Third Year – James
"It needs to be big," Sirius said with a glint in his eye that James didn't quite like. He was huddled in the Mauraders' favourite corner of the common room housing a low table against the wall with a chair and a couch. James sat on the chair – rather like royalty at the head of the table if he did say so himself (and he did, often). Peter was on the couch, wedged between the wall and Sirius. Ever the obnoxious one, Sirius took up the rest of the couch. He lay on his back with his head next to Peter's legs and knees bent upward at the arm of the couch. Remus was perched on the arm, still looking peaky and sleepy from the last full moon. He was leaning heavily on Sirius' legs to help him sit up, although someone who did not know the Maruaders as well as James did may not have noticed.
"I thought the point of this prank being our best yet was that we weren't going to be caught," quipped Remus in his quiet but steady voice. "Not that it should be small, I suppose. But as chairman of Exceptional Prank Planning, I'm afraid I'll have to veto anything too large." He gave a mock-theatrical sigh and flipped his long hair out of his eyes.
"Exactly, Moony. That's why it needs to be big! Everyone will know, but no one can prove it," announced Sirius so aggressively that Peter had to shush him before they were heard by the rest of the common room. "Which is your job, might I add, no matter the size of the prank."
Remus grumbled good naturedly and nudged Sirus' legs with his elbow. While he was distracted, James and Sirius exchanged a smug glance. This meeting was officially titled Mission 1974, as the last and greatest prank of 1974. It also held an unofficial title between James, Sirius, and Peter, however, Mission Cheer Moony Up.
The last full moon had been exceptionally hard on their fourth friend. It had been nearing a week ago now, but the wolf had done so much damage that Remus had been sent to St Mungos for some sort of reconstruction. James wasn't exactly sure what; although Dumbledlore had given in to the begging of the boys and allowed them to visit Moony in the hospital, he had refused to tell them what damage had been done – Remus, too, had remained tight lipped, though he often was about the wolf.
"I mean, he's not wrong," James finally conceded with a sigh. "It's the last prank of the year, besides. It should be something people notice. And talk about, so it needs to be big. But you're right too, Moony, we can't get caught or it ruins the whole thing!"
"Trust me to have the biggest job of the lot of you. And with one exam left, still. How will I manage?" Remus mock-fainted, landing directly on top of Sirius' sprawled form.
"Oof, get your fat arse off of me, you prat," groaned Sirius, though he made no move to move Remus anywhere. "You didn't have to take the Runes exam anyway. Dumbeldore, McGonnagall, and Vector all insisted you skip it."
It was true, Remus had been offered a pass on his Ancient Runes final due to his Furry Little Problem, as James called it, but he refused to hear any of it. Somehow, he had managed to talk down the Headmaster himself, who allowed Professor Vector to write up a new practical exam for Remus to take next week, just before they left Hogwarts for the summer.
"You're a prat," Remus shot back. He hoisted himself up to sit on the top of the table, deftly dodging their pranking plans and sketches that had been laid out before them. "Anyways, we're getting off track here, lads. If we want to avoid getting detention for it we need two simple things."
"A proper alibi and plausible deniability?" James smirked at Remus. It was something Remus lectured them about often. If they wanted less detentions, they needed plausible deniability – that is, no one needed to be able to say they didn't do it, but no one should be able to pin the pranks specifically on them either. Generally, though, James, Sirius, and Peter enjoyed the notoriety. Plus, they never had alibis. Remus was caught the least frequently of all of them and James was pretty sure it was due to him being chummy with the girls of their year.
"Yes," Remus shot him a tired grin back. "But no, I was going to say that the prank needs to affect everyone equally, and we should work in some sort of time-delayed effect. That way we all have alibis when it actually begins."
"But that means…" began Peter, who trailed off as if unsure.
"Oh no," Sirius put in.
"Oh yes." With a wicked grim, Remus pulled the plans for the prank in question off the table and tossed them at James. It was only the latter's Quidditch reflexes that kept them from being scattered everywhere.
"The belching one?" James raised his eyebrows. "You're serious?"
"It checks off all the boxes. We can make it affect everyone, Pete already had time delay built into the plans and I know you and Sirius are proficient enough with potions to make it work. It's perfect," Remus said, almost gleefully. And yes, it was perfect. It would also be the most royally stupid prank they had ever pulled. But, James supposed, at least it would be memorable.
James could see Sirius mapping out the same thought process he had just had himself, albeit slightly slower. Remus looked smug. Pete was gleeful.
"Finally!" exclaimed Pete when James' eyes landed on him. He was cackling uproariously. "My best plans, seeing the light of day at last."
"These are hardly your best plans, Pete," quipped Sirius in response. "That time you dared me to propose to McGonnagall? That was definitely some of your best work."
"This is even better, Sirius. It has a certain…eau de toillete to it."
Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Perfume?"
James and Remus had begun laughing now, as Pete's expression faded form gleeful to confused to…slightly constipated? "Is that what that means?" he finally gasped. "I always thought it was, like, bathroom related things, you know?"
"Sweet Merlin Pete," James choked out between guffaws. "Please never try speaking another language again."
Remus was the first to compose himself, wiping the tears from his eyes and leaning back against the wall that the table was resting against. "So it's settled then. All we need is a day, location, and our alibis."
"And my charming smile," added Sirius smugly.
"Yes, yes, and Sirius' charming smile to distract the elves so we can slip the potion into the morning drinks."
So it had been settled. The prank and plan were purely Pete's, who had initially suggested it as a joke when the Marauders had been stumped for new prank plans almost a year ago. It was a simple modified potion brew for a joke potion that caused the drinker to hiccup. James and Sirius had figured out the time delay aspect almost instantaneously and then had put their heads together with Remus (who was excellent at potions theory but lacked applied skills) to put the rest of it together.
What resulted was a potion that, two hours after drinking it, would cause the drinker to belch uncontrollably every single time they tried to utter any sort of verb. It could be undone with a simple counter jinx – if anyone could figure the jinx out.
After some discussion, the plan was set. The last Hogsmeade weekend was taking place in a mere two days. The morning of the trip, they would add the potion to all the drinks the elves had prepared for breakfast in the Great Hall. Everything from pumpkin juice to coffee would get a generous dosage of the potion, with the exception of any of the drinks going to the professor's table. Just in case any went down for an early breakfast. For most students, this meant that it would kick in right around the time they'd be meeting their dates at Hogsmeade, and wouldn't be resolved until everyone was back at the castle so the professors could administer a mass counter jinx to the student body.
James had to admit that although juvenile, it was an excellent prank with an excellent plan. Incredibly intricate but foolishly simple – which., if he was being honest with himself, was probably what gave the Marauder pranks so much notoriety to begin with. There was just one problem…
"The girls are going to be so narked off by it," groaned James.
"By 'the girls' are you sure you don't mean just a certain red-headed witch?" Peter asked with a phony air of innocence. James could feel his face heat, thanking Merlin, Morgana, McGonagall, and anyone else he could think of for his darker toned skin that hid his blush.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he sighed in an attempt at nonchalance. "Emily Goldberg is absolutely not my type." Of course, he knew that wasn't who they were talking about. Emily Goldberg was a Ravenclaw seventh year who he knew only because she was the Ravenclaw's quidditch team captain. They were, of course, talking about Evans.
And sure, maybe he had noticed her more this year, especially after Easter. Except it was mostly because she seemed quieter, if anything, and he couldn't help noticing how someone who went out of her way to argue with him before was now almost stubbornly quiet. And sure, maybe he had also noticed she was pretty. But her hair was just a very unique shade of red! And possibly he had spent more time than normal talking to the lads about her.
"Don't be daft," needled Pete. "You know exactly who I mean."
James' blush must have been showing by this point, because Sirius remarkably stepped in. "C'mon Pete, don't be so hard on him." A wicked grin grew on his face. "She is right behind him, after all"
His heart sped up in his chest almost inexplicably. Forgetting that he was supposed to be vehemently denying everything Peter was saying, he whirled around to look behind him.
Evans was not behind him. In fact, she was just now strolling in through the portrait hole, giggling at something Mary had been saying to her.
"You git," James bit out furiously at Sirius, spinning back around. "You are both horrible and cold hearted, honestly."
Sirius laughed uproariously and sat up where he had been lying. "Honestly, you should have seen the look on your face." His laughter was contagious, and even James felt himself begin to chuckle. "I can't believe you even bought that, mate. I was on the couch, I couldn't even see behind you."
"Oh, bugger off," said James with a rueful grin.
"You should just ask her, honestly," piped up Remus. He hadn't been laughing, but was watching James, Peter, and Sirius with something that looked like bemusement on his face. "We have Hogsmeade this weekend. Plus, if she says no, at least you'll know. And if she says yes, then you'll be the first lad in our year to get a date to Hogsmeade."
"You're right, Moony," responded James. He ruffled his hair as he composed himself. He could feel adrenaline coursing through his veins, although why his body thought he needed adrenaline for this he wasn't sure. She was just a bloody girl. A beautiful one, sure, but just a bloody girl, honestly.
His nerves mounted as he turned to see Lily across the common room. She had just settled herself in front of the fire with Mary on her right and Marlene, who had come down from their dormitories to join them, on her left.
"Oi, Evans," he found himself calling across the common room. She whipped around and gave him a questioningly wary look. "Go to Hogsmeade with me."
She merely raised her eyebrows back, and James felt his whole body deflate back into his chair. "In your bloody dreams, Potter," she said, when he had finally sunk into his chair as low as he could possibly get.
The rest of the lads were shaking with silent laughter. Pete was almost on the floor and Sirius was back on his back, tears streaming from his eyes. As always, Moony was the first to compose himself.
"Tough luck, mate." He gave James a sympathetic look. Peter had calmed himself down too, but Sirius was still laughing. His laughter was making James angry, and James honestly wasn't even sure why.
"You're laughing like it's so easy," spat James finally, "as if you'd have any better luck."
Sirius had the good grace to sober up quickly, but also shot James a smirk. "Is that a dare?"
Merlin, sometimes James hated his friends sometimes. "Of course it is, you bloody berk. Let's see what you've got."
"Anything can top 'Oi, Evans,'" grinned Pete. "Honestly anything, mate. Don't know what you were thinking."
James just rolled his eyes. He hadn't been. This wasn't over, though. He'd figure out how to do it properly. He mentally noted down his most important goal for the upcoming fourth year – convincing Evans to go out with him.
"Well, I suppose I'll have to take you up on that," Sirius sighed theatrically. He pushed himself up and jumped over the back of the couch. He, too, ran a hand through his long hair before sitting himself down on the other side of Marlene and slinging an arm around her shoulders.
They spoke in hushed tones. James couldn't see anything, but he did notice the blush staining Marlene's cheeks. Less than a minute later, Sirius rose and sauntered back to his friends.
"Mischief managed," he said with a wink at James. "Marlene will be accompanying me to Hogsmeade next weekend."
James groaned loudly, but shockingly it was Remus who looked the most affronted. "It's the last Hogsmeade of the year. It's supposed to be just Marauders!"
"Sorry Moony," Sirius winced and looked mostly apologetic, James noted. "But this can only be good for us."
"Why?" scoffed Peter and James at the same time. Clearly it was not just James, the other two were at least a little bit upset at Sirius too, albeit for different reasons.
"Well, with a non-Marauder spending the day with us, we have – what do you call it, Moony?"
James didn't particularly like the look on Remus' faced as he grinned back at Sirius.
"Plausible deniability," Sirius and Remus intoned simultaneously.
