The Boys in Blue
Story 5: Batman in Bludhaven part 2
Dick and Jason walked casually from behind the trash cans in the ally and made a move to go after Batman. It's not like they didn't know he was headed to the restaurant across the street. Once at the restaurant, they scanned their surroundings. A preliminary sweep revealed a gap in the building's security along the wall between the gutter pipe and a billboard menu potentially giving them accesses to the roof. They were about to climb up the side of the building to watch the proceedings when some gleaming black metal peeking out from behind a rusty dumpster caught Jason's eye. He tugged on Dick's jacket.
"What?" demanded Dick. He paused his ascent a little reluctantly.
Jason pointed. "Unless I miss my guess, that's the…"
"Batmobile!" interrupted Dick excitedly, "good eye, Jace."
Purpose of climbing the building after Batman forgotten, the two ambled over to the unattended Batmobile. Dick stroked his chin in thought. "What do you think, Jason? Pink spray paint and a bow?"
"I was thinking of writing 'I am a huge dick" on the windshield," answered Jason.
Dick did not look impressed. "Uh-huh."
"On second thought, your idea sounds pretty good too."
The brothers trotted quickly and quietly back to their patrol car and popped the trunk. Jason had always wondered what Dick kept that emergency briefcase. Now that he was privy to that particularly coveted information, he grinned. Inside was a Miley Cyrus CD, two cans of washable pink spray paint, dish soap, whoopie cushions, Tinkerbell stickers, and other assorted goodies. Why a grown man would carry such thing around was, at this moment, painfully obvious. Upon getting back to the Batmobile, the two boys got to work.
Meanwhile, Batman slipped silently into the shadows behind the Pirate's Parrot Barr and Grill. Tim's intel had been right again; they were moving the drugs tonight. He didn't even have to break into the building itself. He made mental notes of how many men surrounded the van and their weapons. Two had full automatic weapons plus hand grenades. The driver was unarmed and looked like a single father, upstanding citizens of the law, rather than a criminal save for his hardened expression. However, the bulk of the mob were armed with subtler hand guns and variations of Batman's tech. In fact, one wouldn't even know they were armed if one didn't know where to look.
The Steal Hand himself was supervising the men who loaded crates of takeout boxes full of their own recreational version of Morphine into the vans. This was good. After months of tracking their successfully discrete sales, Batman finally had evidence against them. Though this was only the more careless Bludhaven branch of the operation, he was one step closer to ridding his streets of their drug induced control.
After a full fifteen minutes of gathering video evidence and making meticulous mental notes, Batman rose from his hiding place on the roof. The gang was about to leave. Batman used a magnetized precision gun to shoot a tracker onto the underside of the van before slinking back into the ally where he had left the Batmobile.
He intended to follow the van in his car, except there was one slight problem; it was gone. And in its place, someone had left a ridiculous hot pink replica. Bludhaven. Lord he hated this city. He opened the door of the imposter vehicle intent on learning the name of its owner. It was then that he discovered that the pink paint was wet. The color underneath was black. This was the Batmobile. The one and only. Batman's car.
Before his brain registered what he was doing, Batman let out a deafening scream of furry and aggravation. WHY?! Just why! The sound echoed off the walls of buildings and the pavement. And when it subsided, the city was silent as the grave. It was as if God himself were holding his breath until the Bat had finished screaming.
"Damnit!" cursed Batman under his breath. If that didn't alert people he was around, nothing would.
In the near distance, he could hear the Steal Hand and his men scrambling to make their get away. "Damnit!" he cursed again. Batman slid into the driver's seat and made ready to pursue the drug dealers. He turned the engine over and it roared to life. As did the car's built in CD player; Hoedown Throwdown blasted over the speakers. Batman tried to turn it off, but someone had messed with the wiring and he could neither turn the music off nor turn the volume down. Great. Just great. Realizing that he couldn't do anything about the Batmobile's new paint job or the music at the time being, Batman sped after the retreating drug van at top speed.
Near by, Dick and Jason exchanged a fist bump.
"I think he's speeding," Dick commented.
"From the look on his face, I'd say it was road rage," Jason added.
"Right. After that traffic offender!" declared Dick.
The two boys raced back to the patrol car. Jason tossed the keys to his brother as they neared the vehicle. Dick slid into the driver's seat and started the engine. He pulled out onto the road as Jason flipped on the lights and sirens. Dick gunned it as he turned the corner in hot pursuit. With the pink paintjob, the Batmobile wasn't hard to track.
Jason picked up the car's radio speaker. "Calling all cars, calling all cars. This is Officer Todd in car 25. We're in hot pursuit of a pink Batmobile. Suspect in black cape and cowl will not pull over and is currently speeding 35 miles above the speed limit down Hemsworth avenue. Requesting backup."
Chief Redhorn's voice crackled over the speaker. "Did you just say a pink Batmobile?!"
"Yes sir. I did."
"Vigilantes these days," Redhorn grumbled under his breath. "I'm sending cars 21, 14, 19, and 2 as backup. They'll be tracking your movements."
Abandoning the radio for the time being, Jason pulled one of the guns out of his holsters. He flashed a fierce grin over at Dick. "I take back everything I ever said, I love working with you. Sometimes. Well, right now. Yeah."
Dick returned the smile. "I'll remember you said that." He grunted as he slammed on the breaks and turned the steering wheel hard to the right.
"Actually, I think I just like high speed chases when we're going after Bruce."
Meanwhile, Batman was cursing and growling as he sped after the van down one of Bludhaven's larger streets. He was thinking of all the ways he would be able to get back at Dick and Jason. This was twice now they had attacked him during his time in Bludhaven. Twice! His reputation and dignity, not to mention pride, were starting to take a beating. And really, pink? How childish could one get? This was equivalent to a middle school prank. It was like something you would see in a cartoon.
Fury clouded Batman's vision as he turned the next corner. Ordinarily the criminals in the car he was chasing would be shooting at him by now. With the pink paintjob, it appeared that no one would be taking him seriously tonight.
"Sir, Master Timothy would like to have your permission to go to the movies with his friend Stephanie tonight," Alfred's calm voice crackled over the car's Bluetooth speaker.
"I'm a little busy right now, Alfred," grunted Bruce.
"I see sir," Alfred's voice was tinged with dry sarcasm this time, "listening to Miley Cyrus, if I'm not mistaken."
Bruce was tightlipped when he answered, "you're not."
"Should I ask miss Gordon if you can borrow some CD's from her famed Justin Bieber vault?"
"Not funny, Alfred!" warned Bruce. Then an idea popped into his head. "On second thought…"
The conversation was put on pause as Batman detected a squad of police cars on his tail. Sirens were screaming. Lights flashing. The officers in the car behind him were grinning. He could just imagine the conversation the police officers were having amongst themselves as the highspeed procession of vehicles entered the Bludhaven to Gotham bridge.
The bridge was a straight away. It was a pretty dumb move on the part of the Steel Hand and his gang. No doubt the several cop cars that had joined in the chase had scared the criminals into making a devastating mistake. It was time to end things. Batman increased speed. He passed the van with relative ease; successfully placing the van between himself and the police.
And now for the smoke screen which would cause the driver the stop due to reduced visibility. He pressed the switch and waited for the smoke screen to take effect. What happened instead was not amusing in the least. Instead of smoke, the Batmobile started spewing bubbles at the car behind him. Someone had filled the smoke tank with dish soap. Batman was tempted to scream again. Nevertheless, the bubbles had the desired effect.
The drug van screeched to a stop. It slammed sideways into the Batmobile with a loud clang, tipping sideways, and finally coming to rest on the pavement. Batman was out of the car and subduing the driver, dealers, and the Steel Hand before Dick and Jason pulled up alongside the van.
"This is the Bludhaven Police. Exit the vehicle and put your hands on your heads," called Dick as he got out of the patrol car.
Jason came up beside him and leveled his gun at the men, "do as he says, or we'll leave you with Batwoman here."
Batman growled.
The dealers seamed to consider their options for a moment more, before dropping their weapons and putting their hands over their heads. In the distance, more police sirens came up to the bridge. Within seconds, four more cop cars were parked behind Dick' vehicle and seven more police officers walked over to the commotion.
"Thanks Batgirl, we'll take it from here," said Detective Burns.
"It's Bat-MAN," Bruce corrected him in a dark tone.
Burns eyed the pink Batmobile before tuning his eyes back to the man in the cowl. "Uh-huh," he deadpanned. Turing his attention to his fellow officers, he ordered, "get this mess cleaned up ASAP. I want these men processed before tomorrow."
"You won't take me," snarled the Steel Hand, "I have a fantastic lawyer. You'll see, I'll be back on the streets in no time!"
The next morning:
Jason grabbed a doughnut off the kitchen counter as Dick finished buttoning his shirt. After taking a bite, he asked with his mouthful, "on a scale of 1 to 10, how mad to you think Bat's was about the pink Batmobile?"
"Oh a 10 at least," answered Dick, "maybe an 11."
Dick grabbed the keys to the Chevy and pulled open the apartment door. He waited for Jason to walk thought ahead of him before pulling it shut and locking up.
"In hind-sight, we should have pulled a more mature prank," Jason continued.
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Maybe coated the seats with super glue."
"How is that more mature?" Dick demanded as they made their way to the apartment building's parking garage.
Jason shrugged, "it just is. Pink paintjob? Really? We're more creative than that!"
"Hmm," Dick considered this, "still, for a man who takes himself so seriously, it turned out to be good medicine." He climbed into the Chevy's driver seat and turned over the engine. Music started blaring at him.
"Is that Justine Bieber?" demanded Jason.
"I think so."
"Oh man, Dick, what do you listen to in your spare time?"
"Not this." Dick tried to get the music to turn off, but someone had rewired the car. "Damnit!" he cursed, "we're late for work. See what you can do, Jay." He pulled out of the garage.
"Make it stooooooop!" whined Jason. He started fiddling with the wiring. Nothing changed. Finally exasperated, he started breaking things, "die evil music, die!"
"You don't think…" Dick began.
Jason finished the thought for him as he pulled a note off the dashboard. "Don't play with fire, love Batman," he read. He turned back to Dick, "you and your stupid ideas!"
Group Chat with Tim, Dick, Jason, and Alfred:
Jason: I got a dig bick
Jason: you read that wrong! LOL
Dick: I really hate you right now
Tim: hahahaha!
Alfred: very mature of you, sirs
Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in a long time. I was really stuck on how to continue this story, so I finally just wrote this in a half hour. Hopefully the next story will be a bit better. Thanks for reading, and I hope I at least made you laugh.
