Fifth Year – Lily
A/N: I've shifted some canon timelines here for my own benefits, and honestly because capturing everything I'd like to in one-shots i D, especially with trying to have the consistent pattern of Lily's chapter followed by James. And since I wanted to use sixth year to start showing the development of their relationship, I had to reposition the James/Severus/Lily debacle that we saw with Harry in the penseive to the beginning of fifth year so we have time to see some other stuff. If everyone hasn't noticed, I've also avoided showing scenes that we've already seen happen in the books. This means I'm skipping out on writing the time Snape tried to sneak into the Shrieking Shack, although I'll address some of the fall-out in James' fifth year chapter. For this reason, and because canonically what Harry saw in the pensieve was merely a couple weeks after that incident, we'll be assuming both of them had happened before this chapter, so near to the beginning of fifth year. So…if you're a big stickler for canon, I'm sorry (kind of, lol), but I think it's really the only time I'll hugely diverge from canon in this fic! It's been important to me in this fic to kind of bridge the little snapshots we see from Harry's POV in the book with context without revisiting anything we've already seen.
(It's also really hard to track everything that's canon. I haven't read the books in a while, seeing as how I'm trans and JKR is transphobic as fuck. I do read a lot of fanfic, but that can confuse things a lot!)
Lily packed up her books slowly. Curfew was nearing, but she didn't particularly want to head back to the common room. She was studying alone tonight – Mary and Alice were off at dueling club, which Lily had skipped to visit Remus in the hospital wing – and Marlene had Quidditch practice, although she was probably arriving back in the dormitory now, windswept and likely too pleased with herself.
Marls had joined Quididtch just this year as a Chaser – alongside, of course, James Potter, who was precisely the reason Lily had been avoiding the common room as much as possible during her fifth year. It wasn't as if Potter was horrid anymore. He had stopped asking her out incessantly and rudely. In fact, it seemed as though they had ended fourth year as almost-friends. Indeed, her normal letter writing to Remus over the summer had extended to Black, which extended to a few letters to Peter and Potter as well. He was perfectly polite when they came back. Except, of course, he continued to hex Severus.
And that was the crux of it, really. She had no idea what to do. James Potter was nice – except he was horrid to Severus. Severus was horrid – except he was nice to her. Sort of. Mostly, Lily was confused, and a traitorous part of her thought that Sev deserved what he was getting. After all, last year he had nearly killed Remus, and this year already he had tried to sneak into the Shrieking Shack, where she knew Lupin transformed every full moon.
And the more she was seen around James Potter and the Mauraders, of course, the bigger of a target she became for the Slytherins. And for Sev's rage – he loathed Potter more than anything. Mostly, Lily just felt stuck in the middle.
But perhaps if Severus wasn't around his friends so much – if Lily could just talk to him, he'd see how wrong he was, and he'd be able to change. Then it would be just like they were before Hogwarts – Sev and Lily against the world.
She slipped out of the library, bag over her shoulder, and walked smack into Severus on the other side. He looked as though he was just about to enter the library, books and parchment in hand and harried look on his face. A momentary stab of longing went through her. Two years ago, she would have been walking in along with him to hide in the back corner and gossip about Potter and Black as they worked on their homework.
Now, he just looked at her contemptuously. "Out of my way, Mudblood," he snarled. She watched – sort of detached from her body – as he stopped and turned back to look at her, his eyes widening apologetically. He opened his mouth – Merlin knew what he was going to say – but Lily had had enough.
She spun on her heel and fled without looking where she was going, really, just determined not to cry until she got somewhere safe. The last thing she wanted right now was her dormitory; she'd have to pass Potter, and Marlene was so proud of Quidditch that Lily could hardly dare to bring her mood down with talk of Severus Snape, so she settled for heading upwards towards the astronomy tower.
Lily rounded a corner, slowing down, and for the second time that night bumped into someone. This time, the someone put his arms out to steady her. Her cheek brushed leather jacket that carried the faint smell of cigarettes.
"Black," she said without looking up. She stepped out of his grasp slowly.
"Evans," Black quirked a smile at her. "I wouldn't go that way if I were you. Slughorn and Peeves are going at it; all the first years are out of bed and watching."
"What did you do?" The prefect in her couldn't help but ask, even if she knew Black would never telling.
"Ah ah," he responded teasingly. "Mauraders don't prank and tell." She watched him take a good look at her face, then, and Lily tried honestly to blend into the walls – sure the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes were obvious.
"Lils, what's happened?"
She just shook her head, although she was more than a little surprised. With Sirius, they were always Evans and Black to each other. He never called her Lily, and definitely not Lils. That was something only her closest friends did. Severus used to call her Lils, too. A tear escaped, but she wiped it away quickly.
"Okay," Sirius sighed. "Not here, c'mon."
He strode off down the corridor. She vaguely recognized that they were somewhere on the fourth floor. Sirius stopped in front of a mirror, so abruptly she almost bumped into him. He raised his wand and whispered what must have been an incantation at the mirror. She couldn't hear what it was, but suddenly the mirror swung to the side, opening up to a spacious cavern.
Sirius ushered her in and the mirror clicked closed behind them, plunging them into blackness. Moments later, after the swish of a wand, she was bathed in the blue light of Black's conjured flames. They lit up the cavern around her, and she noticed then that there was a hallway extending into darkness on the opposite side.
"What is this place?" she asked. Her voice sounded hollow, even to her own ears.
"Passage to Hogsmeade," Sirius responded. "No, don't ask me where it goes or how to get in," he continued when she opened her mouth to ask just that. "I'll have to hex you if I tell you."
"Whatever, Black," she settled on as a response. "You're an arse."
"Might be," he responded with some cheek, "But you haven't run away yet, Evans."
Lily snorted. "You called me Lils, before," she said by way of response.
"Well, yeah. That's what your friends call you, innit? We're friends." He gave a her a funny look, as if she should have expected this. Honestly – Mauraders. Lily could never keep up.
"Now want to tell me what's got your knickers in a twist?" She slid down the wall to sit on the floor and he followed her lead, although with much more grace. Lily suspected he didn't want to scratch his leather jacket on the walls.
"No," she said stubbornly, out of habit really. At Sirius' steady look she just sighed. "Snape called me a mudblood, just now."
If Black was startled by the use of Severus' last name, he didn't say anything, just continued to look at her.
"He's done that before," he finally said when it was clear she wasn't going to say anything more. "I don't mean to sound like a complete arse, but why's it different this time?"
Lily chuckled a little in spite of herself. "Don't worry, Black. You always sound like a complete arse." She squealed when he elbowed her in retaliation.
"I don't know why it's different, really," she finally said. "I suppose he calls everyone else with muggle parents the same thing, so it's not as though I should be expecting different treatment. He was always nice to me, though. When the rest of the Slytherin lot weren't around." Lily took a deep breath. Now that she was talking, she felt as though she couldn't stop.
"I guess, after he hurt Remus last year, we stopped talking. That was horrid. I've never seen Potter so…" she trailed off, shrugged. "But then I went home – and home is awful, really. I love my parents, but I can't do magic there. I think Petunia hates me almost completely, she won't even speak with me. And Snape…he's the only connection I have.
"He first told me I was a witch, you know. I hardly believed him – but he told me all about Hogwarts and the houses. We went shopping in Diagon together for our first year. Then took the train up, all together." She shifted her weight, slightly, before grabbing her wand and casting a quick cushioning charm under them.
"Ta, Evans," Sirius grinned. "My glorious arse thanks you."
"Yeah, you're a glorious arse alright," she responded quickly. "Anyways, we kind of made up last summer. Not without a lot of shouting, mind you. Mostly on my part," she added ruefully. She was known for her temper in the Gryffindor common room. Her parents had always called her passionate.
"God, I'm a shit friend to Remus," she sighed. "He nearly died and I spent my summer writing him letters to cheer him up while I made peace with the bloke who nearly killed him. Anyways, it was all fine, you know? It was tense, but it was almost normal."
Sirius squeezed her arm gently as she shifted to face him, finally looking him in the eyes. "It all went to shit when we came back here, though. At first, he just didn't like that I was round you four all the time. Then he pulled that stunt with Lupin and the Shrieking Shack. Then he called me a mudblood. But I still thought that if I could just talk to him, maybe he'd listen. Stop hanging around with Avery and Mulciber, writing to Lucius and whoever else he does." She brushed at the tears that had started to seep from the corners of her eyes again.
"I bumped into him just now – literally, I mean. I was leaving the library and he was going in. I don't think he realized it was me, but he must have, because he told me to get away and called me a mudblood. No one else was around. Just us two. So I think, maybe, he's past saving." She cried in earnest, then. She honestly couldn't help it, as much as she hated it. And it wasn't as though Sirius had ever seen her cry before. Honestly, the two of them ended up in this situation far too often.
"It's the same with Reg, you know," Sirius finally said. "Every summer we make up. As much as we can, I mean. He's too much of a priss to get on the wrong side of my mum and dad. We have good times, though. But then we go to Hogwarts and he's back around the same – Avery, Mulciber, Sniv- Snape."
"Yeah," she said finally. "It's a right load of shite."
"That it is," Sirius agreed somberly. "But it's not your job to save him. He'll have to learn himself. Or he won't. And either way, it's not your fault."
"You're not too bad at this whole friend thing, you know," she responded, nudging him with her shoulder.
"Damn right I'm not, Evans. I've had practice, James can be a great moody git when he wants to." She laughed openly at the thought of James and Sirius having a good cry in a hidden passageway. The mental image was quite something.
They sat together in amiable silence as the fire dwindled, until suddenly the mirror (or rather, door from this side of the passage, Lily supposed) swing outward and light flooded in.
"Oi, Pads, you in here?" The voice that accompanied the momentarily blinding light from the corridor belonged to none other than James Potter. Behind him, she could see the outline of what must be Peter.
"Trust you to be sulking in your favourite passageway. C'mon, we need to head down if we're going to make it to the Hospital Wing before midnight. You know Pomfrey will only let us get away with sneaking in there for so long." James stopped as he finally entered the passageway, looking between Sirius and Lily in stunned silence. She couldn't help but giggle a little.
Sirius merely looked calmly between the two. "I already told you, I don't like that nickname. Pick a different one, you tosser."
James spluttered. "I can't just – no, I'm not changing it. Evans?" he added, turning towards her. "What on earth happened to you?"
"Do I look that bad?" she asked sardonically. James turned about as red as he could and ruffled his hair. She could make out Peter stifling his laughter in the background. "I'm joking, Potter," she finally said, releasing the poor boy from his confused misery of having maybe insulted her. "Pads?" she asked, turning to Sirius.
He just shrugged back. "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to hex you." Lily pulled herself to her feet with a smile at that and the turned to help Sirius up.
"How'd you know where to find him?" she asked, turning toward James and Peter. "You can't like, read each other's minds now, can you?"
James merely grinned.
"Honestly, this is where Sirius always goes to sulk," Peter said. "It's the first place we check."
"Good to know," she responded as mock gasped in shock.
"How could you, Pete? Now she has blackmail material." He pretended to faint. What a tosser. Although secretly Lily had started to think that the four of them together could be quite charming.
"Yes, Black," she said blandly. "Because of all I know about you, I would definitely choose your prime sulking location as the blackmail I'd use."
James quirked a small grin at her, as if he hadn't expected her to be so witty, or something. "You three are visiting Lupin?" she asked James. "How are you going to manage that without getting caught?"
"We have our ways," James responded in a mockingly mystical voice.
"Plus, Evans," Black interjected, "We could tell you, but-"
"You'd have to hex me," she finished for him, rolling her eyes. "I think I get the idea." She looked between the three of them for a moment, feeling as though they were all unsure of what to do next. "Well? Aren't you going to visit your best mate?" She pretended to sigh at them. "You should go, you know, before I come to my senses and have to take points from my own house."
All three boys' eyes widened. "You wouldn't," Peter gasped. "You're out of bed, too! You'd have to take points from yourself!"
"Can't take points from fellow prefects, Pete," she quipped back. "Even if that prefect is myself. Now let's go – I can walk you partway in case a professor finds you, say I'm escorting you back to Gryffindor or something. I want to go find Mary, anyhow."
"Aw, Evans," Sirius responded, ruffling her hair (much to her dismay – bloody boys). "We'll make a rule-breaker of you, yet."
