Author's Notes:

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MODERATELY GRAPHIC SCENES AND CONTENT THAT PORTRAY ISSUES OF PHYSICAL AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE CONTINUOUSLY THROUGHOUT. IF THESE THEMES WILL CAUSE YOU DISTRESS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REFRAIN FROM READING THIS CHAPTER.

Hi everyone! First off I am LOVING my new job. I literally can't wait to get my limited license so I can start practicing (under supervision) and my supervising attorney and I get along well. Going into family law has been what I've wanted to do since applying to go to law school and it was definitely a good decision for me. I was able to difuse my first, of many, angry client today and move their case forward. It was beyond rewarding.

I also wanted to give all of you an update on my posting schedule going forward. Now that I'm working part-time at the office and doing bar prep I'm going to transition to making my weekly post on the weekends. This will allow me to have maximum time to write/edit while also balancing my other responsibilities. I'll still post once a week, it just won't be on Thursdays anymore. Which is why I'm posting on a Tuesday this week as a transition to moving it back to the weekend.

Triggbc: Yes, the last chapter had a lot to do with Hermione. This is because, soon, Hermione and Jean as characters won't make as many appearances until Harry's first year. Don't worry, there will definitely be more Ginny over the next several chapters! Midnitewanderer: I totally get what you're saying and that's what I was going for by using the letter format. I hope you caught the reference for Harry's nickname, too! Since I've already referenced one fandom, I want to make it a thing. Annnddd I hope this chapter answers the Sirius question. NO SPOILERS. And thank you! It's never too late to go to law school (which is what I'm supposed to say. But, really, it's a fuckin trap! JK I love working in law and I'll make sure to add enough about work in my notes to let you live vicariously through me). MMax: I agree, I wish I had more reviews. But I love what I get! Yeah, that would be useful and I definitely haven't fully decided what to do with that idea quite yet but it'll be something fun for sure!

Well, enough rambling, guys! Please enjoy this next chapter!

Chapter Twenty-Five: Inner Demons

James stood outside of Sirius' door a few weeks after the end of the school year and shuffled his feet as he waited for Remus to finish saying goodnight to Harry. They had both been suspecting that something was wrong with Sirius but now it was time to finally confront him about it.

They both suspected that his time at Azkaban had taken its toll on Sirius. They wondered if it had even exacerbated his memories from living with his parents. Remus didn't know much about the full extent of Sirius' childhood, and James couldn't claim he knew everything, but James remembered the day that Sirius showed up on the doorstep of Potter Manner and asked his parents if he could stay for the summer. James will never forget the dark bruises on Sirius' skin or the burns on his inner thighs. He had tried hard to let it go and give Sirius his space, but Sirius needed medical attention. Eventually, James had told his mother and she had taken Sirius to St. Mungos for the injuries. Sirius told the healer that he had gotten into a muggle duel with another kid from school, but James knew that was a lie.

It had taken James several weeks after the fact to finally get Sirius to admit that Orion had caused his injuries during one of his lessons. James knew that Orion insisted that Sirius and Regulus attend home schooling lessons but not what those lessons contained. After that day, James suspected that it had something to do with dark magic even if Sirius never fully admitted it.

James looked up as Remus rounded the corner. He gave his friend a half-hearted, sad smile. Remus looked slightly frazzled with his hair ruffled up and his reading glasses askew. Remus quickly pulled his glasses off and put them into his pocket.

"Have you heard anything from inside his room?"

"No. I think he might be sleeping again. But we need to talk about this. He's not ok and we need to make sure he knows we're here for him."

Remus nodded. James turned towards Sirius' door, held up his fist, and hesitated before knocking sharply on the door.

"Sirius?" James called, "Sirius we need to talk to you. Can we come in?"

James and Remus looked at one another, "Maybe he isn't here?" Remus asked.

"No, I asked Cirri and Gus; they said he hasn't left the house in two days."

Remus frowned and banged on the door again, shouting, "Sirius? Open the door before we break it down!"

When Sirius didn't answer, James shrugged and tried the door knob. He frowned when he found the door to be locked and attempted to open it with magic. When that failed, James simply magically blew the door open. Remus quickly ducked down and covered his head before the door burst open.

James pushed the door completely open and made his way inside of Sirius' room.

Inside the room was so black that James and Remus had to light their wands to see and the sight before them caused the blood to drain from their faces.

"Sirius!"

~ID~

J,

I was happy to hear about your new job! I'm sorry you have to move for it, but, really, Sussex isn't too far. I'm sure we could try to get Harry and Hermione together after the move. Plus, they can both read and write now. They can be pen pals for sure. And I know I'll have to do some business out that way. A colleague of mine works in town and I often have to converse with him over my research.

Things have been quite on my end. The new school year started back up about a month ago and I've finally chosen my research assistant for the year. He seems young but I've known Bill for about two years now and he's quite capable and determined. He wants to be a historian like my last assistant and I was happy to take him on for at least this year if not until he graduates. So far he's been really amazing with this work. He's on time, conducts his research appropriately, and quickly. He also finds my topic of pandemic diseases interesting. Currently we're researching the black plague and leprosy. You might remember Bill from Harry's birthday party two months ago. Tall, long red hair in a ponytail, earring? He's Ron and Ginny's oldest brother.

I've received word that Sirius was finally moved out of the critical ward and into a recovery and addiction facility in the hospital. We're hoping he's not there for too long but he can't get released until he makes progress in his therapy. The doctors said he needs to deal with the abuse he's suffered from his childhood and his time in prison. I—I didn't realize the severity of the abuse he sustained from his father. I…didn't realize that Orion was anything besides emotionally abusive. I'm glad you didn't have to see the scars…they were everywhere, Jean. It's no wonder we found him in such a state. I can't—sometimes I see him like that, on the floor, when I close my eyes or try to go to sleep. I'd thought I'd lost another friend, J. I can't wait for him to get home.

Have you heard from Rick, yet? You mentioned the other weekend that he's been avoiding you. He didn't mention any issues when he talked to me last. And how's Hermione? James mentioned that she and Harry have been doing well in primary school. Has she liked it there so far?

Can't wait to see you again.

Remus

~ID~

Uncle Moony,

Dad wants me to choose a language to learn. He thinks I should learn Spanish or Gobbledygook, but I kind of want to learn gnome or Mermish. I know I probably won't ever use them, but I think they'd be fun to learn about. He already said I have to learn Latin, whatever that is. He said it's a dead language. Well, if it's dead, why do I have to learn it?

Uncle Sirius is doing better. Dad says he'll get to come home from St. Mungos soon. I really miss him. We've been visiting all the time. I also get to spend more time with Ron and Ginny because Uncle Sirius can't keep an eye on me dad says. Ron and I have been flying on brooms. Ron won't let Ginny fly with us though. I don't know why because when she and I get to go fly she's even better on a broom than Ron, Fred, or George! We snuck away from Ron and sat by the pond. She told me that she breaks into the broom shed to practice flying because her mom and brothers won't let her do it. I think Mr. Weasley knows, though. Mrs. Weasley has no idea—she thinks Ginny sits around and reads or sews all day. Honestly, I've never seen Ginny pick up a needle in my life. I think she magics her sewing together but I can't prove it.

Speaking of magic, dad's had me practicing ele—elem—fire and stuff spells. It's been really fun! Dad says most wizard parents don't teach that anymore but that I should learn it. When I was at Ron's the other day Ginny talked me into using it to make some water fly at Fred and George. Apparently they hid her quidditch book and she wasn't happy about it.

You're coming to my match this weekend, right? It's the semifinals and I'm starting seeker! Ask Nana if she'll come too!

Love and miss you!

Bucky

~ID~

Remus leaned back as he sat behind his desk, his quill in his hand dripping ink on his pants as he thought. He hadn't heard from Sirius since the day he and James had found him in his room, lying on the floor. That day had continuously haunted Remus even though it had been so long ago now. If he concentrated or, more likely, couldn't stop thinking about it, he could still see Sirius passed out face down in his own sick with dozens of empty bottles surrounded his body. He can still remember the cold, blood-stopping fear of realizing that Sirius wasn't breathing anymore.

"Remus!" James shouted as he ran over to Sirius, "Remus he—he isn't breathing! Help me!"

Remus continued to stare at James and Sirius, unmoving, breathless and bloodless.

James looked up, fear in his unusually dark eyes, "Remus," he cried, "Remus help!"

"Sirius," Remus breathed, "What—"

Remus looked around the room again, his eyes traveling over the dozens of liquor bottles that littered his bedroom floor. His eyes lingering on the shattered remains of several bottles against the far wall. His nose filled with the smell of regurgitated rum.

James had managed to roll Sirius over, pulling his face out of the puddle, and pull him into his arms.

"Remus, we need to get him to St. Mungos! There's something seriously wrong."

There was a knock on Remus' office door and he started with a jump, the ink on his quill spattering the desk.

He sighed and put his quill back into the ink pot and called, "Come in."

Bill Weasley cracked the door open and peeked into the office, "Professor Lupin? I have that translation you had wanted. Do you want me to give it to you now or during our next meeting?"

"Oh, yes," Remus said as his mind came back to the present, "Whichever. If you have it with you, I'll take it now. If not, you can bring it on Thursday to our regular meeting."

Bill nodded and stepped into the office, "I have it here. Let me know what you want me to work on next, Professor!"

"Yes. I'll have another assignment for you on Thursday. Have a nice night, Bill, and make sure to relax some. You've been working so hard already this year and with your O.W.L.'s coming you need every break you can get."

"No can do, Professor. I have prefect duties tonight," Bill said, smiling and proudly indicating his badge.

"Right, right. I forgot Professor Dumbledore was considering you. He had asked for my opinion of you. I'm glad you received the position; there's no finer 5th year student."

"Thank you, Professor Lupin! But I have to head out now. See you Thursday!"

Remus waived as Bill turned on his heel and quietly closed his office door. Once the door was shut Remus let his hand fall to the desk. He glanced down at the letter he had begun writing to James; it was covered in ink splotches now. Remus sighed and waived his wand, clearing the parchment of the splotches and continued working on the letter. He wanted to send it this evening if he could.

Prongs,

Do you think you could send me that copy of Runes of the Ancient I left in the library? I need it by tomorrow but I don't have time to pop over for it. I would greatly appreciate it!

Did you decide what Harry's next training will be? I found some books on children's wandless and elemental magic at the school library. I'm sure Dumbledore wouldn't mind if I borrowed them so you could make a copy. Or we could just buy a copy from Flourish and Blotts.

How is Sirius doing? I just—I haven't been able to stop thinking about finding him like that in his room. I had no idea he was drinking that much or how he was hiding it from us. To think we almost lost him to something as mundane as alcohol poisoning. Harry owled me and said he was getting discharged from the addiction center at St. Mungos soon? Do we know an exact date? We should have a small, family get together.

And if you want my input on languages, I think you ought to let Harry choose the other language he learns. It'll motivate him more to learn and retain the information. And I think I have a colleague who speaks Mermish…or Dumbledore could teach him. I've heard he speaks it.

How has his elemental magic training going? Harry seems to have some good control over the elements.

See you this weekend.

Moony

~ID~

Rem,

I can't believe it's already after Christmas! I'm sorry I haven't been able to write to you before this, so much has been going on here.

First off, I'm so sorry to hear about Sirius. I'm glad he's going better. It sounds like he's had a lot of demons to deal with…I didn't realize the level of abuse he'd suffered from his parents. But, of course, he's your good friend and if you didn't know there isn't any reason that I'd know. I'm glad he's coming home soon! Is there any update on that?

As for Rick…oh, Rem, it was the most spontaneous and surprising situation! I took your advice and I just—I went for it, Rem! I was so tired of waiting around for Rick to admit or deny his feelings that I just grabbed him and I kissed him. And the look on his face—I wish I had taken a photo! And, for a moment, I thought I had royally screwed up and lost a friend. But then he grabbed me by the shoulders and he said he wasn't going to wait for me to realize I'd made a mistake before doing that again and he kissed me back!

We've been officially dating since the beginning of November and I couldn't be happier. I love him more now than I ever did and Hermione is so happy that he's around more now than ever. We've been talking about getting married soon and I want to make sure you, James, Sirius, and Harry can be there. It would mean so much to Hermione if you all could. And to me, Rem. Other than Rick you're my best friend and I miss you guys like crazy since we had to move away.

Rick has been talking about formally adopting Hermione. I'll be honest, that's not something I thought was ever going to be possible. With everything that happened with her biological father, I never imagined I would meet anyone I trusted enough to be in her life that way. I don't even know how to go about getting that paperwork settled or getting him to sign anything as I have no idea where in the world he went. It could be years before we can track him down. But maybe we won't need his signature. I don't know if I ever told you what happened between him and I. He—he wasn't a great person.

He and I started out good, we were happy and he treated me well. He bought me jewelry and encouraged me in my studies and I fell in love. And then I found out I was pregnant and it was like—he became a totally different person. He decided that since I was pregnant with his child I was now his property or something ridiculous like that. He completely cut me off money wise. He gave me a debit card which he only uploaded a set amount to a week. It wasn't enough to keep up with my tuition so I had to put it on hold. I took an entire year off because of him.

Eventually it became physical. It started slowly. He would punch the wall where my head was during a rage or an argument and then he would smooth talk me, be incredibly sweet and apologetic and, it was an accident, right? Or maybe it was my fault for pissing him off so much? I mean, he took care of me financially and I was carrying his child; of course he loved me! But then the wall turned into my face. I remember the first time…I had made his favorite meal for dinner; spaghetti bolognaise with garlic butter bread. But I accidentally over cooked the pasta and burned the bread because I had to use the bathroom. At that point I was six months pregnant and peeing all the freaking time, and I couldn't help it. It was only in for a few minutes extra but it wasn't salvageable. So, he punched me. But I thought I deserved it; I mean, I ruined his favorite meal!

Eventually I realized what he was doing. The kind words, the manipulation, the control over money and purchases—I couldn't take it anymore. I ran. Somehow, I'm still not sure how, I managed to get Hermione out. She was barely four months old…I went to my parents house and they convinced me to file police reports and to get restraining orders for Hermione and I. It wasn't until she was one that the court gave me protection and sole custody of Hermione. Apparently judges don't like people who physically attack pregnant women and infants.

But I don't know how all of that will play out if we decide to have Rick adopt Hermione. I guess I'll keep you posted on that front.

Anyway, this turned out to be a really long letter. I'm sorry for putting all of this on you with Sirius still in the hospital. I guess my biggest point here was to tell you to let him know that if he needs to talk to someone who understands, I'm always available to talk to a fellow survivor.

Love always,

J

~ID~

J,

I wish you were here. The school year is quickly coming to a close and I've been living between the school and the Manner now that Sirius is home. He's in such a fragile state that James and I are afraid to leave him alone for any extended period of time.

We've been making sure Sirius is getting to his therapy appointments. He seems to be doing much better but he's not quite back to his usual self. He's definitely been going out less than he used to and seems to have given up drinking for good. Harry has been especially clingy with Sirius. Most of the time he refuses to leave Sirius' side.

So, have you and Rick set a date yet? We were all so excited to receive your engagement announcement in the mail! Harry wanted to know if he could bring Ginny to the wedding; apparently she's been missing Hermione something fierce since you two moved.

Have you decided to let Rick officially adopt her yet? If you want my opinion, I think it might be a good idea. Wouldn't that prevent her bio dad from suddenly reappearing now that the restraining order has expired? Either way I'll support you.

Can't wait to see you in a few weeks!

Truly,

Rem

As Remus finished writing his letting to Jean he looked up and glanced around.

The living room was full of people this evening as James' quidditch team had made it into the finals for the world cup. They had invited the entire team over for dinner and drinks and Harry had decided to invite the Weasleys for the festivities. Even Sirius was joining in and playing games with the kids and talking pranks with Fred and George. As he looked around the warm room, he smiled as he realized that things were only going to get better.

End Notes:

Thank you for reading Ignoring Destiny! If you were unable to read this chapter due to the themes but would like a non-graphic synopsis, please feel free to message me to receive one.

As always, please like, follow, and review!