The first week spent in Alaska, at the Denali's house, had been a necessity. We had nowhere else to go, and our family needed a stable place to be in more than ever. By the time the second week had rolled in, I was growing more and more restless. It felt as if someone was always following me from the shadows, even in the middle of the brightest, whitest days. On our eighth day spent there, it had taken Esme an entire hour to convince me to stop packing my bags and stay put.

Emmett had missed me so much, that he couldn't even find delight in making jokes about whatever it was that was bothering me. Even Rose, who had never been my biggest fan, was now treating me with kid gloves. Maybe it was the time spent apart that had made them momentarily softer, or maybe the stories Carlisle and Bella had told them while I was out running or hunting - either way, I had never felt more coddled.

We had had to do a fair share of explaining to our cousins, topped with one big apology. After all, we had left them in the dark about our true motives when we had come to stay with them after the accident that had set our entire existence into a downward spiral. None of them had been mad. Perhaps undeservedly, they had agreed to forget all about it. They offered us more intimacy than we deserved, often going away on extended hunting trips.

Esme was worried about me. She tried to help me any way she could, showering me with all her love. She was constantly encouraging me to just sit down at the piano and let my feelings out through music. I kept postponing her suggestions, not quite ready to let anything out. Truth be told, I needed silence more than anything else. And my gifted wife had found the perfect way to offer me just that.

Bella had started to keep everyone under her shield but me. This way, there were no thoughts for me to hear, no mental noise to startle my unspoken musings. She would do this without me asking her to, understanding my needs with a simple glance. If this ever tired her out, she didn't show it.

This should have felt normal to some extent - after all, our family was finally back together and safe, which was exactly what we had all been waiting for. But it didn't. Because something - or rather someone - was missing. We all had an unspoken agreement to not speak of the last night we had spent in Paris. The last thing I wanted to be reminded of was how Alice had seen that there would have been no other way for our family to remain intact. Perhaps it was not the healthiest way to cope with the way our fate had unfolded. A psychiatrist would have told me that I was simply going through denial, the very first stage of grief. I would have simply told him to go to hell.

I found my comfort in running - for hours on end, across unknown mountain trails, alone and with no specific purpose other than to let off steam. If I was running, I didn't have to face the worried glances of the people I loved the most. If I was running, I didn't have to face the fact that even if I had won, I had also lost.

As more weeks went by, I had grown to understand that there was no harm or impending doom in staying in the same place for an extended period of time. Esme would always remind me that no one was coming after us. Jasper would always take my phone away when I was getting ready to call the airport to check if there were any runways available. Alice would always soothe me with her visions of a tame future. Bella would always take her time loving me when we were alone, trying to rip me away from the invisible tendrils of my ever-present anxiety.

Still, try as they might, they could not fight my battles for me.

But time stopped for no one. My parents were already making plans about where we could settle next. There had been talks of Seattle, Reykjavík, Newfoundland, Luxembourg, yet none of them came to fruition. Rose was getting impatient with the delay, but Esme wanted the very best for the family in terms of comfort.

As they were busy making those plans, my wife was busy telling her parents that we might move away from Cardiff in the near future. The sudden move worried Charlie and excited Renée. Bella had served them both the same excuse, as Alice had instructed her: Carlisle had found some better-paying opportunities away from Cardiff and he was considering them.

This strange new normality was interrupted one snowy day. I had just come back from one of my many running trips, covered with a thin layer of snow from head to toe, thanks to the blizzard growing stronger outside. I was surprised to see Bella coming downstairs with a small traveling bag on her shoulder right as I was entering the house.

"Have I missed something?" I queried.

"Yes, we're going to Sappho," she responded matter-of-factly. "I mean… I am, you don't have to, if you don't..."

"And why are we going there?" I made sure to emphasize how silly her sudden uncertainty was; of course I wanted to come with her, even if I didn't have the slightest idea what was going on.

"The parents of Wayne and Melinda Wilson have come to an agreement to hold a funeral tomorrow, even though no bodies had been found," Carlisle's thoughts resonated from upstairs. "You know the protocol, son."

"Oh."

"Exactly," she said.

Ever since I could remember, my father would make us attend the funerals of those we had killed. He would make no exceptions and we would make no fuss. He would stand by our side as we witnessed the pain our acts had inevitably caused on the families of our victims. When all was said and done, we would anonymously provide a generous monetary aid to the pained families - as if money could ever help anyone get over the unfair loss of a loved one.

Of course, he had had to make an exception for Bella. Having a witness had forced us into having to get rid of all the evidence. Then, when the witness had spoken, we found ourselves on a continuous path of running away from the Volturi. These circumstances had made it impossible to even think about attending any funeral - perhaps it was for the best that no funeral had been held while we were gone, while the police were still investigating the disappearance of the Wilsons.

"Are you all right with this, my love?" I checked.

My father might have had his priorities, but I also had mine - and keeping Bella comfortable was very high on that list.

"It has to be done," Carlisle reminded me from upstairs. "And we can finally make sure that their extended family gets a monetary compensation. It's the least we can do."

"Of course," she assured me.

"Fine, let me just pack a bag and I'll be with you in a minute."

It took us four hours to get to Sappho: three hours in the air, until we reached the airport in Port Angeles, and then another hour on the ground, with a rented car. Esme and Carlisle joined us, for support. The conversation had been somewhat light, despite the circumstances of our trip - it shouldn't have surprised me, my parents had been trying to keep my sentiments, as well as Bella's, in check ever since we had reunited.

Being such a small town, there were no hotels in sight, just a few motels and inns. We ended up checking in a motel of Esme's choosing. Unsurprisingly, hardly any people were there. It felt oddly comforting to be in an unknown place again. All the moving around Bella and I had done had definitely affected something within my psyche. It had made me wonder more than once if this was how things were going to be for me from now on.

But the comfort didn't last. Soon enough, while Bella was going through the stuff she had brought with her to find something comfortable enough for wearing inside, I found myself aching to run again. After all, there were plenty of mountains nearby to quench this particular thirst of mine. And we were close enough to Forks to risk a sneak peek at our past life…

I wouldn't cross any borders. I would just watch from afar.

Tonight, however, Bella's patience with my new habit wasn't as endless as it usually was.

"Come on, we've just arrived, Edward," she pointed out, pouting.

"You're right."

"It's just getting… too much."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be an ass about this."

"You're not an ass, it's just… can you stay put for one night? Please?"

And there was nothing I could do but accept whatever she would have asked of me when she looked at me with those eyes. Those eyes that held an unknown magic inside, one that could make me feel like the weakest and strongest man alive at the same time.

"Of course, love. Anything for you."

I watched her as she dropped the traveling bag on the floor, no longer searching for her sweatpants. All of a sudden, she seemed irritated.

"Actually, no," she said. "Do you mind if we run together?"

Surprised and perplexed, I could not refuse this either:

"As I said, anything for you."

She was quick to put her boots back on and to exit through the door. I followed mechanically, passing through the corridor and getting out of the motel and into the quiet night. We didn't have to walk for long, as we were surrounded by endless acres of forest from every angle. We took the shortest route and, once under the cover of trees, started running.

The wind was not strong tonight, despite the fact that December was right around the corner. I could barely feel it whip against my cheeks as my feet were guiding me past the unbeaten trails. But before long, I realized that Bella was heading in a different direction than I was. Not quite sure why she was doing it and where she was planning to go, I slowed down and followed her.

Once we got past Lake Pleasant, she took a sharp south turn and I understood - it appeared that I was not the only one longing to get a glimpse of Forks tonight.

Bella stopped miles away from Calawah River, scouring the horizon with her gaze. Up here, we could see the dim lights of Forks, barely shining from the cover of the usual fog. They looked small and ephemeral, as if they would disappear any second.

"I suppose that's the farthest we can go without getting the wolves after us?" she asked.

"More or less. I didn't know you were feeling nostalgic today."

"Well, you've missed a couple of things these past few weeks."

The pang of her remark had not escaped me. She sat down on the ground, grabbing her knees and keeping them close to her chest as she was observing the panoramic view. I decided to join her. I sat down behind her, framing her body with my legs and wrapping my arms tightly around her.

"I haven't been the best husband lately, have I?" I murmured in her hair, as I watched the small lights flicker in the distance.

"You're the best husband," she replied. "I just wish you hadn't entered this shut-down mode since… you know."

My jaw clenched automatically - mainly because I knew she was right and I knew I had it coming. I had kept everyone at a distance, sometimes to a fault. I just couldn't imagine how talking about it could fix the issue at hand - it wasn't like talking could bring her back. Bella began playing with my fingers, seemingly unfocused on what she was doing.

"I'm really sorry," I admitted after a while. "I've just never dealt with… this."

"I haven't either, but… this can't be healthy, right?"

"At this point, I wouldn't know what's healthy and what's not, love."

Bella didn't say anything and resumed playing with my fingers. I simply started to plant small kisses all over the side of her neck that was exposed.

"I miss you, Edward," she said after a while.

"I'm with you everyday."

"You are, but at the same time… you're not. You feel far away sometimes. And the worst part is that… I know where your mind takes you. Because mine takes me there too."

My arms tightened a little more around her body in response, but I didn't know what to say. I had avoided these discussions pretty well in Alaska. It seemed that somehow, someway, someone would always be close enough to hear them.

But there was no one here now, other than the two of us. No chance of avoiding the inevitable for much longer.

"And I want to help you, I really do. But you won't let me. Every time I feel like I'm even close to cracking your code, you simply shut down."

"Bella…"

"The thing is," she added quickly, before I could say more. "The worst is over now. I have to remind myself of this every single day, because sometimes I tend to forget, you know?"

I nodded 'yes', even if she could not see me.

"But I don't like the way we keep glossing over what happened in Paris as if we'll somehow forget it… or her."

She stopped, shifting ever so slightly in my embrace, so that she could turn around and glance up at me. I avoided her eyes, continuing to stare into the distance.

"Are we going to talk about this?" she asked. "Like ever?"

"I don't know what to tell you, Bella."

"Anything. Anything is good. How do you feel?"

"Happy to have you in my arms," I responded sincerely.

"You know that's not what I meant."

I decided to hide my face in her neck once again, where I didn't have to face her questioning eyes. I distracted myself with her scent, inhaling it deeply, allowing it to fill my lungs and holding it there. Her breath caught up slightly from the contact, but she didn't let it go:

"Fine, if you don't want to talk about it, it's all right. I'll just show you instead, because it's been driving me crazy."

She let her palms land on my knees, without saying anything more. I continued to move my lips aimlessly on her throat, until the sound of her unfiltered thoughts started flowing freely between us: gentle at first, just a mere whisper, then more and more pronounced as she pushed her shield farther away, until I could hear everything.

"I wonder what she's doing now. If she gives them hell. Or if they give her hell. It's something I wonder about often, to be honest. If you would've told me I would've come out of this mess feeling so protective of a teenager, I would've laughed. Yet here we are."

I smiled bitterly against her skin.

"You didn't even like her in the beginning, remember? I definitely do. It was like you couldn't coexist in the same space without bickering."

I tried very much not to think of that too deeply. And I failed. The memories that tied me to the kid started coming to the surface, no longer kept back by my control.

"I guess neither of us had expected to get close to her in any way, shape or form when we took her to Mati in September. And I find myself feeling guilty, thinking that she might have been free had it not been for meeting us. But then I can't bring myself to regret ever spending time with her. She's never met someone she could trust, and I think everybody needs to know what that feels like. And she did in the end."

It was soothing to hear these thoughts she was having; in many ways, they were the same thoughts I had been trying to push back.

"There had been a few times when I wondered if she'd ever want to join our family. She seemed to need it, even if she'd never admit it. I mean just imagine how much Esme would have loved her! And I think Emmett might have got along with her pretty well."

As I listened to her reveries, I struggled to understand what it was that I was feeling. After spending the better part of the last weeks trying to obliterate my sentiments into nothingness, it was strange to allow myself to simply feel again. My chest felt oddly full, as if it was getting ready to explode. The sudden lump in my throat didn't help either.

"I just miss her."

Carefully removing my mouth from her neck, to gaze back at the foggy town of Forks, I managed to mutter:

"Come back for me one day."

She turned around in an instant, trying to understand the hidden meaning beneath my sudden spoken words. As much as I was mortified by the fact that I had finally said them out loud, I also felt lighter, as if an unmanageable weight had been removed from my subconscious. I didn't let Bella wonder for too long.

"Those were the last thoughts I'd heard from her," I explained. "'Come back for me one day'. They were more of a question."

"There you go! This is a good start. It's breaking my heart, but I needed to hear you."

"I just don't see how hearing what I have to say could ever bring her back, my love," I offered, shattering her momentary relief. "What's the point of grieving when there's no hope of getting the person in question back?"

"For starters, she's not dead or anything, so I'd like to believe that not all hope is lost," she responded, this time out loud. "And she herself asked you to come back one day!"

"It's not that simple. You don't know how the Volturi are."

"I've got a good preview," she counterattacked. "Carlisle managed to get out on his own accord. Why wouldn't that be the case for Nellie as well?"

"Because what happened there, in those catacombs, was much different. Nellie joining the guard... was an exchange. Not a willing act. If it wasn't for her, it would have been me. Or Alice."

Her brow furrowed and her mind shared the frustration.

"The Volturi are hardly forgiving, Bella, as you've come to understand. Nellie's pretty much stuck there."

"For the moment, but if we wait long enough, maybe a few years… There has to be something we can do eventually."

"For them, a few years are what a few days are to you. It would enrage them if three years from now - or five, or eight - we even proposed to them to set her free. I love you, I love the kid, but I'm not putting you or my family or her in danger. Not when I know how short Aro's temper can be."

"Then… decades?"

"I don't know, to be honest. I don't know what it would take. Alice has been going through visions non-stop lately, but there's nothing in the distant future worth mentioning."

"So there's no hope then? She's doomed for good? I refuse to believe this."

"I am no fortune-teller, so I have no idea how to answer those questions. I guess time will only tell."

She remained quiet, while her thoughts kept spinning. It was unexpectedly reassuring to see that her mind was taking her in all the places that my own had been too scared to go. I followed its trail, even if it burned me. There were thoughts of sending Nellie to school and thoughts of taking her on a proper vacation and thoughts of the last time she had seen her.

I listened closely to everything, understanding that for each time I had tried to push the sadness away in the past weeks, Bella had tried to let it out in return. I was aware that I could not take back the way I had behaved, so the least I could do now was to simply be there for her - and maybe allow her to be there for me too.

But when one particular thought went through her mind, I found myself unable to remain silent anymore.

"I wonder if we would've been great for her. If we could measure up to what Carlisle and Esme are to you."

"I… don't know," I admitted. "This hadn't been something I even considered until recently, and you know this. I like to believe we would've, though."

"I think so too. You've been so great with her, once you got past your fixations."

"You were great with her even earlier."

She sighed longingly, reminiscing once again about the ache she had felt when she saw Nellie walk away. Her pain reverberated through me in waves, for it was a pain I was familiar with.

"Do you remember all those discussions we've had before I changed you, my love? The ones about children?"

"Probably not as clearly as you do, but yes, they're there."

"Who would've thought we'd be here now a year later?" I pondered bitterly.

"Well… I don't regret any arguments I've brought to the table. Kids can take away too much of your independence. I've seen how it's been for my mother, even if she'd never admit it to anyone's face. But I've never felt my independence threatened with Nellie. She is very much her own person."

"She is," I agreed.

"I hope they treat her right."

"They can be quite cajoling with newcomers, going by Carlisle's stories."

We sat in silence for a while. My wife kept caressing my knees gently, content with the fact that I had allowed my barrier to slip. But now that there was no need for her to cover those around with her shield just so that I could not hear them, she could finally let me inside her mind - and I could see the large dollops of misery that had taken over her.

"I've neglected your feelings, Bella," I murmured, my grip on her tightening just a little out of frustration with myself.

"Just because you were battling with your own."

"That is one lame excuse."

"But I know you well enough to know that it is the truth."

I grunted, because mercy was not exactly what I was going for - I deserved none of that. I grabbed Bella and quickly rolled her on her back, coming on top of her, where I could see her eyes properly.

"Don't do this, my angel," I pleaded softly. "I'm starting to understand the price you had to pay for my selfishness."

"I don't want you to feel more stressed than you already are, Edward."

"I love you too much, you don't know how it's been breaking my heart."

The fact that throughout all this, she was still thinking of how I was affected made the swelling in my chest grow stronger. I didn't deserve her unconditional love - after all, she had always been better than me in every way. Purer, kinder, softer. But somehow, I could not care, because all that mattered was that she loved me, and I loved her just the same.

Sure, life was far from perfect. We had been thrown in the middle of a sea that, while calm on the surface, hid several whirlpools underneath. But we could learn to swim. Maybe even survive the deceitful waves. Together.

"Bella, there's a lot I still don't know and I am only now starting to learn," I admitted, taking her face in my hands. "And I do want Nellie back, just as much as you do. Let's just make a promise."

"What promise?"

"One day, when enough time has passed, we try to get her back. No clue how."

"Deal," she responded just as I was finishing my last sentence.

With her face in my hands, I started feeling blissful for the first time in weeks. I leaned down to seal our words with a kiss - and I took my time savouring her. At first, I simply let our lips touch, studying with unending curiosity the soft curvature of her upper lip, then the delicious plumpness of the lower. She didn't seem to be in a rush either, accepting my rhythm and replicating it.

Slowly, so very slowly, I opened my mouth slightly and stopped. I simply breathed her in, unwilling to hurry up. Her flavour rolled down my tongue in small waves, bringing with it the sweet taste of relief. By the time our mouths started moving in unison, I already felt as if I had arrived in Heaven.

It took ages for our tongues to meet, but the build-up only made it better. When I finally felt her tongue silently inviting mine to a dance, there was nothing I could do but accept and hold her a little tighter in response.

This was so different from all the times we had been intimate in Alaska. More often than not, our lovemaking turned rough without a warning, as if we were trying to compensate for the pain of losing the only way we knew how. And it was always too rushed for my liking; while the thrill of trying to discreetly take her in a house full of vampires when the urge struck was delicious, it could get tedious after a while.

I had missed this for far too long.

My hands were getting greedy and her thoughts eager, but I made no attempt to speed up our kiss. I only stopped when she softly called my name out loud.

"Yes, beautiful?" I responded.

"Make love to me."

Our lips were still pressed together, none of us willing to break the connection, when I spoke:

"With pleasure."

Under the late November sky, with Forks glistening in the distance as a reminder of our old lives, we shed of our clothes piece by piece, with all the patience in the world. It felt as if I was discovering my wife all over again, as we allowed ourselves to get lost in each other's arms, to cry out together, to come apart fearlessly and to be put back together with kisses and murmurs of adoration. And we did it again and again and again, making sure that we were offering at least as much as we were receiving.

Loving Bella had never felt more cathartic than it did that night.


The funeral had not been an intimate event. A dozen or so journalists showed up at the cemetery, along with plenty of people who had never met the Wilsons. They came with funeral wreaths and sad miens, all of them taking turns in expressing their condolences to the grieving parents of Wayne and Melinda Wilson. The braver journalists tried to approach the mourning parents, in hopes that they would get a good story out of them, while the more humane ones remained content with just observing.

Our family didn't look that much out of the ordinary in the middle of the crowd. Esme and I held Bella's waist, while Carlisle kept his hand on my shoulder for the entire ceremony. It felt eerie to listen to the stories of the friends and family of the deceased. But they passed by me like a breeze, for I was far more concerned with studying Bella's reactions to them than anything else.

She listened intently, with her eyes - those eyes that were getting a little more golden everyday - stuck somewhere on the ground. I kept hoping she would drop her shield and let me see what was going on through her mind during these moments, but she decided to keep her thoughts private instead. Still, I knew her well enough to understand the cues.

When Wayne's sister mentioned how the two of them would play hide and seek when they were kids, until they had outgrown the size of the wardrobe they liked to use as a hiding spot, I couldn't help but notice the way Bella's eyes twitched ever so slightly. Or when Melinda's mother shared the story of how her daughter would bake her a different cake every Christmas, I felt Bella's body tense up - not in the way it would before a hunt, but rather with a dread I had grown to recognize in the months spent together on the run. She rarely had nervous breakdowns, but I feared that she was very close to making an exception this time.

My father had noticed something as well, for as soon as the gravesite ritual ended, he pulled Bella away from the crowd and close to a small clump of trees on the side. I didn't get the chance to concentrate on their low conversation properly, because soon enough Esme was pulling me to the other side of the site as well. Intrigued, I followed and stopped when she did.

"He'll calm her down," she assured me. "He's no Jasper, but you know this is not a first for him."

I nodded understandingly, while she went through flashbacks of Carlisle having the very same conversation he was having with my wife now with Emmett, Alice and Jasper. Over the years, each one of them had had various emotional reactions when they had witnessed the way that their mistakes had affected the families of the victims. And one by one, Carlisle had put them at ease.

"I know he will," I said.

"Now how do you feel?" she demanded to know.

"Me? It's Bella I'm more worried about."

I glanced back over my shoulder, to the spot where my wife and Carlisle stood.

"Don't worry too much, dear, he knows best what to tell her."

"Coming back to my question," she continued out loud, grabbing my chin between her thumb and index finger, so that I could face her. "Are you all right, Edward?"

This was far from being the first time she demanded an honest answer to this question since we had reunited. Normally, I would find ways to circumvent her distress - not necessarily by lying, but rather by avoiding to give precise answers. This time, however, might have been the first time when I didn't have to resort to any tricks.

"Better than yesterday," I responded sincerely.

"There goes my boy! You know I'm here for you whenever you need to talk."

"I know. And I love you for that, mother."

"Almost as much as I love you."

Her arms surrounded me and, even if the top of her head barely reached my shoulder, I suddenly felt small and protected in her embrace. I wrapped my arms around her as well, sighing, thanking whatever deity was willing to listen for the fact that, despite all odds, my mother could hold me like that; my father could talk to Bella; my siblings patiently awaited for us in Denali; we were no longer scattered across the globe.

Esme watched me with wary eyes when I parted from our hug. She was still expecting me to say something that would keep her at a safe emotional distance from me. When I didn't, she checked for herself:

"So let me guess: getting ready for another round of running?"

She let out a small laugh, despite the struggle she was having underneath the surface. I glanced once again over my shoulder, this time catching Bella's eye. She smiled, unleashing an overwhelming warmth in my direction.

"I don't think so," I responded, still caught under Bella's spell. "I'm getting tired of running."


Guys, your response to the last chapter had me humbled! I cannot express how happy you've all made me by sharing your feedback. Saying goodbye to Nellie hurt me too, but it was the only way the Cullen family could remain intact.

As you've seen in this chapter, losing Nellie had had quite an impact on Edward and Bella - but they're slowly learning how to move past the loss together.

If you've got any thoughts, big or small, positive or critical, you know I'd love nothing more than to read and respond to them!

There's one more chapter left, and then the epilogue. I cannot believe we're here, seriously. I feel so emotional, I can't even express in words!

A little update on the COVID-19 situation: I got tested positive and I am currently on day 9 of symptoms. Thankfully, I am feeling a little better everyday - yesterday my sense of smell slowly started to return!

Take care out there, guys! Stay safe and happy!