If there were any mistakes that Orihime had made regarding Ulquiorra, her next training session would surely qualify as the highlight of them all.
Orihime followed Ulquiorra to the outside terrace, as usual. But instead of traveling upward, they traveled outward.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"We must find a place far enough from Las Noches to begin the next level of your training."
"The next level?"
"Yes. I will release my zanpakuto in front of you."
Orihime's head snapped to look at him. "Your zanpakuto?"
"Espadas of rank 4 and upwards are not allowed to release within the confines of Las Noches. We must travel farther away than usual."
"I don't know if I'm ready," she squeaked.
"Your training with Starrk, though not as efficient as ours, has increased your capacity for withstanding significant reiatsu levels. You should not be concerned. However, the shift in spirit pressure will be considerably different than what you have previously been exposed to."
He looked over at her, noting the lingering apprehension on her face.
"I would not introduce you to this stage if I were not thoroughly convinced that you would not be overwhelmed."
There was a brief pause as he returned his attention back to the sphere that carried them.
"I would not allow you to be harmed," he said distractedly.
Her eyes grew wide. Her heart pumped faster, but she forced herself not to misinterpret his words.
They arrived at some distant spot away from Las Noches. Ulquiorra walked a distance farther away than usual and turned to face her.
"Do not move."
He unsheathed his sword and pointed it downwards to the ground. A finicky Orihime only looked at him in trepidation, bracing herself for what was to come.
"Enclose, Murciélago."
In a flash, there rained elements of what seemed to be black and green rain. As they fell on and around Orihime, she realized it was his reiatsu. She witnessed Ulquiorra's transformation in awe. He grew wings like a bat, and two white horns emerged from a bigger covering atop his head, as opposed to the single one with the cracked mask. His look was fearsome. His eyes were deadest on her, as though he was testing her reaction to his release, but the subtlety that she had grown accustomed to throughout all of her time with him remained. She breathed a sigh of relief. I'm able to stand!
"Do not move," he repeated.
And he disappeared. Confused, Orihime was tempted to turn around, but in an instant she felt him standing behind her. He had withheld his reiatsu for the moment, allowing her to adjust to his position, and then he slowly eased it upwards. Startled by his calm breath, she grew anxious at his presence millimeters away from her back.
He's so close…
He raised his reiatsu until he saw her weave slightly, then lowered it. She felt him disappear once more, but he soon stood face-to-face with her, ensuring that she stand her ground.
Orihime knew she was supposed to be focusing on her resistance, but she could not stop thinking about what he had just told her. Yet, looking at him in his form—really evaluating what he was—proved to be alarming. For the first time in a while, she acknowledged his role as a powerful ally against Soul Society, and this ushered her into a very nervous state of confusion. Seeing him in this new form finally made her realize that he was an enemy. She tried seeing him this way, needed to see him this way…but his eyes had not changed, despite his release. She kept telling herself that what she saw was not encouragement, but she could not deny that his methods coaxed her into improvement.
She grew exhausted much more quickly when training with his released form. Upon realizing this, Ulquiorra ended the training earlier than usual. He morphed back into his usual self and sheathed his sword.
"You were able to withstand my released form somewhat longer than I had anticipated. It seems your training with Starrk was not a complete loss."
"But all of my fainting—"
"That is irrelevant. I can see now that exposure to reiatsu of his level has taken you beyond your previous capabilities. Since he is not sensitive to your limits, you fainted. I, however, am able to mimic what he has done, and can do it more effectively. I have come to know your abilities very well, so your fears of my being a danger to you are obviously irrational."
Though his tone included a hint of condescension, it bewildered Orihime. She knew that she should not understand his comment as a promise of protection, but the implication of his words was unbearably frustrating. Kindness, albeit implicit and unintended, was something she had craved from him for months. How could he not know what he was saying to her?
"I, uh…thank you…"
Ulquiorra suddenly realized the indication of his statement, but it was too late. His words had already taken effect, and they were clearly upsetting her. His previous refusal to answer the question about his opinion of her death also put him in an awkward position, but to take it back would impede her training.
Orihime was desperately pinching back the tears in her eyes, and Ulquiorra knew it—she felt his ever-consuming eyes fixated on her without even looking at him. Why was she getting so emotional over this? It was clear now that she could no longer ignore her feelings.
How could I have allowed myself to get into this mess…again?
He looked at her in mild curiosity, waiting for the tears to fall while simultaneously betting against himself that she would not succumb. What would she do? Her expression was ambiguous but unyielding.
Orihime continued concentrating her strength on appearing normal, but ignoring him was impossible. She finally answered his unspoken question.
"It's nothing."
Orihime regretted glancing at him. Exquisitely keen. Why did it always feel like he knew what she was thinking? Her eyes immediately darted off to the side, the vast white desert before her making her feel all the more insignificant. The emptiness emanating from him did not add any comfort. It was hardly a minute that she stood before him, fiercely setting her jaw and fixating her eyes on the sand, but it felt far longer. She felt as though she was being bitterly critiqued for a horrible piece of art that had taken her months to create. The barrier she had so carefully attempted to place around her heart was crumbling miserably at the slightest hint of his non-indifference, and all she could feel now was an overwhelming surge of exposed emotions—guilt, desire, loneliness, frustration, embarrassment.
"I'm sorry," she said. "Please, let's just go. I'm really tired."
Ulquiorra said nothing, but her discomfort lingered. His eyes analyzed her every move.
Utterly depressed by her drab room when they arrived at her quarters, she decided that she was not in the mood to be trapped in melancholy for the next hour. Even if it meant being stuck with him, she needed to go to her haven.
"Please, can I go to the sky-place?"
"Today is not the allotted day for your outing."
Hurt at the fact that he would not recognize her need, she willed him to change his mind. She looked up at him with fresh moisture in her pleading eyes.
"Please?"
He could not place it exactly; the timid desperation, the sheer sincerity of her request, or the fact that she pleaded in trust. Her eyes were hopeful, and he had never seen that in them. It was unquestionable that she was begging for an escape from something. Not her prison, it was far too late for that, but something entirely different. In truth, the rule about her time allotment was not set in stone; Aizen had trusted that Ulquiorra would regard whatever duties he had with the proper discretion, so he would not be disobeying by taking her out of her quarters. Aizen had, after all, given him permission to gratify her minor requests.
There really was no obvious reason to refuse, so Ulquiorra relented.
"Very well. But you are not to make this a habit."
Vehement expression had always been a part of Orihime's character. Whether it was in the form of an elaborate thank-you meal, her diabetic sweetness, or some form of intensely talkative gratitude, she had always been one to give herself to expressive reaction. Because it had been so long since she had allowed herself to be governed by this aspect of her character, she really had very little opportunity to control herself. It bubbled up from a place she had not succumbed to in quite a while, and the rarity of Ulquiorra's acquiescence multiplied her happiness.
Unable to contain her contentment at the fact that he had acknowledged her pain, her reflexes overpowered her. She instinctively clapped her hands in glee, squealed, bounced on her happy little toes, and drew her arms around him in avid appreciation. As soon as her arms reached around his neck, she immediately realized what she had done.
She stiffened.
They stood there for several moments, awkwardly, silently. Orihime was too terrified to move.
Before Ulquiorra knew what was happening, he felt her warm body against his. His eyes blinked in disbelief. His hands, ever glued to the insides of his pockets, flexed in surprise. He, too, stiffened. What he thought had been forced out of him so long ago unexpectedly emerged, resurfacing from somewhere buried very deeply inside of him. Because it had never been adequately dealt with, it was briefly welcomed.
There was no odd sensation this time at her touch, but the equilibrium had already been shaken, the waters disturbed. Bitter at his initial reaction, he immediately squashed it away, angry with himself for such an intolerable response. He chided himself harshly for allowing himself to indulge her, for however short the moment had been.
In one forceful move, Ulquiorra ripped his hand out of his pocket and pushed her away from him. He took a deliberate step backward in protest.
"What are you doing?" he demanded crossly.
Utterly at a loss for words, Orihime's eyes grew two sizes. Why had she even thought for a second that there would be any other reaction from him? Her heart raced wildly from thrill and anxious regret. Her arms trembled, ashamed of what they had done.
He impatiently waited for her to answer, but when he saw that her only response was tears, he did his standard turn-and-leave.
"Ulqui-…"
But at this point he did not care for her answer, and she did not wait for the door to close before she spun around and clutched at her chest in humiliation.
As he walked away from her chambers, he could hear her muffled sobs fading in the hallways.
.oOo.
Orihime wept out of confusion. She cried out of depression. But most of all, the tears were driven by rejection. She had not meant for her reaction to imply anything other than appreciation, but his refusal to accept it revealed all she needed to know about his opinion of her.
There was a knock on her door just then. Frightened at who might be on the other side, Orihime timidly answered, "Come in."
Lilynette appeared with an irritated expression. "Ulquiorra made me come over here. Something about how— hey, you really are hysterical," she said, noting Orihime's appearance.
Orihime snorted mucus back into her nose and scrunched her face. She looked pitiful.
"What happened?"
She sniffed. "I—I hugged him because I was so happy he was going to let me go out today. I didn't mean to, it's just habit."
Unable to fathom the sight of Ulquiorra locked in an embrace with anyone, Lilynette burst out in boisterous laughter.
"You're kidding!"
Orihime's serious face was enough of an answer.
Lilynette laughed harder, slapping her hands on her knees. "Wait until Starrk hears about this!"
"No, please! Don't tell anyone!"
"Aw, relax. Starrk isn't going to–HAHAHAHAHA!" she shouted in choked laughter, another image floating in her mind.
"Please, don't say anything!"
Lilynette continued chuckling uncontrollably but finally calmed down. She let out several more hoots before she finally spoke in broken phrases.
"Ooohh…oh, man oh, man. Oh, that's good stuff. Anyway…whoooo…."
"Please!" she begged.
"Fine, I won't tell him! But what happened?" she gave Orihime a sly look.
"I was just really excited that he was letting me go out. I had…sort of a rough time in training today."
"You are so weird! So what happened after you," she guffawed, "hugged Ulquiorra?"
"We just sort of stood there for a moment. I think he was shocked. I don't know. Then he pushed me away, and I was just so embarrassed I started crying."
"You cry a lot."
"Only lately. I've just been…"
Lilynette finished her words for her, "Emotional over Ulquiorra! I told you! And now you're hugging him! I'm telling you, you're in denial."
Perhaps Orihime had subconsciously submitted to her internal whims. She did not respond to Lilynette's accusation.
The two of them walked out after Orihime composed herself. They eventually arrived at Orihime's favorite spot. She breathed a sigh of relief.
"You know, I've observed hollows for a really long time," Lilynette spoke, "I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Ulquiorra has…I don't know…a thing for you. I don't know what the heck that would be though, knowing him. It's kind of creepy, now that I think about it!"
Orihime looked at Lilynette curiously. "That's impossible."
"I don't know. Why would he ask me to take you here?"
"I think he just wanted to follow through on what he said because he wanted to be consistent…but he didn't want to be around me at the same time because it was just too awkward."
"But…he could have just left you in your room instead of asking me to take you here. And you said that he stood there while you hugged him?" Lilynette raised her eyebrow doubtfully.
Orihime shook her head mildly and furrowed her own eyebrows. "I've spent a lot of time with him. He's just as indifferent about me as the day we met." Though there was a clear note of sadness in her response, Orihime did not sound very convincing to herself. She thought back to Ulquiorra's refusal to remark about his desire to see her death, as well as his comments earlier that day. For her own sake, it was time to stop looking too deeply into these things. She needed to train herself to ignore all of it. She must do whatever was necessary to cut off her feelings for him.
"Whatever you say," replied Lilynette.
.oOo.
Ulquiorra did not show up the next day to train her; neither did he attend any of her meals. No one showed up to take her out. This bothered her throughout the day. He was avoiding her, this was clear. Though she had told herself that she needed to curtail her emotions, his behavior devastated her. She understood that what had happened was uncomfortable for the both of them, but the sharp shift of his behavior was very uncharacteristic of him. What if she had to resort to training with Starrk again? She had too strong of a desire to see Ulquiorra, despite her new resolve to crush her emotions.
In all of her reflection that day, she started realizing that her feelings for him were much stronger than she had originally thought. His subtle hints that he was not entirely apathetic about her existence brought her no respite, and the conversation with Lilynette brought an optimism she was unwilling (and quite afraid) to embrace.
The servant arrived the third time, showing no sign that Ulquiorra would arrive to administer his usual scrutiny. Orihime ate in disappointed silence. She sat on her blue sofa and brooded about her situation until she finally allowed herself to fall sleep.
Author's Note:
I'm not fully satisfied with this chapter...something about it still bugs me, but it's been beta-read and I've gone over it a dozen times.
Anyway, it's about time something juicy went on between these two! Well...relatively juicy, anyway. - _ - ; Ulquiorra can be so smart but so...NOT!
I hope everyone had a happy New Year and very merry holidays.
