Immortal, Chapter 4

Spike followed closely behind as she walked through Rupert's front door. It took some convincing, but once she mentioned one of the main topics of the Scooby meeting he begrudgingly agreed. The topic of course being to stop this mysterious, unknown military group that messed with his head. They were going to find them and stop them.

Anya didn't attend, but Willow, Xander, and Giles were already sitting at the dinner table. She felt eyes on her as she sat in an open seat. Spike decided to lean against the wall. Something about sitting at the table, feeling like a part of the group...he had no interest in that. That's the motive that Buffy assigned to it.

Giles was the first to speak. "Buffy, would you care to explain the- umm, what you found out about your hypothesis."

She nodded. "I was right."

"Really," Xander said. Buffy nodded again, sharing a look with all her friends at the table.

"So," Willow started, her voice cracking slightly. "No bad touching humans, but everything else?"

"Free game pet." Spike confirmed, a grin wide on his face.

Willow turned to look at Spike for a moment, quickly turning back around in her seat. "Oh."

"Wow, that's great." Xander said. Buffy narrowed on her friend. His tone was genuine, but that only raised more questions. "That means you're not helpless," Xander continued. "You can defend yourself against other evil things, and we don't have to harbor an evil, murdering vampire, right?"

Buffy saw Spike's jaw clenched as Xander leaned forward. "Hey Buff," He asked. "So, why is the Evil Dead still here?"

"Listen mate," Spike replied, voice deep and dark. "I'm not leaving this sod awful town. Not until those soldier boys who did this to me pay or it's on fire. Maybe both."

Xander looked uncomfortable, refusing to look behind him to where Spike was located. Honestly, they all looked uncomfortable.

Buffy shot Spike a glance. It was part warning, part pleading. What she wanted with Spike was happening, even if they didn't agree. But she wanted their support, whether it was half-hearted or not. It was already going to be a hard sell without him making it worse. Spike met her eyes, a fierce and stubborn expression on his face, refusing to budge. It was a challenge, one she was not going to easily win. Not one she had time for either. She turned her attention towards the group.

"Whoever did this to Spike is my top priority. It's not just him, they're kidnapping vampires and demons. They're torturing them." Buffy said to the group.

"Yes," Giles agreed. "Regardless if they are, well, human or not. I'm not particularly fond of a group...doing what they are doing."

Willow agreed, softly adding, "It's cruel."

Buffy nodded. "Agreed. I'm not letting some group...experiment on and kill people...human, demon, vampire, I don't care. I'm going to stop them. This is my town."

She felt the heat of Spike's stare, turning her head to look at him. The smirk faded, along with the look in his eyes, before she got a good look at it. But she saw it. It jarred a memory loose in her brain.

She was sitting on her bed, Spike across from her. The bedroom door was closed, but Potentials could still be heard arguing and talking, like always, downstairs. She was only minutes removed from blowing up on a few of them, ripping into them for their immaturity, and frankly, for annoying her and overrunning her house. Guilt and anger, all she was feeling, fighting each other for control.

Maybe I should apologize. I don't regret what I said, she needed to hear it, but I didn't have to embarrass her in front of everyone.

Don't you dare, pet. She deserved it, like you said love. And don't ever apologize for going full Slayer, all Alpha Buffy. It's impressive...and honestly, sexy. Drives me crazy.

Really?

He nodded, Really.

Buffy closed her eyes for a second, losing herself in the precious moment. It wasn't really flirting, not fully. More playful, comforting banner maybe. Things were weird between them around that time, complicated, messy. But God, he loved her. His perfect heart and imperfect actions, always with good intent regardless of result. She didn't deserve it. He was always there whenever she needed him to listen or make her feel better.

"Yeah, they don't want to mess with our Buffy." Willow said, a smile plastered on her face.

"Buff," Xander. Typical Xander, interrupted. "Why is Spike here?"

She wanted to tear into him. She sort of hated him, at least a bit. She loved the Xander she left behind in the future. He had grown so much...he was wise, understanding...a completely different person. He grew from so much loss and hardship. This Xander hadn't lost yet, not really. This Xander was a child and a punk.

She took a deep breath, then another.

Caution. Restraint. Beans.

Now wasn't the time. She could use this anyways, it was a perfect segue to the bigger, more important topic of the night.

"I'll tell you why." Buffy replied.

She paused. Her face grew serious, even her body and shoulders stiffened. They all perked up, waiting for a response to the cliffhanger. Even Spike was hanging on for an answer. He didn't even know why he was there.

"I want to live." She said, "I don't want to die."

Giles tilted his head, trying to process what she said. Something in him told him he had to speak, he had a duty. "Buffy…" was all he could form into words.

"Slayers don't live long guys. I'm already one of the longest living Slayers, like ever." She turned her face to Giles, adding, "Like you said, few make it a year. Most don't make it past their first few months."

"I did say that, and it is true. But Buffy, there is no reason- "

She interrupted GIles. "I know. I know, really." She offered him a kind look, seeing how the topic was unsettling him. "I'm just saying...I want to live."

"We want you to live too Buff." Willow added.

"Yeah," Xander agreed. Finally, the snarky tone was gone.

Buffy said, "I finally, finally know why I've lived so long. I've thought about it a lot. It's you guys, and Angel too, he deserves some credit." She shrugged, shaking her head for a second. She had practiced this speech, but it wasn't easy to get out. It was stupid, but she could feel a lump in her throat and was trying not to get emotional. "You guys. Having you guys, when things got really bad. Having something to fight for, something to make me not give up."

"Buffy, we love you." Willow said. All men in the room, excluding Spike, voiced their agreement.

"And Xander, you saved my life. You brought me back. I was dead and you brought me back."

She smiled at him, noticing the shine in his eyes as he dropped his head.

"I will always be appreciative of that. And Angel, I can think of a few times where if he wasn't around to help, to jump in and fight, I would be dead right now."

The table nodded in unison. Even Giles.

"And Spike, he saved my life too."

She paused as everyone suddenly got wandering eyes from her words. Giles' mouth dropped open. Xander and Willow spun around to look at Spike, who crossed his arms across his chest as his eyes darted everywhere but towards the two teenagers, before they both spun around to look at each other. Eventually, the spotlight was back on her.

"Please, Buffy," Giles said. "I do believe that statement needs clarification."

"With Angelus and the whole Acathla thing. Willow was out of commission," She motioned towards her Watcher, "You were kidnapped. Xander showed up eventually but he was at the hospital with Will. Spike showed up. He offered a truce to help me save the world. And we- "

"Wait," Xander interjected, "Wait, wait...wait…" His eyes fluttered. His brain had to reboot. "You're saying the Evil Dead helped you...helped you save the world? I was there, I don't remember him- "

Buffy confirmed with a nod. "Xander, you were rescuing Giles. You missed a lot of important parts."

Her and Spike remained silent, but everyone else immediately began to talk over each other. The volume began to rise.

"Alright, alright," Spike exclaimed, loud enough to cause everyone else to go silent. He decided to answer the general topic of the thousand words that were just spoken. "Like I told the Slayer back then, it's bloody bonkers to want to make the world Hell. Angelus, pfft, bloody poofter. I personally like the world, with the-with-" Buffy's eyebrows rose in surprise, she didn't know he had the awareness and social aptitude to avoid the happy meal line as he stumbled but quickly recovered. "Well, I just like the world, right? No interest in going to Hell or turning the place into one. Evil, not that evil."

"Whaaaaa- " Xander managed, as Giles talked over him, "Buffy, why didn't you tell us this sooner?"

She shrugged. "Because my life had fallen apart. I ran away. When I got back, it didn't even really matter. But it matters, and I'm bringing it up now."

Giles dropped his head. "I don't know how to- "

"He's evil, he's done terrible, terrible things. Terrible." Buffy added. "But he kept his word, he helped me, he…"

He bailed. He straight up bailed. But he didn't betray her, he kept up his end of the bargain. If she would have stormed the castle herself, she would have died. No question.

"He never betrayed me. He kept his word." Buffy finished.

Giles coughed, words not coming to him. All of the Scoobies hung their head, clearly trying to process the information. Spike refused to look at her.

"I know three things Giles," Buffy said, waiting for her mentor to look at her. "He's evil. He's done terrible things. And for whatever reasons, ones I can't understand, he keeps his word."

"A man's only good as," Spike said, feeling tense as everyone looked at him. "Not a man, but still." He dropped his head, staring down as his boots.

A third time. Not that it was necessary, but she was beating that dead horse until everyone understood. "I want to live. You guys help so much, your support, but not your combat support. And of all the ways I see myself dying, I don't think it's drowning again. No offense Xan...and Angel is gone. I need back-up. I want to live. Spike can be that back-up. He can help like Angel did and- "

"I am not Angelus," Spike spat out, causing Willow to jump slightly in her seat. "You're bloody insane, Slayer. I'm not going to act like a depressed little pup, follow you around with my tail between my legs and save your ass when you need it."

"I don't need you to." Buffy shot back. "Just the last one. And it's not saving my ass, it's pitching in when a problem needs more than a single Slayer."

"Piss off," He spat back. "Ain't happening, so you might as take a stroll up to L.A. and go get lover- "

"We want the same thing!" Buffy exclaimed.

Xander sunk down in his seat as Willow and Giles sat quietly, not daring to try to speak.

"I want to stop them. You want to get them back for what they did to you. We can work together to- " Buffy didn't get to finish.

"I want to kill them," Spike interrupted, adding, "And I can't because of the bloody chip they put in my head!"

Buffy's words caught in her throat. The volley between them at a temporary ceasefire.

"Spike," Her words were soft now, at a normal speaking level. "It's a temporary arrangement. It benefits us both. You already said you aren't leaving until you get payback. I'm not going to kill innocent people, and you can't. A lot of these soldiers are probably just following orders, and they walk." She tried to explain more rapidly as she saw the look shift on his face. "But, the ones that actually did this to you. They might be able to take it out."

She saw the look on his face, the flicker of hope. She was too busy staring at him to notice the fear apparent on everyone else's face.

"You want to stop them," She continued. "I want to stop them. And like I keep saying, I want to live. And I know you aren't against killing demons or vampires after tonight. I'm not going to ask you to go on patrol with me, to help out with every bad guy of the week. I may not even ask for anything, except to join me when we put an end to whoever these Army guys are. It makes sense."

Spike shifted his arms across his chest. She could tell he was considering what she said.

"It seems to me Slayer," Spike said. "The deals in your favor. I want the soldiers, you want the soldiers. But you also want me to risk my arse to keep yours attached if the situation calls for it. Not exactly an even trade, innit?"

She couldn't help but smile, and the glare Spike shot her didn't remove it from her face. He was bargaining now. It was already a foregone conclusion. He was just trying to get a better deal, and save face by not seeming too eager.

"That's why we'll pay you, to even out the deal." Buffy said. "Think of yourself as a mercenary."

Giles shifted in his seat. Uncomfortable with the whole idea, also uncomfortable he may have to foot the bill as the only adult in the room with a full-time job.

"Oh, is that so? And what if I don't need your money?" His right eyebrow shot up a bit as he asked the question.

"I would say you're lying." Buffy replied. "Can't exactly rob and steal and take what you want now. Not so easy when cashiers and mugging victims can fight back and you can't."

She needed to be careful not to push too far. She could see the look on his face. That was a borderline low blow and she didn't want to ruin it when she was so close to sealing the deal.

Spike let out an irritated huff. "Listen here Slayer. I don't take lump sums with promises of more cash later. I don't take IOUs. I want regular payments, every week. A vamp's gotta eat and buy stuff I guess."

"Deal." She said. Turning to Giles, she stuck out her hand. "All of your cash, please." She saw his eyes bulge. "Don't worry. Just this one time, please. I got us covered on the money front."

"And-and may I ask how exactly?" Giles asked, but he was pulling out his wallet from his back pocket.

She had a few ideas. They weren't just ideas, they were solutions. Being from the future had benefits. Of course, she had to misdirect. She went with something that would give her time to think of a good lie.

"Yeah, later, okay?" She asked.

He removed the cash from his wallet, handing it towards Buffy. "This arrangement seems rather- "

She didn't listen. She jumped up from her seat, cash in hand. She made her way around the table towards Spike's wall, quickly sliding the bills apart in her hands before she could see it. $140 in twenty dollars bills, not much but a start.

He snatched the money out of her hand, also glancing down and doing simple math before he jammed the money in his pocket. He let out a scoff, "Gonna need a bit more than that Slayer."

"It's a down payment." She replied.

"What did I just say?" Spike spat back in her direction.

"I'll get you more next week. This should be enough for blood and cigarettes and- "

"Don't need money for blood." Spike said. "Fine, but next installment better make up for it."

"Oh," Fell out of her mouth. "How's that? You can't feed, and the butcher- "

"I'm not living off that blood swill!" The outrage in his voice was apparent. "I have some dignity. Tastes like piss."

Buffy started, "Then what are you- "

"Plenty of hospitals in this shite town."

"No, Spike." Her voice was stern, and his eyes became rage-filled slits at her reprimand.

He took a step forward, invading her personal space in an attempt to make her uncomfortable. It didn't work. Their height difference wasn't much, he was only a couple inches taller, but he lowered his chin to look down at her, puffing out his chest a bit. "Then what exactly do you recommend Slayer?"

"I don't know." Buffy replied. A flash of worry punched her in the stomach. She honestly didn't know. He never fought the pigs blood before, he accepted it reluctantly. Maybe he stole some blood of the human variety from hospitals or ambulances, or something the first time? Or maybe this was different? Things were already becoming different.

"I don't know," She repeated. "But not that. Some gunshot victim comes into the ER, or someone that got into a car accident...someone that needs blood. And they die because you stole the blood they needed. See what I mean?"

"Yeah," He said in a low voice, leaning even closer. "Don't particularly care."

The locked eyes, reaching an impasse. Someone made a sound behind them, neither one sure who. Buffy won this time. Spike relented, taking a step back and throwing his head towards the ceiling.

"Fine," He said in an exasperated tone. "I know a demon. Know of a demon. Blends in, a little sleight of hand to look like a regular ole human...doesn't cause trouble. Least not the kind of trouble a Slayer would be worried about. Works at one of those blood donation centers. Skims a bit off the top for resale."

His statement hung in the air.

Buffy tilted her head. It wasn't a bad idea. It wasn't stealing blood from hospitals and patients that needed it, at least not directly. They still probably got their full order, only the donation center stores were a bit low. She wondered how it worked, the bookkeeping and inventory at least? The particulars of the racket didn't really matter.

Really not a bad idea, not at all. She wondered if Spike used this demon the first time and she never knew about it.

"Fine." She nodded.

"Not cheap though. Bit of a markup from what I hear. I don't- "

"How much Spike?" Buffy asked with a huff.

"Oh, I don't know."

She narrowed his eyes at his seemingly innocent tone. Waiting for his attempt to fleece her and see how much he could get.

"Weekly payments?" Spike said. "To pay the guy, and for my other expenses. You know, necessities and such…"

Buffy rolled her eyes. She knew what necessities were for the bleached vampire. Smoke and booze, and more smokes and booze. Maybe some hot wings and bar food.

"Four hundred a week," Spike said. He continued when he saw Buffy's shocked expression. "The bloke ain't cheap. Four hundred."

"Three," She said.

"What," He scoffed out. "And I'm supposed to stop smoking, can't even afford a round at Willy's?"

"I thought you said necessities?" Willow asked. It was the first comment from the group behind them in some time. The look Spike shot in her direction made the redhead spin back around in her seat.

"Four. Hundred." Spike said, locking eyes with the Slayer. "Or no deal."

She knew it was a bluff, but she didn't feel like having this argument anymore.

"Fine." Buffy replied.

Excitement shot across his face. Surprised he got his way. It dissipated quickly, a blank expression replacing it. "Right then, 'til next time." He spun around, heading for the door with haste.

"Uhhh, Buffy, you're letting him leave?" Xander asked.

The door slammed and she waited for the noise to cease. "You were just saying you were glad we wouldn't have to harbor him Xander."

She made her way back around the table as Giles spoke next.

"Buffy, I'm not sure if...if letting him wander town freely is the right decision. Chipped or not, he poses- "

"And didn't you just say you aren't comfortable with him in your house?" Buffy retorted. She was getting slightly worn down by the events of the evening, doing a poor job at masking her frustration.

He didn't want Spike here. She wasn't letting him stay chained in a bathtub for another night. He would find the Hawley mausoleum like before, turn it into his home. It would have a couch and furniture in a week or two, when he got tired of sleeping on concrete, and a bed along with running water and electricity once he got to cleaning out the lower level over the next couple months.

His bed. Her mind flashed through a rapid, vivid assortment of memories that happened in Spike's crypt.

"Well, yes, I was…" Giles fumbled over his words. It snapped her back to reality.

She dropped her eyes to the table momentarily, regaining her composure. "Guys, please, I need you to support me in this. I've thought it through."

"We always want to support you Buffy," Giles replied. "I think we are all just concerned about the risk of this...of this arrangement."

"I know the risks. Every night I go out there. Alone. I know the risks."

The group hung their heads in embarrassment, sheepishly avoiding eye contact.

"I know the risks. I just have to choose which ones to take." Buffy shifted in her seat. "You guys help, but you're human. You're not the Slayer. And a lot of times I can't involve you. I don't want to get you killed."

Giles nodded. "And believe me, I wish we could help more. I know that every time you go out there alone...I know…" He shook his head, his hand shooting up and taking off his glasses. "It weighs quite heavily on me."

"I trust him." She threw her hands out in response to the looks she received. "I know it sounds crazy but I do. At least more than rolling the dice doing this alone."

"Bu- " Xander started, but couldn't even finish her name. Whatever reply he said would be a lie. That they could help. They could help more. They couldn't. When it came to ancient vampires and powerful demons, she was on her own. He gave up trying to speak.

"I'm willing to take the risk. The risk I'm not willing to take is hoping that one night...one patrol...there isn't one too many. Three on one I could have handled, but the fourth one was just too much. I don't want to die thinking that, or thinking that four on one could have been two on one for both of us...if I had someone fighting beside me...and I could have lived."

She adjusted her weight, growing uncomfortable in her seat. She hoped she wasn't pushing too much, too fast. She hoped this wouldn't spawn some impromptu 'What's wrong with Buffy?' meeting that she wouldn't be invited too. She hoped she was doing this right.

"You guys help with the patrols. You've killed vampires, all of you. Demons too." Buffy added. "I know that, but when the next big one comes. The next really big one...like The Master or Angelus...or whatever this Frankenstein demon thingy is...I need even more help."

"It just seems…" Xander said. "It just seems...complicated."

"It is Xan." She replied. "It's not black or white. It's not that simple. If there's one thing I've learned. With Angel, Angelus, Faith, Spike...there's a whole bunch of grey in the middle. Not every choice is simple."

Willow nodded. "I think it's a good idea Buffy. Well, if you think it's a good idea then I do. Total agreement from this side of the table."

It was a lifeline. She shot a smile at her dear friend, appreciative beyond words for the support.

"Thank you," She mouthed. Willow smiled and nodded in return.