EPOV

After convincing Charlie to allow me to interact with Bella, I drove to our family's house in Forks. Everything was still covered in white sheets except for my room, untouched and unpacked. I was anxious to see Bella, the hole in my heart ever present and burning for her, but I knew that I would have to do this right if she was ever going to forgive me.

I sat the bag down which contained my purchases for her present. I carefully removed the card from my coat pocket and took off my coat. I walked towards my closet to look for my mother's ring but stopped when I saw a sticky note at my eye level. In Alice's handwriting, it said, "Edward, I know you told me not to look for yours or Bella's future, but I couldn't help but see things. Go look on my desk."

Curious, I walked out of my room and down the stairs to the one Alice shared with Jasper when we stayed in Forks. As promised, her desk was left behind. There was a blue and silver box on top that I knew was meant for me to use for Bella's gifts. Sitting on top of the box were 3 photos. My breath caught in my throat at the image of my love in front of me. I took nothing with me when I left. I had left in such a rush. There she was looking absolutely beautiful and hopefully by tomorrow, she would be looking at me with such love in her eyes again. I knew it was wrong to want her love and affections, but I also knew that I had to try to win her back. A short letter was sitting on Alice's desk:

Edward,

You're an idiot. If you are seeing this, the most likely scenario is that my vision of you coming home to sweep Bella off her feet in time for Christmas has come true. I am thrilled for you! For both of you.

You need to realize that Bella is to become your mate. This is her destiny. Nothing you have ever done has changed the paths fate set for her. She will die at the hands of a vampire, you in some visions, or she will join our family. There is no other option. You cannot make any choice to make there be another option, so please stop trying and let Bella make her own life decisions.

Don't you dare leave her ever again should you win her heart back! Don't brood or push her away. This is what you have always wanted, accept it and enjoy the love and happiness you deserve. I tried to tell you this when you left, but you wouldn't listen.

I hope by now you have learned not to doubt me. Please give Bella these photos and all my love until I can give it to her in person. Esme has left something for you on her desk as well. You're still a dick like Rosalie said, but I still love you.

Love,

Alice

I tossed the letter down, angry. I couldn't damn Bella to this life. Is this really what I've done by returning? I wanted to throw things and run far away and scream until I lost my voice, but I couldn't, so strong was Bella's pull holding me to Forks. Her destiny was to become my mate, how could I do this to her? "Don't brood." Alice said. As if I knew any other way to be when Bella's destiny was to become a soulless monster like me.

It took every ounce of my self-control to stop this train of thought, gather the box and photos into my arm and walk out of Alice's room. "Esme has left something for you on her desk as well." I remembered. Still stewing, I walked into the room Esme and Carlisle shared. There was a neatly tied blue bow atop her desk, clearly intended to go with Bella's gift. I added it to the pile in my arms and spotted two more letters, one from Esme and one from Carlisle. I started with Carlisle's:

Edward,

It saddens me to the core of my very being to watch you leave your true love behind like this, however, we have all packed up and moved without question for each other's decisions before and as much as I disagree, I will respect yours. I know that if you are seeing this letter, you have come back to Forks alone.

I want you to know that I have never taken the decision to condemn someone to this life lightly. But what if we aren't truly condemned as we had thought? What if this life is a blessing, a chance to have extra time to learn, to serve others, and to be together? Do you believe that God would truly put our kind on Earth and let us walk among his other creations if we didn't serve a purpose for him as well?

It's important for you to remember that you and Bella are a pair. She has every right to make decisions about her own life. You two should be making these choices together. I hope that you will consider this moving forward. I wish you the best of luck son and look forward to seeing you in good spirits again.

Much love,
Carlisle

I didn't want to take the time to think through what Carlisle was implying about our existence. Not yet. Instead, I went to read Esme's letter:

My Dearest Son Edward,

If you are reading this letter, you have come home alone on a noble quest to regain your true love. I am proud of you for the decision to stop denying yourself and come looking for happiness again. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

I know that you left out of concern for Bella's safety. I can assure you that no one in our family will ever harm or allow harm to come to Bella. Jasper deeply regrets what happened at her party. We will all start taking as many extra precautions as we can when we are allowed to rejoin you to make sure she is safe.

Your biggest concern with Bella is that you don't want to take away her choice and her chance at life. When Carlisle turned me, I couldn't speak for myself, but I want you to know that if given the choice, I would have begged him to make me like him. I would have asked for this. And although I didn't ask for it, I have never regretted it. I loved Carlisle from the first time I saw him, even when it wasn't right for us to be together. And now, I realize that he loved me too. If I had known, I would have begged him to keep me with him and I would have avoided a lot of suffering for both of us.

I know you think that Bella is missing the experience of dating, but isn't the end goal of dating to find your one true love? There's no point when you both have already found each other.

I also know that you are concerned she may want children someday. Although I love all of you, I do wish I could have another baby, but not all women want that. Bella has had to care for her parents and be the adult her entire life. She may be ready to relax and enjoy just being Bella.

Whether you like it or not, you two are partners. You need to include her in these decisions. Share your thoughts with her, but listen, truly listen to her as well. I love you both and look forward to seeing you together and happy again.

All my love,

Esme

I spent a few hours thinking and re-reading everyone's letters. I was beyond ready to see Bella and give her my gift, but I trusted Alice and knew that timing was important for Bella's reception to me. I wasn't ready to think about if we do have souls or if Bella would really want me forever, but I promised myself, and Bella, that I would never deny her anything she wanted. I will keep that promise.

I considered hunting, but all my thoughts were on Bella. I had to know how she would react to my gift, to me. I carefully placed all the items in the box from Alice, including a lock of my own hair that would never grow back placed in the locket, wrapped them in the paper I had gotten at the airport, and topped the package with the bow Esme had lovingly designed and tied. Once that was done, all I could do was wait until a safe time to leave the gift for Bella to find. If I were human, I would have been crying with a mixture of fear and my still broken heart, very much needing to have Bella near me already.

I glanced at the time on my phone. It was about 8pm. Is it safe for me to just go see her from afar? Could I make sure she's OK without being noticed and without running to her, startling her?

My phone vibrated, another series of texts from Alice. "Wait in the woods by her house until 9." "Charlie agreed to work the overnight shifts this week for his deputies with young kids. He is going to wake up from his nap again in a few minutes and leave for work." "Do not go near her window until you hear that she's asleep." "If she sees you, she will panic. She won't believe that you aren't a dream. Do not let her see you tonight." "Go get her tiger."

I texted Alice back a quick "Thanks." knowing that I would tell her how grateful I am for her help at a later time, and with a new Porsche, I remembered. "Yellow" she texted. Sometimes I swore she could read minds, rather than just seeing visions of the future.

I raced through the woods to Bella's house with her gift tucked safely in one arm. As I approached her house, I slowed down, careful to not be seen. Even from a distance, I could smell her, and my heart danced, my soul, if I have one as Carlisle insists, sang. It was so hard to resist the temptation to climb up the tree outside her window and see her for myself, but I had to trust Alice that everything would work out for the best.

I could hear Charlie getting ready for his night shift. I could also hear the usual snippets of his thoughts. I hate that I'm leaving Bella all alone tomorrow morning and Christmas morning. Maybe if she does take Cullen back, he'll do something nice for her. I hope she doesn't though. I hope she tells him exactly what she should think about him. I hope she tells him that he's a no good….I hope she tells him that she's had nightmares about him leaving every single night, that we had to send a search party after her after he got her lost in the woods, about how much weight she's lost. But maybe she'll stop moping around and be herself again. I can't stand to see my baby girl in pain like this. Maybe she really does love him. He definitely doesn't deserve her.

I couldn't agree with him more. I didn't want Bella to hurt any more on my account. I stood in the woods, shaking, terrified suddenly, but waited until Alice said it would be safe to approach. After Charlie left for work and I was sure he was a mile or two down the road, I moved closer to the house. I stayed where Bella couldn't see me through any of the windows, but I could hear her steady heartbeat. It was like a song written just for me. I felt some of the stress leave my body with just the knowledge that she was alive and well and so close to me.

I stood there for a while just listening to her heart and her footsteps as she wandered around the house, getting ready for bed. A few minutes past 10, I heard the first of her gentle snores and I knew that she was asleep. In an instant, I was sitting in the large tree outside her window, looking into her room. What I saw shocked me. The piles of books and CDs that usually adorned her room were gone. There were no photos of her friends or family, save for just one of her mother and father. Her room was spotless, as if she obsessively cleaned it, which is very unlike her usual messy state.

Then, as my eyes swept across the room, there was the most beautiful angel asleep in her bed. I gasped and stopped breathing. Every fiber of my being called to her and begged me to jump out of my tree and go hold her to me, professing my love. "Patience, Edward." I said to myself. I knew that I had to put my faith in Alice and do this right. Maybe I could just sit nearby and watch her sleep? I would run away at the first sign of her waking up.

I didn't get a chance to decide before she started crying in her sleep. "He's gone…." Her voice was so beautiful, more so than the finest instrument, but the first words I heard her speak were ones of sadness. "Please don't go…." "Don't leave me." Could this mean what I think it means? "Edward…" Hearing my name on her lips was exquisite, but also excruciating under the circumstances. My already broken heart was fracturing even more. "Edward!" "EDWARD!" I jumped down from the tree and hid as I heard her wake up with a scream. What have I done to her?

I imagined that this is the nightmare Charlie was thinking about her having every single night. She was seeing me leave her over and over. Oh, Bella. I slid down into a ball in front of her house and sobbed, careful not to make a sound and scare her. I wanted to go comfort her and hold her and proclaim my love to her, but I didn't even have to look at my vibrating phone to know that wouldn't go over well.

I sobbed for a while as I listened to Bella cry in her room above me. Slowly, she cried herself to sleep. My heart was breaking again and again, worse by the minute. As soon as I knew she was asleep, I crawled into the familiar tree and reached for her window. For a brief second, I was scared she would have locked it, but she didn't. I was not prepared for the whoosh of air as her scent hit my senses like a ton of bricks. I wanted to cry in both sorrow and joy. I stood there, inhaling her and relishing being home, with her, yet horrified by the nightmare I had witnessed, the nightmare of my doing.

Trying hard to not think about it, I silently leapt into her room. I placed the gift on her desk where I knew she would see it and I stood at the foot of her bed, admiring her, loving her. Bella. My heart whispered. I knew that I was home. Her hair was fanned around her on the pillow, still slightly damp from her shower. I could smell a faint hint of her strawberry shampoo from where I stood. She had bags under her eyes, like mine. She was pale and I could see her cheekbones more prominently than before. She had lost weight. Her already loose-fitting tee shirt was hanging from her like a tent. It took great effort to not curl up in a ball on her bed and sob and rock myself back and forth at the sight of her or climb in beside her and hold her tightly in my arms. If I thought it would help, I'd scoop her up and whisper "I love you, Bella" over and over all night until she woke up believing it.

I stood, watching her sleep, not daring to touch anything, for a few hours. Remembering what Charlie was thinking as he left, that she might spend Christmas Eve with me, I knew what I had to do next. Before I left though, I couldn't resist her. I took the few steps to Bella's sleeping form, pushed a strand of hair from her face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, part of me hoping that it would wake her so I could profess my love right then and there, and part of me knowing it would be best if I didn't. "I love you, Bella, my angel." I whispered just before leaping out of her window. I decided to leave the window slightly open, so she would know immediately that I was the one who had come to see her when she woke up and saw the package.