I went out to my car after Thomas left for the night and grabbed the book that I had taken from the library earlier that day. The text described Autism as brain disorder that effected development and other skills like communication and movement. There was a spectrum, meaning you could be classified as a high functioning autistic or it could be more severe. High functioning was defined as needing support, having difficulty switching tasks, being unable to initiate social interactions, and rigid behavior. Severe autism required more focused support and said some of the kids never learned to read, write, and possibly would never speak.

Out of the options, Thomas seemed to fit most in the high functioning category, but it didn't really fit him either. I flipped to that chapter of the book so I could read more, it went into the categories of the defining manifestations of the disorder. It spoke that children with autism have difficulty with social interactions or possibly may say inappropriate things at the incorrect time in a conversation.

I set the book down for a moment and thought about my time with Thomas, when I first met him, he didn't talk much... but now he talks to me all the time. He starts conversations and he's never said anything inappropriate that wasn't a joke. But the book also said that many kids were just assumed to be shy as kids... Thomas was very shy when I first met him.

I kept reading and saw that other behaviors to see in a classic case of autism included impulsivity, repetitive movements, self-harm, or persistent repetition of words or actions. Thomas doesn't do any of that... he bites his nails? Is that considered repetitive movement? No, I don't think it is. He's never done anything impulsive, he always thinks things through, he's more patient than I am!

The book also described an almost obsession with objects, Thomas does love the animals, but those aren't object. He like plants... but also not really object. Books are objects and he loves books. But I also kind of have an obsession, my eyes lifted to land on one of the three full bookcases in my house.

"Autistic children may have difficultly may eye contact or keeping eye contact," I read out loud. Thomas did refuse to look at me the first day, and then he would always look to the floor... but that night on the floor he stared me down. In the field... ever since, he keep makes serious eye contact.

Why is this all not adding up... like some them are true but not all of them? The ones that are true aren't really even true now that I've gotten to know him. That just doesn't make sense, wouldn't I be able to see it more? I see him him everyday, but this doesn't sound like him at all.

I flipped the page and read about how the 5 senses can be hypersensitivity in autistic children or hypersensitivity in some cases. It read that sounds and touch are the most common to see, loud noises might scare them and send them into a fragile state. The text also said that touch in some autistic children can cause them to retreat and causes different reactions in each child. Reading that reminded me of what happened when Jeremy was here the other day. Jeremy had touched Thomas' shoulder and he had pulled away from him quickly. That sound exactly what the book says... but I've hugged Thomas... I've grabbed his hand. He's never pulled away... maybe because he's comfortable with me?

The next section talked about routine and how autistic children do better when there is a set schedule and that they will rarely deviate from their times. When I help Thomas with the animals, he does follow his own schedule, but they might be because that's how he was taught... or it could be his autism.

"When children are told to do an activity not on their schedule it can be difficult as they do not like change from their routine."

But I feel like Thomas and I do different things each day... like fixing the house, then the garden, and reading, riding the horses... it's never the exact same. He's never hesitant, he likes to do new things. I mean... maybe he's just really high functioning, that doesn't mean he's not autistic.

The last chapter talked about emotional issues and extreme reactions these children can have, what caught my attention most was about lack of empathy. "Children with autism have delayed in understanding social cues and understanding why others feel differently than they do."

But... But Thomas empathizes. He's great at it, he talks to me when I'm said, and he helps me feel better. He understand and can relate to it. This one really does not apply to him.

So far all I have is an obsession with books and that when we first met he was shy and quiet, not looking at me. He jumped when Jeremy touched him.. but not me? He doesn't make repetitive movements and he's not socially awkward. He doesn't try to hurt himself or repeat words... he doesn't only want to talk about one thing. He can have a two-way conversation, we do it everyday!

I had a headache now, all of this was just battling inside me, nothing was making sense. I looked at my clock it was after midnight, I didn't realize it had gotten so late. I put the book down and went to sleep.


I woke up to my alarm clock and made some coffee, as I was reading the paper there was a knock at the door. Thomas doesn't knock? I went to answer it and I saw Carleen standing on my doorstep.

"Carlie?"

"Caroline, I need to stay here," she opened the screen door and came in, setting down her backpack and suitcase.

"Carlie? What's wrong?"

"What isn't wrong?! My mom! She said I could go to Nashville tomorrow with Levi and now she's backing out again, saying I need to stay and help with Jordan and Hailey! I'm sick of being treated like a child but then I have to be a grown up when she needs me to be," Carlie told while pacing.

"Carlie, do you parents know you're here?"

"No," she shook her head," I had to leave early this morning so they wouldn't stop me."

"Did you walk here?"

The side door opened and Thomas walked in," Hey," he nodded, not seeming to notice Carleen.

"Hey Tommy. Yeah, I had to walk, it's not that far. Wait.. what's up with your hair? It's like totally different. Do you normally curl it? Is this it naturally?"

Thomas did a double take and froze, finally noticing the girl wandering around my living room.

"Carlie, your parents are probably worried sick."

She shrugged," Doubt it. They probably haven't even noticed. I'm gonna put my stuff in the extra bedroom. I need a nap," she moaned as she dragged her stuff down the hall.

I immediately went to the phone and Thomas came closer.

"What is Carleen Maxwell doing here at 7:30 in the morning?"

"Shhh," I told him as the line was ringing.

"Hello," Savannah's voice answered.

"Hey Savannah, it's Caroline."

"Hey Caroline, I've been meaning to call. I had a great time last Friday, we really do need to get together and do it again. Jordan, spit that out!"

"Uh, sure, yeah, but I'm calling about-..."

"Wait, I bet you're calling about tomorrow. Kurtis and I would love to have you over for the fireworks, we usually go to the park with the kids."

"Savannah," I stopped here. "Carleen is here at my house."

There was a pause," Carleen's in her room, she's usually asleep until 9 or so."

"She just got here, she has a suitcase and says she wants to stay with me."

"Hold on," Savannah said an then all I could hear was Jordan shouting at one another. "Oh my god! She's gone!," Savannah's voice was desperate.

"It's alright. She's here. She's safe."

"Why would she do this! I'm on my way to get her right now!," Savannah said crossly before hanging up the phone.

"Oh...," I hung up the receiver and looked to Thomas who shrugged.

"So she just showed up?"

"Moments before you came in," I told him, "Shh!," I could hear her coming back down he hall.

"I'm guessing that was my mom on the phone," she crossed her arms.

"It was," I nodded.

She rolled her eyes," I thought you were cool," she said before going back down the hall.

"Shit..."

"Yikes," Thomas agreed. "I'd stay but Peppermint needs her stall cleaned and a bathe, she's covered in shit."

"Yeah, don't worry about it," I told him as he slipped out the door. Shit shit shit!

I went down the hall and looked in the room, Carleen was laying on the bed with her arms crossed.

"I'm sorry, Carlie. I had to call your mom."

She didn't move or say anything.

"She was really worried," I added.

"She only cares about herself," Carlie grumbled. "And her precious little angels."

My phone started to ring so I went to answer it, it was Savannah.

"Hey, it's me. I can't leave, Hailey has been running a fever and Kurtis is at work. Is there anyway you can drive her home?"

"Yeah I can, but it might be in a little bit. Bryce is coming over with Garrett and I want to be here when they get here."

"Yeah... sure fine. Make her do some work as punishment, have her go out and shovel goat shit! Thanks Caroline," Savannah told me before handing the phone up again.

I hung up the phone again and went back down the hall," Change of plans, you're helping on the farm today."

"What," she sat up disgusted.

"Yeah, you're mom is stuck and we could use some help cleaning the stalls."

"UGH!," she flopped back down on the bed.

"Let's go!"

I went outside and told Thomas the plan, so he moved Peppermint out and Carlie came to clean out the stall. She said she's done it before, that her grandma would have her help when she came here sometimes.

"Can I go see my goat now?," she asked.

"Sure," I turned to Thomas when she left. "How's it look?"

He shrugged," I can clean up the rough spots, but it's not horrible."

"Thanks Thomas," I followed Carlie to goats.

"My mom just doesn't understand. Levi and I love each other and he wants to be with me. She just thinks I'm a kid, but Levi knows I'm a woman," Carleen told me as she leaned over the goat pen.

I stifled my laughter, I guess teens are always dramatic.

"Carlie, you're 15, you might love Levi now, but it also might change."

"Ugh, you sound just like her."

"Well, your mom and dad have been together since about your age right? So shouldn't you trust her when she tells you this."

"No! That's why she should understand! She should know that I love him and we're gonna be together."

"Caroline!," Thomas called and I turned to see him. "Riding today?"

"Not Today!," I replied.

Carleen turned to lean her back on the fence," So he really works here?," she jerked her head toward the stalls.

"Thomas? Yeah."

"Thomas?," Carlie laughed. "I've never heard nobody call him that."

"Well, that's what he likes."

"Does he ever take his shirt off?," Carlie asked raising her eyebrows.

"Aren't you supposed to be in love?"

"I am," she chuckled. "But Tommy Sicelle," Carlie let out a low whistle. "When Addy and I were little we called him Tommy Sizzle, that was before we found out he was... uh special and stuff. He's only 5 years older but... damn, he is hot."

"Carlie!," I looked at her shocked.

"What? Am I lying!? He's got a better body than most athletes! He's got the brains of most athletes though."

"Don't say that! Do you know how horrible that is," I looked at her disgusted.

"I'm sorry," she bowed her head. "Sorry, I know, it's wrong. I'm sorry, Caroline."

"Everyone in this town is so harsh and mean to him, but he is the sweetest person I've met. He never says a word against any of you," I crossed my arms. "I just don't get why people are cruel to him when they don't even know him."

"And you know him?," she looked up.

"I talk to Thomas everyday, he's my be-," I bit my tongue. "He's probably my best friend here," I told her.

"Can you really be best friends with someone who... can't think like you," Carleen was choosing her words carefully.

"Thomas is no different than you and I, the fact that this whole town treats him like he's lesser is despicable."

"Most people just don't say nothin'. Better to just keep the whole thing quiet."

I scoffed," I feel like all I hear about is Thomas and everyone's opinion on him."

"But you don't say nothin'?," Calreen sounded surprised.

I sighed," I do... but I don't say as much as I want to."

"Probably for the best," she nodded. "My mom always says to stay out of trouble, cause here trouble is hard to hide."

"Really? Baxter seems pretty safe to me."

"No, I mean since everyone is always in everyone's business. The second you do something, everybody in Baxter knows it too."

"Yeah, I found that out."

"You know... I never really seen Thomas a lot, not since I was a kid. But here he seems real nice."

"He is nice," I looked to her. "Thomas is a good person and he shouldn't be judged for something he has no control over."

I heard a car pull up in the driveway and Carlie and I both turned.

"I thought my mom was stuck?"

"She is... but I have someone else coming today," I pushed off the fence and went around the house, Carlie following curiously. A red truck was now parked behind my car and I saw Bryce hop out of the driver's seat. Garrett came running from the other side of the truck.

"Ms. Caroline! I'm here to see Debby!," he yelled with a smile.

I smiled back," Well, she's right back here."

"Carleen?," Bryce came over to us. "What are you doing here?"

"She's just helping out," I told Bryce as we followed the eager boy back to the goats.

"Thanks for letting him come by," Bryce told me as Garrett and Carlie went into the pen.

"It's great to meet him. Besides, he's known these animals his whole life, it's not fair to keep him from them."

"That's awfully nice of ya," he grunted.

"How old is Garrett," I asked.

"He'll be 11 in October."

"He's very sweet and very polite."

Bryce lips tugged into a smile," His mama's a teacher up in Nashville, so he knows his manners."

"Does he spend summers with you?"

Bryce shrugged," He spends a week or so at a time with me, his mama actually called this morin' saying he could stay for the 4th of July."

"Well that'll be fun, cook out and see the fireworks."

"Yeah," he nodded and watched his son run after a goat. "We'll probably go out with Kurtis and Sav," he turned to me. "You should come with us."

"Oh... No, that's okay."

"No, I mean it," he shifted to face me. "I want you to know that I hold no anger about how everythin' happened. I knew my mama was a wild card and once the shock wore off, it stopped hurtin'. I know Kurtis has cooled down too, he said ya'll even went out last week."

"Yeah, we did and I had fun with them."

"You should come then, spend 4th of July with us."

I sighed," I would but... I kind of have other plans."

He raised an eye," Is that so? New girl in town popular with the people?"

I laughed," Not exactly. I kind of... I went on date with Jeremy and..."

"Jeremy Lewis?"

"Yeah, and then he asked me to spend 4th of July with him, but I'm also supposed to go to Mary's house for the fireworks."

"Jeremy Lewis," he repeated. "Wouldn't of pegged him for your type."

"He's not," I told him, then realized that might sound harsh. "I just mean, I don't want to be rude."

"Well, just stand you ground, you'll be alright."

I sighed," Yeah, I wasn't expecting it."

Bryce let out a snort of laugh," Yeah, I wasn't 'specting it neither," he turned his attention towards the house. "Bright color," he noted.

"Yeah... a little brighter than I thought."

"Looks nice," he deducted. "Cleaned up and all, it's nice."

"Do you want a tour?"

Bryce shook his head," Not quite ready to see all the changes."

I understood, he did grow up here and it might be a little shocking to see the difference.

"I was gonna ask... your hair is different?," Bryce sounded unsure.

I rolled my eyes," Yeah, I went to Janna's and-."

"Daddy! Daddy! Can I ride the horses," Garret came running up to us.

"Well," Bryce crouched down to his level. "Well you have to ask Ms. Caroline."

Garrett turned to me with a wide smile," Please Ms. Caroline!"

"I'll let you ride on one condition," I told him. "You can ride Blossom as long as next time you come to visit your dad, you stop by and visit the goats."

"DEAL!," Garrett stuck out his hand and we shook on it.

"If you go into the stables, Thomas can help you get ready," I told him and Garrett darted off.

"Tommy Sicelle?," Bryce questioned.

"Yes," I stood back up.

"Maybe I should...," Bryce muttered some excuse to go into the stables.

Why am I not surprised? I thought to myself as I followed him. Bryce did step in immediately, making sure the straps on the saddle were tight and that Garrett was sitting safely on Blossom's back.

"She's safe," I promised him.

"Yeah, I know. He's rode her before," Bryce told me.

Oh right...

Bryce steered Blossom out of the wide patch of grass to the side of the stable, Garrett laughed as Blossom trotted in circles.

"Daddy, let me do it," he pleaded.

Bryce stroked Blossom's neck," She's a good mare, but don't tug her," Bryce gave him the reins.

Blossom walked ways and then leaned down to eat. Garrett was grinning from ear to ear like this was the first time he'd ever done it.

Bryce came over to me," He's a natural," he gloated.

"He is," I agreed. "Does his mom have any animals."

"No," Bryce crossed his arms. "Just a cat, she... she doesn't understand a boy needs to spend time outdoors, 'round livestock, really spend a day doin' hard work."

"So... does she have custody?"

"No," Bryce sighed. "We... we've never gone to court of anythin'. Andrea and I were never married, she just got pregnant and moved to Nashville, but she wants him to know me."

"That's nice."

"Yeah, but I want see more of him. That's one of the reasons I wanted the house, then she couldn't use that as an excuse and he'd be able to come on weekends and maybe," Bryce stopped. "But, it's fine."

Blossom teetered back abruptly and Bryce sprung forward, but Thomas was there first and he grabbed the reins, and Blossoms calmed immediately at his touch.

"Garrett, you alright?"

"Yeah" the boy nodded and swallowed his fear.

"Come on, now let's get down."

"No daddy! I want to stay longer, please."

Bryce sighed and then Thomas offered to hold the reins to keep Blossom calm.

"He has a way with her," I told Bryce.

"Only a few more minutes," he agreed then he turned to me," Andrea would kill me if he got hurt."

"He won't. Thomas knows what he's doing," I watched as Thomas lead Blossom around and heard Garrett giggling.

"Can I ride too?," Carleen came over.

"When he's done," I told her. "Peppermint can be... feisty."

"Carleen, what are you doin' here on a Saturday? Shouldn't you be off with your friends."

Carlie rolled her eyes," It's not so crazy for me to be here."

"Actually, Bryce, would you be able to take Carlie back home when you leave?"

Bryce shrugged," Yeah, I can swing by the house."

"Great."

Garrett's loud laugh called my attention, the boy was so happy as Blossom ran a little faster, Thomas jogging beside them holding her reins. I watched with a content smile on my face, it was nice to see.

"Hmm," Bryce grunted. "Never seen Tommy 'round little kids."

"Me neither," Carleen spoke. "Garrett seems to really like him."

"Faster Thomas!," Garrett yelled as he laughed, so Thomas listened and ran faster.

"Never would have guessed," Bryce admitted.

I just relished in the beautiful moment, Thomas laughing with Garrett as they ran around the yard. I felt the warm sun on my back and breathed in the fresh air, trying to forget all the uncertainty in my life, just living in this second. I didn't think about the book I had read, that I was going to be seeing Jeremy again tomorrow, or that what Carlie has said to me was not settling well inside me. We all watched them run around for a while, before Bryce said they needed to head home for lunch. so Carleen him and Garrett left.

Thomas put Blossom away and I went inside and sat on the couch, the book sat on the coffee table and I closed my eyes and laid back. That was the last thing I wanted to think about, well... maybe not the last thing.