"You're not afraid he'll run off?" Pepper asked as they continued on the trail they've been on for the last hour or so. The second Snickers had been freed from his leash, the dog took off. Disappearing in sight.
"He doesn't go far. Just watch."
She hears a bark not so long later and smiled to herself when she sees Snickers running back with a stick. The dog drops the piece of wood in front of Tony and sits down at his feet.
"Yeah, I know what you want." He picked up the stick and threw it as far as he could.
She watched the dog run off, chuckling. Tony had asked if he could take her out two nights ago and she had declined because she still had her hesitations about this. Him. Using school as her excuse, she was able to push him off, but then she began to feel guilty for doing so. If they were going to give this a chance, she had to let him in.
"You arm hurts?" She had picked up on the wince that spread across his face from earlier.
"Yeah, a little bit."
Snickers came back with the stick and this time she bent down to pick up the piece of wood to save him the trouble.
"Thanks. Sometimes I forget." He cleared his throat, hoping she'd drop the topic so it didn't ruin the mood, but he also knew he could not ignore it completely. She was going to be a part of his life and things were only going to get harder before they got easier. "It's not that it hurts, it's just more of an unwanted sensation. The tumor affects the right side of my body so I need to work out the kinks before I hit the gym or go out on a small run."
"Are you scared?"
"I try not to think about it. But right now, no, but when it actually happens maybe I will be," he honestly responded.
"That's understandable," she thoughtfully said before changing the subject with a smile. "Anyways, I had a really nice time tonight."
"Really? I thought for sure you'll be complaining to your friends about how lame this date has been. He didn't take me out to dinner, he didn't spend a dime on me. His dog got more attention than me."
She shook her head, smiling at his sarcastic comments.
"So you're majoring in physics?" They had walked back to his home and are in the midst of dinner.
"Yeah, for my Master's. It's cool now because I get an excuse to build robots."
"Robots?" She had to admit, that did sound fun.
"Yeah, he's a little accident prone though, but I think it gives him personality."
"Is that the best idea? Seems dangerous," Pepper said.
"Please, Dum-E's harmless."
"Dummy?"
"Not D-u-m-m-y. D-u-m-E."
"Changing the spelling doesn't change its meaning."
"You know you have problems when you find the name more offensive than the person who actually has to live with said name."
She shook her head and ate her last bite of food. There was always this silence between them after a topic of conversation ended and she guessed it was because neither knew what to talk about. It was as if they were tiptoeing, ignoring the elephants in the room: their past and their future. No matter how much they wanted to start over, the history between them could not be erased. Could not be ignored. What about the tough road ahead? She couldn't stop thinking about it.
"Is this as hard for me as it is for you?"
Tony was relieved. "So you feel it too?"
"Yeah," she sadly said. "I knew this would take time, but I didn't know it'd be-"
"This hard?"
"Yeah. It's like we know each other, but really we don't know each other at all."
He stays quiet, not knowing how to respond to her. Because he feels the same.
"Alright, so what do you want to know? I'll answer anything you want, Pepper."
"That's a loaded question."
"Believe it or not, I had a hard time moving on. The parties...it's what I did to forget."
"Which included girls and alcohol?"
"Girls were part of the distraction."
"Along with everything that came with them."
"I'm not going to apologize for what I did after we broke up."
"No, but it's great that you can just switch your feelings off and act like we were nothing, Tony."
He's offended at her assumption and ignores responding to her completely.
To which Pepper realizes her words had been a bit harsh. She overstepped.
"I'm sorry. I guess we both had our own ways of dealing with things. It's hard to hear, I guess."
"It's fine."
"No, it's not. I shouldn't have said that."
"I found out the night I collapsed onto the floor during a soccer game. I remember my head hurting the entire night so I went to bed early to rest. I guess even asleep something didn't feel right. Mom forced me up and I just remember her telling me I need to go to the emergency room to find out what was wrong with me and to this day I don't remember that. Maybe I passed out because when I finally woke up at the hospital, I freaked. All I remember was deciding to take a nap before the game and it concerned the doctor. He said the jumbling could be from a concussion and he advised for a CT to be done. I did it and was given a bunch of drugs afterwards to make me feel better, so I could rest; I'll never forget the look on my mom's face when she found the results. I hear my dad demanding additional tests to be ran by someone with years of experience. Tests confirmed its been in my brain for at least five years and because of it's size, it's benign. That if it were malignant, I'd have seen symptoms. The neurologist said it wasn't causing profound effects, but because of its location, there were still problems. I got what he was saying. I don't make good decisions. I have a bad memory. It's hard for me to focus on a task without getting sidetracked. And I think about it and I think that can't be so bad, could it? I don't know, I guess when I found out about the tumor, I felt like it explained a lot. This person I am...maybe I'm not him at all. Honestly, that scares me the most."
"Tony, we need to be realistic and I think we both know it's not the best time for us to be starting something up when what's important is all the obstacles you have lying ahead of you. Getting the tumor out, that's the first step. Next is physical therapy. You're going to be in a lot of pain and you're going to need to focus on getting better so you can get out of that hospital and get back on track to your normal life. I'm not pessimistic, I'm anything but, but how long that will take, it's unimaginable, and I'm sure while all of this is happening, you won't be on the West Coast. You'll be at MIT, back in Cambridge, where you belong."
"I want to make this work," he plainly stated. "But you asked me how things will be different. I don't know. Honestly." He didn't hold back an exasperated breath, venting out his frustrations on the matter. "A part of me is saying 'yeah, the timing could be better,' but the biggest part of me refuses to let go. Am I wrong for thinking that? 'Cause I don't think you'd be here if you didn't feel quite the same about me."
"I believe you when you say it'll be different. I really do," she reassured. "I guess I'm still having a hard time finding the confidence."
"Understandable."
"Sometimes it's a pain." She cleared her throat as she checked the time. "It's late and I still need to work on my practice midterms."
He got up the second she did and followed.
Pepper stops right at the door and turns to face him. "I really am sorry I can't be there for your operation, but once I'm finished, I promise the hospital will be my first stop. I'll be the first thing you see when you wake up."
"Sounds like a date," he said with a smile.
"I'll be there," she replied. "Get some rest. I know you're tired."
She hadn't even realized how close he had gotten until she noticed his hand reaching out to remove a strand of hair from her jacket. His eyes locked with hers and she could feel him leaning in. Her breathing hitched and her eyes closed the second she felt his lips pressing against her cheeks.
"Thanks for coming tonight," Tony whispered as he pulled away.
"Thanks for giving me a call." She linked their hands and softly squeezed his before slipping out his front door and into the winter night.
Your comments are appreciated! Thank you guys!
WoodenHeaven - haha, you comment made me laugh. I wish I had more to upload.
