J
I hadn't been asleep very long when the phone rang. It was the middle of the night and only a few people had my number. My stomach knotted up as I reached for my phone. It was Lisa.
"Hello," I said almost afraid of what she'd called to tell me.
"Hey, it's me." Her voice sounded like she'd been crying. Oh god… please don't let Rosé be dead.
"Is she okay?" I asked, hoping that this time God had actually heard my prayer.
"She's awake. She's a little disoriented but she knew me when she opened her eyes so her memory is good."
"Oh thank God." I sat down on the bed and decided I needed to try this praying thing a little more often.
"I'm sorry, Jennie. I'm so sorry." Her voice was hoarse. I could hear the pain laced in her words and I didn't have to ask what she meant. This was it. She just couldn't say it.
"It's okay. Just take care of Rosé. I'm really glad she's okay Lisa. You may not believe that but I've been praying. I wanted her to be okay." I needed her to believe me. Even if there was no love lost between Rosé and I she was important to her.
"Thank you," she said. "I'm coming home. I'll be there no later than tomorrow night."
I wasn't sure if this meant she wanted me gone by then or would we'd do our goodbyes in person. Running would be so much easier. Not having to face her. It hurt bad enough on the phone. Seeing her face was going to be so hard but I couldn't let it destroy me. I had our baby to think about. This wasn't just about me anymore.
"I'll see you then," I replied.
"I love you." Hearing the words hurt more than anything else. I wanted to believe she did but it wasn't enough. The love she might feel for me wasn't enough.
"I love you too," I replied and hung up the phone before curling into a ball and crying myself to sleep.
The doorbell rang just as I was getting out of the shower. I grabbed the clothes I'd laid out to wear and quickly got dressed before wrapping my hair in a towel and hurrying downstairs.
When I opened the door and saw my father standing there I wasn't sure what to think. Had Lisa sent him to get rid of me? No. Lisa wouldn't do that. But why was he here?
"Hey, Jennie. I, uh, came to talk to you." He didn't look like he'd slept in days and his clothes were rumpled. Seeing the daughter he did love in the hospital must have been hard on him. I pushed that bitterness away. I wasn't going to think about that. He was Rosé's dad too. At least he was there for her now even if he'd screwed her over the first part of her life.
"What about?" I asked, not moving to let him in. I wasn't sure there was anything he had to say that I wanted to hear.
"It's about Rosé… and you."
I shook my head. "Don't care. I'm not up for hearing anything you have to say. Your daughter woke up. I'm glad she didn't die." I started to close the door.
"Rosé isn't my daughter," he said. The only words that would have stopped me from slamming the door in his face. I let his words sink in as I slowly opened the door back up. What did he mean Rosé wasn't his daughter?
I just stared at him. This made no sense.
"I need to tell you the truth. Lisa is going to tell Rosé when she's ready. But I wanted to be the one to tell you."
What did Lisa know? Had she been lying to me? I wasn't sure I could breathe. "Lisa?" I asked, backing up in case I couldn't get a deep breath and passed out. I needed to sit down.
"I told Lisa everything yesterday. She had been told the same lie you had but she knows the truth now."
The truth. What was the truth? Was there a truth or was my entire existence a lie? I sank down onto the steps and stared up at the man I thought was my father as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.
"I've always known Rosé wasn't my daughter. More importantly, your mother knew Rosé wasn't my daughter. You're right, your mother would have never allowed me to leave my pregnant fiancéand run off with her. Not for anything. She almost didn't let me leave my ex-girlfriend who was pregnant with yet another member of Slacker Demon's kid because she was worried about what would happen to Lisa. Her heart was just as big as you know it was. Nothing you knew was a lie, Jennie. Nothing. The world you knew was not a lie."
"I don't understand. I know my momma wasn't involved in any of this. That was never a question in my mind. But I don't understand. If you aren't Rosé's dad, why did you leave us for them?"
"I met your mother while trying to help my ex-girlfriend deal with her latest problem. Your mother had come to help her friend too. We both cared about Georgianna. She'd needed us and we tried to help. But while she was out partying and acting like she didn't have a little girl at home to take care of and a pregnancy she was ignoring, I fell in love with your mother. She was everything Georgianna wasn't. I adored her, and for whatever reason, she fell in love with me. When we left, Dean had come to take Lisa and Kiro, the lead singer of Slacker Demon and Rosé's real father, had stepped in to offer his assistance. Georgianna found out about Becca and me. She sent us packing and we gladly went. Your mother worried over Lisa and called Dean to check on her for awhile."
"Mom knew Lisa?" Picturing my mother taking care of Lisa as a little girl stuck with two screwed up parents brought tears to my eyes. She'd known how wonderful my mother was once even if she didn't remember.
"Yeah. She called her Beck Beck. She preferred her over Georgianna and that didn't settle well with Georgie either. Once Georgianna got Lisa back she refused to let your mother check on her. Your mother cried for weeks worrying over the little girl she'd grown to love. But that was your mom. Always caring too much. Her heart was bigger than anyone I'd ever known… until you. You're just like her, sweetheart."
I held up my hands to stop him. We would not be bonding over this. I wasn't crying because I knew my mother was innocent of the lies I'd heard before. I was crying because she'd loved Lisa once too, her entire childhood hadn't been lonely.
"I'm almost done. Let me finish, then I'll leave and you'll never see me again. I swear."
He knew I was leaving too. That this thing with Lisa and me was over. The sharp pain in my chest was almost too much.
"Yeri's death was my fault. I ran that red light. I hadn't been paying attention and I lost one of my girls that day. But I lost you and your mother too. You were both hurting so bad and it was all my fault. I wasn't man enough to stay and bear seeing you both in so much pain. So I ran. I let you take care of Becca when it should have been me but I was too weak. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing my Becca sick. It would end me. I drank myself into a stupor. It was the only way to stay numb. Then you called and said she'd died. My Becca wasn't on this earth any longer. I was going to tell Rosé the truth about her father and I was going to leave. I wasn't sure where I'd go but I didn't care if I lived or died.
Then you called and needed me. I wasn't even a man anymore. I was worthless. But I couldn't let you down. I'd already made you suffer so much alone. I sent you to Lisa. She wasn't exactly the kind of girl a man wants his daughter around but I knew she'd see in you what I saw in Becca. A lifeline. A reason to live. A reason to fight. A reason to change. She was strong. She could protect you and I knew if pushed she would."
This was all too much. I couldn't make sense of it. He had sent me to Lisa? The girl who adored a sister who hated me and blamed me for everything wrong in her life?
"She hated me," I told him. "She hated who I was."
My father's smile was sad. "Yes, she hated who she thought you were, but then she met you. She was around you and that was all it took. You are rare, Jennie. Just as your mother was. There aren't many people in this world as strong as you are. As full of love and willing to forgive. You always envied the way Yeri could charm a room. You thought she got the best out of the two of you. But what Yeri knew and what I knew was that we were the lucky ones because we had people like you and your mother in our lives. Yeri adored you. She saw that you were the one that had your mother's spirit. We stood in awe of the both of you. I still do and although all I've done is hurt you since the day we lost your sister, I have loved you. I always will. You're my little girl. You deserve the best in this world and I'm not the best. I'm walking away and I'm not going to bother you ever again. I need to live out the rest of this life alone. Remembering what I once had."
The grief in his eyes tore at my soul. He was right. He'd deserted me and momma when we needed him the most. But maybe we'd deserted him too. We hadn't gone after him. We'd just let him go. The day we lost Yeri had marked all our lives. Momma and Yeri were gone now and we could never get them back. But we were here. I didn't want to live the rest of my life knowing my father was out there somewhere alone. My momma wouldn't want that. She never wanted him to be alone. She loved him until she drew her last breath. Yeri wouldn't want that. She'd been a daddy's girl.
I stood up and took a step toward him. The unshed tears in his eyes slowly began to trickle down his face. He was a shell of the man he once was but he was my dad. A sob tore from my chest and I threw myself into his arms. When they wrapped around me and held me tightly I let all the pain free. I cried for the life we'd lost. I cried for him because he wasn't strong enough and I cried for me because it was time.
L
The house was dark and silent when I unlocked the door and stepped inside. Would Jennie have turned out all the lights if she were here alone? I'd been so focused on getting home to her after talking with Rosé that I hadn't let myself consider she could have left me. Would she have left me?
I turned and took the stairs two at a time. Once I hit the top step I started running. My heart was pounding in my chest. She couldn't be gone. I'd told her I loved her. I'd told her I was coming home. She had to be here. I had to tell her everything. I had to tell her things would be different. I had to tell her I remembered her mom. I remembered those Mickey Mouse pancakes. I had to tell her I was going to be the woman she needed. I was going to be the best damn daddy the world had ever known.
I jerked the door open leading up to my room and darted up the steps needing to see her. God, let her be there. Please let her be there.
The bed was empty. No. NO! I scanned the room for her things. Something to tell me she hadn't left me. She couldn't have left me. I'd chase her down. I'd get on my knees and grovel. I'd be her damn shadow until she gave in and forgave me.
"Lisa?" Her voice broke the silence and the pounding in my head and I spun around to see her sitting up on the sofa. Her hair was a tangled mess and her sleepy face was perfect.
"You're here." I fell down on my knees before her and dropped my head in her lap. She was here. She hadn't left me.
Her hands touched my head as she ran her hands through my hair. "Yes, I'm here," she replied in an unsure voice. I was scaring her but I just needed a minute to reassure myself she hadn't left me. I hadn't completely messed this up. I didn't want to be like her dad. The lost and empty man I'd seen yesterday wasn't someone I ever wanted to become. And I knew without Jennie I'd be just like that.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
I nodded but kept my head in her lap. She continued to try and soothe me by gently stroking my head. When I was sure I could talk to her without completely breaking down I lifted my head to look up at her.
"I love you." The way I said it was so fierce it almost sounded like I was swearing.
A small sad smile tugged at her lips. "I know and it's okay. I understand. I'm not going to make you choose. I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. I've had a lot of time to think about it and I'm going to be fine. You don't have to worry about me. I'm strong. I can do this on my own."
I wasn't following what she was saying. What was she doing on her own? "What?" I asked, replaying her words back in my head.
"I talked to my dad today. I know everything. It's hard to comprehend but it all makes more sense now."
Abe had come here? He'd come and told her everything. She knew… but what she was saying still made no sense.
"Baby, maybe it's because I haven't slept much in the past eight days or because I'm so fucking relieved that you're here but I don't understand what you're trying to tell me."
A tear glistened in her eye and I jumped up and pulled her into my lap. I didn't want to make her cry. I thought this was a happy thing. She knew the truth that she'd always known, her mom was as pure and honest as she believed. I was home and I was ready to be everything she deserved in life. I'd die making her happy.
"I love you and because I love you I am letting you go. I want you to get out of life what you want. I don't want to be a chain around your leg."
"What did you just say?" I asked as the words 'letting me go' sank in. Like hell she was letting me go.
"You heard me, Lisa. Don't make this harder than it is," she whispered.
I stared at her in disbelief. She really meant what she was saying. I'd left her here to think all kinds of things while I'd sat in the hospital with Rosé. I should have called but I hadn't. Of course she was confused.
"Listen to me, Jennie. If you try to go anywhere I will chase you down. I will become your shadow. I won't let you out of my sight because I can't live without you. I made so many damn mistakes with you I don't even want to try and count them but I am going to start making things right from here on out. I swear to you that this won't happen again. I know now that this is where I'm supposed to be. No more lies. Just us."
She sniffled and buried her head in my shoulder. I pulled her tighter up against me. "I mean it. I need you. You can't leave me."
"But I don't fit. Your family hates me. I make your life difficult."
That's where she was wrong. "No. You're my family. My mother has never been my family. She has never even tried to be. My sister may not have completely come around but she did tell me to ask you if she was going to be able to be apart of her niece or nephews life. So she's getting there. And as for making my life difficult, you, Jennie Kim, make my life complete."
Jennie's mouth covered mine as she grabbed fistfuls of my shirt. Her tongue slid into my mouth and I savored the taste of her. I'd missed her so much. How I could have thought for a minute I'd survive without this… without her, I don't know.
J
"I need to be inside you," Lisa whispered in my ear as she kissed along my jawline and slid her hands up under my tank top.
"Good," I replied, reaching for her shirt and sports bra and pulling it over her head. She chuckled and lifted her hands to make it easier then pulled my top off too.
"Damn, they've grown since I've been gone," she murmured, cupping each of my breasts in her hands. "Is there… like milk in them already?" she asked.
"No," I giggled.
"I'm trying real hard not to be a woman about this but I can't help it. I'm real fucking excited about these," she admitted before looking up at me through her eyelashes as she pulled a nipple into her mouth.
"Oh," I moaned and grabbed her head to hold her there. Somehow, they'd grown even more sensitive. With each tug of her mouth my clit throbbed. It was like there was a direct line between the two.
"Get these panties off," Lisa said with her mouth full as she tugged at my panties. I eased up and slid them down with her help. She only let go of one nipple to suck on the other.
"Fuck," she groaned, sliding a finger inside me. "It's wet. Always so wet and ready."
I reached for her buckle and started unfastening her jeans. I wanted her naked too.
"Not yet," She said, moving me off her lap to lay me back on the sofa. "I need a taste."
I watched as she pushed my legs apart and lowered her head to lick right through the center of my folds.
"Oh God! Lisa!" I cried out, lifting my hips to get closer to her mouth. The barbell slid over my clit as she flicked it against my swollen bud over and over. Driving me crazy.
"I love it when you squirm," she said with a wicked grin. I loved it when she made me squirm.
Her finger slid into my heat as she continued to torture my clit with her tongue piercing. This wild sexy woman was mine. It was hard to comprehend at times but I was so glad I'd showed up at her door four months ago.
She stood up and pushed her jeans and boxer briefs down stepping out of them. I stared up at her. She was beautiful. I let my eyes roam over her body. Nothing could make her any more perfect. Except… "Lisa?"
"Yeah?"
"Could you get your nipples pierced?" I asked, surprising myself at the request.
Lisa laughed as she came back over me. "You want my nipples pierced, now do you?"
I nodded and slid my hands up her chest and ran my thumbs over her nipples. "I like your other piercings."
She kissed my neck and ran her hand down my leg until she hooked her arm under my knee and pulled my leg up. "Will you kiss it and make it better? 'Cause I'm thinking that's gonna hurt like a motherfucker."
"I promise to make it feel very good." I smiled up at her.
"Anything you want baby. Just don't ask me to pierce anything south of my waist.
I raised my eyebrows. I hadn't thought of that. Before I could say anything else Lisa was pushing inside me and all other thoughts left me. She was filling me and stretching me and everything was perfect in the world again.
"Fuck! How did you get you tighter?" Lisa panted over me as her arms trembled from holding back.
I threw my head back and lifted my hips. It was better. I hadn't thought this could get better. "It's more sensitive," I managed to say with a strangled cry.
"Does it hurt?" she asked, pulling back. I grabbed her ass and held her in me.
"NO! It's good. It's really good. Harder, Lisa. Please. It feels incredible."
Lisa groaned and plunged the rest of the way inside me. "I'm not gonna last long. It's too tight. I'm gonna come." She stopped moving and slowly eased back. I was so close. I didn't want her to slow down. The sensation each thrust sent through me was amazing. I needed more of it. I pushed her back with all the strength I had. She sat back watching me while I quickly climbed on her and sank down on her hard and fast.
"Holy SHIT!" she yelled grabbing fistfuls of my hair.
I pumped up and down on her as my body climbed closer to that ecstasy it was promising me was close.
"Baby, I'm gonna come, ARGGGGH!" Lisa called out then grabbed my face and kissed me with a fierceness that sent me over the edge with her. Crying out in her mouth I shook with release as she held me tightly, tasting me and sucking my tongue into her mouth.
I collapsed on her and she held me close to her. We sat there breathing hard in silence. My vagina kept contracting as if my body was experiencing aftershocks. Each time it did Lisa groaned.
When I was sure I could talk again I tilted my head back and looked up at her. "What just happened?" I asked her.
She laughed and shook her head. "I don't know. You just fucked the hell out of me. I swear, that one is going down in the books baby. I didn't think it could get any better and you just proved me wrong. Holy hell you were wild."
I buried my face in her chest and laughed with her. I had been a little out of control.
"This better not be a pregnant thing or your hot little ass is gonna live knocked up for the next thirty years."
L
I held Jennie's hand in mine and looked over her shoulder as she flipped through a parenting magazine. All the pictures of diapers and other baby items were scary as shit. I wouldn't admit that to her but the reality of a baby was starting to terrify me. The big boobs, the middle of the night sex and the sweet swell of Jennie's hips were all major pluses and it was easy to forget exactly why all this was happening.
"Jennie Kim." The nurse called out her name and I looked down at the diamond on her finger. In two weeks that last name would change. I was ready for it. I didn't like her being called Kim. She was Jennie Manoban to me already.
"That's us," she said, smiling up at me before standing. She was barely showing now. How they expected to see more than an even bigger pea I wasn't sure but she was promising me we could actually see the baby. It had arms and legs, as crazy as that sounded.
I didn't let go of her hand as she led us back to the exam room. The nurse glanced back at me several times. She had better not be about to tell me I couldn't go back there because I was going. It was time I saw my baby.
"In here," the nurse said, stepping back and waving us into a room. "Go ahead and take everything off and put on the gown. Doctor Nelson will want to do a vaginal exam today too. But we'll get to the ultrasound first."
Jennie seemed to not think it was a big deal she was about to have to get naked. The nurse looked back at me. "Is this one okay to be back here?"
This one? What the hell did that mean?
Jennie grinned and looked back at me. "Yes, this one is the one who put this baby inside of me."
The nurse straightened up and gave me a big relieved smile. "Ahh.. finally she's show up. That's wonderful."
Jennie blushed and went into a small room with a curtain in front of it. Once the nurse left I went over and stepped into what looked like a small dressing room.
"What did she mean by 'this one'?" I asked.
Jennie bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes tightly. "Do I have to answer this?"
"Uh, yeah. Especially after that comment." I was preparing myself not to like the answer.
"Mino drove me to my last appointment. They told him he could come back and I told them no he couldn't, he was just a friend."
I'd almost forgotten about that. I understood why she had gotten a ride from him. I hadn't been here. But knowing some other man was here with her when she needed me was hard to swallow. I realized her face had gone pale and I bent down and kissed her lips. "It's okay. I should've been here. I wasn't."
She nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I'm the one who's sorry."
The door to the exam room opened back up and I stuck my head out of the dressing room.
The nurse was grinning at me and pulling in a machine with a little screen on it. "Is she about ready?" The amused smirk on the nurse's face was funny.
"Just about," I told her then looked back at Jennie who was bright red. I couldn't help but laugh. "Get changed, sexy. I'll go back out there."
Jennie nodded and I stepped out from behind the curtain.
I walked over to the table and looked at the machine. "So this is how we see the baby?" I asked wondering how they did this exactly.
"Yep. Because Jennie's on Medicaid we have to use this one. This is all Medicaid will cover. We have a newer 3D one that most mommas use and I wish Medicaid would cover it because you can see the baby so clearly. But it doesn't."
I paused and looked from the machine to the nurse. Jennie was on Medicaid? What the hell? I hadn't even thought about the fact she needed insurance. I'd always had the best money could buy; it wasn't something I thought about.
"I want the 3D machine. I'll pay whatever it costs right now but I want the very best this office can supply."
The nurse glanced from my earrings to t-shirt that had seen its better days. It was one my dad had given me after one of his tours about five years ago. I liked it because it fit tight and Jennie seemed to like tight shirts on me. "I… uh… I don't think you understand exactly how much an ultrasound like that costs. While it is very sweet that you want to give that experience to Jennie it is very—"
"I can afford any procedure available. I told you I'd pay for it now. I want the best ultrasound for Jennie and my baby."
The nurse started to open her mouth when Jennie walked out of the room wearing a thin cotton robe. "Please don't argue with her. She'll cause you problems if you do. Just get me the 3D ultrasound."
The nurse shrugged, "Okay, if you're sure, but she'll need to prepay."
I opened my wallet and handed her my American Express black card. Her eyes shot up and she nodded then hurried from the room.
"I should tell you now that I was perfectly okay with a regular ultrasound but that would be a lie. I've seen pictures of 3D ultrasounds in those parenting magazines and I really want one."
Jennie was grinning like a kid who was about to go to Disney World for the first time. Hell, to get her to smile like that I'd go buy the fucking 3D machine.
"My girl and my kid get the best. Always."
The door opened back up and the nurse walked in staring at me now like she was trying to figure something out. She handed me my card. I took it and slipped it back in my wallet.
"Are you Dean Manoban's daughter?" the woman finally asked.
"Yeah. Now let's go see my baby," I replied.
The woman nodded eagerly and turned to look at Jennie. "The 3D machine is in a special room. Are you comfortable walking through the hall in that?"
"Will someone see her?" I asked stepping in front of her because I sure as hell wasn't comfortable with it.
The nurse opened a cabinet and pulled out a blanket. "Here wrap this around her."
I wrapped her up in it until she was completely covered. Jennie was pressing her lips together trying not to laugh. I winked at her and pressed a kiss to her nose.
We walked down a long hallway where we passed two nurses another couple and Jennie's doctor who asked why we were moving. The nurse quickly told him that I'd just paid for the 3D and the doctor look very pleased as he followed us into the room.
Jennie lay down on a table and they began prepping her as I sat patiently waiting. Once they had her stomach bare the nurse put some clear gel on her stomach then looked back at me. "Are you two wanting to know the sex of the baby?"
"Ask the momma," I replied, annoyed that she'd asked me instead of Jennie.
"I'd like to know," Jennie said, glancing back at me for reassurance.
"Me too," I agreed.
Then the doctor began moving something over Jennie's stomach and a small beating noise filled the air. It was faster than normal. "Is that my baby's heartbeat?" I asked standing up because sitting was no longer possible. My heart was beating as fast as the one I heard on the screen.
"Yes it is," the doctor replied. "And there… and there he is," he said.
I stared at the screen as a small little life began to take shape.
"He?" Jennie asked.
"Yes, it's most definitely a boy," the doctor replied.
I reached out and grabbed Jennie's hand, unable to take my eyes off the screen. That was our baby. I was gonna have a son. Fuck… I was also gonna cry.
