So, Um, I wrote this and pressed the publish icon, and am currently under a mountain of tissues.

Fair warning: There is some swearing here, despite the rating.

Disclaimer: I also do not own Star Wars, if I did, I would not have completely retconned the EU.


The Redemption

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Leia Organa was no stranger to losses.

She had lost her birth parents when she was little more than a squalling newborn, she lost the parents who kindly took in a lowly Clone Wars war orphan, her planet which had been her home, her culture, her people, and her cause, the Rebellion, had been dealt a devastating blow with the Empire emerging victorious in the battle that ensued on the now destroyed Echo Base.

It seems the universe went out of its way to take everything and everyone from her.

The last Princess of Alderaan was holed up in a small office-like room that had not been in service by the medical staff for the time being while she was aboard the Medical Frigate Redemption. Leia could have already transferred to Home One, but she would not leave Luke after he had had the absolute shit beaten out of him by that monster, Darth Vader.

It always circled around back to that bastard.

The story of my life, Leia thought bitterly, disgust curling her lips. She was sat at her makeshift desk with a datapad in one hand, and a cup of steaming caf in another. Dark bags were very prominent under her eyes.

It had been a week since Bespin.

Leia had not slept a wink. How could she? Whenever she lost herself to sleep, the nightmares plagued her. She saw Alderaan die over and over and over, she could hear the shrill, terrified screams of her people, her parents as they lay witness to their doom from Alderaan's surface. In another night terror, Leia saw a woman writhe and cry in agony, and Leia just knew that that woman was her birth mother. In another, she saw Luke struck down by Vader's bloody-red blade, and recently she had begun to dream of... him.

(His hazel eyes were locked onto her soft brown ones as he was wrenched cruelly from her arms by the troopers, forced to stand on the carbon freezing chamber's platform, and lowered into what could very well be his death. For a moment it was just them. No Chewie, no Threepio, no Ugnaughts, no Lando, no Vader, no Stormtroopers. Just them. Him and her. In their own world.

"I love you!"

"I know."

His stare stayed level with hers even as liquid carbon freezing poured into the chamber and steam rose up from the pit, obscuring his face from her view.)

Leia's vision became distorted with brimming tears, her breath became heavy, and her hands shook. One second he had been there, and the next, he was gone. She could remember his anguished, frozen face when the carbonite slab was raised from the chamber by the massive thick claw. She could remember the distinct slam! as the slab met the ground of the chamber, the orange light that had covered the chamber in an eerie glow, that made Vader's skull-like black mask even more terrifying than he already was, and it had only made his frozen features all the more painful.

Han Solo. A most infuriating scruffy-looking nerf herder, and one that she had denied she cared for so long.

He was gone.

Gone, gone, gone!

A resounding clatter made itself known as Leia craned her neck downwards to take in the look of her caf mug that had fallen from her shaky, pale fingers. It had shattered when it hit the ground, and the liquid inside was pooling between the shards.

The young woman sighed and put her datapad down on the desk, got up from the chair with a tired groan slash yawn, her sleep-deprived body protested as she knelt down to clean up her mess.

Leia only became more absentminded as she picked up some shards of the broken mug that she didn't even notice when the door to her temporary office slid open and a young white-haired woman wearing Alliance fatigues strode in with a hard look in her eyes.

("Well Calrissian, did he survive?" Vader's dark, monotone, spoke with such cold detachment as if he hadn't just condemned a sentient being to death. His mechanical breathing sending unsettled shivers down her spine! That monster always made her feel increasingly uncomfortable.

Lando kneeled by his frozen ex-friend's form with a grimace as he pressed a few buttons on the carbonite slab's vitals and controls. "Yes, he's alive, and in perfect hibernation."

Leia had never felt so relieved.)

"-Leia!" Smooth, pale-skinned hands shook Leia by the shoulders a tad roughly, effectively snapping her out of her revelry. The princess blinked owlishly before slowly twisting her head around to look into calm blue eyes that shimmered with not very well hidden concern.

"Leia... are you okay? You seemed on the verge of a panic attack there?" Winter Retrac, a fellow Alderaan survivor, Leia's adopted sister and confidante. She held Leia by her shoulders tightly, seemingly afraid to let go.

Leia gave her a deadpan stare, lips curling into a bared-teeth smile. It seemed everyone constantly felt the need to ask if she was okay! She was fine, just fine! If anything, it was Luke who should be asked that!

"Yes. I'm fine." She snapped irritably.

Winter sighed in what seemed like exasperation before she took Leia's arm and pulled her up from the durasteel floor.

"That's complete banthashit, you know."

Leia stubbornly refused to meet her pseudo sister's knowing gaze. Of course, that didn't deter the other woman in any way, if anything, it seemed to prove more and more that Leia was decidedly not fine.

Winter's eyes roved over the stacks of datapads and an assortment of caf mugs on the other Alderaanian's desk with obvious distaste. Her expression only became sourer when she saw the dark bags under Leia's eyes.

"Leia, when was the last time you slept?" Winter then saw the caf pooled on the floor, sighed, dragged Leia to her feet, and shoved her into her chair.

Winter looked Leia straight in the eye, with Leia staring back with a supremely stubborn set to her face. There was a beat of silence as the two Alderaanian women sized each other up.

Leia let out a sigh, "I have work to do, I don't have time to sleep!" Nor do I want to.

Whenever the young woman fell into the lulls of sleep, her nightmares were there as constant companions.

Winter gave her a half-lidded deadpan stare. She clearly didn't buy Leia's shit.

"I don't believe you. You know you carry so much on your shoulders Leia, let someone else carry some of your burdens. I'll finish your flimsiwork." Leia opened her mouth to object, but Winter cut her off firmly with a finger pointed directly in her face. "And don't protest, I see all those caf mugs, Leia, you've pulled yet another all-cycler." Winter wrenched her sister from her seat and shoved her out the door from the makeshift office. Leia turned around with her mouth agape at the white-haired woman's sheer audacity, but before she could complain again; Winter cheerfully said, "And I'll clean up the mess as well. Now you, go sleep." And Winter promptly pressed a button on the panel beside the room's door, closing it with a firm hiss. There was also a telltale clicking noise that signaled Winter had locked the door.

Leia blinked absentmindedly, then released a frustrated sigh, and stomped down the hallway to her temporary dorm, sending her fellow rebels scattering as they took one look at the frustrated, sleep-deprived, and grieving princess, and high-tailed it out of there.

Leia hardly noticed it all, too busy trying to stop the tears from falling.

("I love you!"

"I know.")

Leia began to walk at a much quicker pace, anxious to get to her dorm before someone saw her, a leader in the Alliance, breaking down in grief.

("You like me because I'm a scoundrel, there aren't enough scoundrels in your life."

"I happen to like nice men."

"I am a nice man."

They kissed, and Leia had never felt so rejuvenated.)

Leia shook her head, tears trailing down her cheeks, sobs bubbling to the surface.

She had never felt so relieved to reach her quarters.

She typed in the code to get in and practically leaped into the room, letting the door slide closed behind her. Leia then staggered to her bed, breathing heavily, and collapsed onto it, releasing all of her held emotions.

Sobs wracked her body, and despite Winter's insistence; Leia knew she was not getting sleep tonight either.

(I love you!"

"I know.")


Okay, so I don't completely remember where Winter was when ESB was happening but she's here and I regret nothing!

Nothing, ok, absolutely nothing!