Once they were gone, Hope found herself shrinking in on herself. What right did Raf and Landon have to make demands of her? Raf told her they couldn't be friends and Landon walked away from her when she gave him a chance to talk about whatever he wanted. But as soon as she found someone else, they acted like they were owed something.
Ryan shifted so that he was sitting up and Hope drew her knees to her chin. She didn't realize she was crying until he reached up and brushed a tear away.
"I feel stupid."
"Why?"
"For getting all upset like this." Hope scrubbed her hand across her cheek.
"You care about them and they hurt you, even Josie, though her actions are understandable." He pulled her into his arms and tucked her head under his chin.
His gentleness was all it took for her to break, and she cried. Everything she'd been holding in since Freya left, feeling like she no longer fit in with the people she once called friends, for the loss of her first real love, and everything she still had to face, it all crashed through and she couldn't fight the tidal wave in her soul.
"You're the strongest, kindest person I've ever met," Ryan assured her as he pressed his lips against her hair.
"I don't feel very strong and I'm tired of being kind."
"After everything you've been through, I think you've earned the right to feel like that right now."
"Why? Why did they do this? Why can't they just leave me alone? They didn't want anything to do with me, until I got involved with you. So why?"
"Because they're children, and like all children, they have a hard time accepting that the world moves on whether they want it to or not," Ryan murmured as he kissed her forehead and carded his fingers through her hair.
Hope dug one of her hands into the curls at the base of his neck and pressed her face against his skin. Gah, why did it feel so right, letting herself be vulnerable with him? Aside from the Hollow and Malivore, he was the most dangerous being she'd ever encountered, yet, in his arms, she felt safe enough to cry.
Ryan stretched on on the couch, taking Hope with him, so that she lay with her head against his chest.
"Don't go back to school," Hope whispered. "Please."
"I suppose I could write a letter of resignation and disappear. Then have my 'Vardemus' effects sent somewhere and just not pick them up, so no one knows for sure what happened to him."
"Sounds like a plan. Just please, don't leave me."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Promise?"
"I swear it."
"Everyone leaves. How do I know you won't?"
"I would have to be taken away by force to leave you. And if I do happen to be taken from you, I'd trust you to come after me."
"Of course I'd rescue you." Hope kissed his chest above the collar of his shirt. "Leave a letter for Josie though. She looks up to Vardemus, so it would crush her if he disappeared without explanation. And as much as she's been through lately, she deserves something."
"You know her as a friend, so what do you think I should say to her?"
Hope chewed on her cheek for a moment, then said, "Personal circumstances beyond your control have forced you to leave unexpectedly, but you're proud of the witch she is and you hope that she finds a mentor who can truly be there for her."
"Which would let me stop being Vardemus, yet assure her that it's not her fault that Vardemus can't be around anymore."
"And it would allow Vardemus to disappear, leading Dr. Saltzman on a wild goose chase once he realizes you were very bad and killed those poor people. Because you know he found your DNA at that bar and he ran it."
"If he's does that, it won't take him long to realize I was the other person at the pit if he's been studying it as much as I believe he has been."
"If anyone comes after you, they're going to have to go through me," Hope said fiercely.
"You're really not angry with me about killing those people? I didn't have a reason to do it, except the woman made me angry because she smelled like my father, yet she seemed to be happy and free of him, while I was still his slave. As for the man? Well, he witnessed what I'd done, so I took him out too."
"Yes, it upsets me that you killed them, but I'd be the world's worst hypocrite if I cut you off for some misguided murders when I come from the bloodiest family in history." Hope sat back and looked him in the eye. "I'm not excusing you and I hope you don't feel the need to keep killing people just because they're in your way or they make you angry."
"If I don't change, you'll be the one leaving, won't you?" Ryan asked, lowering his gaze and hanging his head.
"I won't have a choice. If I stay, I'd feel like I was validating your bad behavior and, given the choice between that and what I know is right, I'd have to choose myself."
Ryan's mouth twisted and something broke in his expression.
"Ryan, look at me." Hope cupped his cheek, brushing her thumb beneath his eye. "I'm not demanding that you change immediately and I know there's a chance that something like this will happen again. I'm just asking that you try."
"I've been the way that I have been for centuries. So if I were to change, it would take time. It's a habit now."
"If my father could change, mostly, I have faith in you." Hope kissed him softly on the lips.
"I'll try. I can't promise that I'll be any good at being, well, good, but I'll try."
"You don't need to be perfect, just be more mindful about who you kill."
"I can do that." He brushed his cheek against her inner wrist, then slowly disentangled himself from Hope and stood up. "Time to write those letters."
"I'll send them for you, because you are not putting that ring back on." Hope climbed off the couch.
"Why? You don't think I look like a distinguished older gentleman?" he feigned shock.
"No. I think you look, and act, ridiculous."
"You wound me."
Hope stood on tiptoe to kiss his neck and said, "You didn't seem so wounded when you were in my bed."
"You caught me." Ryan linked their fingers and pulled her along with him towards the stairs. "Now, where would I go for writing supplies?"
"Pen and paper are in Uncle Elijah's desk." Her throat tightened as she thought of her fallen uncle.
"Hope?"
"I miss him. Most people only think of my mom and dad when they think of the people I've lost, but Uncle Elijah was just as important to me. Family is supposed to be always and forever, but I guess sometimes, you have to choose who you spend your forever with."
Hope shrank in on herself, but Ryan wrapped his arms around her, not allowing her to shut out the world. She buried her face against his chest and dug her fingers into his shirt, allowing his scent and touch to keep her grounded. Like this, she could feel the pain without being overwhelmed completely.
"You know you were loved and they died, knowing you loved them. That's more than some people have in their entire lives," Ryan whispered against her hair.
As tall as he was, she felt so small and safe and she didn't want to move, but standing on the stairs wasn't the safest, even for two nearly indestructible people, though her indestructibility involved her dying first.
Hope stepped out of his embrace and up the stairs a little as she said, "Come on. Let's get the stuff you need for your letters so you can stop pretending to be Vardemus."
"Lead the way." Ryan waved his hand down the hall.
As Ryan sat down to write, Hope leaned against him and ran her fingers through his hair.
"Keep touching me like that and I might put it off again," he chuckled, the promise thick in his voice.
"If you don't finish those letters, I won't let you touch me." Hope bit his earlobe.
"Then, I'm going to have to ask you to stop, because you're distracting me and if I'm not careful, I might write something along the lines of 'I'm leaving because I want to spend more time screwing Hope Mikaelson.'"
"If you write that, I'll drag you up there to explain in person why you're leaving, shirtless and with a blindfold."
"Hmmm. Kinky."
"Just write those letters."
"Yes ma'am."
Hope flopped across her uncle's bed and for a moment, she thought she caught his scent, though she knew it was simply her imagination. He hadn't been in this room since before she was born, so there was no way the bed still smelled like him.
The bed gave a few moments later and then, Hope felt a weight on her. Looking up, she found herself face to face with Ryan.
"The letters are ready. One for Caroline Forbes, and one for Josie Saltzman, as requested." He waved the envelopes in the air.
Hope pushed him off her and sat on her ankles. Holding her hands out, she murmured a spell and, after a few moments, both letters were sent away.
"There, now. I don't have to see my ridiculous little brother again and pretend that I worship the ground he walks on."
Hope yawned and Ryan scooped her up into his arms.
"What are you doing?" Hope giggled.
"Making sure you get enough sleep. After all, you were rudely awakened this morning."
"Sleep sounds nice."
As Ryan pulled the blankets over their bodies a few minutes later, Hope asked, "Why did you befriend Josie?"
"If you must know my initial plan was to use her against you, because somewhere in my fear of my father and what he was doing to me, the stupid idea of taking over your body and becoming you seemed like a good idea."
"What?" Hope scoffed.
"I said it was stupid," Ryan chuckled. "But then, you caught me by surprise. You showed me that you actually felt something for me, that you didn't just use me for company in the pit."
"We spent three months there. That's a long time when you've got no one else, nothing else to interrupt you."
"Then it would upset you to know that I'm dying."
"What?" Hope sat up, staring at him in shock.
"He gave me a shelf life. I killed the Keeper and the bar tender because consuming them gives me a little more time, but even that can't hold things off for much longer. Soon, I will return to the form I was in before he gave me life."
"No! No! You can't die! You promised you wouldn't leave me!"
"I promised I wouldn't leave of my own will," he corrected gently.
"You're not, you know, telling me this because you're planning to use me to try to save you?" Hope leaned back, staring at him.
"No. If anything, the last few days, it's showed me something."
"What?"
"I'm in love with you, Hope. And if all the happiness I get is the time I'm with you, then I'll take it." He looked down at his hands. "Use the truth spell if you don't believe me."
Hope did the spell quickly, then asked, "Are you in love with me?"
"Yes."
"Why did you tell me you're dying?"
"Because I want to be honest with you. You deserve that much from me."
"You killed those people because you're dying, and I got angry with you." Hope caught both of his hands in hers.
"The bartender was a bit much though, and don't feel guilty about what you didn't know. I didn't want you to know."
After she released him from the spell, Hope said, "We'll find a way to save you, I swear."
"How? I've been cut off by my creator."
"What if?" Hope broke off, then looked at Ryan, her eyes bright. "What if I find a way to create a body for you, one bound by my blood instead of Malivore? And if we run out of time, we put you inside my head, kind of like you were planning, except but I remain in control? That would buy us some time to save you."
"You'd do that?"
"I would. I just have to find a way to make a golem and put you inside it."
"If you were the one to create a body for me, only you could destroy me, for real."
"I'll find a way, Ryan, I swear. I won't let Malivore take you away from me."
Ryan's lips twisted up into that infuriating smirk. "If you recreate me, what does that make you? I mean, I do consider Malivore my father."
"Your sire, since I'd be making you as immortal as I can." Hope slapped him lightly.
"I've got centuries of golem knowledge in my head. When you've had a nap, we'll start going through what I know and see if we can create the spell we need."
Hope pushed Ryan back onto the bed and tucked her head under his chin.
"You don't get to leave me," Hope whispered. "Not ever."
"I'm here, Hope. I'm here."
