I slept in the next day because there was solid knock, not like Tommy's soft one. I got out of bed and was greeted at the door by Andy.
"Did I wake you?"
"No, I've been up for hours," I joked and let him in.
Andy whistled when he saw the room," Certainty looks different. You buy the tack strips?"
"Yeah," I pointed with my foot the bag on the floor.
"Great, so first, we need to put them down," he put down his box of tools.
"Let me change," I ran into my room and threw on some work clothes.
Andy was a quick teacher, he went quickly through all the steps on how to nail down the tacks, roll out the padding and staple it down. I checked the time, it was almost 11 and I hadn't checked on Tommy yet. I excused myself and went outside to find Tommy was restocking the horse feed.
"Hey," I waved. He nodded in response, it was so hot I could see he was sweating and his shirt was soaked in sweat. "Tommy you should come get some water, put some sunscreen on." He was quiet for a moment and then nodded. "I can heat up some more casserole? I have some left."
Tommy remained silent in response and followed me into the house. I got him a cup of water immediately and told him to drink.
"Hey Tommy? How you doing?," Andy greeted Tommy at the table, but Tommy didn't say anything to him. "Still quiet, huh?," then he moved to the edge of the kitchen "No water for me?," Andy laughed and leaned on my fridge.
"I can get you some," I got him a glass too while preparing the casserole.
"I didn't know you had the whole town out here helping you," Andy joked.
"Tommy helps me with the animals, I'm still learning."
Andy nodded and leaned in and whispered," Maybe not wise to leave him alone with them. He has a history of... forgetting things."
"He's been great," I informed Andy. "I'm making lunch. Casserole, want some?"
"Yeah, sure. Looks like Janna came by, huh?"
"She did, and her food is so good!"
"It's her signature dish every time," Andy told me.
"Well, she and Diane seemed really nice. Invited me to a jamboree?"
"The Summer Jamboree?," Thomas interrupted.
"Yeah that's the one."
"Well, its a fun time. Everyone goes and basically gets drunk all day," Andy laughs. "Last year people were still in the park after 10."
"Wow... sounds like fun," I could hear my tone was not convincing.
"It is," Andy sat beside Thomas. "Lots to do, water stuff for the kids, BBQ, games, music. It's almost like the fourth of July except no fireworks."
"No fireworks? Why even go?," I joked.
"The beer of course," Andy smiled.
I chuckled," Do you go Tommy?"
Thomas was looking to the ground, holding his cup of water and shook his head and I turned to Andy who gave me a small shake of the head. I dropped the subject.
"What do you think of the carpet, Tommy? Coming together huh?"
His eyes flickered to the living room and nodded.
"I'm going to find my sunscreen," I went into my bathroom but when I came back out, Tommy was gone. "Where did he go?"
And shrugged," Just stood up and left."
"Did he say why?," I opened the door to look out back.
"No," Andy shook his head.
The oven beeped, so I went to take out the casserole. "He's never just left without a word, he always tell me."
"Probably the Summer Jamboree. He has bad memories there."
I brought Andy a plate," Will you tell me?"
He sighed," Before Mary pulled him from school, as a kid at the Summer Jamboree, the others weren't kind to him. The last summer he went, they took all his clothes and he had to run through the place naked."
"Oh my god," I shook my head. "What a nightmare."
"Tommy doesn't go anymore."
"Well, I don't blame him. What happened? Why didn't anyone stop those kids?"
"No real evidence, just rumors and Tommy wouldn't tell me who it was."
Poor Tommy... I looked to the door. "I'm going to take him some casserole," I got up and carried a plate outside. I found Tommy in his favorite place, Peppermint's stall. "Tommy?," I looked in on him while he sat in the corner. "I brought you some food."
"Why is he here?," Tommy asked me.
"Andy? He's helping me with carpet."
"I told you I could have helped you...," he didn't meet my eyes.
"I just ran into him at the store and he kind of just showed up. I thought I could do the carpet alone, but I guess I don't really know anything about it."
"I could have showed you," Tommy sounded upset.
I don't really know what to say... Peppermint nickered and turned away from me, I sighed, it felt like they were both mad at me.
"Are you hungry? I brought you some casserole."
Tommy looked over to me, his eyes masked by his hair," Thank you, Ms. Caroline," was all he said before turning his attention to Peppermint.
I set the plate down and went back to the house, Andy had started back on the carpet and we finished with it before the end of the afternoon.
"Wow," I marveled at the room. "It looks so good!," I squealed with delight.
"Looks nothing like Del's place," Andy grinned.
"Thank you so much," I turned to him. "Are you sure I can't pay you? At least for your time."
"No, no, no. I'm just happy to help."
"Well, thank you! It looks perfect," I spun back to the room, imaging where I would put the new couch and chairs, a new coffee table and maybe a cute little houseplant.
"I'm happy to be of service," Andy sat the kitchen table. "What's next then?"
"Well, I think I'll clear out Del's old room... my room. Do it all over again... I need to get back to Tennessee and get my other carpet, I have the paint, so I should be okay to go," I was now just thinking out loud. "Oops, sorry. I'm just happy to see it coming together."
"No, it's alright," Andy grinned up to me. "How long do you think this all will take? The house I mean?"
"I hope to have it all done and ready before the end of June."
"Tight schedule," Andy nodded.
"Yeah, but I can do it."
"Gonna repaint the outside? Seems like you might change the color."
"Oh no, no, no. I love the yellow! I know the outside needs some work too... maybe having everything the way I want it will take the whole summer."
"Well, looking at the place, it could use some new siding, maybe some shingles."
"Nah," I waved the idea off. "It was all checked out and in good shape, just need to repaint. I'm thinking of maybe a sunshine yellow, not the marigold... something brighter."
Andy nodded absentmindedly," That might be nice."
"Are you sure I can't pay you? Not even $20?"
"No ma'am," he grinned. "Not a dime."
I groaned," Wow, the southern hospitality is all too real."
"Well, I'll take that as a compliment," he stood up. "Can I help you move some of the stuff from the bedroom? I'm here and all."
"Oh no, no," I shook my head. "I couldn't trouble you anymore, you've already helped so much."
"Well if you're sure," Andy picked up his toolbox. "I'll leave some of the carpet stuff here for you, return it when you have the time."
"Oh that's so great, thank you."
"So," Andy stood by the door," you plan on going to the Jamboree?"
"Uhmmm... I'm not sure. It sounds like fun, but I don't really know anyone."
"Well it's the best time to get to know the people. They'll all be happy and drunk. I can swing by and take you down, introduce you to some folks?"
Like a date? I can't do that.
"No, that's okay," I smiled. "But if I show up, I'll make sure to say hi."
Andy seemed unfazed and smiled," Will do. Have a good day now," he shut the door behind him as I gawked at my beautiful new living room.
I ran out the the stables," Tommy! Tommy!"
"Ms. Caroline?," he peeked out from the side.
"Tommy, come here," I grabbed his hand and dragged inside, he didn't resist. I pulled him up the step and laughed as I took off my shoes. "Look at it! I mean just look!," I let my bare feet soak into the chocolate brown carpet. "Isn't it great!," I danced in a circle.
"Yeah, it's beautiful."
I got down on my knees and felt the carpet with my hands," Oh Tommy, come feel it. It's so soft!"
Tommy inched over to the edge of the tile floor and reached his hand down to brush it against the carpet," soft," he repeated.
I rolled over on the floor and laughed," Oh, I can't believe it! It's just unbelievable! come one, Come lay on it," I beckoned Tommy to come.
He took of his shoes and joined me on the floor," It's soft," he told me while staring at the ceiling.
"It is... it's soft," I giggled, unable to contain the pure joy exploding inside of me. "this is like a dream... a crazy, insane, beautiful, perfect dream."
"A dream?," Tommy asked.
"Yeah... and to think, just last month this was impossible," I stared at the bumpy popcorn ceiling, the realization of it all really sinking in. "A month ago, this would be impossible...," I took a long deep breath. My brain was dizzy and I felt drunk on the truth of my new life. "Now I own my aunt's house in Tennessee, thousands of miles from home, living with horses and goats," I laughed at the idea. "It's crazy." I forgot Tommy was right next to me, I had been swallowed by the moment.
"Del was your aunt?"
I sat up abruptly and looked to him laying on the brown carpet, his hair looked like it was melting into it. His eyes were locked on me and he looked more grown then I had ever seen him before. I clasped a hand on my mouth, Did I really just say that? What do I say to that? Tommy looked at me unblinkingly, his stare was intense and empathetic.
"Wha... I... I... No, No she wasn't."
"It's okay if she was," Tommy's voice was deep and unlike his own. "I won't tell."
I just gaped down at him, What is happening? How do I go back from that... What do I say? How do I take it back?
"Del's not my aunt," I told him sternly, but it came out shaky.
Tommy leaned up on his elbows, his face was about a foot from mine and his brown eyes were full of understanding and sympathy. He looked between my eyes, but all I could do was stare, I didn't know what to say to him.
"Everyone has secrets, Ms. Caroline," he rich voice echoed in my living room. "I can keep yours."
I looked deep into his eyes, trying to figure out what he was saying. What does that mean? Why would he keep this secret for me? Am I hallucinating, why does he sound so different? He seems so different. Tommy was shy, he never really looked anyone in the eyes, kept his distance and almost cowered away from others. Here he was bold and close, he seemed confident and it was so perplexing.
"Why?," I asked in a whisper.
He blinked slowly and laid back down on the floor, his eyes now closed. The intense moment was broken and I felt myself gasp, I had been holding my breath. What is happening!?
"I'm good at keeping secrets," Tommy told me, his voice now back to that of a boy, a slight lisp on the end of his 's'. After a second longer, my mind was still processing what was happening and if it was all real or just in my head, Tommy stood up. "I should get home, momma will be waitin'."
He put on his shoes and left the room without another word as I sat on the floor of my new carpet, my jaw still a gap.
Was that real?, I asked myself. What just happened... Oh god... Tommy knows... Tommy knows! what if he tells his mom and it gets around town. Small town gossip spreads faster than wildfire! Oh god! I have to stop him!
I ran out the door but there was no sign of Tommy, like he had vanished from the driveway and there was no sign of him on the road. Oh god..., I went back into the house. I tried to distract myself by clearing out my room and peeling up the carpet. When it was over I was too exhausted to keep my eyes open but as I lay in bed, I couldn't sleep.
After a night of tossing and turning, I finally just decided to get up at the crack of dawn and started to strip the old pink wallpaper in the master bedroom. When I saw the sun peak over the horizon, I went outside to see if Tommy was here yet, he wasn't. What will I say? It was just a joke? Maybe he'll forget it... Maybe I should act like it never happened. What do I do? That's how I spent most of morning until the phone it the kitchen rang.
"Hello?"
"Caroline? It's me, Savannah."
"Oh... hey Savannah."
"Hi, I was wondering if it'd be okay if I drop by today. Bring the kids 'round. Carleen really is missing her goat."
"Oh yeah, sure... that's great. Just the house is kind of a disaster zone."
"I think mostly Carleen is just missing her Meme," Savannah confessed. "Being 'round that place might cheer her up a bit."
"That sounds great, Savannah."
"Alright, we'll be up 'round lunchtime, sound alright?"
"See you then," I told her and she hung up. I bit my lip and decided to go check for Thomas again, he was there, I could hear him shuffling. "Tommy?," I called out softly.
He came out from the side of the shed," I'm gonna clean the pen," he told me.
"Oh... okay, sure. Uhm..." I froze. How do I bring this up? How do I tell him to just forget it? I chickened out the last minute and instead said," Uh... Savannah will be coming up, said she was bringing her kids to see the goats."
"Savannah Maxwell?," Thomas asked.
Oh my god, I'm such an idiot! Savannah is Kurtis' wife! Del's son! Oh you idiot! I clenched my eyes and hands into ball, oh god.
"Ms. Savannah is nice," was all Tommy said before going back to clearing out the pen.
I practically ran back into the house with embarrassment, Oh my god! How am I this dumb! Why am I this dumb! My work after that was slow, I kept hitting myself mentally for how sloppy I was being. I needed to pull myself together, but it was then that I heard the knock at the front door.
I opened to see Savannah and a little girl by her side. "Hey, Caroline," she smiled.
"Hi," I opened the door. "This must be Carleen," I waved at her.
"I'm not Carleen. I'm Hailey!," the little girl pouted.
"Oh.. Oh, sorry," I apologized.
"Hailey, mind your manners," Savannah scolded. "Sorry, Carleen and Jordan ran 'round the back."
"Oh, it's okay. Come in," I held the door for them.
"This doesn't look like Meme's house," Hailey looked at the living room. "Where's the couch?"
"Well darlin', Meme doesn't live her anymore, remember?"
Hailey nodded," She's in heaven now."
"That's right," Savannah kissed her forehead. "Why don't you go find your sister and brother?," Savannah guided her to the side door where Hailey took off towards the animals. Savannah turned back to me," Sorry 'bout that that."
"No problem," I waved it away. "Is Kurtis with you?" I asked.
Savannah sighed and lit a cigarette before offering me one. I took it and lit it as she sat down at the table.
"I'll never understand the ego on that man," she shook her head. "I tell him this is a blessing, god's giving him something new, but he refuses to see it."
I took a slow drag on my cigarette and sat across from her," He still doesn't want to admit it, huh," I asked feeling a prick of hurt in my chest.
"I told him that I won't punish the kids for his stubbornness. They love it out here, love those goats," she sighed again. "I'm sorry. I know this all must be hard for you."
"No," I took another drag," It's fine. I knew it would be... a challenge."
"That's one way to put it," Savannah chuckled. "Kurtis can be near impossible...," her gaze drifted to the living room. "I like the colors, it's real pretty."
"Thanks," I nodded. "I'm happy with it so far."
"Still ain't got no furniture?"
"Not yet," I put out my cigarette. "Want to get the big stuff out of the way. Not like I get much company anyway."
Savannah avoided my eyes," Kurtis will come around... he's still just struggling with it all, you know?," Savannah was silent for a moment then switched the topic. "So I heard you're coming to the Jamboree?"
I was surprised for a split second then I remembered," Janna? I'm guessing."
"Oh yeah," Savannah laughed and put her cigarette out. "She's all but singing her own praise for coming up here to greet you...," Savannah looked to her feet and then to me. "I would offer to take you with us, but Kurtis is-..."
"No, don't worry about it. Not sure I'll even go."
"If you don't, I'm sure Janna will come in and bring you down herself," Savannah joked and we both laughed.
"She does seem very... uhm, very enthusiastic," I chuckled.
"That's one way to put it," she smiled. "Come, I'll introduce you to the kids," she had me followed her to the back. "Jordan! Carleen! Come here!," she called her kids. Jordan was chasing Hailey around and Carleen was watching as Tommy shoveled goat shit.
Carleen must have been 13 or 14, and she looked like she was unhappy to even be here. Her straw blonde hair was straight and she had a round face with a flat expression. Jordan, I pegged to be around 8 or 9 with dirty brown hair and a big gap between his front teeth. Hailey was around 5 or 6 with straight brown hair and she was missing a few teeth herself.
"Carleen, this is Caroline. She was good friend of your Meme's."
"Nice to meet you Carleen," I smiled.
"I like to be called Carlie," she glared at her mom.
"If I wanted to call you Carlie, I would have named you Carlie," Savannah snapped back with fake perkiness. "This is Jordan, say hi."
"Hi," Jordan waved lazily and picked up stick.
"And you've met Hailey."
"Great to meet you all," I waved.
Savannah covered her eyes from the sun," And is... is that Tommy Sicelle?"
"Yeah," Carlie looked over his shoulder. "He says he works here. Is that true?," Carlie looked back at me.
"Uhmm.. well, yeah, he does."
"Really?," Savannah asked. "That's so kind of you," Savannah sounded like I was doing something saintly by letting him come here and do all the farm work for me.
"Not really, he does so much. I barely lift a finger for the animals, he does it all."
"Oh my," Savannah turned back to see Tommy fling more shit out of the pen.
"Mommy, can we go," Hailey asked.
"Yeah mommy, I don't want to be around no retard," Jordan groaned.
"Excuse me," I looked down at the small boy. "What did you just say?"
I liked kids, they had charming moments, I wanted a family of my own one day, but I never wanted to smack a kid more than in that moment. Jordan looked up at me with a dumb look and grimace, like I wasn't his boss so he didn't have to listen to me.
"Oh, Jordan, where did you learn such a word," Savannah asked with a shocked look.
"Georgie. He says that Tommy's a retard and if I'm around him I'll turn retard too."
"That's not true, sweetie," Savannah told him. "And you shouldn't say that word, it's not kind."
"Well, it's true, he's a retard."
"No," I stopped him. "You will not say that word. Never again, do you hear me," I told him in a dark and serious tone.
"Caroline," Savannah gawked at me. "I'll discipline my own child."
I looked to her," So that's okay with you? You don't think he should go and apologize to Tommy for saying something so... so foul."
Savannah blinked for a moment," Jordan," she leaned over her son. "That word is not okay. I don't ever want you to say it again! Ever, you hear me," she pinched his face in her hands and Jordan's were wide in horror. "Now you go and say your sorry, right now." Jordan started to cry, but Savannah only pushed him towards where Tommy was petting a goat. "Go on now," she told him.
As he ran over to Tommy, Savannah looked to me and we locked eyes," Carleen, take Hailey to the car. Now."
Carleen took Hailey by the hand and left around the house, but Savannah looked at me only before calling her son back. She took him by the hand and left without another word as he continued to sob. Oh... god...What is wrong with me... I trudged back into my house and sat at the table, putting my head in my hands. I'm so dumb. Now Savannah hates me, she and Kurtis will never talk to me. I'll just be some crazy long lost cousin... Why did I do that... oh god. All the happiness I had felt yesterday had flipped a 180, and I cried. I've ruined it... Now I'm just... just... what even am I. I'm a nobody.
The screen door opened and Tommy walked into the room. I wiped my eyes and tried to hide it," Oh, Tommy...," I cleared my throat. "You must be hungry? I have some... some pasta salad and chips," I got up but he blocked my path.
"You didn't have to do that," Tommy told me softly.
I shook my head," I... I didn't know you heard us...," I wiped away another tear.
"Ms. Caroline... I'm sorry," Tommy looked down at me, but I couldn't meet his eyes.
"I don't even know why I'm crying, it's not a big deal," I sniffled.
"Family is hard," Tommy said and put a hand on my shoulder, a gesture of comfort.
"Wh... I... I... We aren't family," I shook my head. He remembers what I said yesterday.
Tommy took his hand off my shoulder, "I like potato salad," he said and sat at the table.
I served him some food and we ate in silence, but what was strange was when he was done, he got up and went to the bedroom. I followed him and saw him take the blue tape and start taping off the window.
"Tommy, you don't have to... it's alright."
"I can paint," he stated with his back to me. I chose not to fight the matter, it was nice to have someone work with me. Andy had been nice, but he was very demanding, whereas Tommy was a calm presence. At the end of the day as he was leaving, I reached into my wallet and pulled out $20.
"For today... and yesterday."
Tommy looked at the money in his hands and looked back to me, but was silent.
"Oh god," I rubbed my eyes," It feel like I'm bribing you."
"You're not," Tommy told me.
"It just feels like that."
"No," he shook his head. "It's not... I'm teaching you. Tomorrow I can show you to ride a horse."
I sighed and smiled," That actually sounds great. Yeah."
With that Tommy nodded and left I watched him shrink as he descended the driveway before he turned and disappeared onto the road.
