Their days in Montréal pass in a pleasant haze of food and sex. It's not quite warm enough to do everything they might like, the evenings still carry a chill. But they walk frequently, take in sights and attractions and spare no expense. They take in a lightshow at an old cathedral, kiss softly in alleyways, trying not to trip on cobblestones uneven beneath their feet. They spend a cold rainy day wandering La Musée des Beaux Arts and find themselves watching each other more than some of the exhibits.
Cosima adores watching Delphine interact in French, even though her wife often squints and later explains "Québécois…" in a sigh. Apparently the French is different enough that some words throw Delphine for a moment or two. She's stopped asking for the strap-on temporarily, the slightly wounded look on Delphine's face when she begs for it their fourth lovemaking session in a row makes her reconsider. At least until Delphine gets over the whole silicone not being her thing.
Their last morning in Montréal they barely wake before reaching hungrily for each other. Cosima lets herself make love to Delphine as gently as she can, her mouth softly pressing to intimate flesh. The orgasm comes quickly and she remains between Delphine's legs several moments after, gently licking.
Delphine pulls her up into her arms desperately, and it's needy and perfect, she knows she cannot deny her more. Not when Cosima craves it almost as badly.
"All the way in…" Delphine pleads as she's fingering her afterwards. "S'il te plait…"
"The red cock?" Cosima suggests but Delphine is insistent. She doesn't understand why Delphine won't even try it. Sure, Delphine will put on the harness and fuck her silly if she asks, but she won't let Cosima return the favour. It makes no sense.
"Non. I want you…I need it to be you." Delphine coos at her and she doesn't have the heart to say no. Cosima finds she's eager enough to comply. To give Delphine what she wants. It's arousing certainly, and she loves the way it looks, how it feels. But it wasn't the slightly rough sex she had in mind. Instead, she must be gentle, must love Delphine thoroughly and slowly. Trying her best to make it as easy as possible on her wife.
Delphine cries, shaking and looking into her eyes and Cosima's heart responds. She is slowly twisting when she feels Delphine come apart, muscles fluttering and pulsing all around her. Holding her hand deep inside. Somehow even fisting Delphine becomes this gorgeous, incredible act.
"Wow." Cosima is breathing heavy too as Delphine whimpers at her very slow withdrawal. It's irresistible and makes her want more. She kisses her instead, drawing Delphine into her arms.
"It was a little easier this time." Delphine murmurs into her sweaty neck when they're through.
"Good." Cosima smiles. "I don't want it to hurt you too badly. I know it's not easy." Delphine is so willing to take her though, that Cosima understands the pleasure of it is not merely psychological. It has to be something else too for Delphine.
"I get sore but… it's not exactly pain." Delphine suggests, crawling into her arms, insisting on being held.
"It was a couple days of soreness last time. I know it's not comfortable." Cosima reminds her. Delphine would let her fuck her, albeit gently, when she's sore, that much has been proven. Maybe Delphine just had a greater tolerance for such things? Some kind of sexual endurance stemming from uncomfortable or difficult sex in her youth? Who knows.
"It'll be fine. I'm happy." Delphine assures her, wrapping her up in her arms to kiss. "It reminds me how my Cosima felt inside of me. It's perfect. I can't do it often but… I love having you like that." Delphine tears up again and this too moves her.
"You love that it's me." Cosima realizes. "Like, that it's part of my body."
Delphine nods fervently. "It feels so right to let you deep inside. No one else could ever make me feel like this!"
"I don't think our long car ride is going to be comfortable today." Cosima teases her wife. "You're going to be sore."
"Where do you want to go next?"
"I kind of want to see Halifax. But that's like 12 hours away…" Cosima speaks, her voice muffled into Delphine's neck.
"Too much driving for one day." Delphine tells her.
"Yeah. We could try Québec City for a night… then on to the maritimes?"
"Alright. We can do that. That's not too far." Delphine reasons. "Or we could just drive. Stop when we get tired."
"Let's pack the car, get some snacks at the dépanneur and see what we can do." Cosima groans.
"Do you want breakfast first?" Delphine laughs.
"OK. Shower, then breakfast and then we hit the road." Cosima revises her plan. "I'll drive the first leg so you can just sit and try to recover."
"Recover for what?"
"Wouldn't you like to know." Cosima teases happily, as she jumps up and makes her way to the shower.
"I am so glad we took this trip." Cosima mumbles. "I swear Alison, Felix and Sarah are still blowing up my phone with text messages. And I haven't even told them we got married yet."
"We will have to tell them." Delphine laughs. "But we deserve this time. Time alone together."
"Yeah… some of the messages say stop fucking Delphine and respond already." Cosima laughs. "I think they have a good handle on our trip. Minus the sightseeing."
"Eyes on the road." Delphine prods her wife. She doesn't want to take any changes.
"That reminds me, speaking of our romantic getaway - are we fucking enough for your liking?" Cosima asks, taking a turn driving. Sure the entirely French road signs were a pain, but it was her turn after all.
"Fucking?" Delphine repeats blankly.
"Are we having enough sex for you yet? Do I fuck you enough?" Cosima clarifies with a shit eating grin. She knows the answer, that Delphine craves her just as intensely. That they can fuck as often as they want and still want to go again.
"I do not fuck you. I make love to you." Delphine grumbles, looking over at her lover. "We do not fuck ."
"Suit yourself." Cosima giggles into her hand. "Is sex always making love to you? Is it a French thing or a romantic thing? Or just a Delphine thing?"
"It is with you, Cosima. It has always been making love when it's with you." Delphine takes a long swig from her water bottle. "I mean, there's other terms like...baiser but that is vulgar."
"And before me?" Cosima wonders aloud. The GPS is silent, for now, it's a good a time as any. This, this is something they never talked about. Something she wasn't quite sure she wanted to talk about. Could lead to confirming something she'd been hoping wasn't true since before Delphine got into bed with her the first time.
Delphine responds cautiously. "It was… not as good. My last partner before you... It was definitely just fucking. At best."
"Was it good at least?" Cosima prods deeper. "I know your boyfriend back in Paris was fake."
"Non. It wasn't good. I didn't like him that much." Delphine tries not to give too much away. "He was not in France, no. It was after I came to Canada for work."
"Then why did you keep fucking him? Why put yourself through lousy sex with someone you didn't like?" Cosima looks over at her frustrated. Eyes drifting away from the road.
Delphine counters defensively. "I stopped."
"When?"
"When I fell for you." Delphine lets this small truth sit between them.
Cosima suddenly looks over, mildly enraged. "You were fucking Dr. Leekie. Weren't you?"
Delphine doesn't respond, looks down into her lap instead.
"Fuck. I told myself you wouldn't, that he was too old. That he was just your boss. But … fuck." Cosima curses, swerving the car back into their own lane. She has to concentrate on driving. She cannot do this right now.
"Just drive Cosima. We can… we can talk about this later." Delphine sighs, burying her face in her hands.
"Yeah. I am wrestling with about a dozen mental pictures I really don't want right now." Cosima quickly signals and moves to take the next exit.
"Why are we stopping?"
"Because I am pissed and I am not sure I am good to drive right now. I'll pull over onto a side road and you're going to drive." Cosima shakes slightly. Trying to keep disgust out of her tone.
They switch drivers silently, and Delphine doesn't try to touch her. Makes no attempt to bridge the cold distance setting in between them.
"What do you want from me?" Delphine asks, the motel is somewhere in New Brunswick. It was the most random stop they'd made thus far. Checking in mid afternoon and refusing to unpack until they'd both inspected the mattress. They'd only stopped for a washroom break and a very silent lunch at one of the rest stations along the highway.
It had been a long and unpleasant drive. She'd gotten them across the provincial border before yielding to Cosima. Letting Cosima just drive while she tried to work out a place to stay, somewhere they could eat and rest.
Thoughts of Québec City are completely gone. Maybe on the way back, Delphine figures. When Cosima's in a better mood to be romantic with her.
"Are we going to talk about it? Or do you want to go find somewhere to eat?" Delphine asks cautiously.
Cosima looks at her, still clearly angry. "You fucked him."
"I did." Delphine nods. How many times was Cosima going to make her say it? Certainly it held no significance now. It was long over. Aldous was dead. Aldous had never tried anything once Cosima had made a pass at her. Aldous knew how devoted she'd become to Cosima. It was an odd situation, yes, but it wasn't a threat to Cosima then or now.
"When you met me… when you first kissed me, you were fucking him!" Cosima shouts at her, hands shaking with some kind of rage.
"Yes. I did." Delphine responds very quietly. "But I never loved him. And I never really enjoyed it."
"That doesn't make it any better!" Cosima looks at her in disgust. "Why put yourself through sex you didn't even enjoy?"
"I cannot change the decision I made then. I can just make better ones now. And I did! I chose you! I was on your side then, and I am on your side now, Cosima. Je t'aime." Delphine pleads softly. "It doesn't mean anything to me. I slept with men I didn't like plenty of times."
"Then why?"
"I… I wanted to see the original genome. I wanted to know what I was working on. And then I wanted to see a clone, and Aldous, he… he could do that for me. He later took advantage of that, and assigned me to you. I never cheated on you. He never touched me after we kissed. And I do not regret it." Delphine ends firmly.
"You don't regret letting your old creepy liar boss stick it in you?" Cosima tilts her head, still aggressive but no longer as loud.
She is calming down. Delphine affirms to herself. Cosima still loves her, and will forgive her and is calming down. It may still take a while to feel OK again. But she can live with that.
Delphine tries again. "Because it got me to you ! I am not sure I would have been assigned as your monitor if I hadn't. I am certain Aldous knew that you'd be interested in me, and why he didn't spell that out to me, he wanted to make sure I would do whatever it took to be your monitor. To find out what you knew."
"It's still gross. I can picture it… and it makes me want to vomit." Cosima throws one of the motel pillows across the room. "And he's dead now. And I dissected him with Scott, so I can really picture it. In detail. Ugh."
"I used condoms." Delphine offers. That should ease Cosima's mind a little. That much should help. Certainly that's all that could be expected of her.
"Yeah, great. You actually managed basic sexual health practices while fucking your boss. Good for you." Cosima shakes her head.
"I love only you." Delphine tried again. "I feel myself with you. I am whole with you, Cosima. You give me more pleasure than any man ever did. You please me."
"But you won't let me fuck you with a cock." Cosima surmises glumly. "Only men get to do that."
"I can please you other ways. I do all the time." Delphine shrugs, feeling that this is enough of an explanation. "I like feeling you. You've been inside me. So deep inside me. And you have my love ." That, that should matter most.
"I really wish you hadn't fucked Leekie...Oh… I mean Aldous . Like… he wasn't irresistible. At all. I don't understand how you could do that." Cosima glares at Delphine, but she's calmer.
"What? You'd prefer some naïve virgin?" Delphine throws back. "I think my lack of experience with women was enough of a hurdle."
"No...I'd want you, no matter if you slept with zero people or one hundred." Cosima admits finally. "it's not the number. It's not that it's men. It's just… he orchestrated parts of my life, Delphine. He paid you to lie to me. To get close to me. It's his fault Ethan Duncan bailed with the synthetic sequences. And you… you let him fuck you."
"But it was just sex. Not even good sex. I used him and he used me. That is all." She cannot keep her voice from raising. This is too much. This is ridiculous for Cosima to fixate one.
"So? You still did it."
"But I never cheated on you. I have always been faithful." Delphine responds firmly. This much Cosima must listen to. This much Cosima must hear.
"Ouch." Cosima nods, grimacing noticeably. "Are we talking about Shay again because technically - we were broken up."
"Non. I do not want to talk about Shay or how wonderful she was in bed." Delphine's tone drops to scathing.
"Wow… insecure much? She wasn't you. I would have rather had you. But… I don't … I am never single long." Cosima sighs, clearly not wanting to elaborate either. "I haven't had a lot of long term relationships, but I dated plenty of women. And I have had plenty of sex. But I don't fuck people I'm not attracted to. At least not since I was in my undergrad."
"You want me...all of me. You really get me." Delphine offers again, voice firmer. "With you, it was never just my face, never just my body. You wanted my mind, my intellect, my opinions - you wanted everything."
"I did. And I do. You're beautiful Delphine but there's more. You're brilliant. Curious. You get me. It doesn't matter how many."
"It was not that many. I had a few men. Not a lot." Delphine finally bridges the physical distance, giving Cosima a loose hug.
"I know...I know." Cosima nods. "I don't like it. But… I can live with it. And it wasn't a total surprise. I just...I didn't really want to know. Also it is really gross."
"What do you want me to do? How can I make this… better?" Delphine assumes Cosima doesn't want her to lie. They could certainly agree to never broach the subject again.
"I want you to let me fuck you with a dildo." Cosima answers. "I want to take you like that."
Delphine's eyebrows raise. "While you're angry?"
"Yes." Cosima confirms.
"OK." Delphine agrees reluctantly with a sigh. "But not the red one." She is unsure she wants that even if Cosima would be extremely gentle.
"Fine." Cosima concedes. "Not the red one."
Cosima strips off her clothes wordlessly and Delphine begins to do the same. Hopefully Cosima would be satisfied with this, that this wouldn't be something else festering between them. She doesn't expect it'll be quite what she wants, but Cosima will likely try to make sure she enjoys herself at any rate.
Cosima's inserting the purple dildo into the harness when she looks over. There's so much skin, but not quite enough with the harness covering her lover's hips and ass. Parts of Cosima's body she has grown very fond of.
"I am going to have you." Cosima tells her, without pretence.
"You already have me. Je suis la tienne." Delphine assures, laying back onto the bed. She expects to be kissed, expects to have Cosima trying to ready her, trying to bring her to orgasm first. Instead, Cosima kneels on the bed, the tiny bottle of lube in her hand.
"We'll need lube." Cosima tells her as she's slowly lubing up the toy, stroking and pushing at it into the harness. Mimicking motions she associates with masturbation, but Delphine just watches, wonders what Cosima is really getting out of this. It must be psychological. Some idea of claiming her, some idea of replacing her memories of intercourse with this.
"Alright." Delphine accepts, she lets Cosima apply the cold scentless lubricant to her sex, a counterfeit arousal. Maybe this would feel more like her previous encounters than she'd thought. But then Cosima's kissing her, hard, teeth barely shielded by her lips. It's desperate, more desperate than they've been in a while.
"I love you, Delphine." Cosima breathes, fingers entering her and thrusting for a few minutes, trying to prepare her. She's still a little sore but she relaxes into her wife's touch. This feels good, and she yields to it, kissing back as passionately as she can.
"Je t'aime." Delphine responds, opening her legs and pulling Cosima on top of her. It shouldn't be too difficult. Cosima is eager to get started, she can tell and why not.
Cosima abruptly stops fingering her. "You're wet enough. Yes?"
"I am. Yes." Delphine nods. The toy is pressed against her, and her body slowly yields to it, but Cosima is impatient. More impatient than she expected.
Cosima enters her in one smooth insistent movement and then stills, looking down at her. "However I want?"
"Yes. However you want." Delphine agrees, though she's unsure if a rough technique will ever be successful, even with Cosima.
"You're so hot…" Cosima mutters under her breath. She withdraws too far for Delphine's liking and slams back in.
"OH!" She cannot contain her surprise, or the sting of pain she feels. She'd never thought Cosima would be that rough. What was the purpose of that? What could it be other than pain for her? Cosima wasn't seeking stimulation for herself, wasn't suffering from a lack of sensitivity and compensating like a man might be. Cosima thrusts again, just as sharply. And it confuses her.
"How is that?" Cosima asks, noticing how she's biting her lip, how she is looking up at her. She thrusts again, just as roughly.
Delphine considers her response through another harsh thrust. "It hurts."
"Good." Cosima grins, shortening her strokes but maintaining the same harsh force with the next thrust. "Wait.. too much?" Her lover eases off slightly, bucking the toy into her. "Can you take it?"
"A little bit. I can take it. Why?"
"Because you're mine Delphine. I saw him looking at you. I noticed Delphine." Cosima tells her, voice still heavy with emotion. "He'd already had you. And you played me. You didn't think I would find out."
"I love you." Delphine states simply. She'll take the roughness, if that is what Cosima wants… at least to a point.
"I know… but I need to see you taking my cock. I need you stuffed full of it, aching afterwards… knowing he could never fuck you like this."
"Cosima…" She lets out, a sharp breath following as she urges her own body to relax into the onslaught. She wants to study Cosima, see what is is that Cosima is getting from this. Why Cosima might want this.
"I love you. And you are mine." Cosima keeps thrusting relentlessly, "and I love watching you take it… you look so good."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Cosima smiles, finally leaning down for a kiss. She claims Cosima's lips readily, soft kisses an odd counterpoint to Cosima's sobering thrusts.
"Don't pull out as far." Delphine begs, gripping Cosima's shoulders as she pulls her back in for another kiss, wondering if she'll get enough stimulation like this.
"What am I doing to you now?" Cosima breathes at her, eyes locked on her own.
Delphine answers without hesitation. "Making love to me."
"I'm fucking you. Call it what it is." Cosima laughs under her breath, continuing her harsh thrusts.
"I am… We are making love." Delphine insists, her eyes beginning to water. She focuses on Cosima's face, on watching her lover's reactions. She's had rough sex before but rarely this prolonged.
"Are we?" Cosima asks, faltering a little in her rhythm. Suddenly soft brown eyes stare down into her own. The next thrust is a little softer, easier to take. But she's sore.
"Slow it down… a little." Delphine begs, and Cosima does. But she's still rough.
Delphine tries to wrap her legs around Cosima, to shorten her thrusts, to get more pleasure. But Cosima resists. Finally her wife stills, looking down at her.
"Can I fuck you from behind?"
"Yes, of course." Delphine agrees. Cosima would be a little gentler that way or at least she hopes. It would stimulate her more, in all likelihood. Cosima must want her to come like this.
"Mine. Mine. Mine." Cosima chants, as they change position, front to back. She gets onto her hands and knees facing away from her lover. Cosima thrusts back in, and she's firm, but not as rough, still stroking deeply.
"Yours," Delphine moans. "Only yours."
"God… I wish I could come like this." Cosima breathes, thrusting again. "I can feel you're getting tight. You're squeezing me so tight it's getting hard to move." Soft breasts press to her mid back, and it's different, definitely different with Cosima.
"If you could… I'd let you do this as much as you wanted." Delphine responds. Delphine lets out a low groan with each firm thrust, letting Cosima rut into her from behind. She cannot quite get enough stimulation to come. Cosima too begins to feel the frustration.
"I thought you could come like this." Cosima mutters, thrusting again.
"Only sometimes. Touch me. Use your hands too." Delphine urges her. Surely Cosima could stop gripping her hips long enough to get her off.
"Fuck…" Cosima withdraws, and pushes her hip to encourage her wife to fall to the mattress. Delphine falls readily, rolling onto her back and keeping her legs apart.
Cosima unfastens the harness quickly and drops her face between her legs. This, this is suddenly perfect. Cosima's hot insistent mouth finally drives her over the edge, giving her what she needs. She cries out readily, eagerly.
"This is what I want!" Delphine assures her, enjoying Cosima's tender ministrations. Even after she's climaxed, Cosima remains there, licking and sucking. Kissing at her, almost as if in apology.
Eventually Cosima releases her, climbing up her body. She can feel wet arousal on her thigh, feels how much Cosima wants. Delphine pulls Cosima's hand to her drenched sex. "Inside me."
Cosima doesn't argue and slides two fingers in easily. "You're so wet. It's not just lube now."
"I am for you. I am your lover, your wife." Delphine whispers, trying to encourage more gentle lovemaking. "I love you, and only you. I am yours, Cosima."
Cosima straddles her thigh frantically, rubbing wetly against her for several moments, tightening and gushing her pleasure as she too comes. "Holy fuck." Cosima leans forwards against her, fingers still inside but still now.
"You look beautiful doing that." Delphine cannot resist telling Cosima how much she enjoys her. How much she loves to watch her. To listen to her sounds. To feel her.
"You're mine." Cosima smiles, giving her a gentle kiss as she moves gently for a few moments before pulling out. "I hope you're not too sore."
"I am very sore. You were rough." Delphine kisses against her face. "Someday, we'll try another toy and I'll show you how I like it. How to make me come like that."
"Like you did for me?" Cosima quickly puts it together.
Delphine smiles, but she's worn out. "Yes." A dull cramping has set in and while she's not entirely surprised she'd never anticipated this with Cosima.
"Maybe another time. I might buy us one of those feeldoe toys. See if that can get us both off." Cosima suggests offhandedly. "It could be really hot. If me getting off on it is what you want."
Delphine hums nodding. "It would be something we could try. But not this rough. Not often. I"
"Did you like it?" Cosima asks. "Was it OK?"
"I think you bruised me." Delphine mumbles. Pushing herself up in bed. That sensation isn't entirely unfamiliar, and just as unpleasant as she recalls.
"Ouch." Cosima winces. She moves in to cuddle her regardless. Kissing her neck, her shoulders. She bites softly and then soothes the bites with her tongue.
"I have had worse." Delphine assures her with a kiss.
"That… doesn't make me feel great." Cosima looks down at her, returning soft kisses. "I can promise cunnilingus only for the next few days?"
"It was rough sex." Delphine shrugs. "I've had rough sex before though… typically it wasn't this
prolonged."
"Because they'd ejaculate. They literally couldn't keep going." Cosima substitutes. "You couldn't go as long… I could fuck you for hours. But… gently might be better for that."
"Yes." Delphine nods. "Can you go get us takeout? I… I think I need a shower and rest." She doesn't want to move at all. Wants to lie here and let Cosima do what needs to be done.
"Of course. I'll find something on my phone and go get us food. Chinese maybe?" Cosima nods readily. "I did just fuck you hard… you can absolutely take a break."
Delphine eases herself back down against the thin pillows. "Good."
"Do you want anything else?"
"I want to talk about your telomeres." Delphine sighs up at Cosima, watching her dress.
Cosima swallows. "Alright. When I get back we can talk about my telomeres."
