her mother's charisma. It's impossible not to be drawn to her. And she's just as blind to it as her mother was. She can't help it," Abe said.
I stared at him in horror. Did he think that was it? Did he really believe that? I wasn't in love with fucking charisma. She was so much more. Didn't he see that? Blind bastard.
"Argh! Will that woman never leave me alone? Will she always ruin my life? She's gone, for crying out loud. I have the man I love back, and our daughter finally has her father, and now this. Lisa goes and sleeps with this, this girl!" My mother was getting worked up, and I didn't have time for her temper tantrum. I had to worry about Jennie.
"One more word against her, and I will have you leave," I warned my mother for the last time. She was not going to disrespect Jennie in any way.
"Georgie, honey, please calm down. Jennie is a good girl. Her being here isn't the end of the world. She needs somewhere to stay. I explained this to you already. I know you hate Rebecca now, but she was your best friend. The two of you had been friends since you were kids. Until I came along and ruined everything, the two of you were like sisters. This is her daughter. Have some compassion." The reasoning he was throwing out there wasn't going to work on my mom. She was as insanely self-centered as my sister.
"No! Shut up, all of you!" Jennie's voice sent a blade straight through my heart.
J
I was alone. I covered my eyes against the morning sun and looked around the room. Lisa wasn't up here. That was surprising. I sat up and looked at the clock. It was after ten. No wonder she wasn't up here. I'd slept the morning away. Today we would talk. She was going to let me in. Last night we'd had amazing sex. I needed words now.
I stood up and found my discarded shorts lying on the end of the bed. Lisa must have brought them upstairs because I remembered leaving them on the stairs last night. I slipped them on and then looked around for my shirt. One of Lisa's tee shirts was folded neatly beside my shorts so I slipped it on and headed downstairs. I was ready to see Lisa.
The doors on the family side of the hall were open. I froze. What did that mean? They were always closed. Then I heard voices. I walked toward the second flight of stairs and listened. My father's familiar voice carried up the stairs from the living room. He was home.
I took the first step and stopped. Could I face him? Would he ask me to leave? Would he know I'd slept with Lisa? Would Rosé have her mother hate me too? I hadn't had time to work through all of this yet.
My father said my name and I knew I needed to go down there and face this. Whatever it might be. I forced myself down each step. I made it across the foyer and stopped once I could hear them clearly. I needed to know what I was walking into.
"I can't believe you, Lisa. What were you thinking? You know who she is? What she means to this family?" It was her mother talking. I'd never met her but I knew.
"You can't hold her responsible. She wasn't even born yet. You have no idea what all she's been through. What HE has put her through." Lisa was angry.
I started to walk to the door but paused. Wait. What I meant to this family? What was she talking about?
"Don't go getting all high and mighty. You were the one who went and found him for me. So whatever he put her through," she spat, "you started it all. Then you go and sleep with her? Really Lisa. My God what were you thinking? You're just like your father."
I reached out to grab the doorframe for support. I didn't know what was coming but my breathing was becoming shallow. I could feel panic rising in my chest.
"Remember who owns this house, mother," Lisa's warning was clear.
Her mother let out a loud cackle. "Can you believe this? She is turning on me over a girl she just met. Abe you have to do something."
There was silence. Then my father cleared his throat. "It's her house, Georgie. I can't force her to do anything. I should have expected this. She's so much like her mother."
"What is that supposed to mean?" the woman roared.
My father sighed, "We've been over this before. The reason I left you for Jennie's mother was because she had this draw to her. I couldn't seem to let her go—"
"I KNOW that. I don't want to hear it again. You wanted her so damn badly you left me pregnant with a bunch of wedding invitations to rescind."
"Sweetheart, calm down. I love you. I was just explaining that Jennie has her mother's charisma. It's impossible not to be drawn to her. And she's just as blind to it as her mother was. She can't help it."
"ARGH! Will that woman never leave me alone? Will she always ruin my life? She's gone for crying out loud. I have the man I love back and our daughter finally has her father and now this. You go and sleep with this, this girl!"
My body was numb. I couldn't move. I couldn't take deep breaths. I was still dreaming. That was it. I hadn't woken up yet. I closed my eyes tightly forcing myself to wake up from this sick and twisted dream.
"One more word against her and I will have you leave." Lisa's tone was cold and hard.
"Georgie, honey, please calm down. Jennie is a good girl. Her being here isn't the end of the world. She needs somewhere to stay. I explained this to you already. I know you hate Rebecca but she was your best friend. The two of you had been friends since you were kids. Until I came along and ruined everything the two of you were like sisters. This is her daughter. Have some compassion."
No. NO. No. No. No. I did not just hear that. This is not real. My mother would never have broken up someone's wedding. She would have never had my dad leave a woman who was pregnant with his child. My mother was a sweet compassionate woman. She would never, ever let that happen. I couldn't stand here and listen to them talk about her that way. They had it all wrong. They didn't know her. My father had been gone so long he'd forgotten what really happened.
I let go of the death grip I had on the door frame and stalked into the room where they were disgracing my mother's name. "NO! Shut up all of you," I yelled.
The room went silent. I found my father and leveled my angry glare on him. No one else in here mattered right now. Not the woman who continued to spit lies about my mother or the woman I thought I loved. The one I'd given my body to. The one who had been lying to me.
"Jennie," Lisa's voice sounded far away. I held out my hand to stop her. I didn't want her near me.
"You," I pointed my finger at my father. "You are just letting them lie about my mother," I screamed. I didn't care if I looked crazy. I hated them all right now.
"Jennie let me explain—"
"SHUT UP!" I roared. "My sister, my other half, died. She died, Dad. In a car on her way to the store with YOU. It was like my soul had been taken from me and torn in two. Losing her was unbearable. I watched my mother wail and cry and mourn and then I watched my father walk away. Never to return. While his daughter and wife were trying to pick up the pieces of their world without Yeri in it. Then my mother gets sick. I call you but you don't answer. So, I get an extra job after school and I start making payments for mom's medical care. I do nothing but care for my mother and go to school. Except my senior year, she gets so sick that I have to drop out. Take my GED and be done with it. Because I had the only person on the planet who loved me dying as I sat and watched helplessly. I held her hand while she took her last breath. I arranged her funeral. I watched them lower her into the ground. You never once called. Not once. Then I had to sell the house Gran left us and everything of value in it just to pay off medical bills." I stopped and took a loud heaving breath and a sob escaped me.
Two arms wrapped around me and I screamed, slinging my arms and moving away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I didn't want her touching me. She had lied to me. She knew this and she had lied to me.
"Now I'm being forced to hear you talk about my mother who was a saint. Do you hear me? She was a saint! You are all liars. If anyone is guilty of this bullshit I hear pouring out of your mouth it is that man." I pointed at my father. I couldn't call him that anymore. Not now.
"He is the liar. He isn't worth the dirt beneath my feet. If Rosé is his daughter. If you were pregnant." I swung my eyes to the woman I had yet to look at and the words froze on my lips. I remembered her. I staggered back and shook my head. No. This was not what it looked like.
"Who are you?" I asked as the memories of that face slowly came back to me.
"Careful how you answer that," Lisa's tight voice came from behind me. She was still close to me.
Her eyes shifted from me to my father then back to me. "You know who I am Jennie. We've met before."
"You came to my house. You… you made my mother cry."
The woman rolled her eyes.
"Last warning, mother," Lisa said.
"Rosé wanted to meet her father. So I brought her to him. She got to see his nice little family with pretty twin daughters he loved and an equally perfect wife. I was tired of having to tell my daughter she didn't have a father. She knew she did. So I showed her just what he had chosen instead of her. She didn't ask about him again until much later in life."
The little girl my age that had stood holding her mother's hand tightly and studying me as I stood at the door. It had been Rosé. My stomach rolled. What had my father done?
"Jennie please look at me." Lisa's desperate voice came from behind me but I couldn't acknowledge her. She knew all this. This had been Rosé's big secret. She had protected it for her sister. Did she not see this was my secret too? Mino's words rang in my head. "If she has to choose between you and Rosé she will choose Rosé."
He knew then that Lisa had chosen Rosé. Everyone in this town knew the secret but me. They all knew who I was but I didn't.
"I was engaged to Georgianna. She was pregnant with Rosé. Your mother came to visit her. She was like no one I'd ever met. She was addictive. I couldn't seem to stay away from her. Georgianna was still pinning over Dean and Lisa was still visiting her dad every other weekend. I expected Georgie to go to Dean the minute he decided he wanted a family. I wasn't even sure Rosé was mine. Your mother was innocent and fun. She wasn't into rockers and she made me laugh. I pursued her and she ignored me. Then I lied to her. I told her Georgie was pregnant with another of Dean's kids. She felt sorry for me. I somehow convinced her to run away with me. To throw away the friendship she'd had all her life."
I pressed my hands over my ears to block out my dad's words. I couldn't listen to this. It was all lies. This sick world they lived in wasn't for me. I wanted to go home. Back to Alabama. Back to what I understood. Where money and rock stars weren't an issue.
"Stop. I don't want to hear it. I just want my things. I just want to leave." The sob that followed couldn't be helped. My world and what I'd known of it had just been blown to a million pieces. I needed to go sit by my mother's grave and talk to her. I wanted to go home.
"Baby, please talk to me. Please." Lisa was behind me again. I was too tired to push her away. I moved away from her instead. I would not look at her. "I can't look at you. I don't want to talk to you. I just want my things. I want to go home."
"Jennie, honey, there is no home." My dad's voice grated on my nerves. I lifted my eyes and glared at him. All the pain and bitterness I'd kept from creeping in when he left us had consumed me.
"My mother and my sister's graves are home. I want to be near them. I've stood here and listened to y'all tell me my mother was someone who I know she wasn't. She would have never done what you're accusing her of. Stay here with your family, Abe. I'm sure they will love you as much as your last one did. Try not to kill any of them," I spat.
Georgianna's loud gasp was the last thing I heard before I left the room. I wanted to leave but I needed my purse and my keys. I ran up the stairs and threw everything I could back into my luggage and slammed it shut. I swung my purse strap over my shoulder and turned to the door to see Lisa standing there watching me.
Her face was pale and her eyes were blood shot. I closed my eyes. I did not care that she was upset. She should be. She'd lied to me. She'd betrayed me.
"You can't leave me," she said in a hoarse whisper.
"Watch me," I replied in a cold flat voice.
"Jennie, you didn't let me explain. I was going to tell you everything today. They came home last night and I panicked. I needed to tell you first. She slammed her fist against the door frame. "You were not supposed to find out that way. Not like that. God not like that." She sounded truly upset.
I couldn't let the tugging at my heart from the look on her face get to me. I would be an idiot if I did. Besides, her sister… Rosé was her sister. No wonder she'd grown up protecting her. She'd been the child without a dad. I swallowed the bile in my throat. My dad was a horrible man.
"I can't stay here. I can't see you. You represent the pain and betrayal of not just me but my mom." I shook my head. "Whatever we had is over. It died the minute I walked downstairs and realized the world I'd always known was a lie."
Lisa dropped her hands from the doorframe and her shoulders sagged as she hung her head. She didn't say anything. She just stepped back so I could get out. The little heart that I had left in tact shattered from her defeated look. There was no other way. We were tainted.
