Like many things in life, it was Oliver's fault.
"Fuck Bruce Wayne!" the sharpshooter declared, storming into the common room, one quiet afternoon aboard the Watchtower.
"Fuck who now?" Hal enquired, mildly amused by his friends very intense look of rage.
Oliver ground his teeth, flopping down on the couch opposite the Lantern. "Bruce Wayne. He's a…friend of mine."
"And you want to fuck him?"
"God no!"
The look of scandalised horror on his face was priceless.
"He's another billionaire." Oliver explained. "That's how I know him. Same circles and all that. Not exactly the same since I'm from Star City and he's from Gotham…actually like unofficial Gotham royalty really, but we went to school together although we didn't talk much until recently when…" He paused looking conflicted then shook his head "never mind…the point is every year there is this…stupid competition..."
Hal made a 'go on' gesture when Oliver paused for just a little too long and watched his friend groan in distress and embarrassment.
"There's this stupid competition ok. World's most eligible Batchelors. It's just a silly thing where rich unmarried guys send in photos of their selves and then there's a vote where they are rated in order of attractiveness. It's superficial and cheesy and no one even takes it seriously."
Hal was getting the distinct impression Oliver took it seriously. "And I'm guessing you didn't win?" He teased.
"Shut up…I just…look…" Oliver pulled a very sleek looking phone out of his pocket and began flicking through photographs holding the device up for Hal to see. "This is the photo I submitted."
Lantern glanced over the image letting out a supportive whistle "Wow Arrow. Looking good."
He did look good. With the fitted suit and confident yet casual pose the photo could have come straight out of a catalogue.
The other man smiled, his face flushed with pride before darkening again as he took the phone back and flicked to another photo.
"And this is the one Bruce submitted."
Hal had to close his eyes a second to recalibrate before opening them again and…yep it was still there…hot damn…
"Hot damn."
Shit, did he say that out loud?
"God damn it." Oliver shouted dramatically throwing himself face down onto the cushioned seat like a maiden in a renaissance painting as Hal plucked the phone out of his hand to get a better look.
Any compassion Hal might have for his friend was going to have to wait.
Dear Lord this man was attractive!
Much like Oliver, Bruce was wearing what was most likely a very expensive suit. Or at least part of one. If what Hal was looking at could really be described as 'wearing'.
The man was splayed across an arm chair, shirt unbuttoned to reveal a stomach you could grate cheese on, his jacket shrugged half way off to display wide beautifully toned shoulders, bare legs, long, muscular and on full show since his trousers were God only knows where. A pair of delightfully snug Calvin Klein's hinted at secrets Hal was sure he'd love to learn and all of this was topped off with the most handsome face Hal had ever seen wearing a charming smile that seemed to be drawing him in and welcoming him to come play.
It was so distracting that the Guardian didn't even notice Batman's arrival until the vigilante was directly behind him staring down at the photograph in Hal's hand with a frown.
"Lantern what the fuck are you looking at?"
Hal startled slightly at being snuck up on and felt his hackles rise; a mixture of his usual tension with Batman and some annoyance directly stemming from being jolted out of a rather nice daydream he had been drifting into staring a certain billionaire.
Most people when faced with confrontation have one of two responses, fight or flight.
Hal had a different set of instincts. Fight or snark.
When it came to Batman it was a toss up over which he would go for.
Fuelled partly by his irritation at being interrupted and partly by embarrassment at what exactly he had been interrupted doing Hal settled on snark as his strategy of choice today.
Waggling his eyebrows lewdly and projecting far more confidence than he really felt Hal held the phone up for Batman to see "It's a photo of my boyfriend." He declared "He sent me it to keep me warm on those long cold nights when I'm away."
A strange array of emotions crossed the vigilantes face, which was impressive since most of it was covered.
"Bruce Wayne is your boyfriend?" he asked incredulously. Oliver had mentioned Wayne was Gotham royalty so it was no great shock Batman recognised him from the photograph. It did make this a little harder though.
A dark look crossed the lanterns face at the obvious disbelief in the Bat's tone. "You got a problem with that Spooky?"
"No problem. I'm just fairly confident it isn't true."
Hal felt a wave of irrational anger flow through him.
"Why not? You don't think I'm good enough to get the attention of a gorgeous billionaire is that it?"
Hal was an attractive guy. He was interesting and cool. Knew how to have a good time.
He could totally be dating Bruce Wayne.
Batman didn't know shit.
Batman opened his mouth as if to reply, then closed it again, then opened it, closed it…
Hal didn't think he had ever seen Batman at loss for words before but there he was, right in front of him. That felt kind of good.
At last, the Bat found his tongue again.
"Wayne can't speak to the same person twice without every gossip rag in Gotham running a story on it. I'm pretty sure if he were seeing someone, I would know about it."
That made sense.
"We're keeping it a secret." Hal declared firmly. "Avoiding media attention." It occurred to him that he could probably just come clean and pass the whole thing off as a joke but the idea that Batman thought he couldn't land a hot rich boyfriend made Hal's blood boil.
So instead, in true Hal Jordan fashion he doubled down.
"We've actually been together a while." He stated matter of fact. 'In for a penny' as they say. "We met when he…hired me to take him for a flight in a high-speed jet." Rich people did stuff like that right? "Like an adrenaline experience thing."
The vigilante seemed a little stunned, like he wasn't sure how to respond.
Then after a tense moment Batman seemed to back down, lips twitching like he might smile but was trying not to. "Well, he is a well known thrill seeker. Supposedly spends his time on high adrenaline sports like racing cars, potholing and snowboarding. So, I guess your story is plausible."
Hal felt a mixture of smug satisfaction and relief, he had totally pulled that off.
In his usual overdramatic way Batman turned and marched back out of the room; off to lurk on a rooftop or something and Hal slumped back down into his seat.
Giving the photo of Bruce Wayne another look over; the lovely image was so distracting that it took him a few seconds to notice Oliver who was now sat bolt upright on the seat across from him, eyes wide and his head turning back and forth between Hal and the door where Batman had just exited.
Obviously, he had been present for the whole thing. Damn it.
Hal rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry I lied about dating your friend. Bats just gets on my nerves you know?"
Oliver opened his mouth to speak then closed it again and Hal snorted at the similarity to Batman just a few minutes earlier. "What?" He asked, discretely sending a copy of Bruce Wayne's picture to himself before handing Oliver's phone back.
Oliver continued to gawk, clearly at odds with himself over whatever he wanted to say before finally shaking his head.
"Nothing."
