Just to set the scene a bit. Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy is pacing in an area of Rosings that previously had been one of the places that Lady Catherine's nephews would escape to when they wanted to be boys or pirates or knights in armor something other than young gentlemen in accordance to their aunt's rules. He arrived alone but he will soon have company. Miss Austen's words start us off:
"The relative situation of our families is such that any alliance between us must be regarded as a highly reprehensible connection. Indeed, as a rational man I cannot but regard it as such myself, but it cannot be helped."*
"No, that is not right. Elizabeth uh, Miss Elizabeth, as, you can imagine with my pedigree and position in society I should be proposing to a daughter of at least a Baron but, my desire for you has overcome reason and I, oh Richard! Uh, how much did you hear?
Richard leaned against a convenient tree trunk and pulled out his silver flask for several sips. "So, what are we going to do when Uncle Louis secret stash of brandy finally runs out. I say that is when these dreadful visits end. I am willing to tell the old man to his face. Even he cannot face his termagant of a sister sober. As to your speech I just hope she is an orphan and a single child. I could picture your face if some poor chap gave a speech even one quarter that insulting to Georgie you would deck him and no one including the chap himself could blame you."
"Richard, Miss Bennet is surely aware of her position and how badly her family presents itself. You have heard us having very logic-based conversations and I believe she will understand my situation and why are you laughing?"
Richard by this point was bent over laughing so hard tears flowed down his face. He finally just gave up and collapsed on the ground due to panting from lack of air. "Elizabeth, Elizabeth Bennet, Miss Bennet?"
"Yes, the Miss Elizabeth Bennet who has been visiting her pedantic cousin that we have been visiting with multiple times. Why?
"When?"
"When what?"
"When are you giving her this speech or proposal or is it a proposition? You are not trying to have her as a ladybird are you? If so, we have a problem. She may be impoverished but she is still a lady and I like her, not enough, well maybe enough. No, dammit as tempting as she is if that is what you are proposing then I will have to stand in for the brother she does not have because that lump of a parson is useless."
"What? You are an ass Richard I would never! Suggesting a gently born maiden become a demimonde. I love her. Once I figure out the best approach then I will arrange a time to make it official. She may be slightly piqued over waiting a bit but I have good reason for taking time to consider all the ramifications, a little anticipation on her side is nothing compared to all I have to consider with Georgiana's coming out and….."
Richard squawked, he actually squawked and was laughing as he tried to speak, "Anne, you have to let her hear this. The poor thing does not get to laugh enough, and this is going to be well, the most amusement she will probably ever have. Perhaps our little dove, Georgie ought to be there as well. I know Aunt Catherine makes her nervous, but this will be funny enough and an education worthy tolerating the old bat a few days. Plus, might do her good to see how Miss Elizabeth stands up to the old Gorgon even without a shield. Though come to think of it I could see Miss Elizabeth as shieldmaiden, right proper Valkyrie given the right uhh shield"
"Richard what are you talking about? And why do you keep referring to my proposal as a comedy? I was hoping you would be of help if I needed it, running interference with Aunt Catherine or the like."
"Old son, Lady Catherine is the least of your worries. You were honestly going to propose to a woman, much less a gem like Miss Elizabeth by insulting her and her family. You do realize that pompous parson aside, she is fond of, very much loves her family. Have your ever listened to her talk about them? She is realistic and knows their flaws, but the love is there irregardless."
"Exactly she is realistic and knows that they are an embarrassment so guidelines and rules would have to be established."
"Darcy this just gets better and better. So, when in a few years the man asking for little Georgie's hand begins to tell you how you need to muzzle Lady Catherine you are going to enthusiastically embrace your new brother."
"What? That is implausible and totally different, and you know it."
"No, Darcy I really do not, and it really is not. She is a rude, loud mouthed interfering know it all that tries to tell everyone what to do about everything. Have you ever really thought about how ludicrous her constant pronouncement is of how, if only I had done anything and everything including painting the Sistine chapel, she would have been the greatest impresario that had ever lived at everything? She is an embarrassment, but she is an embarrassment with money and a title, but as you and I know she does not still have the money."
"Lady Catherine is the daughter and sister of an Earl"
"And does that change or invalidate anything I just said about her? Or is it going to make any difference if she does not stop spending money she does not have to where she ends up in debtor's prison. I can just see it, I will have you know if I had only practiced I could escape from this prison at anytime. All of her fellow cell-mates will be thoroughly impressed. "
Darcy spent two of the longest minutes he had spent in a long while thinking through what Richard had just said. There were even several times he opened his mouth ready to speak only to realize he did not in fact have a valid point to argue against his cousin's conclusion. He finally had to admit defeat. "No, it does not change it. As you and I have discussed many times before we know innumerable members of the gentry and the ton that are blights on society. The morals, the scandals of the upper class seem to worsen exponentially every year and those we know are not excluded. So, my plan was to be the worst sort of hypocrite presenting myself as the shining example of proper behavior whilst insulting not only the women I love but her beloved family as well. I am beginning to realize that I was wrong you are not the ass, I am."
"That is a start in the right direction. I envy her you know. You know that I do not talk about what I do for the Army and it is not just because it is national secrets but also to try and keep that part of my life from contaminating home and the life, I hope to have some day. What I will tell you is, do you know what keeps the men going through the rain, mud, cold, bad food, bad decisions? It is not money or politics or the King, it is families like the Bennets. It is the old granny by the fireside rocking a fussy grandbaby cutting his first tooth. The brothers who squabble over the last roll at breakfast or their sisters arguing over whose turn is it to feed the chickens and who gets the ribbon that is the perfect color to match his eyes. Whoever their lucky beau is. Real families know what is important about family is not how many generations there has been Lord Highnmighty over Shireofgettingrichfromothershardlabor but the arms that hold you when it all becomes too much or the shoulder that is a perfect pillow for your head. But you need to sit down because now that you are once again realizing you have feet of clay like the rest of us mortals it is time to tell you have much bigger problems. Here you are going to need this" and with that comment he passed the flask over to Darcy.
"Richard you know that if you would resign your commission that I would, that we could" Richard put up his hand up stopping Darcy in mid-sentence.
"I cannot resign yet, King and country and all that but also not to sound conceited there are some fairly important situations that have been building up to be in play that would end in ways that could have awfully bad long-term consequences. I do have end in sight, after another year, eighteen months at most I have been promised a well earned and rewarded military retirement. Knowing that you would, you and Georgie are big part of my what keeps me going. But enough of my auspicious military career back to the Rosing romance campaign. This has been poor planning from the start we should have food, a picnic and more brandy, definitely more brandy."
"You said I have a bigger problem?"
"No, I said problems as in plural. I understand why you have been cautious around women since you a popular target in the marriage mart, but you also have done yourself a disservice cutting yourself off like you have. You have no idea how to act around a woman under the age of fifty other than scowl at them trying to ignore them, That or like Georgiana treat them like they are ten years younger than they are and still in nursery. Apparently best of all is if you are interested in them as a woman. You not only scowl and glare but argue and insult them the way you have with Miss Elizabeth. It is no wonder you are making such a ruddy hash of things. You act like Georgiana is still in pigtails not a young lady soon to be launched in society which is part of what caused the Whickham problem and what has caused it to continue and now this latest dilemma. When was the last time you were with a woman anyway?"
"That a bit personal there."
"Right and who are you closer to that you would talk to about it. I am sure your valet knows but it is not like you are going to chat him up about women. It was one day before you dragged me off on this continuing fiasco by the way. At Miss Anttionette's establishment over on _ St. Wonder why they all have French names. Her name is Suzette and she should see how she…"
"Fitz, Fitzwilliam, FOCUS!"
