A/N Buckle up your seatbelts motherfudgernutters, because in 2600 short words you're going to read something that I just thought up 2 hours ago while in the shower. So sit down, shut up, and enjoy the experience of my 2 am caffeine-induced self-hatred fueled writing extravaganza.
Steve hated going to Germany. Too many memories. Too many bad memories. It was supposed to be a simple mission. The plan was to get in, get the info, and get out. Then again, when has a plan ever gone right in the midst of a battle. They had been ambushed. The guards were expecting them and had a team of 50 guys with sub-automatic rifles. Fun. They fought their way in, got the info, and got out. Along with a bunch of bumps and bruises. Thankfully, no one got shot or severely injured, except for Clint being an idiot and jumping off his sniper spot, breaking his ankle when he landed. He had set it and was able to walk with Natasha's support. That leads us up to now. Wandering around in the woods, searching for the Quinjet.
"Stark, I swear to god if that thing doesn't pop up on the radar in 5 minutes I'm going to lose it," Clint yelled through the comms. "Calm down Katniss, I'm working on it. The cloaking mechanism should be disabled…, now." "Thank god," Nat whispered. "What, am I getting too heavy for your dainty little Widow body," Clint teased Nat with a smirk. "Oh can it bastard," Nat snapped at him with a little smirk as well. "You know, you should be grateful. I'm carrying your cripple ass through the woods, least you could show me is a little gratitude." "In your dreams," Clint said. Nat was about to return with another retort when they heard the familiar whir of the jets engine. Tony's voice came over the comms along with static and said, "sorry if I'm breaking up the lovefest, but I can't land this thing where you guys are. Too many trees. "Well then what should we do," Steve replied. "Hang on, give me a sec." Tony then went silent for a few seconds before turning his comm back on and saying, "there's a clearing about half a mile to your right. It's a tight squeeze, but I think I can manage." "Gotcha," Bruce replied. They were walking when all of a sudden Natasha and Clint tripped over some hidden rocks in the snow. They both went down, and Clint fell on his ankle. They all heard a snap and his face went ashen, and he sucked in a deep breath. They all knew immediately what happened.
He stood up, and they were right. His fall had undone his set and caused more damage, and his bone was now sticking out of his ankle. Steve snapped into action. "Thor, Clint can't walk on that. I need you to carry him the rest of the way. Bruce, can you set it." "I can, but Clint, it'll hurt like hell." Clint nodded, closed his eyes, and said in a voice barely above a whisper, "Do it." Bruce walked over, looked at his ankle for a few seconds before grabbing it gently and saying, "On the count of three, ok." Clint nodded, tensing up and preparing for the pain. "One, CLICK." Clint's eyes grew wide and his mouth turned into a tight line, barely containing the scream of pain rising behind his lips. Steve flinched. He recognized that injury, that face. One of his Commandos had had the exact thing happen to him while they were in Germany as well. No, don't think about it. Don't think about them. You think about it and all the memories come back. All the memories come back and you lose it in front of your friends and look weak. They can't think of you as weak. Clint paused for a second before opening his mouth, as if making sure he wouldn't scream, then said weakly, "I thought you said on the count of three." Thor laughed and gently scooped his friend into his arms.
They continued walking through the woods to the clearing. Steve was glad to have his friends. The memories were fighting their way to the front of his mind. It was taking all his concentration to not let it overwhelm him. Then all of a sudden, they reached the clearing. There were the ruins of a small shack standing alone in the corner, and a dirt path, looking worn with age. Steve's face morphed into one of horror. He recognized this clearing. All of a sudden he was back in 1945, with Bucky at his right shoulder, Dum Dum at his left, Gabe and Monty flanking them, and Jim and Jaques behind them. He had been to the clearing with the Howling Commandos before, and he recalled the screams and the smell of death in the air. Before anyone knew what was happening Steve was bolting down the dirt path. The Avengers looked worriedly after their friend, and once Thor placed Clint in the jet, he, Tony, and Nat quickly followed.
Steve burst from the snow-covered bushes and saw a place he visited only in his nightmares. The buildings crumbling, the barbed wire barely staying together underneath all the rust. The meadow, 50 feet from the camp, with over 200 carefully placed stones in it. Steve knew exactly how many stones there were. He and his team placed every single one. He rushed in, slipping through a hole in the fence, and let the overflowing dam of memories in his mind break.
When the team finally broke through the path, they saw what looked like a bunch of old crumbling buildings with barbed wire surrounding them. They weren't sure what to make of it until they saw the meadow. They knew what it was. There were often burial sites for people at concentration camps, laid by people who found the bodies. The stones were for tombstones. They wanted to go have a closer look at the meadow but saw Steve's red, white, and blue armor flash by in the corner of their eyes.
Steve didn't know what to do. He just wandered around the camp aimlessly, letting the memories flood his brain. Finding the clearing. Hearing the screams and cries. Smelling the sharp scent of something decaying. Of something dead. Stumbling down the hill just in time to see Nazi soldiers shoot over 200 people lined up against the fence. Just in time to see the hope for rescue slowly fade in the people's eyes. Just in time to see them all die, knowing they couldn't save them. Steve eventually found himself back at the Meadow. He just walked through the rows and rows of stones, reading every name engraved on the smooth weathered surface before he came to one he recognized. Chaya Lindner, it read. He recalled the young girl, and sat down at her stone, and allowed himself to weep for all the lives lost that day.
They searched through the camp for about an hour before they finally found him, sitting down by a stone, face streaked with tears, gasping for air. "Steve, I need you to breathe, ok," Nat said, clearly worried as she took greatly exaggerated breaths with him. She was scared. She knew he was having a panic attack, but she had never seen the fair super soldier in such distress before. His lips were turning slightly blue, and his eyes were starting to roll back into his head. "Tony, get over here!" she yelled, as she saw him pass out.
Steve suddenly couldn't breathe. The memories were drowning him and he was simply sobbing too hard to let in a breath. He could feel the burning sensation in his lungs, and he suddenly heard Natasha beside him, trying her best to help him. The last thing he saw before he blacked out was her worried face.
Thor and Tony finally found them and were taken aback when they saw Steve, their leader, the man who was so strong and confident passed out with tears still staining his cheeks. Thor picked him up and carried him back to the jet with a somber expression on his face. For a while, the only sound that could be heard was the crunching of snow underfoot and the heavy breathing of the three of them. Then Tony spoke up, softly. "He knew this place." It wasn't a question, but a statement. There was no mistaking, Steve had been to the camp before. "No shit," Nat responded. Tony flinched at her tone. They finally reached the jet, and Bruce and Clint were waiting for them. They both looked surprised to see Steve limp in Thor's arms, but decided it was best to stay silent. Nat saw the question in their eyes, and said, "It's not my story to tell, but he knew the place, and he had a panic attack and passed out. Bruce and Clint nodded, a look of pity mixed with understanding in their eyes. Almost every single one of them knew how it felt. They all had horrors in their past that they couldn't escape. Bruce just attached an oxygen mask to Steve without saying a word, and they flew home.
Now that Steve wasn't moving around or ordering people on missions, they could actually study his face, and the first thing they noticed was the ridiculously large bags under his eyes. "Friday, how much sleep has capsicle been getting," Tony asked. "The captain has gotten six hours of sleep," the team sighed in relief, "in the last two weeks." They all stiffened. "How the hell has he not been falling asleep on his feet," Clint asked.
The automated voice continued. "I have cataloged it. Every night captain wakes up screaming a new name." Tony's wristwatch flickered, and a hologram showed Steve waking up screaming "BUCKY." They all stiffened at the sound of the name Bucky. They all knew Bucky was like a brother to Steve, and Steve hadn't been able to save him. The next night, "Peggy!" The next, "Dum Dum!" The next, "Gabe!" The next, "Monty!" The next, "Jim!" The next, "Jaques!" It was becoming difficult to watch for the team, seeing their captain, who always appeared so strong and sure, screaming every night for the people he had lost. And there were so many people. It continued. "Chaya!" The next night, "Esther!" The next, "Sara!" The next, "Yitzchak!" They were prepared to hear the last 3 names called, but there was no more footage. "Friday, what happened to the last 3 days." "Captain Rogers has not slept in the last 3 days, sir." They all shared remorseful glances, before Tony asked, "Friday, who were all those people." "The first 7 appear to be his Howling Commandos." They all shared mournful glances. The last 4, I have no recollection of them in Captain Rogers's life. You must ask him." They all turned to see Steve slowly stirring.
Steve slowly came to, feeling an oxygen mask on his face. He could hear someone. Someone screaming names. Wait, he knew those names. He was the one screaming those names. They must be watching footage of his sleepless nights. Congrats you big idiot, he thought to himself. Now they know about your stupid nightmares and that you're weak. He groaned and sat up slowly. He blinked his eye open and saw the concerned glances shot his way by all his teammates. "Care to tell us what that was Cap," Tony replied in a sarcastic yet caring voice. Natasha whacked him on the head, and said, "if he doesn't want to tell us, he doesn't have to tell us," in her firm no-nonsense voice. Tony responded with, "We're his teammates. We deserve to know why he had a panic attack and fainted. And we should know so we know what to do to help him if it happens again."
"No Natasha, he's right. You all deserve to know," Steve replied. He hung his head and continued. "I've been to that camp before. We, me and my team, had just taken down another Hydra facility and were awaiting pickup. We walked into that very clearing, and we heard people screaming, children crying. The smell was awful. We ran towards the sound of the screams, but nothing could have prepared us for what we found. 239 people, half-starved and standing in the snow barefoot lined up against a barbed-wire fence, screaming and crying as german soldiers shouted at them. They saw us running down the hill, and they started screaming our names. The soldiers looked up, looked us all in the eyes, and fired. It was like we were all there just to watch. I remember seeing their bodies fall, and watching them all die. We charged through the gates, made the very hole that you all stepped through to get to me. We disarmed and killed all of the German soldiers we found. We found out that the camp was called Sachsenhausen, but the people there had a different name for it. They called it, Dom śmierci. It means house of death. Those stones in the meadow, me and my team placed every single damn one. Dug every single grave."
The Avengers could see that Steve was beginning to shake, and they just stood there, letting the proud man be and offering whatever silent comfort they could. When he had stopped shaking and had his breathing under control, it was Clint who asked, "who were those people." When Steve looked at him with a puzzled expression on his face, Clint said, "Chaya, Esther, Sara, and Yitzchak." Steve stiffened, and his breath started coming in short gasps again. "Shit Steve, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to," Tony said with a surprised look on his face. Steve just waved him off, before taking a deep breath and continuing. "Chaya and Esther were 14. They had tried to escape multiple times before, and they were damn near almost successful. Until Sara and Yitzchak came along. They were 7, twins. Chaya and Esther cared for them. Became attached. They knew they couldn't leave them there. So, they stayed. Then we found them. Esther and Sara were dead, but Chaya and Yitzchak hadn't been fatally shot. But we still couldn't save them. They had been experimented on. The poison in their system was slow-acting, meant for an excruciating death." Steve stopped for a second, as if almost choking on his words before he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "I held their hands when they died." The Avengers sucked in breaths, before rushing to give their teammate a hug. They stayed there until Steve's shoulders stopped shaking until, the man's silent tears stopped flowing.
When they arrived back at base, no one made a move to leave. They just stayed in the common room, standing there. "Alright, guess we're staying here," Steve stated. They all sat down on the couch. "Okay, Clint, your going to the medbay to get that ankle looked at, everyone else, go shower, change out of the uniforms, and then come to the common room." They all mumbled something unintelligible, then left.
They all arrived back in the common room, freshly showered and Clint with a white cast on his ankle, to find Steve staring at something small in the palm of his hand. They all knew what it was. It was a compass, that held the picture of a woman in the center. They had never known her name, now they did. Peggy. Nice to put a name to the face. When they sat down, they saw him quickly wipe away the tears in his eyes, and mumble something about pollen. Stark replied with, "sure big guy, whatever you say." And that was when Steve realized he had the best team he could ever ask for.
Tony and Clint, for all their arrogance, could lift anyone's spirit no matter the situation.
Bruce, for always being the calm head and keeping Tony and the team down to earth.
Natasha, for always being open to listen, and always paying attention to the little things.
Thor, for just being Thor.
And Steve realized, they weren't just a team, they were a family.
Yes, finally finished this. Sorry it's so long and sorry about the intro. I'm not at my best at 2 am understandably. And don't worry, I'm still working on new chapters for my other stories, I just thought this up and had to write about it. Hope you enjoyed it.
