Petra had a light smile on her face as she strode down the narrow hallway towards their new friend's room. Eren Jaegar had been with them for a few days now, and Petra couldn't help but notice that he still had a hard time adjusting to the elite soldiers around him. She detected that he might've still been a bit intimidated by her and the rest of Levi Squad.
She had been making it a point to visit him a bit more often, keep him up to speed on the new developments on the upcoming mission outside of the walls. She just wanted him to be more at ease when around her. They could hardly develop a good working partnership if he was nervous in her presence. That's precisely why she was going to see him now.
However, as she approached the young man's room, she paused when she thought she heard voices coming from the other side of the door. Petra lightened her footsteps as she neared the door and lightly pressed her ear against the wood.
"How have they been treating you, Eren?"
Petra frowned. It was a voice she didn't recognize. It was higher pitched than Eren's, laced with a worried tone that was easy to detect.
A sigh. "They've been treating me fine, Armin. Really, you don't have to worry so much." That was Eren.
Armin…she recognized that name. If she recalled correctly, that was the name of the young man who devised the strategy for the retaking of Trost District. From what she had heard, it had been a plan made in the heat of the moment by a boy desperate to save himself and his friends from gunfire and blades. But miraculously, the plan had succeeded. Not without a few snags in the plan, but far better than anyone could have possibly hoped for.
"I know I don't, but…after Trost, I guess I'm a bit more anxious than I usually am."
"I honestly didn't think that was possible." A hint of playfulness intruded on Eren's usually serious tone.
"Har-har…" Petra heard Armin pause. "Mikasa misses you. She's more worried about you than I am."
"I figured as much. Tell her I'm fine and I'll be seeing her really soon, okay? She doesn't need to be distracted from her duties because she's worried about me. I'm not some kid brother she needs to protect. I can handle myself."
Petra smiled at that. From what she had learned about Eren, the young man was serious, almost too serious for a boy his age, about his duties as a soldier. He didn't take kindly to slacking off.
"That won't stop her from worrying and I think we both know that."
"Yeah…"
Another pause. "I miss you, too."
Petra heard the clomping of boots before what sounded like someone slapping someone else on the back.
"I miss you, too, Armin. But I promise that I'm fine and I promise that all three of us will be together again. I just need to learn how to control my ability, and then we'll fulfill our dream together, all three of us. Alright?"
"Alright…" Armin sniffed. "Well, I guess I should be going. Captain Levi told me I didn't have much time to see you."
"Right. Take care of yourself and Mikasa, alright?"
"Right."
Petra stiffened a bit as she heard what she figured was Armin walking towards the door. It wouldn't have been a good look if she were caught eavesdropping on a private and personal conversation. She took a quick step back from the door to produce the illusion that she was just arriving.
The door to Eren's room opened to reveal his guest. The young man didn't look up until he had closed the door. When he finally did, he looked up and squeaked in surprise at Petra's presence. He quickly saluted.
"Operator Ral!" He shot out. "My apologies. Captain Levi granted me permission to speak to Eren for a short time. I wasn't aware you would be seeing him as well. I didn't mean to take your time away from him."
Petra said nothing as she gazed at the boy in front of her. Blonde hair framed a boyish, almost childish face. Bright blue eyes stared at her, eyes that radiated an intelligence that was there for all to see. He was a small thing, almost delicate with a thin frame and arms.
Her vision kept drawing itself to his eyes. There was something within them that she noticed. Something almost…haunted. Anxious…guilty. It should have been foreign to a face and eyes like that.
Petra shook her head. "At ease, soldier. I was just arriving myself."
Armin relaxed his salute as he nodded and began to make his way past her. She was inclined to let him go.
But she couldn't ignore what she saw in that blue gaze.
"Young man." She called out.
Armin froze in his tracks, turned, and once again stiffened into a salute. Petra couldn't help giggling a bit at the intensity of his movements.
"At ease." She said with a raised hand. "You're…Armin Arlert, yes?"
"Yes, ma'am. Armin Arlert of the 104th Cadet Corps."
"I thought so. So, you're the one who came up with the plan to retake Trost, is that right?"
"…yes, ma'am."
Petra easily caught the hesitation before he answered, the way he blinked rapidly for a few moments.
"You saved a lot of lives that day, young man. Your mind probably spared humanity the fate of near-extinction."
Armin couldn't help himself when his gaze lowered to the floor.
He took a breath. "…I mean no disrespect ma'am, but I think you should reserve the praise for those who lost their lives for my plan. I…in all truth, had very little to do with the practical implementation. I merely devised it. And even then…it still nearly failed."
There it was again. That glazed-over look was back.
Petra was getting an idea about what it was about.
She quietly approached the boy and slipped her hand into one of his. He blinked.
"Come with me, Armin." She said it softly, but there was an edge to her tone that told Armin he didn't have much choice.
He let her drag him to a separate room down the hall, where she kept her grip on his hand as she lowered him onto the bed until they were sitting next to each other. Petra reached over and grabbed his other hand.
"Tell me what you're thinking about, Armin." She purposefully used his first name to put him at ease. "What's going on in that mind of yours?"
Armin's brow furrowed. "I'm…I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm not sure I understand."
"Something's bothering you. I can tell."
The boy stiffened and bit his lip, unable to meet the earnest eyes staring at him, urging him to let his thoughts flow out. Petra leaned out from the bed, not giving him the chance to get out of this. She made sure she was in his vision at all times. She wanted to help Armin.
It was up to him as to whether or not she could. Petra could tell he was fighting it. He was clenching his eyes tightly, his jaw tight as he clenched his teeth to stop crying.
Finally, Petra watched as a single tear slid down the young boy's face. She squeezed his hands.
"Go on, sweetheart."
That did it. Armin let out a shuddering breath.
"Ever since we retook Trost…I see faces. Every time I fall asleep, faces that I've never seen before in my life appear in my dreams." He hiccupped slightly as the tears started falling faster. "They all look at me. No matter how much I try to get away from them, their eyes follow me. And I can tell what they're asking." His gaze finally met Petra's. The woman nodded, urging him to keep going. "They're asking why I couldn't have thought of something better. Another plan that could have kept them safe. Kept them alive to see their families."
Petra began sliding her hands up and down his arms to comfort him. To keep him grounded.
"I know…I know logically I couldn't guarantee anything. No plan, no matter how thought out, can guarantee anyone's lives. Can guarantee everyone makes it out." The young boy began talking faster and faster. "But…b-but maybe I could've thought of s-something better, something m-more safe
He hiccupped once more as his face began to redden.
Petra couldn't take it anymore. She leaned in and wrapped an arm around Armin's shoulder while using her other hand to guide his head to her chest. She slowly ran her fingers through his golden locks. This wasn't right. A boy like this shouldn't feel this guilt, these dark thoughts eating at him every day and night.
"I-I just didn't think it w-would get this c-complicated. I-I'm s-scared for Eren, t-that he won't be able to c-control himself, and he'll hurt himself o-or someone else. And I-I have to be there for M-Mikasa and keep telling her that Eren's g-going to b-be alright, but I can't know that for sure." The boy was nearly hysterical as the words tumbled from his vocal cords. "I k-knew life as a soldier wouldn't be e-easy but I didn't know it would be so complicated. I-I can barely be sure of anything anymore!"
Petra lightly shushed him as his words became unintelligible. She tightened her hold on the boy as she continued to soothingly rub his back. She lightly rocked while Armin sobbed into her shirt.
She knew next to nothing about the boy she held in her arms. She knew only of his brilliant mind and now his sensitive heart. It was so different from those that she was usually around. Hardened men and women who accepted the realities of the life they led, pushing down their emotions until they were alone.
Armin Arlert was not that kind of person, that much was clear.
"You're okay…you're okay…" She murmured into his ear.
It took a while for his tears to slow. All the while, she never let go. She couldn't bring herself to. Something had come over her in that moment, a protectiveness that was different from the kind she felt towards her comrades. This was something more natural, something more maternal.
This young man had a gift. And she would be damned if he walked away from this thinking he didn't.
"Armin…I want you to listen to me right now, okay?"
She assumed she could continue when he didn't respond.
"You have nothing to feel guilty about, sweetheart. I know it's hard, and I know why you hold yourself responsible for their deaths." She felt him tense and she reflexively held him closer. "But your comrades died knowing it was for something great. A life for others free from fear of titans and bloodshed. That life is possible because of you, Armin. Without you, I doubt we would be here talking like this. Because of you, humanity gets to fight another day." She smiled. "You saved all of us, Armin."
His crying had almost ceased now, but he didn't lift his head from her chest.
"Your life has changed in ways most could never even imagine. The lives of your friends have changed. You have new responsibilities and priorities. It's a lot, and it can be scary." Petra moved her hands to cup the young man's cheeks and raise his head. "But you're brilliant, Armin. Your mind is a gift. If anyone can make it through these changes, it's you."
He continued to gaze up at her as she spoke, and she could see the tears starting to disappear from the corners of his eyes.
It was only after that she had finished speaking that Armin sniffed and removed himself from her. She only reluctantly let go of him, but she made sure to keep hold of one of his hands. He rubbed at his eyes to dry them. Petra merely sat in silence, occasionally rubbing a thumb over Armin's knuckles. After he had calmed himself and his breathing even out, he looked at her, and he smiled for the first time since she had met him. And it was real. She could tell by the crinkles around his eyes.
"Thank you, ma'am. I…don't think I realized how much I needed that." However, his smile thinned out when he gazed at the wet stain that inhabited Petra's uniform. "I'm sorry, though. I must've seemed like a child-"
He cut himself off when he saw Petra shake her head.
"There's no need to apologize, Armin. Everyone needs to let it out sometimes. I do it sometimes too."
He nodded slightly as he sniffed once more. He rose from the bed as he let out a breath through his nose.
"I won't take up any more of your time, ma'am. Mikasa is probably wondering where I am." He said, his smile returning.
She nodded. "Of course. And I promise, Armin, that Eren will be in good hands. So please don't fret about him, okay?"
Armin paused on his way out the door, looking back at her. "I don't know if I can do that, ma'am. But I feel better knowing that he's around people who care…"
And with that, Armin left the room.
Petra sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. That had been the most emotional she had been in a long while, but she was happy knowing that she helped lift the weight off of Armin's shoulder, even if not completely.
Her eyes went to the doorway once again when she heard footsteps in the hall getting closer. Soon enough, Gunther revealed himself. He pointed a thumb over his shoulder.
"Petra, I just ran into a boy in the hall I didn't recognize. Do you know who he is?"
At that, Petra just nodded.
"Just a young man who needed someone to talk to."
