J
Jisoo pulled Bobby's car into the parking lot of the Dairy K. I noticed Krystal's little blue Volkswagen and decided against getting out of the car. I'd only seen Krystal twice since I returned and she'd been ready to claw my eyes out. She'd had her sights on Kai since high school. I'd come home and messed up whatever kind of relationship they'd finally managed to have. I hadn't meant to. She could have Kai.
Jisoo started to get out of the car and I grabbed her arm. "Let's just talk in the car," I said, stopping her.
"But I want some ice cream mixed with Oreos," she complained.
"I can't talk in there. I know too many people," I explained.
Jisoo sighed and leaned back in her seat. "Okay fine. My ass doesn't need any ice cream and cookies anyway."
I smiled and relaxed, thankful for the dark tinted windows. Knowing I wasn't on display as people stopped and stared at Bobby's car. No one around here drove cars even close to this one's league.
"I'm not gonna beat around the bush with this, Jennie. I miss you. I've never had a close girlfriend before. Ever. Then you came along and then you left. I hate you being gone. Work sucks without you there. I have no one to tell about my sex life with Bobby and how sweet he's being which is something I wouldn't have if I hadn't listened to you. I just miss you."
I felt tears sting my eyes. Just being missed felt good. I missed her too. I missed a lot of things. "I miss you too," I replied, hoping I didn't get all weepy.
Jisoo nodded and a smile tugged on her lips. "Okay good. Because I need you to come back and live with me. Bobby got me a waterfront condo on the club's property. I, however, refuse to let him pay for it. So I need a roommate. Please come back. I need you. And Mino said you'd have your job back immediately."
Go back to Rosemary? Where Lisa was… and Rosé… and my dad. I couldn't go back. I couldn't see them. They'd be at the club. Would my dad take Rosé to play golf? Could I see that? No. I couldn't. It would be too much.
"I can't," I choked out. I wished I could. I didn't know where I was going to go now that I knew I was pregnant but I couldn't go to Rosemary and I couldn't stay here.
"Please, Jennie. She misses you too. She never leaves her house. Bobby said she's pitiful."
The angry wound in my chest flared to life. Knowing Lisa was hurting too was hard. I'd imagined her having her house parties and moving on. I didn't want her to still be sad. I just needed for us to move on. But maybe I never would. I'd always have a reminder of Lisa.
"I can't see them. Any of them. It would be too hard," I stopped. I couldn't tell Jisoo about my pregnancy. I had hardly had time to comprehend it. I wasn't ready to tell anyone. I might never tell anyone other than Kai. I would be leaving here soon enough. Where I went I wouldn't know anyone. I'd be starting over.
"Your… uh Dad and Georgianna aren't there. They left. Rosé is but she is quieter now. I think she's worried about Lisa. It would be hard at first but after you ripped the bandage off you'd get over them. Over everything. Besides, the way Mino' eyes lit up when I mentioned you coming back you could distract yourself with him. He is more than interested."
I didn't want Mino. And nothing would distract me. Jisoo didn't know everything. I couldn't tell her that either. Not today.
"As much as I want to… I just can't. I'm sorry."
I was sorry. Moving in with her and getting my job back at the club would be the answer to my problems, almost.
Jisoo let out a frustrated sigh and laid her head back on the seat and closed her eyes. "Okay. I get it. I don't like it but I get it."
I reached over and squeezed her hand tightly. I wished things were different. If Lisa were just some girl I had broken up with it would be. But she wasn't. She never would be. She was more. Much more than she could understand.
Jisoo squeezed my hand back. "I'm going to let this go for today. But I'm not looking for another roommate right away. I'm giving you a week to think about this. Then I have to find someone to help me pay the bills. So will you? Think about it?"
I nodded because I knew that was what she needed even if I knew her waiting was pointless.
"Good. I'll just go home and pray if God even remembers who the hell I am." She winked at me and then reached across the seat to hug me.
"Eat some food for me, okay? You're getting too skinny," she said.
"Okay," I replied, wondering if that were going to be possible.
Jisoo sat back. "Well, if you aren't gonna pack up and head back to Rosemary with me then at least let's go out. I need to stay the night before I do that drive again. We can go find some fun somewhere and then crash at a hotel."
I nodded. "Yes. That sounds good. Just no honky-tonks." I couldn't walk into another one of those. At least not this soon.
Jisoo frowned. "Okay… but is there anything else in this state?"
She had a point. "Yeah… we can drive into Birmingham. It's the closest big city."
"Perfect. Let's go have some fun."
~#~
When we pulled into the driveway at Granny Q's she was sitting outside on the porch shelling peas. I didn't want to face her but she had given me a roof over my head for three weeks with no strings attached. She deserved an explanation if she wanted one. I wasn't sure Kai had told her anything. His truck wasn't here and I was immensely grateful.
"Want me to stay in the car?" Jisoo asked. It would be easier if she did but Granny Q would see her and call me out for being rude if I didn't let my friend come inside.
"You can come with me," I told her and opened the car door.
Jisoo walked around the front of the car and fell into step beside me. Granny Q hadn't looked up from her peas yet but I knew she'd heard us. She was thinking about what she was going to say. Kai must have told her. Dang it.
I looked over at her as she continued to shell those peas in silence. Her short white bobbed hair was all I could see of her. No eye contact. It would be so much easier to just go inside and take advantage of her not speaking to me. But this was her home. If she didn't want me here I needed to pack up and leave.
"Hey, Granny Q," I said and stopped, waiting for her to lift her head to look at me.
Silence. She was upset with me. Disappointed or mad; I wasn't sure which. I hated Kai right now for telling her. Couldn't he keep his mouth shut?
"This is my friend Jisoo. She came to visit me today," I continued.
Granny Q finally raised her head and gave Jisoo a smile then turned her eyes on me. "You take her on in and fix her a nice big glass of iced tea and give her one of them fried pies I got cooling on the table. Then you come on back out here and talk to me a minute, hmmm." This wasn't a request; it was a subtle demand. I nodded and led Jisoo inside.
"Did you piss off the old lady?" Jisoo whispered when we were safely inside.
I shrugged. I wasn't sure. "Don't know just yet," I replied.
I went to the cabinet and got a tall glass down and went to fixing Jisoo a glass of iced tea. I didn't even ask her if she wanted it. I was just trying to do what Granny Q had said.
"Here. Drink this and eat a fried pie. I'll be back in a few minutes," I said and hurried back outside. I needed to get this over with.
The wooden planks cracked under my feet as I stepped back onto the front porch of Granny Q's house. I let the screen door close behind me with a loud bang before remembering it was old and its springs were long ago rusted. I'd spent many days of my childhood on this front porch shelling peas with Kai and Granny Q. I didn't want her upset with me. My stomach twisted.
"Sit down girl and stop looking like you're ready to cry. God knows I love you like you're my own. Thought you would be one day." She shook her head. "Stupid boy couldn't get it together. I hoped he'd wake up 'fore it was too late. But he didn't, did he? You done gone and found you someone else."
This had not been what I was expecting. I took the seat across from her and began shelling peas so I wouldn't have to look at her. "Kai and I were over three years ago. Nothing that is happening now is affecting that. He is my friend, that's all."
Granny Q made ahmph sound and shifted in the porch swing she was sitting in. "I don't believe that. You two were inseparable as kids. Even as a boy he couldn't keep his eyes off you. It was funny to watch how much he adored you and didn't even realize it himself. But boys hit them teenage years and lose their ever loving minds. I hate he did. I hate he lost you, girl. 'Cause there won't be another Jennie for Kai. You were it for him."
She hadn't mentioned my pregnancy tests. Did she even know I'd bought them? I didn't want to recap my past with Kai. Sure we had history but there was so much sadness and regret that I didn't want to go there. I'd been living in a lie my father had constructed then. Remembering it hurt. "Has Kai come by here today?" I asked.
"Yeah. He came by this morning looking for you. I told him you'd not come back home from your early escape. He looked worried and turned and left without telling me anythin' else. He'd been crying though. Don't reckon I've ever seen him cry before. Least not since he was a boy."
He'd been crying? I closed my eyes and dropped the peas into the large plastic bucket Granny Q was using. Kai wasn't supposed to be upset. He wasn't supposed to cry. He'd let me go a long time ago. Why was this so hard on him? "How long ago was that?" I asked, thinking about the hours that had passed since I'd bared my soul to him in the parking lot of the pharmacy.
"Ah, 'bout nine hours ago I'd guess. It was early. He was a mess, girl. At least go find him and talk to him. No matter how you feel about him now he needs to hear from you that things are okay."
I nodded. "Can I use your phone?" I asked, standing up.
"Of course you can. Eat you one of them fried pies while you're in there. I made enough for an army after he ran off this morning. They're his favorite flavor," she said.
"Cherry," I replied and she gave me a smile. I could see so many things in those eyes of hers. I knew Kai. Nothing about him surprised me. I understood him. We had a past. I loved his family and they obviously loved me too. This was safe.
Jisoo was standing on the other side of the door sipping her glass of sweet tea and holding her phone out to me. She'd been listening. I wasn't surprised.
"Call the boy. Get this over with," she said.
I took her phone and walked into the living room to give myself some privacy before dialing Kai's number. I knew it by heart. He'd had the same number since he got his first cell phone when we were sixteen.
"Hello," came his reply. I could hear the hesitation in his voice. Something was off. He sounded like he was talking through his nose.
"Kai? Are you okay?" I asked suddenly worried about him.
There was a pause then a long sigh. "Jennie. Yeah… I'm fine."
"Where are you?"
He cleared his throat. "I, uh… I'm in Rosemary Beach."
He was in Rosemary? What? I sank down on the sofa behind me and gripped the phone tighter. Was he telling Lisa? My heart slammed against my chest and I closed my eyes tightly before asking, "Why are in you in Rosemary? Please tell me you didn't…" I couldn't say it. Not with Jisoo in the other room and more than likely listening to me.
"I needed to see her face. I needed to see if she loved you. I needed to know… because, I just needed to know." That made no sense.
"What did you say to her? How did you find her? Did you find her?" Maybe he hadn't found her. Maybe I could stop this.
There was a hard chuckle on the other end of the line. "Yeah, I found her alright. Ain't real hard. This place is small and everyone knows where the rock star's daughter lives."
Oh god, oh god, oh god... "What did you say to her?" I asked slowly as horror washed over me.
"I didn't tell her. I wouldn't do that to you. Give me some damn credit. I cheated on you because I was a horny ass teenage boy but dammit Jennie when are you gonna forgive me? Will I pay for that mistake the rest of my life? I'm sorry! GOD I'm so fucking sorry. I would go back and change everything if I could." He stopped and made a grunt that sounded like he was hurting.
"Kai. What's wrong with you? Are you okay?" I asked. I didn't want to acknowledge what he'd said. I knew he was sorry. I was too. But no, I was never going to get over it. Forgiving was one thing. Forgetting was another.
"I'm fine. I'm just a little battered. Let's just say the girl isn't crazy about me, okay."
The girl. Lisa? Had Lisa hurt him? That didn't sound like Lisa at all. "What girl?"
Kai sighed, "Lisa."
My jaw fell open as I stared straight ahead. Lisa had hurt Kai? "I don't understand."
"It's okay. I got a room for the night and I'm sleeping this off. I'll be home tomorrow. We have some things to talk about."
"Kai. Why did Lisa hurt you?"
Another pause and then a weary sigh. "Because I asked questions that she didn't think were my business. I'll be home tomorrow."
He asked questions. What kind of questions?
"Jennie, you don't have to tell her. I'll take care of you. Just… we need to talk."
He'd take care of me? What was he talking about? I wasn't going to let him take care of me. "Where are you exactly?" I asked.
"Some hotel just outside of Rosemary. They think their shit don't stink in that town. Everything there costs five times too much."
"Okay. Stay in bed and I'll see you tomorrow." I replied then hung up.
Jisoo stepped into the room. She cocked one of her dark eyebrows as she stared at me waiting. She'd been listening. I'd known she would.
"I need a ride to Rosemary," I told her standing up. I couldn't let Kai lay hurt in a hotel room and I couldn't chance that he'd go back and try to talk to Lisa again. If Jisoo could drive me there I could check on him and then drive him home.
Jisoo nodded and a small smile tugged on her lips. I could tell she didn't want me to see how happy she was to hear this. I wasn't staying. She didn't need to get her hopes up. "This is just about Kai. I'm not… I can't stay there."
She didn't appear to believe me. "Sure. I know."
I wasn't in the mood to convince her. I handed her the phone and headed back to my temporary bedroom to pack some things.
~#~
I reached over and nudged Jisoo's leg to wake her up. She'd been asleep for the past two hours. We were just outside of Rosemary Beach and I needed her to drive so I could look for Kai's truck at all the inexpensive motels.
"We there?" she mumbled sleepily and sat up in her seat.
"Almost. I need you to drive. I gotta look for Kai's truck."
Jisoo let out a weary sigh. I knew she was only doing this in hopes of getting me to Rosemary and keeping me there. She could care less about finding Kai. But I'd needed a ride. I was going to drive Kai home. And he and I were going to talk. He had no business coming out here to see Lisa. I only hoped he hadn't told her about what he'd caught me buying.
It wasn't that I wanted to keep it a secret from Lisa. It was just that I hadn't let everything sink in yet. I needed to process it. Figure out what I wanted to do. Then I'd contact her. Kai going after her like a crazy person was not what I wanted. I still couldn't believe he'd done it.
"Pull over here. I need to run in and grab me a latte first," Jisoo instructed. I did as she asked and parked the car in front of Starbucks.
"You want something?" Jisoo asked as she opened the door. I wasn't sure that caffeine was good for the… for the baby. I shook my head and waited until she got out of the car before I let out the sob in my chest I hadn't been expecting. I hadn't thought about what those two pink stripes meant. A baby. Lisa's baby. Oh, God.
I stepped out of the car and walked around the front to get into the passenger side. By the time I was back in the car and buckled up Jisoo was headed back to the car. She looked a little more awake already. I pushed thoughts of my baby back and focused on finding Kai. I could dwell on my future, on my baby's future later.
"Okay. I have caffeine. I'm ready to find this dude."
I didn't correct her. I knew she knew his name by now. I'd used it several times. She was just refusing to acknowledge it. This was her form of rebellion. Kai represented Sumit and she didn't want me in Sumit. Instead of aggravating me it warmed me. She wanted me with her and it felt nice.
"He left Rosemary because of the price of hotel rooms. So, he's somewhere affordable. Can you take me to a few of those?" I asked.
She nodded but she didn't look at me. She was texting. Great. I needed her to focus and she was more than likely telling Bobby we were almost there. I didn't really want Bobby to know anything.
We drove around for thirty minutes with me checking parking lots at all of the cheap motels in town. This was getting frustrating. He had to be here somewhere. "Can I use your phone? I'm gonna call him again and let him know I'm here looking for him. He'll tell me where he is when he knows I've driven all this way."
Jisoo handed me her phone and I quickly dialed Kai's number. It rang twice.
"Hello?"
"Kai. It's me. Where are you? I'm just outside of Rosemary and I can't find your truck anywhere."
There was silence, then "Dammit."
"Don't get all mad. I needed to check on you. I came out here to drive you home." I knew he'd be frustrated that I came this close to Rosemary again.
"I told you I'd be home once I slept it off, Jennie. Why couldn't you have stayed put?" The aggravation in his voice annoyed me. You would think he wasn't happy I'd come to check on him.
"Where are you, Kai?" I asked again. Then I heard it. A female voice in the background. The phone became muffled. It didn't take a genius to figure out Kai was with a female and he was trying to hide it from me. This pissed me off. Not because I thought Kai and I had a chance but because he'd let me think he was hurt and alone in a strange city. Asshole.
"Listen. I don't have time for more of your stupid ass games, Kai. I've been there, done that. Next time, could you not make it sound like you need me when it's obvious you don't."
"Jennie, no. Listen to me. It isn't what you think. I couldn't sleep after you called so I got back in the truck and headed back home. I wanted to see you."
A girl's angry scream came from the other side of the phone. He was pissing off whoever was with him. The boy was an idiot.
"Go make your company feel better. I don't need an explanation. I don't need anything from you. I never did."
"JENNIE! NO! I love you, baby. I love you so much. Please listen to me," he begged and the girl with him got more hysterical. "Shut up Krystal!" he roared and I knew then he was back in Sumit. He was with Krystal.
"You went to Krystal? You came home so I wouldn't worry and went to see Krystal? You're ridiculous, Kai. For real? This doesn't hurt me. You can't hurt me anymore. But stop and think about others' feelings for a change. You keep jerking Krystal around and it's wrong. Stop thinking with your penis and grow up."
I pressed end and handed Jisoo back her phone. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. "He went back to Sumit," I said in way of explanation.
"Yeah… I got that part," Jisoo said slowly. She was waiting for more. She deserved more. She'd brought me back here. She was also the only real friend I had. Kai wasn't a friend. Not really. A real friend wouldn't keep doing stupid stuff like he did.
"Can I sleep at your place tonight? I don't think I'm going back there. I was leaving soon anyway. I'll figure out where I'm going tomorrow and then when I get there I'll have Granny Q ship the rest of my things. It isn't like I have that much anyway. My truck is headed to the graveyard. It would never make the trip again."
Jisoo nodded and cranked up the car then pulled out onto the road. "You can stay with me as long as you need. Or longer," she replied.
"Thank you," I said before laying my head back on the seat and taking a deep breath. What was I going to do now?
The smell of bacon got thicker and thicker the more I inhaled. It was as if bacon was taking over my senses. My throat constricted. My stomach rolled from the rich smell of it. The grease sizzled somewhere in the distance. Before I could completely get my eyes open my feet were on the floor and I was running to the bathroom.
Luckily Jisoo's apartment wasn't big and I didn't have far to run.
"Jennie?" Jisoo's voice called from the kitchen but I couldn't stop.
Dropping to my knees in front of the toilet I gripped the porcelain seat with both hands and began throwing up everything in my stomach until nothing but dry heaves wracked my body. Everytime I thought I was finished I'd smell the bacon grease mixed with my vomit and it would begin again.
I was so weak my body trembled as I tried to vomit and nothing else would come up. A cold washcloth was in my face and Jisoo was standing over me flushing the toilet and then leaning me back against the wall.
I held the cloth over my nose to block out the smell. Jisoo noticed and closed the bathroom door behind her. After she turned on the fan she put her hands on her hips and stared down at me. The disbelief on her face confused me. I got sick. What was so strange about that?
"Bacon? The smell of bacon made you hurl?" She shook her head, still staring at me as if she couldn't believe it. "And you weren't gonna tell me, were you? You were just gonna put your crazy ass on some damn bus and ride away. All by yourself. I can't believe you, Jennie. What happened to the smart girl that taught me not to let a man use me? Hmmm? Where the hell did she go? 'Cause your plan here sucks. Like bad. You can't just run off. You have friends here. You're gonna need friends… and I'd hope that you intended to tell Lisa about this too. I know you well enough to know that this is her baby."
How did she know? I just threw up. Lots of people get viruses. "It's a virus," I muttered.
"Don't lie to me. It was the bacon, Jennie. You were sleeping so peacefully on the couch and the minute I started cooking the bacon you started making weird noises and tossing and turning. Then you shot off like a bullet to puke your guts out. Not rocket science baby. Get that shocked look off your face."
I couldn't lie to her. She was my friend. Possibly my only one now. I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. This was my way of holding myself together. When I felt like the world was breaking around me and I couldn't control it I always held together this way.
"That's why Kai came here. He caught me buying pregnancy tests yesterday. I know that's why he came here. To ask Lisa… to ask about the relationship between her and me. It's something I refused to talk to Kai about. I didn't want to talk about Lisa at all. Then I was late. Two weeks late. I thought I'd buy a couple of tests and it would come back negative and everything would be okay." I stopped my explanation and rested my cheek against my knees.
"The tests… they were positive?" Jisoo asked.
I nodded but didn't look up at her.
"Were you gonna tell her? Or were you really gonna just run off?"
What would Lisa do? Her sister hated me. Her mother hated me. They hated my mother. And I hated my father. For Lisa to be a part of this baby's life she'd have to give them up. I couldn't ask her to give up her mom and sister. Even if they were evil. She loved them. And she wouldn't give up Rosé. I'd already learned that when it came to me or Rosé, she'd choose her. She had up until the end. When I'd found out everything. She'd kept her secret. She'd chosen her.
"I can't tell her," I said quietly.
"Why is that exactly? Because she'd want to know and her ass needs to be there for you. This running off shit is stupid."
She didn't know everything. She only knew bits and pieces. It had been Rosé's story to tell and no one else's in Lisa's eyes. But I disagreed. It was my story too. Rosé still had both her parents and her sister. I had no one. My mother was dead. My sister was dead. And my father might as well be dead. So this story was just as much mine as it was hers. Maybe more so.
I lifted my head and looked up at Jisoo. She was my one friend in the world and if I was going to tell this story then she was who I wanted to tell it to.
