p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; text-align: center; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Chapter Twenty Six/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A/N/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" TWO chapters with the bois in a ROW?! Unheard of! (I realized that China and Russia haven't been in this much recently xp, but sorry there's not much I can do about it except wait until I'm out of the chapters I had already planned./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Okay okay, serious time now. I do have some leginement warnings for this chapter, as a few chapters from now we are going to have our first (dreaded, from my perspective) smut chapter. I /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"will not/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" be writing it on Wattpad or , as the rules on these places are a little… confusing. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"However, I will be writing it on Ao3, the version of which I will link in the comments/the story body depending on the site. This will be reiterated in the chapter where this will take place. It is a very very very important chapter from an emotional stand-point for the characters but it isn't that important plotwise, still I will summarize./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Warning for this chapter specifically: Flirty crap and a /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"miniscule/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" amount of past trauma references but, like, that's gonna happen in basically any chapter with China ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃ ᶠᵉʷ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ ᵒⁿ.../span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I'm really sorry this is late but I had to help take care of my grandma over holiday break and didn't get much time to write as a result. (Not to sound like an excuse, but because I feel bad and also I think it's important to mention.) /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Finally, this chapter is where the 'omegaverse' logic sets in for the first time. It does that occasionally, to move the plot along, but I generally like to keep self-preservation and general logic at a least number two priority. This is going to be a slightly shorter chapter, so in those regards sorry if this doesn't make too much sense, carry on! /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A/N over./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"They broke apart./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Russia felt his face reddening, had that actually just happened? He felt as though he shouldn't have participated in their kiss, even if Yao had been the one to initiate it. It just felt like something he shouldn't have done, especially after hearing what had happened in his poor friend's past./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Friend?' What the hell type of wording was that?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Maybe he didn't know what word he /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"should/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" use at this point, but it surely wasn't just 'friend'. Not after the oddly action-packed last thirty minutes, not after the out of character urge to let the kiss be more, not after such a terrible awareness of the past had been bestowed upon him. Honestly it was just the wrong word to use no matter what context he put it in./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Attempting to steal a glance without getting caught, Russia immediately made eye contact with the other and his face subsequently felt even hotter. China smiled lopsidedly, and for a moment Russia wasn't sure if he was going to kiss him again or burst into tears./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Either way he was sure that he wouldn't blame him./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The white haired Russian leaned forward but, to the pleasant shock he felt at himself, it wasn't in a menacing way like how he normally moved. Instead it was a soft, kinder gesture. He pressed his forehead against the asian man's forehead and closed his eyes, he didn't have any better way to communicate. He couldn't use words, because he knew that he struggled with making such statements hold real meaning. Other than that, however, there weren't really any queues pointing him in the right conversational direction. It just felt right./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Apparently China felt the same about the gesture, because Russia heard a soft hum and it sounded almost... happy./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Happy wasn't a word that would jump to his mind while describing China, at least not recently. Not when all these new developments in the knowledge they had about his life kept cropping up, not when England's fucked up theory had been proved oh-so-depressingly-right. In this way it was a real, solid relief to see joy on the brunet's face./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But Ivan somehow felt like it was a cruelly misplaced source of joy. A misguided emotion that should have, under no circumstances, found its way to lose sight of the light of day. Though it may have been true that Ivan didn't understand what so many of the others found fighting about him but getting closer to China had made it a bit more clear what he had to do to appear less threatening./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was nice to be around someone who didn't immediately run away, even if China was one of the people that the decision would have been the most clever for. Sure, Russia sometimes threatened England or France or Germany but those were just petty words, he didn't actually care about them as people. Yes, he would step on them to claw his way to the top but they were in less danger than people that he actually /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"knew things about/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"And it was exactly this knowledge that had led him to a friendship he didn't know he wanted. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"This was the same curiosity that would probably lead to China's eventual downfall, especially judging by the truth that England and the others had already managed to gather. It was scary, knowing that in the end he would either have to call off the operation and threaten death to anyone who spoke word of it again or give in and tell his new found friend that they had to tell the others exactly what happened./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Making things even worse was the fact that the decision was really only the last option since he barely met with the others anymore and had no control over them. Sure he could probably beg Japan to help him keep China out of danger, but it would probably end up being a waste of time in the end./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He had chosen his cards at the beginning of this little game and he would have to deal with the consequences with the same vigor and passion when the time came./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"How fool-hearted had he been?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Luckily enough, he didn't have to force himself to think about it for much longer. China made a soft noise, almost like a bird chirping, and wrapped his arms around Russia's shoulders. It was an awkward hug due to their off-balance placement on the couch but it was still a very appropriate action to quell the inner torments which were bombarding Ivan's insides. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"All in all, it was a ten out of ten hug for both parties. While Russia had been forcing out intrusive thoughts about the necessary steps to take once the jig was up China had been trying to force out equally bone chilling self blame. It wasn't as intense as it had been when they had started their conversation, but even as he laid on his back in the comfort of the arms of someone who /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"understood, /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"there was still a boiling sensation of hatred in the back of his throat. It oddly wasn't hatred for Russia, even though it really should have been due to his confession./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"They didn't know the extent of the social damage which would come as a consequence, but even with that lack of preparation China felt his odds were better with both of them there. Such a comforting feeling, to tell a secret that has threatened to escape you for the last three thousand years./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A rather comforting thing, though equally terrifying./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He probably could have made it a bit further without being found out, maybe a couple hundred years or so, but the phases of depression had been getting stronger and stronger the last few times they came. It was odd, the placement of these areas of emotional weakness. There wasn't exactly a way to calculate when they would come, and there wasn't really a way to calculate when they would end, but every few decades there would be a time of intense self hatred over something that China really had no say in./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'It is natural./spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"' some people would say, '/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"to feel at fault here,/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"This was a fair assessment, since the hormones sent to the brain after a miscarage were rather cruelly focused on self hatred even if there were no reason why it would be deserved. So this sort of response was scary, knowing that he was unable to overpower such a biology driven thing./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But it was the other sort of response that was worse./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"For shame,/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"' they would say, '/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"how could you let this happen? You are a waste of a mother,/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Yao tightened his arms around Russia's back, gritting his teeth and pressing his forehead into the other's scarfed neck. These intrusive thoughts were solidly the worst thing that his brain conjured up. Not only because he didn't exactly have a way to push them down other than bottling up his already faint emotions but that he had to continue on to childlike fantasies that had been repeated so many times they had become a bit of a bore./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But what if it is your fault?/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" His brain would say, to which he would respond with a straight up 'no, shut up' before forcing the overused memory of finding Japan back into his head. Really, he had worked that memory so hard that it seemed to ooze emotions reminiscent of what he was trying not to think about. He had related such memories too frequently to the pain he tried to push away, and as such it got harder and harder to forget how awful he felt./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He hated that he had done this to himself./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The miscarge hadn't been his fault- obviously- but his brain still thought up ways to make it his fault. /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Oh, but you could have avoided going into that battle!'/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" it said, knowing full well that to avoid such a call to duty meant getting on his bosses' bad side. '/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Well in that case you should have just told them and then you wouldn't have to go into battle!'/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" but this too could be disproved as a theory in an almost sickening simple way. He would have probably been killed for going against nature./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The only argument that his logic and intrusive thoughts agreed on was that if he hadn't made the potion in the first place he wouldn't have been able to lose a pregnancy, It was gross, to have to agree with such hateful ideas, but even this wasn't fully compatible with his logic. Of course it was true in theory, but how much would the future have been different had he not made such a miserable decision? How many quick questions had he answered out of stress at the fault of this horrible trauma? How would the butterfly effect have changed his personality and ability to make decisions around people? How many wars could he have stopped just by hypothetically trusting people more?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was around this point that his logic always kicked in and reminded him that this was a ridiculous thing to be thinking about. Generally he hated contemplating different possibilities for the future- it just felt gross and was even worse when it was at the expense of his own suffering./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"For sure, if the intrusive thoughts were a person he definitely would have cut them out of his life by now. Unfortunately it's often a lot harder to get your thoughts out of your head than a person out of your sight./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Responding relatively late to China's tighter hug, Russia turned them so that his knees were against the couch cushions. He tentatively put a little bit more of his weight down, just so much that it became a little bit difficult for China to fully expand his chest while breathing and not so much that it became painful. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"To China, the extra weight was comforting, sort of made it feel like he wasn't alone, like he didn't have to suffer through this secret by himself any longer. Which, he supposed, was true./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was true that he didn't have to live through this alone anymore./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was true that he didn't have to suffer entirely in silence any longer./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Sure, he wasn't going to go around and tell people or go out of his way to confirm the others suspicions. Instead he would just not mention it, but in a different way than he had been for the last few thousand years. He had outlived anyone who had previously been aware of his dirty secret, and now that time had passed it was time that he at least stopped stressing about the prospect of being found out./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"And no, he wasn't going to stop worrying, that was impossible. Instead he would just try his best to remember that if they hated him for it they were in the wrong and their opinion on the subject didn't matter. So now that the others were on the track of cracking the code of what had happened to him all those years ago he couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening. He couldn't try to stop it without making their suspicions worse either, so he just let it happen./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It might not have been the most climactic moment in his life, but it hopefully wasn't something that would come back to haunt him./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Russia hesitantly shifted his body upward so that his chin was against China's forehead. He placed a gentle kiss on the other's head, to which China didn't quite have the energy to laugh at, though he smiled tiredly and pulled Russia back down so that he could rest his nose in the crook between Ivan's neck and shoulder again. Sure, he hadn't exactly expected/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" anger/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;", but such an accepting mood towards affection hadn't been exactly what he had seen in his predictions either, and Russia was thankful that China hadn't begun to cry again. (Not because it was shameful but rather that he didn't know how to properly handle it.)/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The pair laid in silence for a comforting amount of time./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Russia rubbed the other personifications back and ran a hand through his hair, pressing his face harder into the other's shoulder. He was glad that China hadn't immediately kicked him out, or, he was glad that he hadn't stayed kicked out. He was glad that China didn't have to suffer through this alone even if that had technically been what he wanted./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Russia hadn't expected anything like this secret to come up in his research and now that it was the answer he wished he hadn't started the operation, but he couldn't change that now. All they could do now was live with the fact and make the most of their situation, and if that meant pushing out intrusive thoughts while snuggling on the couch then goddammit he would do it. He couldn't stop what he had started but they could savor the time when only they knew./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"And, as if the world would end the next day and they were the only friends left, Russia felt tears starting to trickle down his face. He wasn't sure why he was crying but for some reason he felt like he was forgetting something./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Something important./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But what?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"What had it been that Alfred had said to him? Something… about his eyes? But what exactly?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He couldn't remember./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He couldn't remember…/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Violet./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But what about violet?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A/N./spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" The way I phrased that first author's note was really serious huh. ^.^' Well, nonetheless, I minorly liked this chapter, I hope you did too!/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I had some crap start in real life so updates are probably gonna get even more sparse I'm sorry. T^T/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Basically I wrote this all in one night after stalling for a few weeks and forcing myself to stay up on a school night. (I was already going to stay up since I didn't save an Ao3 doc on the family computer before it shut me off because ~time limit~ and I had to make sure the computer didn't shut down so I could save my work./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I wrote this on my school chromebook because if I'm already forcing myself to stay up for the nine hours until the computer unlocks so I can save my writing I am legally required to write a chapter of the fanfic I've been ignoring. Them's the rules man./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Don't worry I had the Heathers and HTTYD soundtracks to distract me from my slow spiraling of pain into sleep deprivation and venting. /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A/N over./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A/N/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" TWO chapters with the bois in a ROW?! Unheard of! (I realized that China and Russia haven't been in this much recently xp, but sorry there's not much I can do about it except wait until I'm out of the chapters I had already planned./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Okay okay, serious time now. I do have some leginement warnings for this chapter, as a few chapters from now we are going to have our first (dreaded, from my perspective) smut chapter. I /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"will not/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" be writing it on Wattpad or , as the rules on these places are a little… confusing. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"However, I will be writing it on Ao3, the version of which I will link in the comments/the story body depending on the site. This will be reiterated in the chapter where this will take place. It is a very very very important chapter from an emotional stand-point for the characters but it isn't that important plotwise, still I will summarize./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Warning for this chapter specifically: Flirty crap and a /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"miniscule/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" amount of past trauma references but, like, that's gonna happen in basically any chapter with China ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃ ᶠᵉʷ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳˢ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ ᵒⁿ.../span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I'm really sorry this is late but I had to help take care of my grandma over holiday break and didn't get much time to write as a result. (Not to sound like an excuse, but because I feel bad and also I think it's important to mention.) /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Finally, this chapter is where the 'omegaverse' logic sets in for the first time. It does that occasionally, to move the plot along, but I generally like to keep self-preservation and general logic at a least number two priority. This is going to be a slightly shorter chapter, so in those regards sorry if this doesn't make too much sense, carry on! /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A/N over./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"They broke apart./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Russia felt his face reddening, had that actually just happened? He felt as though he shouldn't have participated in their kiss, even if Yao had been the one to initiate it. It just felt like something he shouldn't have done, especially after hearing what had happened in his poor friend's past./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Friend?' What the hell type of wording was that?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Maybe he didn't know what word he /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"should/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" use at this point, but it surely wasn't just 'friend'. Not after the oddly action-packed last thirty minutes, not after the out of character urge to let the kiss be more, not after such a terrible awareness of the past had been bestowed upon him. Honestly it was just the wrong word to use no matter what context he put it in./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Attempting to steal a glance without getting caught, Russia immediately made eye contact with the other and his face subsequently felt even hotter. China smiled lopsidedly, and for a moment Russia wasn't sure if he was going to kiss him again or burst into tears./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Either way he was sure that he wouldn't blame him./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The white haired Russian leaned forward but, to the pleasant shock he felt at himself, it wasn't in a menacing way like how he normally moved. Instead it was a soft, kinder gesture. He pressed his forehead against the asian man's forehead and closed his eyes, he didn't have any better way to communicate. He couldn't use words, because he knew that he struggled with making such statements hold real meaning. Other than that, however, there weren't really any queues pointing him in the right conversational direction. It just felt right./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Apparently China felt the same about the gesture, because Russia heard a soft hum and it sounded almost... happy./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Happy wasn't a word that would jump to his mind while describing China, at least not recently. Not when all these new developments in the knowledge they had about his life kept cropping up, not when England's fucked up theory had been proved oh-so-depressingly-right. In this way it was a real, solid relief to see joy on the brunet's face./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But Ivan somehow felt like it was a cruelly misplaced source of joy. A misguided emotion that should have, under no circumstances, found its way to lose sight of the light of day. Though it may have been true that Ivan didn't understand what so many of the others found fighting about him but getting closer to China had made it a bit more clear what he had to do to appear less threatening./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was nice to be around someone who didn't immediately run away, even if China was one of the people that the decision would have been the most clever for. Sure, Russia sometimes threatened England or France or Germany but those were just petty words, he didn't actually care about them as people. Yes, he would step on them to claw his way to the top but they were in less danger than people that he actually /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"knew things about/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"And it was exactly this knowledge that had led him to a friendship he didn't know he wanted. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"This was the same curiosity that would probably lead to China's eventual downfall, especially judging by the truth that England and the others had already managed to gather. It was scary, knowing that in the end he would either have to call off the operation and threaten death to anyone who spoke word of it again or give in and tell his new found friend that they had to tell the others exactly what happened./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Making things even worse was the fact that the decision was really only the last option since he barely met with the others anymore and had no control over them. Sure he could probably beg Japan to help him keep China out of danger, but it would probably end up being a waste of time in the end./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He had chosen his cards at the beginning of this little game and he would have to deal with the consequences with the same vigor and passion when the time came./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"How fool-hearted had he been?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Luckily enough, he didn't have to force himself to think about it for much longer. China made a soft noise, almost like a bird chirping, and wrapped his arms around Russia's shoulders. It was an awkward hug due to their off-balance placement on the couch but it was still a very appropriate action to quell the inner torments which were bombarding Ivan's insides. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"All in all, it was a ten out of ten hug for both parties. While Russia had been forcing out intrusive thoughts about the necessary steps to take once the jig was up China had been trying to force out equally bone chilling self blame. It wasn't as intense as it had been when they had started their conversation, but even as he laid on his back in the comfort of the arms of someone who /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"understood, /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"there was still a boiling sensation of hatred in the back of his throat. It oddly wasn't hatred for Russia, even though it really should have been due to his confession./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"They didn't know the extent of the social damage which would come as a consequence, but even with that lack of preparation China felt his odds were better with both of them there. Such a comforting feeling, to tell a secret that has threatened to escape you for the last three thousand years./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A rather comforting thing, though equally terrifying./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He probably could have made it a bit further without being found out, maybe a couple hundred years or so, but the phases of depression had been getting stronger and stronger the last few times they came. It was odd, the placement of these areas of emotional weakness. There wasn't exactly a way to calculate when they would come, and there wasn't really a way to calculate when they would end, but every few decades there would be a time of intense self hatred over something that China really had no say in./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'It is natural./spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"' some people would say, '/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"to feel at fault here,/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"This was a fair assessment, since the hormones sent to the brain after a miscarage were rather cruelly focused on self hatred even if there were no reason why it would be deserved. So this sort of response was scary, knowing that he was unable to overpower such a biology driven thing./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But it was the other sort of response that was worse./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"For shame,/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"' they would say, '/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"how could you let this happen? You are a waste of a mother,/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Yao tightened his arms around Russia's back, gritting his teeth and pressing his forehead into the other's scarfed neck. These intrusive thoughts were solidly the worst thing that his brain conjured up. Not only because he didn't exactly have a way to push them down other than bottling up his already faint emotions but that he had to continue on to childlike fantasies that had been repeated so many times they had become a bit of a bore./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But what if it is your fault?/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" His brain would say, to which he would respond with a straight up 'no, shut up' before forcing the overused memory of finding Japan back into his head. Really, he had worked that memory so hard that it seemed to ooze emotions reminiscent of what he was trying not to think about. He had related such memories too frequently to the pain he tried to push away, and as such it got harder and harder to forget how awful he felt./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He hated that he had done this to himself./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The miscarge hadn't been his fault- obviously- but his brain still thought up ways to make it his fault. /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"'Oh, but you could have avoided going into that battle!'/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" it said, knowing full well that to avoid such a call to duty meant getting on his bosses' bad side. '/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Well in that case you should have just told them and then you wouldn't have to go into battle!'/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" but this too could be disproved as a theory in an almost sickening simple way. He would have probably been killed for going against nature./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The only argument that his logic and intrusive thoughts agreed on was that if he hadn't made the potion in the first place he wouldn't have been able to lose a pregnancy, It was gross, to have to agree with such hateful ideas, but even this wasn't fully compatible with his logic. Of course it was true in theory, but how much would the future have been different had he not made such a miserable decision? How many quick questions had he answered out of stress at the fault of this horrible trauma? How would the butterfly effect have changed his personality and ability to make decisions around people? How many wars could he have stopped just by hypothetically trusting people more?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was around this point that his logic always kicked in and reminded him that this was a ridiculous thing to be thinking about. Generally he hated contemplating different possibilities for the future- it just felt gross and was even worse when it was at the expense of his own suffering./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"For sure, if the intrusive thoughts were a person he definitely would have cut them out of his life by now. Unfortunately it's often a lot harder to get your thoughts out of your head than a person out of your sight./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Responding relatively late to China's tighter hug, Russia turned them so that his knees were against the couch cushions. He tentatively put a little bit more of his weight down, just so much that it became a little bit difficult for China to fully expand his chest while breathing and not so much that it became painful. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"To China, the extra weight was comforting, sort of made it feel like he wasn't alone, like he didn't have to suffer through this secret by himself any longer. Which, he supposed, was true./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was true that he didn't have to live through this alone anymore./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was true that he didn't have to suffer entirely in silence any longer./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Sure, he wasn't going to go around and tell people or go out of his way to confirm the others suspicions. Instead he would just not mention it, but in a different way than he had been for the last few thousand years. He had outlived anyone who had previously been aware of his dirty secret, and now that time had passed it was time that he at least stopped stressing about the prospect of being found out./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"And no, he wasn't going to stop worrying, that was impossible. Instead he would just try his best to remember that if they hated him for it they were in the wrong and their opinion on the subject didn't matter. So now that the others were on the track of cracking the code of what had happened to him all those years ago he couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening. He couldn't try to stop it without making their suspicions worse either, so he just let it happen./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It might not have been the most climactic moment in his life, but it hopefully wasn't something that would come back to haunt him./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Russia hesitantly shifted his body upward so that his chin was against China's forehead. He placed a gentle kiss on the other's head, to which China didn't quite have the energy to laugh at, though he smiled tiredly and pulled Russia back down so that he could rest his nose in the crook between Ivan's neck and shoulder again. Sure, he hadn't exactly expected/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" anger/spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;", but such an accepting mood towards affection hadn't been exactly what he had seen in his predictions either, and Russia was thankful that China hadn't begun to cry again. (Not because it was shameful but rather that he didn't know how to properly handle it.)/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The pair laid in silence for a comforting amount of time./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Russia rubbed the other personifications back and ran a hand through his hair, pressing his face harder into the other's shoulder. He was glad that China hadn't immediately kicked him out, or, he was glad that he hadn't stayed kicked out. He was glad that China didn't have to suffer through this alone even if that had technically been what he wanted./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Russia hadn't expected anything like this secret to come up in his research and now that it was the answer he wished he hadn't started the operation, but he couldn't change that now. All they could do now was live with the fact and make the most of their situation, and if that meant pushing out intrusive thoughts while snuggling on the couch then goddammit he would do it. He couldn't stop what he had started but they could savor the time when only they knew./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"And, as if the world would end the next day and they were the only friends left, Russia felt tears starting to trickle down his face. He wasn't sure why he was crying but for some reason he felt like he was forgetting something./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Something important./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But what?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"What had it been that Alfred had said to him? Something… about his eyes? But what exactly?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He couldn't remember./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He couldn't remember…/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Violet./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"But what about violet?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;" /p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A/N./spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" The way I phrased that first author's note was really serious huh. ^.^' Well, nonetheless, I minorly liked this chapter, I hope you did too!/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I had some crap start in real life so updates are probably gonna get even more sparse I'm sorry. T^T/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Basically I wrote this all in one night after stalling for a few weeks and forcing myself to stay up on a school night. (I was already going to stay up since I didn't save an Ao3 doc on the family computer before it shut me off because ~time limit~ and I had to make sure the computer didn't shut down so I could save my work./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I wrote this on my school chromebook because if I'm already forcing myself to stay up for the nine hours until the computer unlocks so I can save my writing I am legally required to write a chapter of the fanfic I've been ignoring. Them's the rules man./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5999999999999999; background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 18pt 0pt;"span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Don't worry I had the Heathers and HTTYD soundtracks to distract me from my slow spiraling of pain into sleep deprivation and venting. /spanspan style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: Arial; color: #b7b7b7; background-color: #ffffff; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"A/N over./span/p
