A/N: I uploaded this on AO3 but forgot to do it here whoops i'm sorry! chapter 1 of seventh year is here, though!

Remus Lupin was lying on his back under the big willow tree (the regular kind, not the Whomping kind) in James' expansive yard. There was a book beside him, but he had abandoned it in favour of closing his eyes and letting the sun warm him. His head was resting on Peter's leg – Pete was sitting up and actually reading, and he could hear James' and Sirius' whoops in the distance as the two raced on their new brooms.

It was the beginning of August, they had all arrived at the Potters two days ago, just after the full moon. The plan was to spend the next three weeks generally getting into mischief and trouble on the Potter's huge property before they went back to Hogwarts for their last year.

"I can't believe it's only one year left," Pete sighed, as if reading his mind. Remus cracked open his eyes slowly to look at the other boy. His body was still hurting from his last transformation, he felt achy and creaky every time he moved.

"Can't believe we have to write NEWTs," Remus responded. "We're not going to have time for anything other than studying this year. Remember what OWLs were like?"

"I try not to," Peter replied with a mock shudder. Remus tried to tamp down the anxiety he was feeling whenever he thought about school. He was excited to return, almost painfully so, but he was very aware that it was his last year at Hogwarts. And no matter what Dumbledore or the other Marauders said, there was nothing left for him after graduating. He couldn't work, not with disappearing for every full moon and especially not in the current political climate – not that they were often able to hear much about the outside world while they were at Hogwarts.

"You'll do fine," Remus said to Pete instead of voicing anything else that was happening in his mind. "We all will."

Pete smiled at him. "Wish I could do as well as they did without any revising," he said, nodding to the two other boys who had landed and were clearly foot racing to the willow.

"I don't think anyone can," Remus sighed back. "It's part of their obnoxious charm."

Pete was still snickering as the other two boys stopped short in front of them. James' hair was more all over the place than usual – if it were even possible. He had shot up again in the summer – all three other boys now dwarfed Remus in height – and he hadn't filled out to match it yet. As if he could feel Remus looking, he ran a hand darkened by time spent in the sun through his hair as if trying to flatten it. It didn't help. His eyes were bright and energetic as they always were, something that Remus had always envied. There were lots of things that could be said about James Potter – many of them not very nice, but no one could say that he wasn't one of the happiest boys they had ever met.

"Hogwarts letters are here," Sirius said in a rush as soon as he had caught his breath. Pete let out a whoop in response, and Remus shifted painfully to let the other boy jump up.

"How do you know?" he asked wryly. Pete and James had already started walking towards the house, chatting animatedly.

"We almost collided with the owls," Sirius said sheepishly. "They sent four, which honestly seemed excessive considering they know we're all in the same place."

Remus snickered, sitting up slowly. "Imagine if you had collided. Detention before we're even back at school."

"They wouldn't give detention for that," Sirius responded, although he looked unsure. Remus just laughed some more and extended a hand up, a silent request to be helped to his feet. Sirius reached back and hauled him up – Remus had to work not to notice how the muscles shifted in the other boy's chest and arms as he did.

Sirius had shot up too, but unlike James had filled out over the past year as well. He'd grown out his hair, too, into lazy waves that were nearing the bottom of his ears. He was still pale – no matter how much sun Sirius got, he never tanned – and his smile was the same crooked thing that tore at Remus' heart every time he saw it.

"You and Pete should play with us next time," Sirius said as they made their way back to James' house. James and Pete were just visible in the distance, nearing the back garden. Remus loved James' house dearly, secretly wished he could explore the grounds with his friends during a full moon, but hated the large expanse when he was sore and in pain like this.

Remus gave Sirius a small smile. "Maybe next week, Pads." He didn't want to tell them explicitly, but the moons of the summer had been extraordinarily hard on him since his fifth year – when his friends had become animagi to roam the night with him. Having his friends around helped Remus keep his mind as a wolf – and keep from hurting himself. When he was home, though, it was just himself in a dark room, and the wolf had nothing better to do than harm Remus himself.

Sirius slipped an arm around Remus, who tried to ignore the stutter he felt in his heart. "Next week sounds excellent, Moony," Sirius responded simply.

They trooped into the house behind James and Peter, who Mrs Potter was already gently admonishing for the amount of mud they were tracking around.

"Sorry mum," said Sirius, smiling easily as they entered. "Hogwarts letters, though."

Euphemia Potter turned her exasperated look on Sirius. "I'm well aware," she said. "And you lot can open them after you've cleaned off."

Remus watched James and Sirius exchange an amused look before the group of four headed up the stairs to change and shower. They split off at the top of the stairs, James and Sirius to go to their rooms (which were side-by-side and connected, of course) and Remus and Pete to go to their rooms on the other side of the hall.

Once in his room, Remus stripped quickly and headed to the shower. He was jealous, sometimes, of the easy way James and Sirius had fallen into being siblings at the Potter's house. It often made him wish he had a brother – not that he would want one under the circumstances that Sirius had come to the Potters, but it was still a nice thought. Not that he would want Sirius as his brother, either…

He pushed the thought away from his mind. Some things shouldn't be dwelled on.

Remus changed quickly once out of the shower, mostly eager to be able to open his letter. Just as he was set to head back downstairs – or possibly hover in the hall awkwardly until there was someone to go down with him – there was a knock at his door.

He pulled the door open to see Sirius on the other side. The other boy smiled easily at him. "Figured you'd be ready."

Remus ignored the way his heart fluttered. "Didn't think you'd be that fast," he chose to respond instead.

"I knew you'd be done first," Sirius said with an elegant shrug, "and that you're still too scared of the Potters to go downstairs alone." He dodged deftly as Remus swatted at him with the back of his hand.

They trooped downstairs together, Sirius putting a bracing arm across Remus' shoulders without him having to ask. And if Remus leaned into the supporting embrace slightly more than he strictly needed to, well, no one else would realize.

The letters were on the Potters' dining table. Remus could hear Mrs Potter in the kitchen, probably preparing dinner. The boys had been outside a while.

"Wonder what the new Defence professor will be like," Remus said, mostly to break the silence. They had never had a professor stay longer than a year – no one was quite sure why, although there were rumors going around that the spot was cursed.

"Hopefully someone interesting," Sirius responded. "I can't do with another professor that makes the subject sound duller than Binns' lessons." He gave Remus a lopsided smile.

"You have to admit, that takes a certain kind of talent," Remus quipped back. It was true – their sixth year professor had to have been the worst one yet. They had no practical lessons and had learned next to nothing that was actually interesting. Even the textbook he had chosen was dry and boring.

They boys tore into their letters at the same time. Remus noticed his envelope was rather thick, which was soon explained by the presence of a separate letter inside the first.

"What's that, then?" Sirius asked. He had already given the contents of their letter a cursory glance over.

"Dunno," Remus responded, fumbling as he opened the letter. He felt his chest sink as he read it.

Dear Mr Lupin,

I am certain it will not escape your notice that you have not made Head Boy this year. I would like to reassure you that we felt you were a strong candidate, but were worried by your condition – Professor Dumbledore believed it would take you away from your Head duties, and I am inclined to avoid placing too much strain on you.

Do not take this as a reflection of your character. You are an excellent student and strong leader. I have no doubt that you would have been up to the challenge and will regardless continue to act as a role model to younger prefects this year.

Sincerely

Deputy Headmistress

Minerva McGonagall

"What is it?" Remus heard Sirius ask, but his voice sounded as if it was coming from the other end of a long tunnel. It wasn't as though Remus had held out hope for being Head Boy necessarily, and yet it was still painful to know that the only reason Dumbledore had felt he was incapable was because of his condition.

"Moony, c'mon." He felt Sirius' hand on his shoulder, bracingly, and the world zoomed back into focus as quickly as it had gone out of focus. Numbly, he handed Sirius the letter.

It only took the other boy a moment to read it. "This is garbage," Sirius said, crumpling the letter in his hand. "I'll write to her – right now if you want. This is completely unfair to you. We all thought you'd be Head Boy – you deserve it."

"It's fine, Pads," Remus heard himself mumble. He tried to smile up at Sirius, but suspected it came out as more of a grimace. "This is how it it'll be for the rest of my life, best I get used to it now."

"This isn't the rest of your life," Sirius growled. "This is Hogwarts."

The voices of James and Peter sounded in the hall, and suddenly they were standing across the table from Sirius and Remus. Remus could feel the other two boys looking at him, but couldn't bring himself to say anything. He watched as Sirius wordlessly handed over the crumpled letter.

"They can't do this!" Peter exclaimed, the first one to finish reading. James was still holding the letter with a sort of lost expression on his face.

"How could they not make you Head Boy?" he said finally.

Remus scrubbed his face. Embarrassingly, he felt the urge to cry, which was stupid. He had known he wasn't going to make Head Boy, so why was the confirmation of this so disappointing to him?

"It's fine," Remus said again. "I wasn't expecting to get it, anyways."

"That doesn't mean you don't deserve it," Pete responded angrily. "Honestly, you have the best grades in our year, you work hard, you're an excellent prefect…" He trailed off.

"I can tell my Dad," James said after. "He's on the board of governors, he could overrule it."

Remus snorted slightly at that. It came out a bitter sound. "How will you explain that?" he asked James wearily. "Hey Dad, my best friend who we invited to our house for the summer is actually a werewolf, and because of that he isn't Head Boy and we think that's unfair."

"Well," James spluttered. "We have to do something. They can't just treat you like this."

He could feel Sirius behind him nodding vehemently. His hand was still on Remus' shoulder, sending jolts of energy through his body every time the other boy moved.

"They didn't even have to let me into Hogwarts," Remus said. His gaze was fixed firmly on the table – he didn't want to have to look up, see the outraged faces of his friends. "But they did. I don't mind that I'm not Head Boy, really. It's enough just to get to go to school. Can we please stop talking about this?"

Remus saw James and Peter exchange disbelieving looks out of the corner of his eye. Sirius squeezed his shoulder briefly before Remus felt his hand drop away, too.

"Why don't you two open your letters, then?" Sirius said, just as James had opened his mouth – definitely to say something else about the Head Boy business. Remus looked up to shoot him a grateful smile, which Sirius returned. He felt the other boy's hand drop from his shoulder as he moved to sit down in the chair beside him. Remus missed the warmth almost immediately.

James and Peter opened theirs at the same time. Remus had been right to think James' had looked bigger - imHim asdfa sdf asdwhen he pulled out his letter, something else thumped on the table. He watched James pick it up, suddenly feeling even more sick to his stomach.

It was a Head Boy badge.

James had discarded the rest of his letter and was staring at the badge as if it were a poisonous beast that was likely to lunge at him at any minute. Remus watched his mouth open and close a couple times before words finally came out.

"No," was all James said. Before anyone could say anything else, he stuffed the badge back into his now-empty envelope. "I'm sending it back. I wasn't even a Prefect, they can't have just gone and made me Head Boy over you." His eyes met Remus' across the table.

"Prongs," Remus sighed. Every breath he took made the world feel farther and farther away. "You can't send it back. You deserve it."

James looked highly affronted at this. "I do not," he gasped out. "It's insulting. I should be spending my time pranking people, not giving out detentions."

Sirius snickered beside Remus. "Better you than me, mate."

Something was growing in Remus' stomach – it felt a lot like bitterness, which wasn't a particularly welcome emotion. He did not want to feel bitter towards his friends over something they couldn't even control.

"Just don't send it back," Remus ground out. It felt like his vision was going black around the edges, just from the effort of keeping his emotions in check. He wasn't sure why, either – surely it was an overreaction to be this upset that James had made Head Boy.

"Moony," he heard Pete say cautiously. "Are you sure you're okay?" At the same time, he heard James mutter something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like send it back.

Remus felt the bitterness grow. "Do not send it back," he hissed at James. "I swear to Merlin, Prongs, you deserve it. It's important."

"You're more important," James grumbled back. Remus felt some of his anger ebb away for a moment. But then –

"Jamie, you're a HEAD BOY!?" James' mum entered the room with a squeal.

Remus heard himself mutter something about not feeling well and was on his feet before he even realized what he was doing. He hobbled out of the room, much more slowly than he would have liked. He vaguely heard James' mum in the background asking about him, heard Sirius waving away her concerns before he felt a sudden presence behind him.

"C'mon Moony," Sirius' voice was gentle, and Remus let him put his arm around Remus' shoulders and steer him away from the stairs, towards the back garden instead. They stopped at the back of the garden. Sirius flopped on the ground beside a rose bush, Remus following him more gingerly.

"I'm not upset," he insisted as he lowered himself to the ground. His vision had cleared, the panicky feeling fading, and he mostly felt foolish now. Sirius' bright brown eyes on his were not helping matters, nor was his small, knowing smile.

"You're allowed to be upset," Sirius said. "It's not fair, what Dumbledore did."

"Yes, but Prongs-" Remus began, but Sirius cut him off.

"I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, Moony, I swear. But you deserve it, too." Remus glanced at Sirius out of the corner of his eye. His head was bent, black waves falling into his eyes as he pet a bumblebee perched on one of the roses.

"That'll sting you," Remus said by way of response.

"It won't," Sirius responded, his voice taking on a contrary tone. "They're gentle. Just because they can hurt people doesn't mean they will." Remus felt Sirius' eyes pierce him, and he forced himself to look away.

"It doesn't really matter," he said finally. "This is what life will be like for me. We both know that," he added, looking back at Sirius. "Hogwarts is more than I ever could have hoped-" he cut off, feeling, to his horror, tears burning at the edge of his vision again.

"Merlin, Rem, that doesn't mean you can't be disappointed." Sirius nudged him with his foot, which Remus pointedly ignored.

"I just feel like-" Remus paused, trying to collect his words. "Dumbledore didn't have to let me into Hogwarts. He didn't have to do anything for me. I know it's stupid, but I feel as though I'm throwing that all back in his face, by being upset about this."

"Well that's just," Sirius paused a moment, sighed, looked at Remus carefully. "Letting you come to Hogwarts, that's just basic human decency. You might be an X-rated dark creature, but they let in Slytherins, and that's worse."

Remus laughed in spite of himself. "It'll be worse than this, when we graduate, I mean. I won't be able to get a job – I'd have to miss work for the moon and that would make it obvious. Hogwarts is like…" he trailed off, unsure how to finish.

"A good dream that you never want to end?" Sirius finished for him. Remus smiled at the other boy.

"Exactly like that. But it's my reality, Pads, I have to start facing it sooner or later."

Sirius made a face in response. "Working is overrated anyways," he said finally. "You can just move in with me and Jamie here. Pete can come, too. It'll be exactly like Hogwarts."

Remus tried to ignore the warmth that had settled in his stomach at that. You can just move in with me. If only he could.

Both boys jumped as a shout made it's way across the garden. "Boys, dinner time!"

They trooped inside, Sirius with his arm around Remus again. He knew it was only for support – all the Marauders were constantly hovering in the days after a full moon, helping Remus move around. This was no different – except that, well, it was Sirius.

Dinner was a quick affair. Despite James' best attempts, his parents continued to draw him into conversation about his becoming head boy. Remus weathered this with a smile, even if he was still slightly upset. He owed it to James, at least, to be proud of him. He could feel Sirius' worried eyes on him all meal, and didn't miss how Pete constantly changed the conversation any time the upcoming school year came up. Mostly, he was grateful for his friends.

After dinner, Remus attempted to escape to his room, claiming exhaustion. The Potters let him go without too much of a fuss. They didn't know about his furry little problem, of course, but believed he was simply sickly, which was fine by Remus. Naturally, though, the other Marauders were not about to let him off that easily.

James was the first to appear in his room that night, flopping down onto his bed without preamble. Peter followed next with Sirius in tow, all of them piling together under the covers. His bed at the Potters, at least, was bigger than their four posters at Hogwarts, which the four boys no longer fit into all together.

"I'm not going to step down from being Head Boy," James said that night. "Although I still think you deserve it, Rem."

Remus shrugged lightly, more relaxed now than he had been earlier. "It's fine by me, honestly," he said. "Means you're responsible for keeping everyone out of trouble now, not me." He gave James a wicked grin. James groaned in response.

"I don't know if I can do it, lads. Stay out of trouble a whole year?" he gasped dramatically and pretended to faint.

"I'm sure they don't expect you to stay out of trouble the whole year," Peter teased. "We should set a precedent, show them you're still a Marauder first."

"I like how you think, Wormtail," James responded with a decidedly wicked grin.

And just like that, everything was how it always was. The four boys sat up late into the night, planning a Welcome Feast prank the likes of which the school had never seen before. Remus was the last to fall asleep, as usual, squished between Peter and Sirius in the bed, with James on Sirius' other side. He was happy, but it was a melancholy sort of happy. He couldn't help but feel that everything and nothing had changed all at once.